Dear Boo,

Hello, I have several things that I need help about and a friend recommend you.

My parents are judgemental. I can't go a day in my life without being criticized. I'm the oldest of three girls and whatever they do wrong, I'm instantly involved. If one decided to mess something up, I'm blamed too. It's not like I told them to do whatever they did. I don't control them yet I still get blamed.

My dad, he says he loves me, my mom, and sisters and I think that's bull. If he 'loved' me then he wouldn't have hit me in my left eye when I was a child. (I heard my mom talking about this once.)

In the fourth grade, I developed problems in my eyes. I could no longer see far away and when I went to the doctor I didn't pass the sight test. The nurse suggested I get glasses and that didn't happen until a few weeks. When the test was happening and I didn't say the correct letters, my dad was mad and thought I was making it up.

We went to get tested for glasses and while that test was happening my parents told me to stop fooling around. They thought I was making this up to get glasses and I  was upset. Why would I want glasses? I only wanted to get this problem solved so I could go back to not having things up close to my face.

The person said I had a scar in my left eye and it was affecting my sight. A few weeks later, I finally got my glasses. On the day I got them, my mom asked me to put on a channel and when I couldn't see anything I went to get my glasses like a logical person but she wouldn't let me because she still thought I was fooling around.

Fast forward to Thanksgiving and my cornea appeared. It's a part of the eyes that you are NOT supposed to see. My mom was worried so she called my dad and we went to the hospital.

When we got there, I got examined and I remember some people saying that my case was fascinating and I was like you think this is fascinating? I have something in my eye. They said if I went to see a doctor, my dad said yes and they said an eye doctor. My dad said no and they suggested someone.

Short story, I got surgery and after that, I could no longer bear having my left eye open because of the pain that happened. I'm now on eye drops for the rest of my eye. I got another surgery to remove the stitches since that was what was causing pain in my eye.

I think for a time I was no longer seeing in my left eye and was totally dependent on my right without even knowing. After that, I was able to open my eye but everything was hazy. After that time, my dad kept asking if there was any improvement. It started to get on my nerves since it was always the same answer; it was the same as before.

In fifth grade, my glasses didn't work anymore and I tried to get new ones but my eyes had changed and my prescription was too high to find a fix. The doctors said the best fit for me was now contacts. I kept getting fitted yet I never got the contacts. It was a cat and mouse game until I was at near the end of sixth grade.

I got the contacts and I was supposed to learn how to take them off but my parents wouldn't let me since it took more time. How long would I be dependant on them? I needed to learn this on my own but they wouldn't let me. During that time, I preferred my mom to put my contacts in because she was more patient and didn't hit me if the contacts didn't go in right away like my dad. The type of contacts that I had was not like regular ones and contacts were hard to put in but my contacts were extremely hard since the were RGC gas ones.

One time, my dad got mad when they didn't go in and gave up after hitting me. I was about to put the contacts away when he hit me and caused me to drop them. I started to look for them when he asked what I was doing and I said I was looking for the contacts. He hit me again and when I tried to tell him that when he hit me, I dropped the contacts because of him but he wouldn't listen and hit me again.

Another time, I was about to put my contacts in when he took the plunker from my hand and put the contact in my eye. When he was about to put the contacts in my other eye, he couldn't find it. When I tried to tell him what happened him hit me continuously and we went to the doctor.

Another time, my mom tried to cheat on my dad with her ex. They got into heated arguments about this and it still happens to this day. Reading has always been my escape and I just recently started writing to help others escape as it helped me. I've been getting bullied in school too because my skin color is darker than the rest.

I plan on editing and writing as a way to earn an income so that when I reach legal age, I can just get up and go. My parents don't know about this since they don't know me and me, them. They're just people who feed and clothe me. My own mom even has to ask how old we are and when our birthdays are. I believe my family is toxic and I can't do anything about it since I can't talk to them in the examples above. What should I do?

Sincerely,
The girl who is seen, yet not seen.

🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷

Dear the girl who needs to see,

Hi, darling. Thank you for writing to me and opening up about this heartbreaking situation. I appreciate your friend for recommending me, it means a lot. I will go through your letter from beginning to end so you can keep up with my response.

