TW: BRIEF MENTIONS OF SEX!!

   You ran a brush through your hair the following morning, trying to ignore the incessant itching of the dress you had just put on. You almost wanted to tear it off, but you knew that Joker would like you in it. It clung to your body and was extravagant and glittery. He loved curves, and he loved extravagance. And this morning, you needed to appeal to the things he loved. Otherwise, you wouldn't have a chance of coming out of hiding.

As you began adding your signature waves to your hair, Joker crept behind you. He stared into the vanity's mirror, watching you and watching himself. "You're quiet," he mused.

You probably were, but you hadn't even noticed. With everything on your mind, it was hard to. "Am I?"

"Yeah. What's wrong?"

Something in his tone suggested that he knew what was wrong, but was asking anyway for the sake of formality. Or maybe he was hoping you'd say "nothing" and he wouldn't have to address the elephant in the room: your discontent regarding Two-Face.

For now, you decided to indulge him. "Nothing."

You had a plan, and if you started talking about the forbidden topic right now, everything would go to shit.

You knew that strength was found in numbers. Therefore, if you were attempting to convince Joker to let you come out of hiding, you needed backup.

And who would be better backup than Harley Quinn?

Being honest with yourself, you couldn't stand her. She was bubbly in all the wrong ways, and every movement just seemed so performative and exaggerated. But, you had to admit that she had her good qualities, too.

One of those good qualities was that she was, for lack of a better term, an attention whore. While that may seem like a bad thing, it was a good thing for you. After all, an attention whore like Harley would not take too kindly to being cooped up all day. She would want to leave the house and strut her stuff, even if it put her life in danger. She was Harley fucking Quinn, and she wanted everyone to know that.

So, you figured you'd bring up the issue in front of her. That way, she would come to your defense and overwhelm Joker with opposition. You knew this plan wasn't exactly foolproof, since he wasn't known for giving in easily. But, it was worth a shot, and two mouths were always better than one when it came to arguing. Maybe, just maybe, he'd see your side.

   "Nothing?" he echoed skeptically. He placed his hands on your shoulders, squeezing them. "Ya know I don't like it when you lie to me, doll."

   "I'm not lying to you," you replied flatly. You noticed that he was a little too close to your curling iron, so you added, "Careful, that's hot."

   He didn't retreat, which didn't really surprise you. Even if he got burned, you suspected he wouldn't care much. "You are," he said, completely ignoring your warning. "I know you more than ya think."

   "Then you'd know that I'm really not lying."

   You could see him look at you oddly in the mirror as you continued to curl your hair. He looked annoyed, but slightly inquisitive and confused. He was looking at you as if he were seeing you for the first time.

   "I don't like this attitude," he mused after a period of silence.

   "What attitude?" You knew what attitude, proven by the fact you instinctively raised your voice a little to make it sound politer.

   "You're being cold with me. I don't like my women cold."

   Despite your racing mind, you cracked a smile. "No, you like 'em hot."

   Your joke made him smile a little. "That's right. So, thaw out for me, baby." He playfully tickled your side. "What's on your mind?"

   In spite of yourself, you laughed, your body convulsing. After your spasm, you gasped, holding the curling iron away from your body as if it had been the one that moved. "Careful! This is hot!" you reiterated. "I don't wanna burn myself because you can't keep your hands to yourself."

   "Oh, stop. You survived a gunshot, doll. You can survive a little burn."

   "But if I can avoid a burn, shouldn't I?"

   "I suppose so. But, what you can't avoid is this conversation. So, answer me now."

   His tone was playful, but it had an undertone of authority. You knew that he wasn't going to be dropping this anytime soon, so you decided to give him a fake excuse until Harley came around.

   You heaved a sigh. "I feel like an idiot for telling you I loved you last night." While not entirely untrue, your unfortunate slip-up was the least of your concerns right now.

  He looked surprised. "That's it? That's all that's going on?"

