Dear Andrew,

So we had the talk today...

I feel like you knew I was going to bring it up because everything felt weird today. I don't know if it was because I knew I was going to bring it up or if you actually knew.

Ash just went to sleep, you had to do that because I was too weak to get up. I have literally been in bed for the last couple days, sore all over and just puking my guts out. I will never forget the look in your eyes when I told you I was going to die before the month ends. All you have been trying to do is find new treatments, try and see if another doctor could somehow cure the cancer that has overtaken my life.

I knew you were going to start a speech on how we got time but I know I don't so I stopped you there. I told you that it was okay to accept that I was going to die and give up. You refused saying that you weren't going to give up until I was better and that everything was fine. And when I didn't say anything you just started crying.

My sweet dear Drew, I am so sorry I caused you so much pain. Seeing you break down like that, sobbing so hard that your body shook just made me realise how strong you were being for our family. You have been my rock for the last year and I know it wasn't easy. It hurt to see crying like that and I couldn't even come forward and comfort you.

I know I have told you so many times how much I love you and how much you have done for me but I have a feeling that this is going to be the last time I can tell you in letters. Drew, words cannot express how great of a man you are, how happy you have made me and how grateful I am to have met someone like you. No man has ever made me half as happy as you make me. The way you go above and beyond for not only me but for everyone else is one of the many reasons why I love you.

I know when we were talking I told you it was okay to move on and you said you never would, but I sincerely mean it, Drew. You deserve to be happy and be loved as much as you love. I know you won't bring a bad person into Ash's life so I'm trusting you to bring a nice woman home and she makes the both of you happy.

I know you're going to bring Ash up correctly. Raise him with the same mannerism you have and watch how happy he will make his future wife. Teach him right from wrong, teach him that no matter what happens, I'm still here for him, keeping him safe. Teach him that no matter how hard things get, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

You're such an amazing father, Drew. I couldn't have done any of this without you. I am so sorry I have to leave you alone to raise our little boy. It was something we were meant to do together. I love you so much Drew. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I wish I made you as happy as you made me.

I have written all my letters already, and please only open them when the time is right. And feel free to send me letters if you want, it will give me something to do while I wait for you two boys to come back to me. Also, please read all the other letters in order, it does have the date on the envelopes anyways.

- Letter for you when I die

- Letter for Ash on his first birthday (I know he won't be able to read it but I hope you can read it to him and maybe later on he can read it himself. I have also recorded it so he can remember my voice)

- Letter for you on our first anniversary when I'm not here

- Letter for Ash when he starts school

- Letter for Ash when he starts secondary school

- Letter for Ash when he starts his first job (yes, even if it's scanning items)

- Letter for Ash when he turns 18

- Letter for Ash when he starts university (or whatever he may wish to do after college)

- Letter for Ash when he proposes

- Letter for Ash on his wedding day

- Letter for Ash's wife on their wedding day

- Letter for you on Ash's wedding day

- Letter for Ash when he has his first baby

- Letter for you when Ash has his first baby

- Letter for your future wife

I love you so much Drew,

Until we meet again,

Spencer xx