n. the desire to care less about things—to loosen your grip on your life, to stop glancing behind you every few steps, afraid that someone will snatch it from you before you reach the end zone—rather to hold your life loosely and playfully, like a volleyball, keeping it in the air, with only quick fleeting interventions, bouncing freely in the hands of trusted friends, always in play.

* * *

The moment that I return to the game, I wasn't surprised to find myself in the middle of the woods. And like the usual things, the first one who've seen me is none other than but Isidro. Finally, I am in the side of the Philippine revolution. At least, this warms my heart that I am not in the hands of the Americans compared to last time. However, the deep frown that he has suggests that he is visibly unhappy. His expression is foreign and shakes me down to the bone.

I am about to acknowledge him when he suddenly speaks up, saying, "Ngayon ka lang."

I bite my lower lip and nods. "P-Pasensya na. Nagkaroon ng problema."

He inspects me before sighing heavily. He looks around for a second as we both hear a nearby voice of men. Probably, we are not at all that far away from the camp. However, when he turns to me again, he tells me to follow him.

The two of us walk much farther away from where I suspect the rest of the soldiers are, him leading me close to a nearby river bank. And when the only sound that envelops us is the soft rushing of water, he finally faces me again as he keeps his arms cross across his chest. "Kung ano man ang naging problema, ang pagkawala mo sa laro ay naging mas matagal kaysa sa inaasahan. Ang usapan ay hintayin lamang gumaling ang iyong sugat, di ba?"

I turn to look at my shoulder, remembering that I've been shot during that battle in Quingua? Or was it in Calumpit? And when I've returned, there is still a mild throb in the wound. But today, my shoulder feels like it had been as good as new. I immediately look at him. "Bumalik ako bago ngayon. Kaso, noong dumating ako, nagulat ako na nasa kampo ako ng mga kalaban."

Isidro frowns at that. "Ng mga Amerikano?"

"Oo. Nagulat ako na nandoon ako sa kampo nila. Maging sila din ay nagulat sa akin. Mabuti na lamang at nakakaintindi ako ng Ingles at nalusutan ko sila kaagad. Nabanggit sa akin ng sundalo na nagtagpo raw ang mga Amerikano at si Goyo. Kaso, noong dumating ako, kakatapos lamang daw ng pulong at nakaalis na raw si Goyo at yung kasama niya."

"Ah..." Some sort of understanding crosses Isidro's features but it didn't ease the deep frown that remains on his face. "Baka yung Schurman Commission ang tinutukoy nila. Pinadala ni Presidente Aguinaldo si Goyo sa Intramuros upang makipag-ugnayan sa mga Amerikano. Kaso, hindi naging matagumpay. May mga kumalat na balita na bakit daw si Goyo ang pinapunta; halatang-halata na bata at wala masyadong karanasan sa totoong ganap ng digmaan."

"Naiintindihan ko ang panig nila. Bakit nga ba siya ang napili ni Presidente Aguinaldo?"

Isidro has that look that is telling me that I already know the answer, and why do I even bother to ask him about it if I've already come through some conclusion inside my mind. I nod to him, understanding that Goyo is practically the soldier whom President Aguinaldo favors. The one he can truly trust among his many generals, and such loyalty that Goyo has is slowly turning him to some dog who'll just follow any order given to him. I am starting to worry and wonder if it is the real reason that this very game had been invented; to divert him from being a henchman who'll not even question what's right and wrong just to continue being the favorite.

I shrug my shoulders. "Anyway, hindi ko nga sila naabutan. Kaya, ginamit ko yung oras na gulat pa yung mga sundalo. Humingi ako ng mangga at umalis kaagad. Mahirap na maging hostage nila. Ano, gagamitin pa nila ako laban sa inyo? Sabagay, kahit gamitin nila ako laban sa inyo, wala rin naman silang mapapala sa akin. At sino ba ako sa inyo? Di naman ako heneral. Wala nga akong hawak-hawak na titulo eh."

"Pero para kay Goyo," Isidro starts, speaking as if the words taste bitter, "Mayroon." He turns to look at the river. "Hindi ba?"

