My job is kind of awful but it keeps my mind off of everything going on around me. And with all of the bad things going on around me, I sure don't mind having to work as much as I used to.

I work at a gas station just outside of town that's about a fifteen-minute walk from my house. I like working there because nobody from the town really goes out to this one because there's a better station closer to the heart of town. This one is mostly for travelers passing by on the highway who need gas and see the sign.

I meet a lot of colorful people out here but it does get boring because not many people are traveling through the heart of Iowa. I mostly just sit at the counter and sketch when I'm the only one working, like I am today.

When I was a teenager, younger than eighteen, I wasn't allowed to work by myself because I couldn't sell alcohol or cigarettes but now that I'm an adult, I can work alone which my boss really appreciates so he schedules me by myself a lot. I don't mind it. I think that I like working alone even more.

Today, I'm just itching to get out of the place though because after work, Sage is picking me up in her car and we're going to drive into town to the county lockup where Robby is staying. Tomorrow, he's officially moving to the jail that's about half an hour away while he waits for his trial.

I've been reading up on it though, and sometimes the courts get so backed up that trials take years to happen. I don't know how busy our courthouse gets but I don't think that Robby will have to wait years for a trial. Unless he pleads guilty then I guess he wouldn't have to go to trial at all. But the minimum sentence for armed robbery is five years, so I don't want him to plead guilty. Even though he is guilty.

As I'm leaning against the front counter that I've already cleaned earlier, I continue sketching the sketch that I had started about a week ago when I had first met Dex. At first, I was only using the glancing memory I had of him when I met him in the basement but since we spent a considerable amount of time together at the carnival, I think that I have a better idea of what he looks like. He's still so gorgeous to me and so terrifying at the same time.

And it's not only me that he's captivated, it's so obvious that all of his friends admire him just like Sage said. They all want to impress him, be like him, want to be his very favorite friend. They're like his little puppies. And Amber is clearly so in love with him too. Everybody just loves him. I don't even think that anybody knows why they love him so much, there's just something about him. I felt it the second he walked into the room and I think that everybody feels it too.

It's just an overwhelming rush of 'whoa' the first time that you see him and then an indescribable desire to get to know who he is. I think that he hides the real him very easily and maybe that's why everybody wants to know him, because he's such a mystery.

What does the anchor tattoo mean on his neck? What does that side-smile mean? What's hiding behind those wildly blue eyes?

I want to know it all. I want to know everything about him. I want to sit down in the grass and listen to him tell me his entire life story and I have no idea why. I want to know why he was hiding in the park with a girl who isn't his girlfriend, who is a really nice girl. I want to know who he is when nobody's looking.

Somebody walks into the store and I hide the sketch before smiling at the customer. I don't say anything to the man until he's grabbed a bag of jerky and he approaches the counter to pay for the jerky and a tank of gas so I ring him out and tell him to 'have a great day!' in my best customer service voice.

And soon after that, my shift is over so I close my sketch book and put it back in my bag so that Sage doesn't see it when she comes to pick me up. I don't even know how she'd react if she saw that I was drawing Dex. I know how creepy it is and I know that she'll know how creepy it is too and I think that she'll judge me a lot. As she should because it's a very creepy thing to be doing but I can't help it. I want to remember what he looks like because I highly doubt that I'll get to look at him a lot.

Another one of the gas station employees arrives to take over the counter, so I hand all duty off to him and I clock out in the back room before heading out front to wait for Sage to get here. She doesn't take too long to pull up to the front and I hop into the passenger seat.

"Are you nervous?" She asks me immediately.

"To see my brother? No, I'm not nervous about that. I'm nervous about what's going to happen to him though," I admit to her. "I read this story where this teenager was innocent but he still had to wait in jail for three years before his trial."

"That's not going to happen here," Sage assures me. "Stuff like that happens in big cities where they have a lot of alleged criminals but it won't happen here. You don't have anything to worry about. Besides, how do you know that he's even going to go to trial?"

"If he pleads guilty, the minimum sentence is five years," I mumble under my breath. "But I assume that they have some proof that he did it. I think that he said that they have it on tape. So I'm not sure why he wouldn't plead guilty."