   You knew Joker had a pretty good sense of if someone was lying. So, you relied on your criminality to hopefully bypass his built-in lie detector test. You put on an embarrassed expression and even began fidgeting a little. "Yeah. The rejection of you not saying it back hurt."

   He pressed a kiss to the top of your head. "I didn't mean to hurt ya. But, you know my reasoning. I made it perfectly clear yesterday afternoon. Ya can't force me to declare a feeling I'm not sure I understand. Got me?"

   Even though this whole conversation was staged, the fact he doubled down made you feel a little upset. You hadn't been expecting anything less, but it would've been nice for him to exceed your expectations. "I know. It still hurt, though."

   "I know."

   You noticed that he didn't say "sorry". You hoped that, with time, he'd learn.

   "So, can we move on now?" you asked, twisting the curling iron around another section of your hair.

   "As long as you're sure that's all that was bothering you."

   "I'm sure."

   Reluctantly, he nodded. "Okay."

   Once you finished adding waves to your hair, you returned the curling iron to your vanity. You turned to Joker with a smile. "Breakfast?" you asked. You were hoping that Harley was down there already, that way you could just get everything out of the way early.

   He smiled back at you. "Breakfast. Any breakfast my woman desires."

And, with that, you both headed to the first floor for some breakfast. As you approached the dining room, you could hear a woman humming a tune. You tried to contain your smile as you realized you would be able to address the elephant in the room right away.

What you hadn't accounted for was how awkward it would be to sit at the table with her. Unsure of where to sit, you bumbled around for a little bit before finally deciding to sit as far away from her as possible. You didn't want to offend her, but you didn't want to act all buddy-buddy either. In the end, she was still your boyfriend's ex, and she was still annoying as fuck. But, you did still need her backup.

Joker sat next to you after curtly demanding some (favorite breakfast food) from one of the cooks loitering in the kitchen. Aside from you three, the table was completely empty. It was almost as if everyone had made a deliberate attempt to avoid Harley. After all, the dining room was usually packed with people eating breakfast at this time. Now, though, it was just her, sloppily eating some oatmeal.

She beamed at you, not even seeming bothered by your blatant avoidance of her. "Mornin', (Y/N)! Mornin', puddin'!"

You knew that this "puddin'" nickname had to go. Otherwise, you would probably be strangling her in the near future. But, you knew that today was not the day to hyper-focus on what she was doing wrong. You needed her today, and in order to get her support, you had to brush off the small things.

You tried to smile back at her. "Morning."

Joker only nodded in reply.

There was a bit of silence as Harley ate and as the cooks buzzed about. Because you didn't have anything to eat or look busy with, you just kept wringing your hands. Bringing up a topic as important as this was a lot harder than you had imagined. After all, it would just be weird to blurt out something like this. A complete one-eighty in strategy was usually something that required a segue. But, how would there be a segue if no one was saying anything?

Finally, Harley saved you. But, not in the way you had hoped. "Say, were you two gettin' it on last night?"

You nearly choked on your saliva at her blunt delivery. Your cheeks immediately colored after you recovered from your shock. You hadn't had sex with Joker last night; you were too busy having nightmares. But, the fact that people were clearly under that impression again made you incredibly embarrassed. Was that what you were known for? Being unable to keep your mouth shut during sex?

Joker smiled smugly, unbothered by the question. He was never shy about how he spent his time, sexual or otherwise. "I wish, Harls. I wish."

She looked confused. "Ya didn't? Everyone was sayin' they heard (Y/N) screamin' last night. They just kinda assumed things were gettin' freaky." With a playful grin, she added, "I was a little offended ya didn't let me join."

You had to channel every even-tempered bone in your body to not lunge across the table and choke her out. Instead of indulging in this extreme fantasy, you mumbled, teeth gritted, "I woke up from a nightmare. That's why I was screaming."

She hummed in understanding, nodding her head as if she had been through this a million times before. "Ah, the good ol' 'wake up screaming' routine. Had those daily after my fallin'-out with Two-Face."

