Đọc truyện Dear Boo - Betrayal of Friendship

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Betrayal of Friendship

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Dear Boo,

I am in my last year of high school and have always been a huge introvert. Two years ago (about halfway through year ten), I had just come back from school holidays. It was first break and I was just sitting on our usual bench reading as my friends, Sofia* and Aubree*, talked to each other.

Keep in mind that I had been best friends with them since year four and they were the only two friends I had. The last time I had a friend other than them lasted less than a year while we were in year five.

Sofia* and Aubree* broke off their friendship with me but stayed friends with each other—for reasons I can't remember because I was too distraught to hear them properly when they told me.

This event left me broken. I was in pain and terribly confused. I had thought all was well and we were best friends. The more time passed, I thought back on the years I spent in high school with them. I realized all the things I had written off as them being friends for longer (eleven years) were signs that I was not as close to them as I thought.

They almost always sat next to each other if there were only two seats. I wrote it off as them being more extroverted and wanting to be able to talk whenever they felt like it. If there were every pair activities, they would always choose each other. I just reasoned that they worked well together.

If they ever talked about hanging out with each other and I hadn't been invited, I told myself not to be jealous because friends want to spend time with each other separately. It would be selfish to wish to be invited to everything. I failed to realize at the time that I was never invited to anything separately—ever!

I sat by myself at lunch in the mornings before school for months after this. My heart would hurt every time I saw them (and since I was in almost every class with them, sitting directly in front or behind them, that was a LOT). I sat in our old lunch spot because I didn't know where else would be free and I sure as hell didn't want to see them while trying to find one.

I became more introverted and had no friends anymore. My mind constantly replayed memories of all the things that I could only now see were hints to them not liking me anymore.

I started sitting with a new, bigger group of friends at lunchtime when they invited me to. They didn't know me when I was friends with Sofia* and Aubree*, so they didn't notice the change in me. I had become less talkative and laughed a lot less. I had simply become an observer.

In year eleven, an exchange student, Mira*, came to join our group and we grew close. She filled the hole and I drew out of my shell a lot because of her. At the end of the year, she had to go back home and I retreated back into my shell. This time even further than the last.

I still find myself unconsciously smiling at some of the things I overhear Sofia* and Aubree* say. When I realize I am, it causes me pain. It hurts to see them, hear them, remember them—even now.

I have severe trust issues and I just feel so tired and hurt.

When I sit with my new friends at break, I fake being okay. They didn't know me when I was okay, so they can't tell that I'm lying. I can't bring myself to believe they actually care about me as a friend. They are all nice people and that makes it all too easy to believe they are just letting the loner hang out with them so that I don't feel bad.

I have only ever heard one of them, Ellie*, say that she and I are friends. I burst into tears because I can't believe her (and I so rarely cry), but I hid this too.

Everything in me screams that this group of people will be gone by the end of the year and that they will never contact me again. They all have best friends. I am not one of them.

The 'breakup', for lack of a better term, had shattered my self-confidence and I am so freaking scared that I am not good enough and I will be left in the world without any friends who care.

Before year ten, I was free of self-doubt and I was confident in my good qualities and abilities. Now, I'm not sure of myself.

The words of others don't hurt me because the words my brain hurls at me are a million times worse.

I am different from who I used to be. I may have been an interesting enough person before, but I know I am not as good now because I am not happy often now. I can't remember the last time I was genuinely, truly happy.

How can anyone like me, and enjoy my company, when even I don't like me anymore?

Love, Autumn*

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Dear Autumn*,

Hi, sweet girl. Thank you for writing to me about these heartbreaking events that you've been through, and trusting me to open up about your feelings.

My heart truly aches for you, no one should be treated the way Sofia* and Aubree* treated you. I understand that friendships end, but y'all were friends for seven years so you deserved a legit reason for what happened. They may have told you, but they should have made sure you deeply understood why.

It's definitely understandable that you were left broken and hurt. When we have close friends we tend to think of them as family, especially if you've been friends for many years. It hurts when family betrays you, so this is the same thing. That's what I think these girls did. They betrayed someone who would probably do anything for them.

There's one thing you need to remember—this is not your fault. Just because they cut you out of their lives doesn't mean you're not worth having a great, trustworthy set of friends.

When there is a group of three friends and two of them are closer, we often overlook signs that show us we should pull back. We just think those two are closer, but they still care about the other friend. People love being cared about, and that's what great about friendship.

When it comes to Sofia* and Aubree* I can definitely tell you this...you didn't lose two friends. Want to know why? Because true friends would never hurt you, betray you, and push you away. However, both of those girls lost a wonderful friend. I know it's hard to see, but it's true. You lost two fake people who don't know anything about loyalty. They lost someone who would move the universe for them. In reality, they lost out.

Have you tried to get close to the new group that you sit with during lunch and break? I know you have your guards up, but try not to let Sofia* and Aubree* control your life anymore.

Ellie's* not those girls, right? So, try not to treat her (or anyone) like they're going to hurt you until they give you a reason to think otherwise! Start talking to her more in school and build that friendship up. Then, try doing something with her outside of school. Maybe go somewhere just for an hour the first time, just to start out slow and test how you feel. I imagine this gives you anxiety, so starting slow may help with that too.

Dwelling on the past can really get to people. I know it's hard, but try not to think a lot about the past. We can't change what we've done or what has happened in our past. However, we can learn and grow from everything. You can't change it, so why let it take over your mind?

You are so much better than you realize. Having a better self-confidence will help how you feel when it comes to other people. There are many self-esteem, self-love, and mood-boosting type challenges that you can find online. I will post a couple below if you would like to start one.

I do this exercise with a few girls and would like it if you do it as well. After reading this, send me three positive things about yourself that you love. Then, I will add two more. Each morning and each night before you go to sleep, say those five things in the mirror out loud. Do this for a week, then at the start of a new week, do it with five new things.

I'm going to tell you this, and I don't want it to seem like I'm saying how you feel isn't important because your feelings are 100% valid. Majority of high school friends won't last into adulthood. Do you wanna know how many people I talk to from high school? Two. One, I rarely talk to, basically only when I see her out somewhere. The other, was my best friend in school and she still is. However, we don't talk often because we're both married with kids, but when we do talk it's like we haven't lost any time together. Ask any adult, most of them will agree with me. Friendship is different when you're an adult and that high school drama won't matter. I do understand that it's deeply important right now though.

Ask yourself this—will it matter in five years? If not, don't spend more than 5 minutes stressing over it. It's the five years rule.

I truly hope things get better for you. Everyone deserves to have friends, and there are some good people out there. Don't let a couple of bad people spoil something as magic as friendship for you.

Love Always,
Boo