At Metropolis High School, Nathan, Dick, Jason, and Tim are mowing the Football Field.

Nathan, Dick, Jason, and Tim: Bam! OOOOOOOOHHH!!!

Tim: Yeah! Finally done!

Jason: Yeah-yuh!

Nathan: [heard someone crying] Hey, who's crying?

The heroes looked and saw an eighteen-year-old muscular red-haired bully named Baran Flinders sitting on the bleachers, crying.

Nathan: Baran, are you crying?

Baran: No! Crying's for ladies, like you! I don't cry!

Cut to the boys' locker room. Baran is sitting there, crying and naked in the showers. The Shadow Warriors are knocking on the door, to no response.

Dick: Dude, he's been in there for hours.

Jason: Baran. Baran! Baran, are you taking a shower so we can't see you crying?

Baran: No! It's... it's just the sound of the water hitting the drain!

Nathan: Dude, what's wrong with him?

Then, two delinquents named Johnathan Crane and Mikron O'Jeneus approach the hallway.

Mikron: His girlfriend, Doris dumped him last night.

Tim: (surprised) What? Baran and Doris were boyfriend and girlfriend? I guess he likes a woman with junk in a trunk.

Jason: Baran, just come out. We can talk about it if you want.

Baran: No! I don't talk about my feelings with anyone! Leave me alone!

Nathan: No use, man. Let's let Mr. Chapin deal with him.

Cuts to office. Chapin is talking to the Shadow Warriors.

Chapin: So it's come to my attention that Baran's been dumped. And he can't do his job because, I don't know, he's sad or something. So guess what? You four clowns are gonna pick up his work for today!

Dick: Aw, what? I'm always sad.

Tim: I'm sad right now.

Nathan: Can we get someone else?

Chapin: No. OK, let's see what we got here...

(A montage scene begins with fast-paced music)

Chapin: Task Number One: Dig out the rotting stumps from the picnic area. Watch out for hornets' nests.

The Shadow Warriors are wrenching out a stump when a nest of hornets attacks them.

Chapin: Task Number Two: that guy who thinks he's a knight is back.

Brandishing shovels, the Shadow Warriors are avoiding trash thrown by the knight.

Chapin: He's built a castle out of old mattresses at the creek. Get him out of there! And finally, there's the daily maintenance of the school garden.

The young heroes are standing on tiny stumps in a manicured sandbox, sweeping it carefully.

Nathan: Augh! This is impossible!

Tim: Who knew Baran was responsible for so much stuff? We gotta convince him to start working again.

Jason: Yeah! Why should we do his work?

Dick: Alright, let's do it.

The four jump off the stumps and walk off the sand.

Tim: I won't miss this job. Raking that sand took...

They look back and see their hard work ruined by their footprints.

Shadow Warriors: F*************************************************!

Cuts to the school cafeteria. Baran is at the table eating Muscle Maker 3000 straight out of the jar with a spoon. The Shadow Warriors enter.

Nathan: Dude, you gotta snap out of it. Chapin is making us do all your work!

Baran: I can't work. I'm busy stuffing my face hole!

Nathan: Look, I know you're upset, but you gotta move on.

Baran: I'm not upset! I'm... I'm...

Baran breaks down in tears, which soon become high-pitched wails. The Shadow Warriors watch with their eyebrows raised before Dick places his wing on Baran's shoulder to comfort him.

Dick: Come on, dude. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

Baran gets up and follows them from the room. The guys are now at Metropolis Mall.

Nathan: Alright, Baran. Grocery stores have tons of available women.

Baran: I don't know, McKnight. None of these ladies are as hot as Doris.

Nathan: Dude, man up! Check this out: that girl is single.

A pretty young woman is pushing a shopping cart nearby.

Baran: How can you tell?

Nathan: Check out her cart. American cheese singles, a single serving of soup, and who buys one banana? And I don't see a ring on that finger. So what are you waiting for? Go get her!

Baran: (Approaching the young woman) Uh, hey, you're a chick. I was wondering if you wanted to... I can't do this, man!

Baran rips open his shirt to reveal a DORIS tattoo across his muscular chest.

Baran: This heart beats for another! (falls to the floor and sobs) Doriiiiiiiiiiis!

