n. a kind of psychological exoskeleton that can protect you from pain and contain your anxieties, but always ends up cracking under pressure or hollowed out by time—and will keep growing back again and again, until you develop a more sophisticated emotional structure, held up by a strong and flexible spine, built less like a fortress than a cluster of tree houses.

* * *

A few hours later and the sky starts to lighten up a little. Dusk is breaking. At the same time that birds start chirpping and the chicken crowed, signifying the start of a new day. I've tried sleeping but no matter how hard I try, I just end up closing my eyes to make Goyo believed that I've fallen asleep. His breathing suggests that he hadn't slept, since there's an avid difference between a sleeping person's breathing pattern than anything otherwise.

Keeping my eyes closed, Goyo moves out of the embrace and the bed as slowly as possible. As if afraid that his actions will cause me to wake up when he didn't know the truth otherwise. Afterwards, I hear not only him waking, but as well as Enteng. Their footsteps against the bamboo flooring suggest their movements as they cloth themselves in their uniform, heading onward to where they are needed to be right now.

I hear Enteng from the doorway, calling softly and with urgency, "Goyo, halika na."

"Susunod ako," Goyo remarks. "Ipahanda mo na ang mga kabayo."

I didn't hear Enteng's reply after that, followed only by distant footsteps. But then, I feel a hand brushing my hair and fingers weaving onto the strands. I try all I could not to open my eyes to actually see how close we are at each other. And before I know it, all the while debating within myself, I feel the warmth of his kiss on my forehead and him saying with that hint of a smile on his voice, "Sana... mas matagal pa tayong nagkasama. Paalis na ako, (Y/N)."

Before I know it, he is already out of the hut. I open my eyes when his footsteps slowly disappear. I draw closer to the doorway but I don't have the strength to even move out to see or talk to him another time. However, from where I stay right now, I can hear him and the President conversing to one another.

"Babalik na kayo sa Tirad?" I hear the President asking. I didn't hear a reply, but after a minute, the President continues with a little dismay and worry, "Hindi magandang pamahiin ito."

I gulp in hard, wondering what President Aguinaldo means by that.

"Nasa Pasong Tirad ang mga tauhan ko," Goyo remarks without any hesitation. "Tungkulin kong pamunuan sila at protektahan kayo. At humihingi na rin ako ng tawad sa lahat ng pagkakamali ko."

"Madami na tayong pinagdaanan, Goyo. Ang importante'y makabalik ka."

"Opo, Señor Presidente. Mabuhay ang Republika."

A few more seconds passed and I hear the gallop of horses against the ground, one that finally draw me to head closer to the entrance of the hut, seeing for myself him and Enteng, astride their horses, heading on to Tirad. I watch them until their figures disappear in the distance before returning back to the hut. I take a quick look at the empty bed and the hammock before drawing closer to the window, clutching my shawl closer around me as the cold breeze sweeps in.

The thought that my last memory of him and Enteng had been them heading to an assured battle. Not to mention that it had been the same way when I've seen Isidro, Juan and Jose leave a few days ago, along with the other volunteer soldiers to create and protect the Pass. Among them, only Goyo and Enteng who return by dawn. But today, it seems they're not.

"(Y/N)?"

I turn to where the President is at the doorway, with a cup of coffee on one hand. I am about to stand and curtsy at him, but he raises his hand at me and shakes his head a little.

"Hindi na kailangan," he tells me and sighs heavily. "Kakaalis lamang nila Goyo."

I nod. "Salamat po."

He nods back at me as if he wants to say something more but decides to keep it to himself. He then returns back outside the hut, and in the end, despite knowing how futile it may seem, I continue praying for the safety of everyone currently in Tirad. Praying that they'll succeed and they can all return.

I touch my cheek, feeling a tear fall from my eyes. A reminder to me that such dream will not happen.

# # #

I know that it is a must, but... I can't tell myself that I don't have any regrets in life. Though I've received the blessing to continue doing what I must do, it is with a heavy heart that I am losing hope that I'll make it back alive. Especially now that we can clearly see from our position the town by the foot of the mountains: the huge number of American soldiers who are going to rest there for tonight before starting to trek Mount Tirad by tomorrow morning.

"Tangina," Enteng mutters underneath his breath upon seeing the soldiers. "Kung tatanungin ako, wala pa ang buong pwersa ng ating vanguardia sa mga iyan."

I gulp in hard, keeping my eyes toward the sighting of the soldiers as I tell him, "Magpadala ka ng mensahe sa Presidente. Nasa ibaba na kamo ang mga Amerikano."

Enteng didn't hesitate to follow, nodding as I've seen him through the peripherals of my vision. He then walks back, heading back to camp in search of someone to deliver the news.

