~De-crowning The Kings~

~All Rights Reserved~

~© 2021 Shmittylove_~

Aaaah.

An overdose of helium from the sun is what I need right now.

Groaning, I kick the heavy fleece blanket off my feet. I get up quite quickly, which does no justice to my throbbing, hammering of a headache.

Groggily, I look at my surroundings and find that I'm, A) Not in my room. B) My outfit has magically turned into boxer shorts and a guys sweatshirt. C) I'm totally freaking out. And D) I keep on sniffing the sweatshirt like I would cocaine.

After trying to think about what could have possibly happened last night I get nada.

I quickly make the bed as best as I can, because trust me, your bed won't look like the Queen's when you are half alive, half deceased, and half me.

I swear on stale bread I get A's in maths.

After I'm done, I notice two sticky notes on the headboard. Ripping them off, I read the first one which says.

How's your hangover hanging?

The second note says, Get the fuck out of my clothes.

I resist the urge to look down at the clothes I'm wearing because, God does it look like I had morning sex.

But if morning sex smelt this good, boy would I have it everyday.

Oh God no.

I make my way to the door opening and closing it. Realising I'm still at Jake's house, everything starts flooding back and I let out a cat like sigh of desperation.

"You look like crap." A voice by the stairs states.

"Adam, right?" I ask remembering the twins, Leo and kiss.

Screw life.

"You look like you've done that already." Aiden's head pops up.

"Done what?" I ask confused.

"Screwed life." Leo says passing me two Asprins and a glass of water.

Finally, someone with some sort of sense.

And how the heck are they doing that?

Blushing, I ignore their comments putting the pills in my mouth.

I nearly choke on my water when I realise I have absolutely no idea where Amy is.

"Jake already dropped her off." Leo says smirking.

I nod my head skeptically, fricking Edward wannabe mind reading weirdos.

"We're not vampires." Aiden says laughing.

"We're certainly not weird." Adam chirps in.

"We don't read." Leo muses.

"And our jaw lines aren't crooked like Edward from twilight." They simultaneously say, smiling creepily.

I stare at them for a good twenty seconds then run in the opposite direction, screaming and thrashing my hands in the air.

I probably look like Kevin from Home Alone, but I'm in a room filled with privacy invaders so who cares.

I end up in the kitchen, and sitting by the marble counter, eating fruit loops is the one and only, Phoenix Mason Ash.

Everybody clap hands for my screwed up life.

Thank you, thank you. I managed to do that all on my own-

"Stop fucking staring and leave." The dumbass rudely interrupts my moment of screwing.

"Well good morning to you too, grumpy old man." I reply rolling my eyes.

"Till you showed up-it was." He muses.

I make my way towards him and sit on a chair across from him.

"So, peasant. Make me food." I say ignoring his previous comment.

Phoenix drops his spoon in the bowl he is eating from and stares at me.

"You remember nothing?"

Blurred images of last night surface in my memory and I cringe.

"I'm guessing that's a yes?"

My brain stars wrecking around for ideas or plans and I respond with a curt "Nope."

"Well I don't believe you."

*Light bulb goes on moment*

"I remember how I got here. How you made me climb over a fricking fence for nothing considering there was booze everywhere." I fume throwing a banana at him, which hits him square in the face."

"Did you just hit me with a fucking dildo?"

I take an apple from the fruit bowl beside me and throw it at him, which he dodges effortlessly.

"And this dear ladies and gentlemen, is how I know your too damn innocent because you don't swear and you have no idea what a dildo is."

"You don't even know me, we literally just met like yesterday." I say looking away blushing-knowing he is right.

"And yet your wearing my clothes."

I blush even more, and I'm pretty sure he is smirking, even though I'm not looking at him straight in the eye.

I get up from the chair and make my way to the door.

"I was only joking! Where are you going?!" I hear Phoenix shout.

"Home!" I shout back.

Thank goodness I live a few blocks away from here.

All I now need to do is explain to my parents why I'm in guy clothes and where the heck I was last night.

*Horray*

Luckily for me, when I got home my parents where not there. I had taken a quick shower, eaten breakfast and changed into some grey sweatpants-leaving Phoenix' sweatshirt on.

For heaven's sake, he smells like fricking mint chocolate with a tinge of caramel!