"He might get a plea deal if he does," She adds. "Maybe if he turns in some of the guys he was with."

"That won't happen. He's an idiot but he's loyal," I remind her. "I just wish that he wasn't so stupid and didn't do stupid crap like this."

"I know," She says in return. "But hey, you can't feel responsible for this, alright? I know that you have a lot saved up but tell me that you won't use it to bail him out."

"I don't even think that I have enough even if I wanted to," I admit to her. "I know that he did this to himself but he'd help me if it was the other way around. So he's made mistakes, that doesn't mean that I should abandon him."

"That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that you are saving up your money to do something big. Move out of here, go to school, whatever you want to do. And you can't give that up for Robby. He doesn't deserve it."

"He's my brother," I remind her.

"Yaz, I know. I'm just saying that you have to be selfish sometimes, and that's okay," She shrugs at me. "But you just do what you feel like is the right thing. I'll support you, I just won't be happy about it."

"Thanks for that," I say with a small laugh. "I'm excited to see him. I wonder if he's grown a beard."

"Robby?" She raises her eyebrows at me. "That kid can't grow a beard, has been and always will be baby-faced, that poor guy."

"I think that he shaves it," I inform her. "They probably don't let you shave your beard in lockup though."

"No, I don't think so," She shakes her head at me and I think that she's keeping this debate up just to keep my mood up. I appreciate that. I really am just excited to see my brother but I really am getting anxious about what his future looks like so I appreciate the distraction. "We should ask him when we get in there."

"Yeah, it'll be the first thing I ask him when we get in there," I say sarcastically. Our town is pretty small so the drive to get into the heart of town where the lockup is doesn't take too long and soon, Sage is parking in the parking lot and we walk into the building together. I tell the officer that I'm here to see Robby and he takes both Sage and I into the back of the building where there's a few cells with metal barred doors and white cinder block walls.

Each cell comes with a metal toilet, sink, and a small mattress that looks really thin and uncomfortable on its metal supports that protrude from the walls. I can't imagine what it must be like to have to spend two weeks in this place like Robby has. Some of them have people in them, mostly just town drunks who probably got too loud.

But I eventually see Robby in one of the cells, he's resting on the bed reading a magazine. I'm relieved because a little bit of me was worried that since the toilet is out in front of everybody, he might be going to the bathroom or something when we walked up.

"Robby," I say his name and hurry to the bars that keep us separated. The officer stays there to monitor the meeting but he doesn't open the door so that I can hug my brother, we just have to talk through the bars.

"Hey, Minnie," He uses his pet name for me that I always used to hate but I've kind of missed it lately. "I was starting to think that you forgot about me."

"No beard," Sage adds. "I knew that you couldn't grow a beard."

"Hello to you too, Sage," Robby looks over at Sage with a confused look because he has no context to her comment. He then looks back to me and says, "You heard that they're taking me to county tomorrow?"

"Yeah," I confirm with a nod. "That really sucks."

"Have you thought about the bail money?" He asks me. "I want to come home."

"I was thinking about it but why would you even need bail money?" I ask him. "Once you plead guilty, you don't have to wait for a trial."

"Plead guilty?" He looks even more confused now than he did when Sage mentioned his lack of facial hair. "No, Yaz, I'm not pleading guilty."

"But you are guilty," I mutter slowly and quietly even though I'm not sure why I don't want the officer to hear me say that. They have him on video, how could he plead innocent against that kind of evidence. "Robby, don't they have proof? You can't win a trial against solid video evidence."

"It was self-defense," He says quickly. "And it wasn't my fault. The guys talked me into it, you know, I felt pressured."

"You cannot plead peer pressure," I inform him. "Robby, if you go to trial, you could get a worse sentence. The max is twenty years."

"Come on, Yaz, they're not going to give me twenty years," He assures me and he says it like that's just so ridiculous. I don't think that it's ridiculous though, because the judges in this town are pretty conservative. Most officials in our town are conservative. And they like filling up the jails. "I didn't kill the guy."

"I know that but just... please don't go to trial," I beg him. "Come on, that's so stupid."