Cuts back to Baran at his house, Baran is sitting naked in the shower, crying, as the heroes knock on his door.

Nathan: Baran. Baran!

Jason: He's never going to come out. There's no way we can help him.

Crane and Mikron appear at the Shadow Warriors' side

Crane: There is one way. We gotta get him back together with Baran.

Carne and Mikron led the Shadow Warriors to Doris' house.

Nathan: You two sure this is where she lives

Carne nodded and then Doris burst through the door, taking out the trash.

Doris: What do you losers want?

Nathan: Look, Doris, we don't want any trouble. It's about Baran.

Doris: What about him?

Dick: Well, he's pretty miserable without you. You should give him another chance.

Doris: Hah! I'm not getting back together with him. That's over now.

She walks away, but Dick looks determined and follows.

Dick: Look, I know how Baran can be. He's annoying, he smells, and he pretty much has no common decency for others, but he's still human, and he has feelings. We all do.

(Inspirational music starts)

Dick: We're just fragile beings looking for someone to share something with. To laugh with. To love.

Doris looks mesmerized and sees Dick, looking extra-handsome, in a field of stars, ignoring what he's saying, until...

Dick: ... and that's why I think you should get back together with Baran. Well, I guess we'll be going.

The guys start to leave but Doris chases and grabs Dick's hand.

Doris: Wait! You. You had such a way with words. Muscle Man never talked to me that way. He didn't like talking about his feelings. But you? You're different.

Dick struggles to release his hand.

Dick: Oh... Will you excuse us for a minute?

The guys go outside the garage.

Dick: Aw, sick!

Mikron: Ohhhhh! She liked you, she liked you! Ha! Ha! Ha!

Dick: Dude, shut up!

Nathan: Dude, you should go out with her!

Dick: What? Are you serious?

Nathan: Dude, if you just play along with it, you can dump her. Then, she'll go running back to Baran for sure.

Dick: Augh! Alright, one date.

Doris rubs her face and body on the store window, much to Dick's disgust.

Jason: Better make it three or four just to make sure the dumping takes full effect.

Dick: F**k you.

Dick goes back outside.

Dick: Uh, do you wanna, um, you know, eugh, go...out?

Doris: (throws herself at Mordecai) Yes!

Dick: [gasps in horror]

A montage begins: 1. Doris and Dick enjoy tacos from the Taco'Clock truck, Doris gets taco all over her face and then accidentally spits it at Dick. 2. The Shadow Warriors at Sweet Justice as Doris bicycles past and blows a kiss, which Dick ducks to avoid.

3. Dick and Doris attend a baseball game, and as Dick tries not to be seen, Doris munches on a turkey leg, before the two of them appear on 'kiss-o-vision on the Jumbotron. She tries to kiss Dick but he fights her off.

4. At the beach, Doris asks Dick to rub lotion on her back and rolls over onto her front. Dick sees three names on her back tattooed but scores out Baran, Steve, and Baran. A fourth name isn't scored out: Dick. He runs away and the montage ends. The Shadow Warriors are back at the mall.

Nathan: Dude, did you dump her yet?

Dick: No.

Tim: Come on, man! Get it over with! I don't wanna do Baran's work anymore. I'm exhausted!

Dick: I know, I know. I'll dump her.

Inside the mall, Dick and Doris are eating pie. Doris has a dreamy look in her eyes while Dick looks disgusted. She licks her lips suggestively, causing him to choke slightly and drop his fork.

Dick: Look, we gotta talk.

Doris: (gasp) You got some pie on your lip. I'll get it off!

Doris dives across the table and kisses Dick on the lips.

Dick: Augh, get off of me! (pushes Doris away.)

Doris: What's wrong, dumplin'?

Dick: I'll tell you what's wrong. I don't like you. ("Like you" echoes four times) I don't think we should see each other anymore.

Dick gets up and walks out, while Doris sinks onto her stool, depressed.

(Cuts to outside)

Nathan: Dumped?

Dick: Dumped.

Nathan: How'd she take it?

Dick: Mmm, she took it well.

A table launches through the glass window of the mall, sending the boys scattering. An explosion soon follows, and from the wreckage comes a huge, monster version of Doris with bloodshot eyes. It lets out a blood-curdling roar.

