Deadpool vs. Red Hood

Meanwhile, in an abandoned warehouse in Gotham, Deadpool was hunting down Francis. "Yoo-hoo, Francis!" called Deadpool, "where the fuck are ya, bitch?" And a voice bellowed back, "Hey fuckface! What's my name?" Up above a flight of stairs was Ajax himself. Deadpool glared at him and said, "You! Ever heard of the old Klingon phrase, revenge is a dish best served cold?"  He climbed up the stairs, letting out his swords. "Do I look like a fuckin' Trekkie to you, cunt?" Ajax asked with a chuckle. Though he lacked emotions, he loved seeing Wade in pain. He'd broken him. "Well fuck the cold part!" yelled Deadpool, "Cuz I'm gonna serve some revenge fresh piping hot! By the time I'm done with you, Hell's gonna feel like Heaven!" They then fought, Wade refusing to hold back. If it meant he would avenge Vanessa, then so much the better.

A few minutes later, someone yelled, "Hey, ass-butt!" Then a glass bottle of scotch was thrown at the back of Wade's head, the glass breaking and throwing him off guard. With that advantage, Ajax then threw Wade on the ground. Wade got up, and saw who threw the glass bottle. It was Red Hood and Colossus. Deadpool got up and walked to them and said, "Do you assholes mind? I'm trying to get some sweet revenge here!" He then looked at Red Hood and said, "And who the fuck are you?"  

"I'm the Red Hood," he replied, his arms crossed. "Wade, you've gone too far with this rampage," scolded Colossus. "Shut the fuck up Colossus," hissed Deadpool, "you have no fuckin' clue the Hell I've been through! I've been searching for months for that zombie. I killed a hell of a lot of people to get to him, and I'm not gonna let you and Dead Robin here fuck it up royal for me! I got unfinished business with that motherfucker, and not a god damn thing you two have to say is going to change Jackshit, so stay out of my way!" He then turned around, but Ajax was gone. He gasped in horror. Francis slipped through his fingers yet again! All his efforts to get his revenge were now in vain. Colossus knew exactly what Wade was going to do.

"Wade please, don't bother trying to fight me," warned Colossus, "we both know fighting me is one-sided and pointless. I beg you, please, if you come with me without fighting, perhaps Red Hood won't harm you." Deadpool then laughed and said, "You call that begging? I've heard better begging from the bad guys I've killed. But since little Bad Cop here is the reason Francis got away, I'm gonna take my anger out on him." Red Hood shook his head and said, "You will try. And I don't do bad cop. That ain't my style." Deadpool then smacked Red Hood as hard as he could, right in the nose. That threw Jason back a little. The impact of the helmet gave him a nose bleed. Jason took off his helmet, actually surprised he got a bloody nose. "That's your only freebie," warned Jason. "Ooh, I'm so scared. I'm gonna get my ass kicked by a whiny bitch that was such a dumbass, he got killed by The Joker," taunted Deadpool. Jason then tackled Deadpool, fighting him. As they fought, Deadpool taunted, "Oh look at me, I'm the Red Hood! I managed to be so hated and unpopular as Robin, that everyone voted to kill me off!"

"Shut up!" growled Jason as he put Wade in a headlock. "Who's gonna make me?" gagged Wade, "If you're so popular, why weren't you in The Lego Batman Movie?" He then did his signature "cup-shot!" Jason groaned and said, "you're starting to piss me off!" 

"Oh, why don't you go back to the Hayden Christensen School for Whiny Bitching?" taunted Wade as he then poked him in the eyes. Jason then grabbed Deadpool by the ankles, spun him around until he was tossed on Colossus and his hard steel body. The impact of that crippled Wade. He was on the ground, moaning, "Oh.... I'm as crippled... as Barbara!" He then laughed at Jason.

[Author's Note: To anyone living with/or knows somebody with a physical disability, I apologize for that tasteless joke.]

"ALRIGHT, NOW YOU'VE GONE TOO FUCKIN' FAR!!! THAT TEARS IT!" snapped Jason as he then grabbed Wade's sword and then beheaded him. The sight of that caused Colossus to puke. Jason looked at him and said, "What, he's got a healing factor, right? He'll live, right?" Colossus, though queasy, nodded. "This guy's bonkers. Let's put him in Arkham where the doctors will patch him up," said Jason. "There's a likelihood he will bite," said Colossus, "allow me to carry his head."  Jason nodded and put his helmet back on, and carried Wade's headless body. As Colossus carried the severed head, Wade groaned, "You don't know what you're doing... I had to kill him... for Vanessa... you're ruining my revenge..." Colossus glared at him and scolded, "Tikhiy durak, you've caused enough damage as it is. One will never accomplish anything with revenge." Colossus and Red Hood then admitted Deadpool into Arkham Asylum, and the doctors sewed his head back on while also placing him in a straightjacket. "He'll live," said Dr. Jeremiah Arkham, director of the titular asylum, "long enough to where we can give him the psychiatric help he needs. His anatomy is fascinating, Mr. Rasputin."  

"The Professor will keep you in touch, Doctor Arkham," said Colossus. "Likewise Colossus," replied the director. "Come friend Jason, we go to get the Russian Vodka," said Colossus as he and Red Hood left Arkham Asylum.


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