I feel like Ontario has a retort to all the main five of why they're better then him

California's arguing that he's more progressive? Ontario argues Canada has always been more progressive 

Texas says he's one of the biggest states in the union? Ontario's bigger then him. (Alaska laughs in the background) 

He doesn't speak some butchered version of French like Louisiana 

It's cheaper to live in his biggest city then it is to live in New York

....I don't know what the brag about Florida would be "New Brunswick* may be bad but at least it's not you." 

(*I'm sorry to anyone from NB, my dad's originally from there so I've Heard Things)