Dear Alice,

This is your mother again. There are only 4 weeks away before I will finally be able to see your shining face.

In this note I am going to tell you about your father. I love him, but he is far from perfect. I hope you will love him as much as I do.

Let's start with the biggest flaw: shedding.

Your father sheds ALOT. Sometimes I feel as though we could make another puppy with how much hair he sheds.

One night I came home to a house with piles of fur lying about. Astonished, I called out to your father to see if he was home. Your father would walk out of the washroom holding his stomach. He had a clean shave and his hair was neat. When I asked him what happened, "I was shaving." Was his reply.

Too tired from a busy day at work, I sat down onto the couch and let your father clean up his mess.

Second flaw: howling.

Every time an emergency vehicle comes by with its sirens blazing, your father runs to the window with the dog, and the two begin to howl in unison with the sirens. Sometimes it drives me nuts. Other times, I just gotta sit there and laugh. Your father always has a smile on his face, even after the sirens stop.

Your father would love it if you joined him in the howling out the window. I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes I get the urge to join your father. With your father, the dog, and I all howling out the window, the neighbours begin to think we've lost our sanity. But we're all just having a wonderful time.

Third flaw: silverware

I can't keep any silverware in the house anymore. Every time I would set it out, your father would either throw a temper tantrum or passively agressively replace the silverware with the cheaper cutlery that we have.

Your father says that silverware is bad and it weakens you. I told him that he's just being paranoid. He shook his head and grunted. That was the last time we discussed the silverware issue. Since then, he has been "secretly" replacing all the silverware with steel replicas, hoping I wouldn't notice.

Your father is a hoot, and he is extremely excited and eager to meet you. He sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night to check up on me, to see if it's time to go yet or not.

He even has an emergency bag - for when you do come - at every possible exit. That way we won't forget anything when it's time to go to the hospital.

I hope you enjoy being with your father as much as I do.

Love always,

Your Mother.