Just a few seconds after he left, his position had been replaced by Lieutenant Garcia. Now on the uniform that he once used as part of General Luna's sharpshooters. The name of General Luna in my mind seems to etch a mark again in my heart; how once I've worked with him back in Manila and in Bulacan, and later be given the command to capture him dead or alive. And now, I am to pick up the pieces of everything that I've done.

"Maipagmamalaki ka ng Pangulo," Lieutenant Garcia remarks after a sigh, looking at me for a second before pinning his eyes to the sight ahead than to those below us.

Tahol, Goyo, tahol. Manuel's last mocking words to me seems to echo in my ears right now, an opposition to what Lieutenant Garcia is meaning to tell me.

I gulp in the thought of it and turn to him for a second before following where he is looking. "Nag-aalangan pa rin ako na baka galit ka pa rin sa Presidente."

A subconscious part of my mind whispers, At lahat ng laban sa Presidente ay kailangan mamatay.

He bites back a light chuckle. "Sundalo pa rin ako, Heneral."

Lieutenant Garcia's words stop my thoughts, replaced again by Manuel's words. Hindi ka sundalo, Goyo. Isa kang aso.

I immediately close my hands into tight fists, keeping myself from shaking badly.

"Kapag kailangan ipaglaban ang Pilipinas, di ako tatanggi," he continues. "Kapag bumagsak si Aguinaldo, may panibagong titindig."

Ang kinakatakot mo... ay ang hindi na siya muling maipagtanggol pagkatapos nito. I suddenly remember Pendejo's words to me last night, stopping the quiver and dark whispers in my mind. The worry, the haunting, the dread. Once again, I remember the first time I've met her back then in Kakarong. Remembering what truly pulled me to be part of the revolution. And slowly—though why only now, I may ask myself—I am starting to understand that Lieutenant Garcia is speaking right now with all the lingering and unspoken words of those who've died. As well as the words that the younger me believed in.

"Pero ito," Lieutenant Garcia adds as he holds out his hand to the view, ushering the sight. "Hindi ito napapalitan."

All I need is a little push. And right now, there is no turning back.

# # #

It seems like some unspoken obligation by President Aguinaldo to inform me of what is going on in Tirad. Just before dinner, of the same day, we've received words that the American soldiers are finally staying at the town of Concepcion. No doubt that they will start their trail of the mountain tomorrow morning, and then...

Just as I've expected since dusk, neither Goyo nor Enteng return.

# # #

I gather the men before dawn, trying to remember their faces. The gallant look of these brave men, though fearful for their lives, will gladly lay down their life for the country if needed. And this is that moment wherein regret is out of the option.

"Wala ng halaga ang ating pagdadalawang-isip mula noong maglakbay dito," I tell them, my eyes linger on each of their faces, memorizing that last moment of peace before an imminent battle between life and death tomorrow. "Dalawang tanong lang ang kailangan niyo sagutin. Ang una: iniibig niyo ba ang bayang ito?"

"Opo, Heneral," they all answer in unison, strong and loud with no hesitation. Just as I expected of them.

"Kung gayon, tanggapin kung anumang kapalaran ang sasapitin natin sa ngalan ng pag-ibig. Walang mga bayani sa bundok na ito. Tayo'y mga sundalo na puno ng pag-ibig, hindi ng galit. Matatag ang posisyon natin at makakalagpas lang ang mga Amerikano sa ibabaw ng aking bangkay." I stop for a second, hearing myself for the first time with no fear for life that too many people value. Perhaps, saying it out loud that way, the anxiety vanished and I am finally truly honest with myself. For the first time, I bare and lay down honesty, not build another wall of lies. "Kaya... ang ikalawang tanong: nais niyo bang mamatay na tumatakbong mga duwag, o mamatay sa pakikipaglaban?"

"Sa pakikipaglaban," they answer again.

I look at them, one last time, knowing that a few or most of them will die with me and others will bend down to their promise in order to save their lives. However, there's no point ensuring that they're going to keep that promise. After all, someone needs to tell the tale. I don't know who will be this and be that.

"Nawa'y maging tapat tayo sa ating mga salita," I tell them.

All I know is that there's no other end place for me but here.

* * *

A/N: I can say that nabigyan ko naman ng justice ang POV ni Goyo? Especially the last time? Not pessimist and not optimistic, just plain neutral that shows humility and acceptance. Hindi yung inisip niya na maging heroic or futile pa yung end, just embracing what he feels is bound to happen.

Ready na ba ang mga hearts niyo sa every other day na update from now until July 15 for the last few chapters of DR? Me? Matagal na akong ready. 😂😅 Four more chapters! Next chapter on Saturday~ Follow me on twitter at @23meraki for more updates, and also endorse ko lang ulit yung FLIGHT PLAN. ;)

#GoyoDeadReckoning || #GoyoAngBatangHeneralStories || #ProjectAguilaStories