I want to say how heartbreaking your letter is. When all of this first started you are a baby! I agree, who would lie about their vision problems? That's sad that they didn't believe you.

Having judgemental parents is hard to deal with anyhow, adding all of this in it's something that is overwhelming. Knowing they criticize you is very sad. Parents are supposed to uplift your children, instead, your parents do the opposite. To me, when anyone criticizes, belittles, and speaks I'll to you— that is bullying.

Your parents, definitely your dad, bully you, physically and emotionally abuses you—this is never okay! I honestly believe you need to speak with someone to remove you and your sisters from the home.

Some examples of authority figures you can speak with are teachers, your principal, a therapist, a police officer, and someone with child services. Please go to one of these people and ask for help. I'm worried about what will happen in the future if you are not safe.

You mentioned that your dad not only treats you like this but also your sisters—who are only nine and two. That left me speechless.

It is never okay to abuse your children in any way! It's sad that many teens and young children think this is normal for a family. It isn't!

Your dad hit you so hard that you now have problems with your left eye. Knowing that much breaks my heart and I want to protect you from his wrath. Do you remember how old you were when the beast begin? Also, does your mom know about the abuse after the first time that he damaged your eye? If she does then she's pretty much allowing him to abuse you and your sisters.

It's not your fault you have vision problems. Your dad got angry because you can't see far away, that problem is common. It's because you are nearsighted, I'm nearsighted as well so I know how hard it is to read those letters from far away.

He should have been happy that you got glasses, that's something that would help you see better. After you got your glasses, your mom wouldn't let you grab them to see the tv when you needed them to see... I was really shocked to read that.

Not wearing your contacts or glasses can actually make your vision worse. It seems like they don't care about the need for wearing glasses and that they help you.

When a doctor says something is fascinating they're referring to how unique it is. More than likely they never saw anything like that before. I worked in the medical field for many years so I understand why the doctor said this. Think of something you enjoy and seeing something about it that you don't normally see, it would be fascinating, right?

Eye surgery sounds very painful. It's horrible that your dad still hit you in the face in your eye. Did he ever seem sorry for causing all this to happen?

Has your vision improved any? I hope the contacts are helping you. It takes patience, concentration, and effort to put contacts in. Your dad became pissed when you took time, he needs to understand it is not a 10-second task!

Why did he feel the need to hit you over and over when they wouldn't go in? It seems he has anger issues and needs help—immediately!

I highly recommend speaking to a therapist for yourself. This is a lot to deal with, it can be mentally and emotionally draining. They can also get you help to keep you safe (if you choose to go that route).

It seems like your parents are having marital problems, which may be another reason why your dad has so much anger in him.

Your mom has to ask your age?! That hurts my heart. 😪😪 Giving birth to children is the moment you cannot forget. I even remember the exact time my kids were born and what song is playing in the background. That must be very hurtful when she asks you.

Is your mom physically abusive? I see that she is verbally abusive, but you don't mention if she becomes violent like your dad.

If she isn't, try to talk to her about the verbal abuse. If you can't try writing her a detail later instead to express how you feel.

I recommend keeping a journal of every thought and emotion. Also, keep a separate journal to document any abuse—physically and mentally. This will come in handy if you ever try to get help. Remember, keep both in a private place so no one can find them!

The most important thing is your safety. Think of someone who's very important to you...what would you tell them? Please be safe! If the abuse continues please get help for you and your sisters. Speak up! You are incredibly brave and so strong. Anytime you need anything just message me, I'm always here.

Love Always,
Boo

☝🏻How to document abuse☝🏻

☝🏻 Different types of abuse ☝🏻

☝🏻 Emotional abuse☝🏻

☝🏻How to report abuse or neglect ☝🏻

☝🏻 Heartbreaking facts☝🏻

☝🏻If you or someone you know is being abused, please get them help!☝🏻

*Name has been changed to protect identity.

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***If you or anyone you know is being abused and need help, please reach out to someone. If you don't have anyone, reach out to me. Abuse is never ever okay!