I freeze at his words causing me to ponder on what he means. I suddenly remember the necklace that surrounds my neck, the gunmetal lace where a ring is looped to. A ring that no doubt belongs to Goyo himself. And the reason that he had given me such, wishing for me to return... perhaps I am trying to tell myself that there is no way that it is possible. But, what if it is possible? That I may be pushing the signs, but someone else can see it clearly as if is elaborately drawn in a white canvas.

"Isidro," I call for him. "Pagkatapos ng laro na ito, kailangan ko umalis dito, ano?"

A whole minute past that we are only enveloped by the silence of everything. And all I can hear pounding now is my heart racing as I wait for what he'll be saying next.

"(Y/N)." He then looks at me. His eyes dark as the frown slowly eases. "Kayo ni Goyo... mahal niyo ang isa't isa, ano?"

The question surprises me, causing me to be stunned for a second. I shake my head at once when I realize how foolish it is. "H-Hindi!"

He sighs. "Mali. Dapat tinatanong ko ito kay Goyo. Kaya, ang dapat na tanong ko lang sa iyo, mahal mo na ba siya?"

"Isidro, sa simula pa lamang, alam ko na hindi pwede. Na ang misyon ko sa laro na ito ay upang ilayo lamang siya sa kapahamakan."

"Kaso?"

Words fail me right away, causing me to close my hands into tight fists.

"Kahit hindi siya totoo?" he adds.

I analyze the flow of this conversation, remembering everything that happened in the game ever since I've arrived. I try to find for another answer of my insecurities whenever I am in the real world, how I've longed to finish this game, and how different it is being here. I guess, I've just been fooling myself even though, as he had mentioned, Goyo and them are not real. But then...

I look at him intently and answer, "Hindi siya fake or kathang-isip lang. Hindi lang siya, kayo rin, Isidro. Hindi ko sinasabi na mahal ko siya, o kayo; masyadong malalim ang salitang iyon. Pero, baka ibang sukatan ng pagmamahal. Pagmamahal na naniniwala ako sa inyo at lalo na kay Goyo na matutupad ko ang misyon ko. Naniniwala ako na hanggang sa huling sandali ng kanyang buhay, mas higit niyang papahalagahan ang Inang Bayan kaysa sa kung ano pa man."

He sighs softly and his features finally relaxes, hinting a small smile. "(Y/N), alalahanin mo ang sinabi mo. Hanggang huli, maniwala ka sa kanya."

# # #

The moment that I and Isidro return back to camp, he told me that it had been a week already since they've been traveling to reach Angeles. News scattered of an impending shift of command within the Revolutionary Army. No one knows, even Isidro, except for Goyo alone.

"Nagpadala siya ng telegrama kay Enteng noong isang araw," he told me. "Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Pero, sabi ni Goyo na kung 'di man namin makasalubong si Enteng sa San Isidro. Siguro, sa Bamban."

I asked him again of the reason, and he answered as plainly as he did earlier on that he don't know. All that he knows is them—and I—are heading to Pampanga.

However, Isidro has a guess of what could've been the reason. But, he appeared fearful when he told that to me, and he whispered, "May kumakalat na balita na patay na si Heneral Luna. Pinatay raw ng mga taga-Kawit. Sabi ng iba, utos daw ni Presidente Aguinaldo."

I shivered at his words. Thinking that the possibility could indeed be real. But, why? Why will Aguinaldo play that move right now? To kill one of his generals? Is it possible that he'll be the cause of all of his generals' death? Isn't that like a move awaiting the failure of everything?

I try to keep away from Goyo's eyes. Even from the other members of the Seven Musketeers, joining the Cruz Roja instead and only gathering information from whatever Isidro could gather.

A few more days and we've finally reached Angeles, settling at the house of some Mister Pamintuan. And there, President Aguinaldo met with Goyo, me and the rest of the troops. And the first words he says only makes my stomach churns.

He remarks plainly, "Patay na si Luna."

* * *

A/N: Follow me on twitter @23meraki for more updates. ;)

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