Since it was Saturday today and it's past three pm, I'd made up my mind that I would tell Amy everything today or on Monday and till then I went to the park.

The park was in the centre of my suburb and when I got there, there were quite a number of children-along with their parents.

Sitting on a park bench away from all the commotion, I rest my head on the bench and close my eyes taking in some vitamin D.

"Mind if I sit down?"

I slowly look up, squinting my eyes. "James, son of James? Off course you can dear sirè." I say playfully.

James sits down besides me and we start chatting. We spoke about how he recently just came here from London to spend his final year as a high schooler with he's parents. I asked him what school he was going to attend, and he said he would be going to Brantford—the same school his brother which is the same school I go to.

Although I'm pretty sure people are going to like him. And considering he was at Jake's party yesterday, which was a 'Prece only party' he'll probably end up being one.

We got a tub of blueberry and vanilla ice cream which we shared. We didn't end up finishing the ice cream because, some kid at the park dropped his ice cream in a sand pit.

We first laughed at the child, then felt bad so we gave him the remainder of our ice cream- which he dropped in the sand pit too.

Like, the ice cream was in a fricking tub!

Some people just can't be helped.

James walked with me all the way home before the sun set because this girl has a curfew set by me and :

I kinda turn into an Olga at sunset.

Perks of being me, my hangovers last for hours.

And yes, I've been drunk before. Big deal. It's just a little bit of experimenting before college.

Turns out this butterfly is nothing but a fly.

Okay-maybe a moth.

I was now watching the first episode of season 4 of 'Lucifer' when the doorbell rang.

Not bothering to pause the TV because, I can always just admire how good Lucifer looks in a God damn suit over and over again.

I dramatically open the door wide, and loo and behold, the one and only Mash that is Ash and has a Phoenix in his name; is standing by the doorway smirking.

"Loving the shorts." Phoenix says barging in. "They hug you back the same way a mirror hangs on the wall; straight, flat- with a tiny nail for support."

(A/N: oh loorrrd. We all need some milk😭😭😭💅👆)

"Excuse me." I fume, slamming the door. "You don't just barge into my house, with your dirty ass shoes, body shaming like your penis is as big as your ego."

"Wowww." He drawls. "Did you use Wikipedia to get dirty? Because a few hours ago you had no idea what a dildo was."

I turn crimson red, "I-I'm not dirty." I spit out "And I used the scientific word for dick."

Phoenix tries to hold back a laugh, "I'm pretty sure the scientific word for dick is in French. In that case I'll take a big guess and go with lè pènis. Or lè pìpi. Or lè-."

I quickly cover my ears making a beeline to the TV room and raise the volume high enough to drain Phoenix' voice away.

Mr mash potato, aka Phoenix; plops himself down on the couch next to me.

"What are you doing here anyway?" I ask, my eyes zoned in on the TV screen.

"We need to talk." He says sighing.

I roll my eyes in return, "About?"

Phoenix hesitates before speaking. "Our kiss."

I go dead still, the fart face remembers.

Marvelous.

"What about it?" I ask, pretending to not care yet I'm literally shitting myself in the inside.

"I was thinking we could like, I don't know-kiss?"

I look at Phoenix weirdly.

We already kissed.

Phoenix scratches his head and sighs, "Look, I don't want to do it no more than you do. But I gotta make Candice jealous somehow."

"And us kissing infront of people at school will do the trick?" reply snorting.

"Don't pretend you don't want all of this." He says gesturing at his body.

Rolling my eyes, I punch his arm and my knuckles crack; in which he responds with a laugh.

We fall into silence and Phoenix gives me his version of puppy dog eyes : a wink, smouldering look, a pout and gesturing of his 'all of this' body.

How original.

"Fine." I huff. "But could you stop, you look like a constipated pig trying to shit out bacon whilst twerking to WAP in the wind."

A smile tugs at his slips and he just shrugs. "Shut up."

And...stupid mash potato is back.

Two minutes, highest time so far.

"But, you've got to do something for me too." I smirk.

"You want a piggyback ride?"

Ass.

"If you gave me a piggyback ride, I'd probably stab you in the back so no. Although-its quite tempting."

"Haha, very funny. What do you want?"