You couldn't help but notice that every conversation always managed to circle back to her. You began to understand why her and Joker never worked out; Joker was already more selfish than the average person. So, two selfish people were likely to butt heads.

Good thing her selfishness would come in handy today.

"What was your dream about? Ya know I used to be a psychiatrist! Maybe I could analyze it for ya!" Elated at the prospect, she clapped her hands together. "This'll be fun! I always loved analyzing dreams!"

You hadn't even said yes, but it seemed as if she had made up her mind on how the next several minutes would be spent.

"And why do you feel entitled to know her personal information?" asked Joker, voice thick with what was probably unnecessary aggression. "She will not be telling you what her dream was about. Don't ya think it was hard enough for her to dream it at all, let alone talk about it? Do us all a favor and keep that whore mouth shut."

Again, Harley didn't even look fazed by his words. You wondered if anything that took place in the last several years had fazed her. Her composure was just so unshakable that you couldn't ever picture her losing her cool. This consistent composure would serve you well in the conversation that would follow.

"Hey, I'm not entitled to anything!" She raised her hands in surrender. "I just think that if I analyze the dream, I can maybe uncover some problem in her life she didn't know she had. And she can, well, fix it."

While relaying your nightmare to Harley wouldn't be the most enjoyable occurrence, you knew that doing so would be the smart thing to do. After all, you could explain your nightmare, then use that explanation to segue into the idea of coming out of hiding.

"Leave her alone," you said to Joker, who looked surprised that you were even entertaining her. "Maybe this will help."

"Don't count on it," he said.

"Don't listen to him!" said Harley cheerily, waving him off absently. "Talk to me, sugar. What's goin' on in that pretty lil' noggin of yours?"

He growled quietly from beside you. You knew that she wasn't flirting with you, but you also knew that Joker was definitely the jealous type. Even if she was just being friendly, he would view it differently. He would think that she was making a pass at you. In order to calm him down, you nudged him slightly, a silent way of telling him to lay off.

"Well," you began, awkwardly fidgeting with your hands. You didn't exactly love the fact that you had to pour your heart out to a stranger—a stranger you disliked, no less. But, you had to do what you had to do, so you continued. "I had a dream that J was killed by Two-Face."

Imagining the situation from your perspective, she winced. "Ouch. That's gotta hurt."

You smiled weakly. "You have no idea. It was super graphic. He pissed himself when he died, and I swear to God I could fucking smell his blood. It was the most vivid, disgusting dream I've ever had."

To your surprise, she smiled sympathetically. "I'm too far away to hold your hand right now, but pretend I am."

She patted the table as if it were your hand, causing you to giggle in spite of yourself.

"Look, you don't gotta be a psychiatrist to know the meanin' behind that dream. You're scared." She looked at Joker accusingly, as if he had any control over Two-Face. "She's scared," she reiterated.

"I know she's scared. That's why I'm protecting her. I'm not gonna let anything bad happen to her, trust me," he said back, eyes squinted defensively at the notion of his protection being questioned.

"You're not doin' enough, clearly. Your lady is waking up screaming at night due to a situation that you haven't done shit to fix."

Even though this was devolving into a fight you weren't sure you wanted, you couldn't help but feel warm at the fact that Harley was defending you. She wasn't doing it for her own motives like you had originally planned. She genuinely seemed to feel for you, and you hadn't even gotten to your proposal yet.

Joker's pupils visibly dilated. He began to laugh, hitting the table with a closed fist. "As if you've done any more than I have!"

"I just got here!"

"But if this is as important to you as you're claiming, you would've immediately sat down with us and started planning as soon as you got here. But no. You took your stupid fuckin' luggage to your stupid fuckin' room and played dress-up in the walk-in closet all day long."

She flushed. She opened her mouth to retort, but nothing came out.

