THIS CHAPTER CAN BE TRIGGERING. This chapter discussed topic such as suicide and rape.

Lolla was going through a lot.

She had been distancing herself from people, closing off as someone would say. She missed all her friends, she wanted them to be there for her, but when it came to actually asking for help, she could never do that.

She liked to believe that she didn't deserve help from anyone, that she could do anything alone, that no one would help her even if she asked.

She was feeling depressed that day, was because today would mark one year since her ex boyfriend committed suicide.

She wasn't sad because she loved him, she was sad because she believed it was her fault, he made her believe that it was her fault.

You see, Nick abused Lolla, both mentally and physically. She believed it was true love since she didn't really have a good image of what love looked like, since her father abused her mother too.

Lolla was 16 and Nick was 23. What else is there to say?

At first, he was really loving, buying her flowers everyday type of loving. He always did everything she asked. He was the "perfect" boyfriend.

That was until he started hanging out with the wrong group of people. He got addicted to all types of drugs, from pills to needles.

Nick and Lolla started fighting around that time. Lolla telling him that he's destroying himself and Nick telling her that he doesn't care.

A part of Lolla wanted to leave him, but another part of her wanted to take care of him. She wanted to know that he would be okay.

She noticed a change in him, like a switch that flipped inside his brain, making him different.

She was going to leave him, but he was telling her that he would commit suicide if she did, so she stayed.

One thing led to another and Lolla also got hooked on drugs, not as much as Nick but still a large amount.

Throughout their relationship, Nick was pressuring her to have sex, and Lolla didn't really want to. So one night, Nick drugged her and ended up raping her.

Lolla slowly opened her eyes, regaining consciousness. She was looking around when she realized that she wasn't in her room, and that she was naked. She tried to stand up but she realized that her hands where tied on the bed frame. She entered fight or flight mode, and was struggling to catch her breath.

She tried desperately to escape, but she failed miserably. While attempting to escape though, she kicked the bedsheet of of her body, leaving a clear display of the bed, which had blood and had some wet patches on it.

When she realized what was going on, her mind went blank. She forced herself not to cry, and tried to find a way out of the situation she was in. That was until the door opened, revealing Nick, who was naked.

Lolla was stunned. A piece of her heart broke when she realized that he raped her. "No, no no no Nick you didn't  do this right?" Her voice broke

Nick sat next to her on the bed looking at her. He was scary, he had no sense of emotion hidden in his eyes. That was the moment she realized that he was pure evil.

"Baby don't you remember? You asked me to do this" he lied.

"Why would I ask you for this? I told you I don't want to do this Nick why, why did you do this to me" she started sobbing.

"No Baby baby don't cry, I only did it because I love you. I took your virginity and now you are mine, you are mine forever" he started laughing to himself.

Lolla started to panic "Can you please untie me? Please Nick I need to get home"

"What do you mean? Baby I love you you can't leave me like this" he said while removing her hand cuffs.

One thing about Nick is that he didn't actually want to hurt her. Drugs had messed his mind so badly that he believed that this was true love. He wasn't okay in the head before doing drugs too though.

"Get away from me, I never want to see you again" she sobbed when he tried to hug her.

"You can't leave me! You said you wouldn't remember? I'll die without you" He screamed at her before she left the room.

The day after that, Lolla received a letter from Nick, stating that all of this is her fault and that she caused this. When she went to check on him she found him dead on the floor.

Nick ruined Lolla. She hadn't had sex since then, but she was over sexualizing herself in order to get male attention.

Lollas mom knew about Nick, because she bought Lolla Plan B after she came home sobbing. She hated him for doing that to her daughter, and she swore to herself that she would never let that happen again.

When Lolla came back that night, she collapsed. She was at the lowest she had ever been. She didn't get out of bed for weeks, her mother forcing her to go to the bathroom and to take care of herself.

She also put Lolla in therapy, after learning that she started to cut herself. She couldn't see her child go through that, no mother can.

——

Rafe had tried to reach out to Lolla, but she wasn't responding. So had John B, but Lolla was laying in her bed for the third day in a row. She hadn't stood up, she hadn't went to the bathroom or even opened her phone. She sat in her own sadness.

What really hurt her, was that after her argument with JJ, he didn't even try to reach out, even when she needed him the most.

She only went downstairs to be with her mother.

Lollas phone rang, and when she picked it up she saw that it was Rafe. Before she was about to decline it, her mother encouraged her to take the call, so she did.

"Where have you been I have been worried sick" Rafe expressed his concern through the phone.

"Sorry I have been busy. Do you need anything?" Lolla replied coldly.

"Yes I need you to tell me what happened."

"Cant do that. Anything else?"

"Yes open your door in 10 minutes, I'll be there"

Before she could reply, he hung up the phone, making Lolla groan. She explained to her mother what happens and by the time she was done, she got another call from Rafe, telling her to open the door.

When Lolla opened, Rafe was shocked. He had never seen anyone look that depressed before. Her hair was in a messy bun and it was really greasy, she was wearing an oversized T-shirt, which had some stains on it, her skin was pale and her eyes were puffy.

He immediately gave her a hug when he realized that she started crying. "I got you now don't worry, everything is going to be okay" he reassured her.

She was resting her head on his chest and kept crying into his shirt. Rafe held on to her tightly, almost not wanting to let her go, wanting to protect her from all her demons.

After a few minutes of standing there, he picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her to her room, where she told him everything, from how her brother died to everything about Nick.

Rafe was left speechless. He would have never imagined that such a sweet girl would have went through all of that. He listened to her talk for what left like hours, listening to every detail about her life that she hadn't told anyone other then her mom.

Lolla felt at peace after telling him all of that. She felt a weight lift off her chest but as soon as she felt better she then felt horrible.

She couldn't believe she just put all of her problems onto someone else. That she needed someone to actually feel better, that she couldn't do it by herself.

Rafe was just staring into her eyes. He noticed that her face twitched and that her emotions changed. He sat up on the bed.

"I don't know why I just told you all that." she said while holding her hands over her mouth

"Hey don't overthink it alright?" he reassured her

"I understand if you don't want to stay close after this." she said and silence filled the room.

Rafe was shocked at what he just heard. The last thing he wanted was to leave her alone. Now that he met her, he could never go back.

"What are you talking about? You really think I don't want to be with you because of what you have gone through?" he said and waited for a response

Lolla put her shoulders up, signaling that she didn't know.

"The exact opposite. I am really glad you told me. I would never ever leave you like this."

Lolla pulled him in for a hug, she felt comfort, she felt understood. She realized that Rafe was just like her, even though they were opposites they were the same. Both broken, trying to find peace within each other.

"I'll never let anything like that happen to you again." He reassured her before realizing that she fell asleep on him.

That was the moment that Rafe realized he could never be the same after meeting Lolla. She brought out a different side to him. A gentle side. He wanted to take care of her. He wanted to keep her safe, and he would do anything to make sure no one harms her like that again. Anything.

Rafe was looking at her sleep so beautifully. Even at her worst she looked amazing. Rafe made a promise to himself to always protect Lolla, always.

——

Lolla can never catch a break.

If anything like this is happening to you or anyone you know, do not hesitate to reach out there will always be someone to listen.

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