n. a phenomenon in which you have an active social life but very few close friends—people who you can trust, who you can be yourself with, who can help flush out the weird psychological toxins that tend to accumulate over time—which is a form of acute social malnutrition in which even if you devour an entire buffet of chitchat, you'll still feel pangs of hunger.

* * *

I am dragging my feet as I follow them. After all, I can't understand what is this I am feeling. I am torn with worry over the boy; hatred with the idea of him being used as some intelligence submitted to interrogation against his brothers; guilt that I am involved with the people that are hunting for his brothers; and anger that Goyo, indeed, agreed to proceed on with such method to search the Bernal brothers. And now, we're in front of Don Nable Jose's house close to the shoreline of the Lingayen Gulf, where, according to what intel they've gained, one of the Bernal brothers are.

I didn't join Goyo, Julian and Enteng as they head in to meet with Don Nable Jose. I remain outside the house of visibly one of the—if not—richest in town. A few moments later, I notice the soldiers arrive holding Angel Bernal. I watch him for a second and with just a glance, I immediately turn my head away. Afraid of what hatred could flash on his eyes right now. And I don't want to remember being part of all of this, knowing how all of this will truly haunt me.

A few minutes later, we hear a commotion going on from the inside of the house. And someone jumps from a window, causing Angel Bernal to scream, "Kuya".

Everything seems to happen in slow motion. In the end, I am immobile with what just unfold in front of me. I only snap back to reality the moment that Enteng had ordered the soldiers to bring the brothers away.

"'Wag niyo siyang sasaktan, Heneral," Don Nable Jose remarks, appearing by the doorway.

A few seconds later, a beautiful young woman draws closer to the entrance of the house, causing Goyo, who is about to speak up, to be interrupted.

Finally, he manages to say, "Huwag po kayo mag-alala, señor."

I grasp the sides of my skirt to keep my hands from shaking. My thoughts run toward a wall of what is about to happen next. And here he is saying that everything's just going to be fine.

"Halika na. Huy," Enteng impatiently remarks.

A smile is audible on Goyo's voice when he continues, "At pasensya na po sa gulo. Hayaan niyong punan ko ang pinsala sa pagbalik ko."

"Babalik ka?" Enteng inquires another time.

Julian laughs before placing an arm around Goyo's shoulders to pull him away.

Goyo tips his hat at the two, saying, "Paalam po."

As I follow the three of them, I can't help imagining that Goyo is completely fixated by the young woman. After all, the young woman is very beautiful. The essence of a well-bred Filipina visible with how she carries herself. She's different from the other girls I've seen around Dagupan, trying to flirt with Goyo openly. However, even though it had been their first meeting, of course, the young woman doesn't show any interest at all. She appears calm and steadfast. And she is surely everything that Goyo had envisioned to be his one. Perhaps, I can even agree to say that she is the most beautiful woman I've seen around town. No wonder that a general as Goyo will be captivated. And knowing his recent exploit with women, no wonder that he'll start courting her.

For some reasons, something painful pricks my soul. The necklace seems to weigh much heavier, pulling me to the ground. Perhaps, it is time to finally let go of all those emotions. And focus instead on my role.

After all, all of this is just a game.

# # #

That night, I am a little surprise that the only ones on the dining table is Enteng, his brother Jose, and Isidro. They are in the middle of talking in hushed whispers as they wait for me, despite the meal already served. It seems to become our habit to wait for everyone to be gathered before anyone starts eating, and being famished isn't a reason. One that the Enriquez brothers seem to instill on us, saying that that's how their family is. And it makes me glad that he considers this weird set-up as a family.

"Hmm? Nasaan yung iba?" I ask, causing them to stop talking and turn to me.

"Magandang gabi, (Y/N)," Isidro greets with a smile. "Balita ko'y hindi ka raw nakadalaw sa mga taga-Cruz Roja ngayon."

"Naging masyadong mahaba ang araw na ito para sa akin." I sit on my usual seat just next to Isidro and to the vacant head of the table. "Nahatak ako ni Goyo upang magpa-picture. Tapos sa bahay nila Don Nable Jose. At napagod ako kaya bumalik na rin ako dito at nakatulog. Nagulat na lang ako na gabi na."

Enteng sighs softly. "Totoong nakakapagod nga ang araw na ito."

"Hmm, nasaan nga pala sila? Di ba magkakasama kayo kanina bago ko kayo iwan?"