"That's right, Harls," he cooed in a condescending tone. "Next time you open your mouth, make sure ya don't look like a stupid bitch when ya do it. If you're gonna criticize me, you better have the best idea I've ever heard on how to get past this. Otherwise, you're gonna be in some hot water."

Swiftly defeated, she averted her gaze and began to eat her oatmeal once more.

Silence filled the room. You figured now would be as good a time as any to make your move, since you doubted you would get a lead-in better than this one. You knew Harley would agree with you, but it was still nerve-wracking to propose something you knew your lover would be against.

But, you spoke anyway. "I actually might have a better idea," you volunteered shyly.

Harley perked up immediately. You couldn't tell if she was excited on your behalf or excited that Joker was being outsmarted.

He looked over at you, innocently intrigued. He had no idea what you were about to suggest. "Do ya? Well, do tell, princess."

You braced yourself for refusal before ripping the band-aid off. "I think we should come out of hiding."

Silence filled the room once more. You were wildly uncomfortable as you assessed the, once again, unreadable expression on Joker's face. You knew he'd refuse, but how explosive would his reaction be? You didn't know.

Harley, on the other hand, looked ecstatic. She was beaming as she also looked at Joker's unreadable expression, clearly on board with the idea. This wasn't unexpected, though; you knew she'd come through for one reason or another.

Then, suddenly, he began to laugh again. He laughed so hard that tears formed in his eyes. Occasionally, he'd give you a playful punch to the shoulder as you quietly fumed. You had expected rejection, but mockery was a whole other level of disappointment. You wanted to at least be taken seriously, not viewed as a brainless woman who had no valuable ideas.

You made eye contact with Harley as his incessant laughter continued to fill the room. She rolled her eyes, mouthing what looked to be the words "I got this."

You smiled at her. So far, your plan was operating smoothly. Well, smooth-ish. You definitely could've done without the cackling in your ear.

After Joker finally finished his laughing fit, he leaned back in his chair as he folded his hands in his lap. "Oh, baby, you are a riot. You! Coming out of hiding!"

He began to erupt into giggles again, causing you to elbow him in the ribs. "I'm serious. We need to come out of hiding, J."

His smile faded. "I'm serious, too, doll. I love a joke as much as the next guy, but I am not kidding when I say that the very idea is fuckin' laughable. If we come out of hiding, I cannot guarantee your safety. As long as you're here, you're safe."

"That's not true. Two-Face knows where we live. We don't exactly blend in with Gotham! We live in a mansion, for God's sake! He could come here at any time and kill me."

His eyes narrowed at the idea. "Yes, but he can only come in through the doors. When you're out and about, he can come from any direction at any time. Ya have to stay here until we have a concrete plan on how to get to him."

"Puddin', I love ya, but you're fuckin' delusional!" Harley giggled from across the table. "Keeping (Y/N) cooped up in this place isn't doing any good for anyone. I know Two-Face. Eventually, he'll get tired of waiting for ya, and he'll just force his way in here. He's smart, that guy. So, once he comes in, he's gonna cause a lot of damage. Maybe even to (Y/N)."

She paused to take her last bite of oatmeal. The movement was so casual, which was an almost humorous contrast to the current conversation. "So, that means ya gotta catch him by surprise. Which means that we're the ones that have to attack. And we can't do that from inside."

Joker looked between the two of you, clearly annoyed at the opposition coming his way. He struggled for something to reply with, but he seemingly came up empty.

This uncharacteristic silence motivated you to keep going. "We're cornering ourselves in here, J. If he comes in here, there's nowhere to run. We're stuck. If he sees us out in the open, we can run. We can hide."

"I'll have my men stand guard at every entrance. He won't be coming in," said Joker, clearly set in his opinion. This only made you more determined to sway it.

"You don't think he'll have martyrs? You don't think they'll injure your men just for him to finish the job? Hell, you don't think he can just climb in through the windows?" you asked. "He's Two-Face. One of the smartest criminals. Obviously, he'd be accounting for the occasional guard."

