Narrator: (Ben) In a nice change of pace we cut to a castle in Fife. Lady Macduff and Ross are chatting.

Ross: (Ohio) Ope. You need to be patient.

Lady Macduff: (Hawaii) Bruh. I didn't even wanna do this dumb play with you mainlanders.

Ross: That's kinda rude.

Lady Macduff: No rude is the American government seizing my land from my people and turning it into a vacation spot and a backdrop for cop shows!

(Beat)

Lady Macduff: And my husband leaving for England or something.

Ross: Ya know what I'll do, I'm going to make you some nice skyline chili. (leaves)

Lady Macduff: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

Son: (Rhode Island) Ya know what I wanna do...

Lady Macduff: Awwww you're so cute!

Son: What? I'm doing murderous revenge stuff over here!

Lady Macduff: I could just eat you up!

Son: (speaks in New England) I wish I were dead.

First Murderer: (West Virginia) Well that can be arranged.

Lady Macduff: Who in the lower forty-eight are you?

First Murderer: I'm West Virginia.

Lady Macduff: There are two Virginia's?

First Murderer: I'm the better one.

Virginia: (off screen) NO YOU'RE NOT.

First Murderer: Anyway. I'm here to kill you on orders of M****.

Lady Macduff: Y'know what. If it means not having to deal with meetings anymore, fine. Kill me.

First Murderer: Wha.

Lady Macduff: Just bury me next to Jack Lord, he was pretty cute back in the day.

Narrator: We cut to England. Malcolm and Macduff are having a chat.

Malcom: (District) And that's why I should be a state.

Macduff: (Michigan) Pretty sure 'because I said so' isn't a reason.

Malcolm: That's how you got Toledo!

Macduff: How dare you??? That war killed like...one person!

Ross: (crying) OH IT'S AWFUL! It's terrible!

Macduff: What happened?

Ross: You're still alive!

Macduff: WHY YOU-

Malcolm: WHOA WHOA before we have a repeat of the Toledo War. What happened?

Ross: Macduff, M**** had your wife and family killed!

Malcolm: WHAT?

Macduff: I was MARRIED?

Ross: Yes! To Hawaii!

Macduff: AND TO THE HOTTEST STATE?

Pennsylvania: (off screen) That's (speaks in PA) it, you're sleeping on the couch.

Macduff: I mean other than you!

Malcolm: M**** has finally gone too far.

Macduff: Oh now he has, not after your father was killed oh no, now it's too far.

Malcom: Get my brother from Ireland. We're gonna raise an arm, kill M****, and put me on the throne!

Ross: Ope, Florida is currently face down in a pub somewhere.

Malcolm: Well fine guess it's up to me then.