"Alright, forget the bail money," He sighs and I think that I've finally convinced him of the smarter thing to do. "Use the money for a really good attorney. That way, I can definitely win the case."

"You're risking everything," I warn him. "It's twenty years, Robby. You wouldn't be able to have a family or kids. You'll never see Zero again, he's not going to live another twenty years. What if I have kids? What if I graduate college? I could go to college someday. What if I get married? I want you to be at my wedding. What if Dad gets really old and I need help taking care of him? Or what if Dad dies?"

"Yaz, calm down," He says and when Sage can tell that I'm spiraling into what I can only assume is a panic attack, she wraps an arm around my shoulders.

"A lot can happen in twenty years," I say as my breaths become shorter and I feel like I'm starting to hyperventilate. "You won't find your passion or get a good job. You could get murdered in jail. Five years isn't so long. You could still fall in love, start a family, go back to school. You could see Zero again and he loves you I know that he loves me more but he loves you too and he wants to see you again Robby please they could put you away for twenty years what am I supposed to do without you around for twenty years I could forget what you look like and you won't... you won't..."

"Can we get a chair?" Sage asks the officer beside us when she can feel me starting to lean on her more and more. It feels like my legs are giving out and I'm going to vomit. I can't imagine Robby going away for twenty years but if he goes to trial, that's exactly what could happen. The man that he stabbed seemed like a totally respected man so I think that makes it worse when they're deciding a sentence.

Even if it isn't the full twenty years, it could be ten or fifteen and those are awful too. Five years is bad but I think that it's manageable.

The officer comes back with a metal folding chair and I take a seat before I collapse and I try to catch my breath but it just isn't coming to me and I'm still panicking, trying to picture what twenty years without Robby would look like.

"Hey, Yasmin, calm down," My brother tells me from the other side of the bars. "That's not going to happen. I know that it sounds doomed right now but I do have a shot at getting out. Don't even think about it as five or twenty years, alright? I could just get out and come home within the month. Don't be so pessimistic."

"You can't leave me alone with Dad."

"I'm not leaving you alone at all," He promises me. "Look, just trust me, alright? Just trust me."

"Yaz, I think that we should go," Sage suggests from beside me.

"No. Sage, just give us a few more minutes," Robby tells her but I think that she's right. I'm absolutely freaking out and Robby isn't helping at all. I think that he's being completely stupid about this whole thing. He can't just tell a jury that his friends made him do it and they'll just understand and let him go. He can't really think that refusing blame is going to keep him out of jail or prison.

"She's right," I sniffle and I make sure that I'm not dizzy anymore and that my legs can support me before I stand up again and Sage loops her arm around mine for support. "Be careful, Robby."

"I'll be careful, I promise. This is all going to work out," He promises me from the other side of the bars. "I love you, Minnie."

I reach through the bars and hold his hand just for a moment and I tell him that I love him back before I walk with Sage back to the front of the building and sign out with the officer, who looks sympathetic now.

Out of the building and back in Sage's car, she clears her throat and then says, "Well, that sucked. What do you want to do now?"

I put my head in my hands. "I have to go walk Zero."

"Okay. So let's pick up the dog, grab some food, we'll have a cute little picnic in the park," She suggests, trying to think of ways to get my mood up after that disaster of a meeting with my brother.

"Sure," I decide with a nod. "That sounds fun."

I know that Sage can be hard to deal with sometimes but when times get tough, she's a fucking rock. And I don't know what I'd do without her here to help me through this.

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I just started my new story, O Highway I Travel, on Radish! Cover and description are below. Let me know what you think!

Hello world,

I have been travelling the world for four years, seeking new adventures and meeting new people. I have fallen in love in Spain, learned how to surf in Peru, and walked along the Great Wall of China. I'm always looking for a new way to get my adrenaline flowing, and I'll document all of my adventures here on my blog, O Highway I Travel. I will share tips and tricks and I've learned along the way and keep you updated on where I am on my adventure to see the world.

My next stop: Hawaii.

I hope you stick around to see what kind of crazy trouble I'll get myself in during my visit to The Aloha State.