"Tumungo kala Don Nable Jose si Goyo at Julian. Mukhang nayaya na doon maghapunan. Sila Totoy naman ay tumungo ng Angeles. May pinautos si Goyo. Baka mga ilang araw silang mawala."

I bite my lower lip. The last time I've seen Totoy was at the aftermath of their interrogation with Angel Bernal, and his words at that time after what Goyo had told him makes me shiver. I can't help asking if it will involve the other Bernal brother.

Isidro clears his throat. "At dahil wala sila upang saluhan tayo sa hapunan, kumain na tayo. Para makapagpahinga na rin."

After dinner, once the Enriquez brothers had retired for the night, I decide to come along with Isidro to "talk about something". He seems to notice that I've been hesitating at first to inquire him, causing him to be the first one to reach out to me if I have something to ask him. And before I can even do so, he stops me, saying that we better talk inside his room so that no one could hear it.

Since Felix is along with Totoy, Lesyo and Gabriel in Angeles, it is only Isidro who'll be using the room for tonight and the next few days until they return from whatever mission they were asked of. Isidro lights up the gas lamp and looks at the view outside the window. He sighs heavily with his back at me and says, "Alam ko na ang mga tatanungin mo, (Y/N). Pero, hindi ko alam kung ano ang nais mong unang malaman."

I gulp in hard, treading lightly from the start of today. "Yung nangyari kanina... patay na ba siya?"

"Si Manuel Bernal. Yung panganay," he answers.

I am about to interrupt him and say that I don't want to know the names. It only adds to the guilt within me that I could have encouraged Goyo not to proceed on with what was ordered of him. I can surely think of them as nameless people and be over with it. But to know their names seem to hook me to the same sin as Goyo and the rest of them had done in the name of lawless command just because a self-proclaimed President had ordered so.

"Pinatay siya kanina," Isidro adds. "Iyon ang pinaguusapan namin kanina nila Enteng at Jose. Ayaw daw makipagtulungan, sabi ni Enteng. Nagmatigas. Patuloy na nakatali ang paglilingkod kay Heneral Luna. Wala silang nagawa. Sana mayroon, pero..."

"P-Paano yung bata? Nasa maayos na lagay ba siya?"

"Pagkatapos daw... patayin si Manuel Bernal, pinakawalan na rin daw nila."

I freeze, my back instantly hitting the door. "N-Nasaksihan niya kung paano pinatay ang kuya niya?"

Isidro turns to look at me and his eyes are solemn when he nods. "Maging noong pinaparusahan."

My mind, at that, hits a blank. I can't imagine that feeling. Being captured by the same people who are supposed to be your allies in fighting a common enemy but squeezed you for information in order to find your brothers, and be a witnessed of your own guilt that they were captured, tortured and killed. No one is supposed to be placed at such shoes. No one... and yet, Goyo and the rest had done so.

"Ganoon din siguro ang sasapitin ni Jose Bernal," he adds as he looks away from me. "Nasa Angeles siya, kaya tumungo doon sila Totoy. Upang siguraduhin na ililigpit siya."

My hands instantly closed into tight fists on my sides, feeling my nails biting my palm. Whatever strength I have seems to pull me to the ground.

"Kaya... Kaya mo pa ba?" Isidro inquires. That question alone holds countless other meanings. Reigniting his former plea for me to continue believing to Goyo, and now, I no longer know if I can do so. But... I promise that I'll see the end of this game. And I will.

I nod and tell him before leaving his room, "Kakayanin."

When I exit Isidro's room, not even waiting for his reply, I am surprise to find out that Julian just recently entered his and catch Goyo about to enter his. And in the darkness of the night, I see him looking at me in shocked before his brows furrowed deeply upon noticing me exiting Isidro's room and not mine. No voice comes out of me, not even a greeting, or even a word to assure him that nothing happened between me and Isidro, and that we just talk.

A few seconds passed that we don't speak and even dare to move, and when I gain my voice back, I call for him, "Goyo—"

He immediately closes his eyes, sighing with a smile before entering his room, and says in a song-like manner, "Mahal kong Remedios."

And then, he closes his door behind him.

* * *

A/N: My new story is up, titled as "Flight Plan". Hope you'll check it out and support it the same way with this one. Follow me on twitter @23meraki for more updates. ;)

#GoyoDeadReckoning || #GoyoAngBatangHeneralStories || #ProjectAguilaStories