"(Y/N), that's enough. I'm not talking about this anymore. You're staying here, and that's final."

His tone was low and dangerous, and in spite of yourself, you folded. He didn't necessarily scare you, but the notion that he was upset with you did. So, for a brief moment, you shut up and accepted that nothing would get done.

Thankfully, though, Harley stepped in. "Hey, watch your mouth."

Joker looked at her with raised brows, almost challenging her to go on.

She did, her expression confident. She clearly had no issue with putting him in his place. "Don't tell her what she can and can't do. If ya want your relationship to work, ya gotta talk with her about this stuff. Ya can't just make decisions for her."

"I can if she's uninformed," he growled.

"No ya can't! God, be a boyfriend, J. She's telling you what she needs, and you're just shuttin' it down!"

"What she 'needs' is what's gonna end up killing her!"

"She's gonna get killed anyway, with the way you're holing her up in here! And so are the rest of us!"

At that, Joker fell silent. He was staring at Harley, his eyes cold and menacing. He was gripping the edge of the table so hard that his hands were beginning to shake, and you desperately tried to placate him by resting a hand on his arm. He was clearly pissed, and you didn't want him murdering his ex. Not while she was being so useful to you.

"She will be fine if she listens to me." He spoke slowly, each word dripping with venom. "She is mine, and I know what to do with her. I will not be taking advice from you."

"She is yours. But she's more than that. She's a smart lady with her own feelings. I know you think you're doin' right by her, but this is just gonna end up pushing her away."

Surprisingly, Joker began to break. He sighed, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes. "And what if she's wrong? What if something happens?"

"I won't let anything happen. I'll go with her whenever she needs to leave. And I'm sure you'll be comin', too. And I know you're gonna protect her with your life."

Warily, he removed his hands from his face and gave a hesitant nod. "Of course I will."

"Besides," you interjected softly, "if we come out of hiding and he sees Harley with us, that could make him fumble. Maybe he'll accidentally reveal himself too early. He might even back down entirely. Who knows? She's got a lot of allies, and he knows that."

Joker let out a loud groan, clearly bothered by the decision he had to make. "I don't know. I just don't fuckin' know. It feels so strange to let her go. Like I'm not doing my job as her protector."

"You are protectin' her," replied Harley. "You're protectin' her mental and emotional well-being, and you're makin' her feel like she's her own woman. Like she's free to make her own choices." She smiled teasingly. "I know you love yourself, puddin', but do you really want (Y/N) to be as crazy as you because of the isolation you put her through?"

To your surprise, he shook his head quickly. "No. I like her just as she is."

"Then let her breathe a little. We'll both be there every step of the way. Nothing will happen to her."

Just by his expression, it was clear that somehow, the unswayable was beginning to be swayed. He looked at you, almost as if he were asking for help. But, you didn't deliver any, since you knew what you wanted. And what you wanted was objectively more sensical than what he did.

All you offered him was this:

"We could start small," you suggested carefully. "We could just go for a walk or something. Show that we're not afraid and that we've got Harley with us, then head right back home."

Harley nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! We don't gotta, like, rock his shit the first time we leave the house! We can just ease ourselves into it!"

Joker took a big breath in, tilting back in his chair as he let it out. You watched as his eyes closed. You couldn't tell if he was doing this to control his anger or if he was deep in thought. Regardless, you knew it would be best to leave him be during a phase like this. Harley knew, too, for she stayed quiet as well.

After a few seconds, he leaned forward again, causing the front legs of the chair to hit the floor with a rather loud bang. He opened his eyes and moved them from you to Harley, face scrunched in suspicion. "Just a walk?"

"For now," you answered. You could sense his resolve starting to give way, which caused a small smile to appear on your lips.

He grabbed your chin tightly. "Stop smiling. This isn't a game."

"I know it's not," you squeaked.

"Then stop making light of this. This will not be a fun outing. We will be going on a quick walk, then going straight home. And only if this goes smoothly will I even consider letting you do anything more."

