DEAR FRIEND,

If you opened this letter, I now consider you my friend. You can decide yourself whether that's a positive, negative, or neutral thing after reading. Excuse the occasional mistakes I made in this letter and the potential confusion it might bring, I'm in a state of frenzy right now.

As I'm writing this, I'm fully medicated, under a spell the drugs casted on me. Colours eye more vibrant at the moment, everything seems clear. And I didn't charge my phone, because I want it to die along with me. And although it can revive by being plugged in, I'm so lonely that my only comfort is that it uses it's last percent as I breathe my last breath.

While I'm fully aware that I'm dying, alone, in my dark bedroom, which is also my living room, at an ungodly hour, — the most pathetic death in humanity's history — I finally feel as if I'm alive. It's crazy what kind of effects drugs have on one's mind, to make them think they're actually alive. It'll be over in a few hours anyway.

The guy I got the stuff from said it'd be painless, my death. It doesn't matter to me to be honest, as long as it takes me out of this world. I wonder what kind of life he has lived, to be dealing in anaesthesia for suicidal people, but I'm grateful that he does, even though that sounds morbid. It's my deathday anyway, nothing is more morbid than that hahaha... ha.. ha.. yeah...

The stuff, you might wonder what it is. Its container rests on the nightstand next to the yellow lamp that I still need to change the lightbulb of. Who cares. Just like the light of the lamp flickers and slowly fades, I can feel my life force doing the same. It's oddly satisfying. I'm already starting to black out for a few seconds at the time. Oh, by the way, the drugs, or poison if you prefer, is called Spider Lily. You know, after the flower that represents death. I've always loved them, they're so pretty.

Maybe I should've decided on a better place to die than my messy room. I might trip on one of the thousand pieces of trash, pieces that played a small part in my life, and break my neck before the drugs have stopped my heart. Haha, that would be comical.

I was told that I have around three hours to live, that won't be enough to see the sunrise. It seems that the beams of sunlight will only embrace my lifeless body and not the soul within it anymore. I don't mind. The sun has always been overwhelming, I prefer the quiet night. Perhaps it's a good idea to say goodbye to my companion, the moon. She's always been there for me, unlike anyone else in my life.

Just opened the window, and I couldn't find her because tonight turns out to be a cloudy night. I barely go out so I didn't know. At least the moon won't see me die then, that's a consolation. It'd be sad to have my only friend — at this moment because you're in the future — watch as my heart beats for the last time.

I wonder who you are, my friend. I will never find out, except if I take on a ghostly form and haunt you, but I don't believe in the afterlife, nor supernatural. No, then I'd die just to come back alive in a very unaljve way. That would suck majorly.

You could be the landlord, a police officer, an artist, my mother checking up on me after I ignored her phone calls... or a loser like me. I'll never know, but what I'd like for you to be aware of, is that I'd never mind your company. You're my friend after all, I hope you don't dip like the rest of them did.

I assume that you'll have found my body as well, hopefully not too long after my light has died out so I don't reek. My request is that you'd burn it and collect the ashes. Don't keep me contained, my body has done that for 17 years and that's long enough. Rather, take me to a place in nature that you find suiting, so I get to know a bit more about you, and spread out my ashy remains there. I bet it'll be one of the most beautiful places I'll ever visit, because I imagine you as a person with great taste. It's just an ounce of bad luck that you had to find me.

If you'll take me to my final destination by car, I have a great mixtape for you to listen to. It lasts a long time and contains a lot of my favourite jams. You can find it next to the Spider Lily container and the lamp. Your music is perfectly fine as well, of course.

Oh, side note: please don't cry if you considered doing so. I count myself lucky that I found a drug that makes putting an end to my existence, to my suffering, so easy. Peace and freedom await me, finally. A void that doesn't necessarily feels empty with a depressing connotation, just: nothing. At last.

If you're curious as to why I decided to kill myself, then I'm afraid I can't answer you. But I'll say this: my life has been one big mistake and I'm a perfectionist, so I can't live with mistakes. Notice the pun? Two and a half hours left on the clock and my life is moving so fast right now that I've started with the dad jokes already, how funny is that?

I'll go now, I still want to read some of my favourite poems and experience my last two hours on earth. I hope someone(in other words: you) will find my corpse, that'd be a blessing.

Sounds ironic coming from a loser like me, but I wish for you, my friend, to love life, to live it, cherish it, to feel it, experience it, and, most importantly, to not regret it. Don't become like me and fail to do everything I just listed above. Make sure to find the meaning to your life and to remember it, don't discard it for the sake of confirming to society, because I failed to do so and now I have 124 minutes left on the clock. Take advice from a friend, for I soon will not be able to offer any more.

Sincerely,
The loser whom the corpse in the living room belongs to

P.S. I don't think you can call it a living room anymore, if you catch my drift.