Shadow Warriors: (screams)

(Chase music)

The four boys run to the cart. Nathan tries to get it to start. Nathan tries to get it to start.

Nathan: Come on! Come on, come on!

Doris catches up to the cart and grabs onto the back of it just as Nathan gets the ignition started.

Jason: Go! Go!

Dick: Drive! F***in drive!

The cart weaves down the street as Doris tries to climb to the front.

Nathan: Hold on!

Nathan makes a quick turn and Doris is thrown back onto the road.

Tim: Yeah, we did it! She just got tr-rashed!

Doris appears in the side mirror, catching up quickly on foot.

Tim: Oh no! Go faster! Let's go faster! Step on it!

Doris barges the cart repeatedly but loses pace as they all enter the park. Here Doris grows to several times her usual height and stamps on the ground, causing ruptures to appear. The cart tumbles down into a pit of lava, with the Shadow Warriors just leaping from it in the nick of time.

She follows again, punching the ground to cause another earthquake and destroying dozens of trees. She also destroys the mattress fort down by the creek, causing the man who thinks he's a knight to open a portal to another dimension and escape. Meanwhile, the chase continues through the park, destroying the fountain, as the boys take refuge behind the rock.

Jason: Look out!

A tree, thrown by Doris, nearly hits the boys, crushing the tent extension building instead as the duo escapes. Doris keeps on throwing trees as a helicopter appears.

Channel 6 News Helicopter Reporter: We're live at the park, where reports of a crazed woman on a rampage...

Doris launches a boulder at the helicopter. The reporter screams as the helicopter catches fire and plummets to the ground, killing him. Meanwhile, the Shadow Warriors have made it to Baran's house, where they pound the door.

Nathan: Baran! Your ex's gone crazy and she's wrecking up the city!

Baran is naked in the shower again.

Baran: Huh?

Nathan: Dude, you have to talk to her!

An approaching appears over their heads as they gasp in horror. It's Doris, dive-bombing the house. The four of them dive out of the way just in time. Doris chases them on. Baran, wrapped in a towel, emerges from the bathroom to find his home ripped in half.

Baran: Doris?

Cuts to the school. The Shadow Warriors are inside blocking the door as Doris tries to batter the door down with a streetlight post.

Dick: I guess this is it, dudes.

The door comes crashing in and the Shadow Warriors hit the floor. Doris' eyes are glowing red with fury.

Doris: [monstrous] Grayson!

Dick moans in fear, but Baran appears through the hole where the door used to be.

Baran: Babe! I can't stand to see you like this. You gotta stop!

Doris groans angrily in response.

Baran: Oh... I guess I'll just go.

Nathan: Dude, Baran! She's right there! Say something to her!

Baran: (nervous mumble) I think you're foxy when you break things.

Doris groans angrily again.

Dick: No! From here. (points to his heart)

Baran: (sigh) Doris?

Doris turns around to face Baram.

Baran: I can understand you're upset. When I look at you, I think of someone I know. Someone fragile and vulnerable deep down. Someone who has feelings. That someone is me. Baran Theodore Flinders.

Doris: Huh?

Tim: [chuckles] His middle name is Theodore?

Baran: I've been so upset since you left me, baby. You're the light of my life. The fire that burns in my heart. The one. Doris Zuel. Will you be my Muscle Woman?

Doria: Baran...? Oh, Baran!

Baran: Doris!

Baran and Doris run to each other in slow motion.

Doris: Baraaaaan!

Baran: Dooooris!

The couple collide into each other in a sea of flab, and we are treated to a close-up of their French kissing.

Shadow Warriors: [disgusted] Aw, sick!

Doris: Aw, Baran! I've never heard you talk about your feelings before!

Baran: You know who else doesn't like to talk about her feelings? My Mom!

Doris: (laughs) Oh, Baran! You have the best sense of humor.

Doris jumps into Baran's arms, and he carries her down the stairs away from the school.

Baran: Aw yeah, baby. You know I love it when you destroy property.

They kiss again.

Jason: As much as I wanna vomit right now, those two were made for one another.

Dick: Agreed.

Tim: This was the most disturbing day of my f**ing life.

Nathan: Yeah. Maybe we should have just done Baran's chores and get extra credit.

The End