"Don't worry, I'll make it fun," chirped Harley. She gestured at Joker with her nose wrinkled in disgust. "He'll be there for your protection, but don't feel like ya gotta talk to him. He's not the most interesting guy to talk to, ya know? I'll be there for the moral support! The chitchat! The girl stuff!"

"No, you will be there to send a message. You will not be doing anything to distract (Y/N) from being aware of her surroundings, is that clear?" Joker released your chin, looking at Harley from across the table with contempt.

"Oh, puh-lease. Whatcha gonna do if I talk to her? Kill me? Come on! You know I'm too useful for that."

"Ya know, maybe I will."

"Okay," you interjected, patting Joker's shoulder. "No one's killing anyone. Two-Face is already plotting enough murder for the rest of us. You guys, if we're gonna be a team, we can't be divided. We need to compromise."

You turned to your boyfriend. "J, Harley needs to at least talk to me a little. Otherwise, we're gonna look too aware of our surroundings. Like we're scared. If people see us, they need to think that we're confident."

Then, you turned to Harley. "And Harley, you can't talk to me too much. I still do need to pay attention, after all. I literally have a target on my back."

She gave an understanding nod while Joker gave a begrudging one.

"So, it's settled?" you asked hopefully. "We're going on a walk?"

It was definitely stupid, but you were beyond excited at the idea. For most people, a walk is commonplace. It's something that anyone can enjoy, no matter their social status or current situation. But, for you, even something as simple as a walk was prohibited. So, this slight change in Joker's rules was something to be celebrated.

Just at a later time, and not in front of him. Otherwise, he'd think you were underestimating the importance of this walk.

He nodded again, this time sighing deeply as he did. "If something happens," he warned, pointing at you accusingly, "then this will never happen again until Two-Face has dropped dead, ya hear me?"

Even though you were fairly confident that nothing would happen on a walk, the intensity of his tone was enough to make you nervous. This needed to go perfectly, or else you'd be right back where you were: in the mansion, cornered, and waiting for death.

"Yes, J."

"Good girl. We'll leave at 3:00 PM today, how's that sound?"

"Sounds good to me."

"Me, too. And I must say, thank you for finally gettin' your head out of your ass!" said Harley in a sarcastically cheerful way, as if she were congratulating a child. "How's it feel to see the world from a rational perspective? You should do it more often!"

"Talk to me like that again and you're not going on the walk. You're gonna be locked in your room until I feel you can come out. Understand?"

"We kinda need her, though," you mumbled. "She's part of why we're going. To let others know she's, ya know, with us now."

She beamed at the fact you had come to her defense. "Thank you, (Y/N)." She stood up happily, empty oatmeal bowl in hand. "Looks like you're gonna have to deal with my sass for a bit longer!"

As you watched her bounce out of the dining room, spoon clinking against her bowl as she walked, you couldn't help but smile after her. After this interaction, you had sort of started to like her. She came to your defense, was oddly insightful, and quite funny. Sure, she had her annoying quirks, but maybe her staying here wouldn't be so bad.

Joker noticed your grin. "Oh, Christ," he moaned as one of his cooks placed your breakfasts in front of you. "Do I have my hands full or what? Two girls, who are batshit crazy, are living in my house and ganging up on me."

After thanking the cook, you poked your (f/b/f) with your fork, still grinning. "Well, where do you think we get the batshit crazy from?"

He ate some of his food, this time grinning back. "I wonder."

"What can I say? We learned from the best."

As you two ate, you could sense his unease with the excursion ahead. You would be lying if you said this didn't somewhat rub off on you, but you knew that you were doing the right thing. You couldn't hide forever, and now was the time to stop.

You would finally be stepping out of the shadows and into the light.

___

omg thus chapter is so bad help, my writer's block kicked my ASS this time around 😭 trust the next one will be better!! also ty guys sm for 2.5k reads!!!