Dear Boo,

Hi, I’m Lyle*. I really hope you can help me.

I’m in love with a guy, named Abner*. The thing about him is I can’t believe more people aren’t falling head over heels for him. But there are two problems.

I am extremely unsure whether he feels the same way.
If he does, it’s hard because he never opens up.

Me and him used to date, and I think we were really good together, but that was two years ago. I'll spare you the breakup details. But honestly, sometimes I think maybe he could really love me, but then 10 seconds later it seems so extremely platonic betwixt us. I kind of hate that part.

And it sucks because he’s an amazing guy. He is funny as heck, beautiful and sweet, kind towards everyone, smart, the whole shebang. He’s great.

Most of my friends know how I feel about him, but one of my friends says he’s a ‘player’, and he supposedly flirts with a lot of girls like he does with me. But I have seen him ‘flirt’ with some girls, and compared to how it is betwixt us, it doesn’t seem the same. Plus it just doesn’t seem like the Abner* I know to just go flirting around with a lot of girls.

But even so, I’ve known him for about 3 years, and after we broke up, he’s still not dated anyone.

And I know that some people would say to get over myself and ask him out, but I did at the beginning of the year, and he said no. But the same thing happened before we started to date, I told him I liked him and he said he didn’t feel the same way, but then a few months later we started to date.

So I really don’t know what to do, because I’ve tried everything suggested to me to try and get over him, like writing letters and burning them, dating other people, but the thing is, there’s not a single person I know that’s like him even remotely.

He makes me laugh when I’m having the worst day, makes me smile when he’s not around, helps me with little problems. He’s a great person to literally everyone. And I can't seem to get over him, and he can’t seem to stop leading me on. Can you help me with this?

Love,
Lyle*

💜💛💜💛💜💛💜💛💜💛💜💛💜

Dear Lyle*,

Hey dear, thanks for writing to me about your problem with Abner*. Okay, with this I will be honest and give you my best advice about what I would do.

Other people maybe fall for him because of how he treats them. If he's a good guy, then other girls will begin to like him. You can't control how others feel, so I wouldn't even worry about that, Lyle*. Focus more on how both of you feel. If you try to focus on how others feel then the girls will be sure to try to rub it in your face. Some girls are spiteful like that.

If Abner* is single then he is okay to flirt, but if he's giving you the impression that he wants to be with you, then it's not okay. What makes your friend think he's a player? Is it because he flirts? He may have a flirty personality. A lot of people do. I sometimes have a flirty personality, but I'm married and don't flirt. Two of my boys (K & J – mhm I'm talking about y' all lol) are flirts, but they're in relationships.

However, if he stays in relationships and flirts, and gets in more than one relationship, then that makes him a player.

I would just be honest with him. Ask him how he feels about you. If he wants more, then I think you both should set limits on the flirting with other people. If he wants to keep it platonic, then ask him to treat you like a best friend and nothing more. Because in the end, it will only hurt you more.

Your other relationships haven't worked out because you care about Abner*. While you're with other people you will compare them to him, and it won't work out and hurt the other person.

He seems like a lovely person if anything please keep him as a friend. If he hasn't dated anyone in the last three years, then he may not want to date. But, you will never know until you ask. Just don't push him, because then he may pull back.

Always listen to your heart and pay attention to signs he sends. Boys are confusing at times haha. Remember to always be yourself no matter what. I really hope things work out. Everyone deserves happiness.

Love Always,
Boo

**Names have been changed to protect identity.

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