I woke up early the next morning. It felt so different not sleeping beside him. I walked out of the room and down the hall. I saw Cas laying on the couch, using his trench coat as a blanket. I smiled microscopically and walked towards him to bend down and kiss his forehead. His eyes blinked open, "Dean?"

"Shh it's okay, my angel. It's only me."

"I'm sorry about yelling at you last night."

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Cas. You're the one who has to put up with a monster like me."

He sat up and held my hands, "You're not a monster, Dean. You couldn't ever become one. I know you and I know you're heart is pure. You're heart is always in the right place, even if it doesn't seem that way."

I shook my head, I couldn't even look at those deep blue eyes. "I'm not who you think I am."

Cas squeezed my hands lightly, "I don't think that, I know that."

"But I am a monster..."

"You save lives, Dean. If you're talking about Sam, that wasn't your fault."

"I'm not talking about that..."

I sat down beside Cas and buried my face deep into my hands. He rubbed circles into my back, "Dean, what's wrong, my love?"

I looked straight ahead at the wall and took a deep breath. I tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "Crowley um asked a favor of me."

Cas' comforting rubbing immediately stopped. I continued, "He told me who Sam's real killer was. H-he asked me to torture rebellious demons revolting against him. Including Meg, the one who killed Sam."

Cas took his hand off of me. I couldn't even look at him. I didn't want to see the expression on his face. "The worst part was-I enjoyed it. I enjoyed hurting them and then killing their already destroyed bodies. Crowley offered me a fulltime job doing it and at a pretty decent price. I liked it so much I was actually thinking about saying yes to it. I told you I'm a cold blooded killer-a monster."

Cas was silent for a minute. I went to look at him and in the same moment he kissed my cheek. I looked at him confused. He spoke, "You're no monster to me. Even after everything I've done, everyone I killed or everything I destroyed, you still loved me. You fell in love with me through all the flames and destruction. We managed to build a relationship atop all of that. I don't care if you enjoyed it. They aren't innocent. I know you well enough that you aren't a bad person. When you love someone you don't always agree with the things they say or do, but you stay by there side and love them anyways. Dean, I know little about love, but I know that much. I told you I'd make you okay and I'm still in the process of doing so."

"I won't take the job. How about we work that case together with Garth and them?"

"I thought you were retired?"

"I thought I was retired from torturing too. Looks like people change," I lightly smiled at him.

Cas leaned over and gently placed his lips to mine. He let go after a few seconds, "You aren't a monster," his fingers combed through my hair and rested on the back of my head, "Monsters don't love like you do."

I stared at him. The only person other than Sam to truly believe in me and not think of me as this horrible person. They could see the good in me, even if I thought there was nothing left. I grabbed Cas' hips and pulled him onto my lap.

I kissed his neck and sucked as a moan escaped his mouth. "You like that, baby?"

I gripped under his thighs and sloppily kissed up to his mouth. We slowly laid back on the couch, while I straddled him. I started unbuttoning his shirt, but he stopped me, "Woah, Dean. Let's not do this right now."

I quickly stood to my feet and rubbed the back of my neck embarrassed, "Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking."

"No, darling, it's just they really need help with the job. It's this really angry spirit and they can't seem to find what it's attached to. They already burned the bones, but aren't sure what else to do. I promise we can finish this once we get back."

I smiled, "Okay let's go. I'm back in the game."

(A/N)

*cues dramatic montage of Dean and Cas gearing up for hunting*

But I'm sorry this chapter was short, it was just a filler so I can move the story along a little faster. I promise next chapter will be longer.