I cross my legs on the couch and face Phoenix, "So Valentine's day is on Thursday and there's a dance at school. And instead of having two separate parties like there usually is; you dear potato, are going to come up some sort of plan to conjoin the two parties into one-."

"Is that it? I expected more from you, love." Phoenix interrupts.

I take a plum from the table and aim for his face but the plum lands up on the floor.

"Love, why are you always attacking me with fruit?"

"Hush peasant." I say slapping my hand over his mouth which he licks.

I resist bitting back a comment, and instead wipe my hand on his jeans.

"As I was saying, you are going to do all that I just told you right now, but-on Wednesday during lunch. The all so mighty and knowing king, will come up with some romantic idea and ask to take me to the dance infront of everyone." I finish off smirking.

Phoenix thinks about it for a moment, "Now why would I do that?"

I laugh for about a good ten minutes before I calm down, "Because 1) I told you too and you have no say or choice. 2) If you think about it-I'm kinda helping you with your whole lovesick Candice crush thing you have going on. And 3) I have my own reasons."

He remains silent then nods. "I'll do it, but I'm not singing shit from Shawn Mendes."

I wave him off, "Never liked the guy. But I'll give you two song choices by Jus baby that you will sing."

"Who the fuck is Jus baby. Is he some cheap and fake version of Dababy?"

I look at him in absolute shock, "How the hell do you not know who JB is?!" I ask frantically.

Phoenix pouts and his eyebrows furrow as he is thinking. "J Balvin?"

"Justin Bieber dude, Justin Bieber." I say smacking my hand on my forehead.

Phoenix rolls his eyes, "Oh, that teddy bear crazed freak with a voice higher than a baby on helium?"

The fuck. Did he. Just say?

I tackle him onto the ground and he falls with a thud. Sitting on top of him I haphazardly punch him.

"Who the fuck (punch) Do you think you are? (Punch) To say such shit (punch) about Justin (punch) Beiber."

Phoenix gets ahold of my hands and flips us over putting them above my head.

"Would you care to explain to me and your parents why you were straddling me, love?"

"Straddling you, I'll fucking strangle you, you piece of potato."

My parents-

Holy shit.

Still lying on the floor I look up and see both my mom and dad staring at me amused.

"H-hey mom, dad." I say nervously.

I squirm out of Phoenix' grip and stand up faster than I can say shit, and try and tame my tangled hair.

"So-how was work?" I ask clapping my sweaty palms together.

"Oh hunny, don't mind us. We'll just go back outside and pretend to not be eavesdropping on your conversation." My mom says then both her and my dad dash outside.

The author of whatever 'how to raise your teen 101' book that they read needs a slap from me.

And maybe raise a teenager too.

Phoenix looks at me about to burst into fits of laughter.

"Baby or Yummy are the two songs you can choose between. Now get out." I say still red.

"Love, I'm not going anywhere. Well not until you tell me what LeBron James' name is in French."

I shrug my shoulders and push past Phoenix, "I don't know, Lè LeBron James?"

"Lè LeBron James huh?" Phoenix mutters as he walks over to the front door.

"Well goodbye fellow Beliber. I will see thee on Monday and enjoy the rest of your show!" Phoenix shouts as he reaches the door.

(A/N: Lucifer episode one season 4 spoiler👇. Don't read if you haven't and still want to watch🥀)

"Oh and by the way, Chloe has no idea how she feels about Lucifer in the episode. Some shitty beekeeper dies and as they investigate his murder Cain-Abel's brother from the Bible goes to LA and tries to kill Lucifer. But considering there is a season 5, I don't think he dies."

Soon after, he slams the door shut and before I can even go on a swearing banter, my mom walks in with a huge grin on her face.

I think my life has STDs because of the number of times it's been screwed today.

Because screw my life.

I am officially the best author in the world for this longs ass 3000 words chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed it has much as it made all my fingers cramp for the past two days. Do we we ship James + Ellie=JAMIE. Or Phoenix + Ellie=ELLINIX. Omg I so need help with their ship name. At the top is Billie Eilish with 'You should see me in a crown.' Please don't forget to vote and comment and share. I'm just gonna go and mark this book off as mature cz of the swearing I guess. And this book has legit 99 reads*cries* one more pleasseee. Omg I love Justin Bieber, stupid Mash potato.

Lots of fricking love!