Forewords

forewords::edited

guys, i've posted this in /bunnievip

and attention people, this is a YAOI fic ^^

anyway, here is the forewords..

cast::

DBSK::

Jung Yunho
Kim JaeJoong

fictional::Hyowon as JaeJoong's sister

(YUNJAE/JAEHO coupling)

This is a story about the love between two men..
And the fact that sometimes love hurts..
When the have to be separated by death..
The one leaves and the one remained in pain..
And nothing can heal the wound..
But there is a thing that can hold the sadness..
It's a melody..
The Melody..

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Chapter 1Me and Him

I ran through the rain. I was franticed with worries and fear. The fear of losing him. I lost him once, and I don't wanna lose him for the second time. I don't care if I was soaking wet, all I thought about was him.

Then suddenly I heard a melody, it really brought back a memory. The memory that I couldn't deny, it stucked in my head. Subconsciously, that moment popped back into my mind. It was so vivid, as if I went back to the past...

Two years ago.. That day.. It was nine in the morning...

*Flashback*

I was walking around the park, nothing was in my head untill that voice drowned me. I heard someone singing, the voice was adorably beautiful. I planned to satisfy my curiousity by taking a peek. So, I walked inconspicuously to where the voice flew from.

Surprisingly, it was a guy. A guy with a beautiful face and voice. I was amazed by how pretty he was. It's like falling in love at the first sight. I managed to sneak up on a tree. But he turned back as he heard some noise.

He saw me. He walked towards me between laughter.

I just stood there blushing.

Then he asked my name, " Hallo, what's your name?"

" I.. I'm Jung Yun Ho..." I stuttered looking down the ground.

" Hey. It's not nice you know, not looking to the person who's talking to you." He treated me like I'm a five years old or something.

So, I nervously looked straight to his direction. He was smiling.

" I'm Kim Jae Joong.." He said to me, still with that smile on his face.

The smile that I wouldn't forget...

*Flashback ended*

Since then, I always went to the park hoping that he's there. Fortune was only on my side, he was always there.We got along well, untill we became lovers... DUNG!! A sudden pain knocked my head.

I shook my aching head. It was so hurtful but peaceful at the same time every second I think of him. I couldn't help it, t was going out of my control. Suddenly, memories of him appeared again..

*Flashback*

" Jae Joong-ah. Sing me a song.." I caressed his hair gentlely.

" What song, Yunnie?" He asked me. Holding my hand, it was very warm..

" That song you wrote.. I wanna hear it."

" I'm not finished yet, and I'm not gonna sing it untill it's done."

" Come on.." I urged him. I really wanted to hear his voice.

" Okay. But under one condition." He smirked.

" Anything.."

He pointed as his lips, I understood what he meant. I smiled pulling his body to mine. He hugged me, I put my hand to his cheeck. We were inches away. He pressed his lips to mine. We kept kissing untill minutes after that, he stopped.

" I'll show you, just the reffrain. Okay?"

I nodded in agreement.

Fly away... Fly away... Love...

I remembered his soft voice and that beautiful melody...

*Flashback Changed*

That night.. At the park.. It was raining.. Just like today...

" What are you talking about??" I asked Jae Joong who was in front of me.

He took a deep breathe, " We can't be together anymore, Yun Ho.."

I walked to his back, hugging him from behind. "I know today's our sixth month aniversary. You're such a pranker, JaeBo."

" No, I'm not playing pranks with you, at all.."

" Hahaa.. JaeBo, it's not funny, you know. You don't have a great sense of humour.. Hahaa..." I managed to force a laugh.

" Don't laugh like that, Yun Ho.. I know you understand.. Don't act that childish.." He said, I thought he was going to burst into laugh or, hug me back, or kiss me softly like he always does.. But what he did was nothing like I expected. And more than that, he never calls me Yun Ho, and I thought he was just making the play he acted to be more genuine or something.

" Please keep your hands off me.." He pushed me, but I won't let go.

" No.. Your joke is stepping the line, Jae Boo.." I said leaning down my head to his shoulder. That time, I knew it wasn't a joke at all. I still didn't want to believe that it was true.. I didn't let go that shoulder...

" Yun Ho! I'm in love with someone else!" He pushed me again, this time a lot harder. I fell to the ground.

" What did you say... " It wasn't my body that hurts. A great pain stabbed me right in my heart..

" I fell in love with someone else." He calmed himself down..

" Who is it.." I said under my heavy breathe.

" I'm so sorry, Yun Ho. I gotta go."

" Wait!" I got up, running after him. " Just tell me, who is that guy?"

" No. I can't tell you.. I'm leaving now."

" Jae Joong ah.. I'm begging you. I just want to know.. Who's that guy?"

Once again he took a deep breathe, " No. It's not a guy.. It's a girl.."

I closed my eyes.. Geo Jid Mal.. I can't believe this..

" I'm so sorry. Bye, Yun Ho.."

" Jae Joong, I have one last request.." I pulled his hand.

" What is it?" He turned back.

" Please, for the last time.. Call me Yunnie.."

" I can't... I really can't.."

He pulled his hand back, I saw a girl standing still and the left as his voice faded away with the rain..

*Flashback ended*

That was the last time we spoke. We never met untill today.. I really hate myself that day cause' I couldn't do anything about it.. I was meaningless, month by month I spend without doing anything. I never went outside, I isolated myself. Because I was so scared if I go out, I would see him again. I was to afraid to face him.

At least until a phone call came..

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How is it? I really hope it's not bad! Plizz leave a comment.. Hikss.. Much love!

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Chapter 2Fate

I was drinking cans of beer, like I always do when I remember about Jae Joong.. Wishing I could threw out all of our memories along with the blood that fall down from my hand. A hundred times people ask me why does my hand bleed. And a hundred times I always tell lies. They believe me that it's cutt acidentally, but the truth is I cut my own hand. Whenever I feel frustated and stressed, whenever I'm not able to hold it anymore, I take a razor blade, and let it dance on my hand causing so much blood running down from it.. Especially when night comes, and it's all black..

You see, my life is a mess since he left me.. I don't know what I used to be anmore.. It's like I don't have a purpose of living. I don't have an families to support me, or a friend to even say hi. I was about to do the exact same thing, my mind was on that sharp and dangerous blade, I took it and without hesitation I let it cut my hand again, after thousands times. The fresh red blood that came out was like nothing but pure water to me. I wander why I never run out of it, maybe the devils were on my side. They won't let me die too easily, so I would suffer more and more until they're satisfied. I heard the whole world were laughing on me.

Atleast until that ringing phone blured my mind..

" Hello. Yun Ho.. Jae Joong's in the hospital right now.. Please come see him.. "

The call was tonight..

" Where is it???"

" Hanguk Hospital.. Room 103"

Tuut...

I hung up, I didn't know who called but I didn't really care.. What I know is I straightly ran outta my room, and now I'm here.. I never think that this moment would actually come, it's too fast.. And I didn't know if I was ready, but it's for Jae Joong's sake. He needed me that time...

The ground was slippery, I once fell down. But I quickly got up. I thought it was suppose to hurt, but I felt numb. I felt no pain at all, cause' my heart already swallowed it all. Thinking how frightened and painful JaeJoong was fighting himself... I saw at the blood that's on the ground, but I ignored it..

As soon as I got to the hospital...

103.. 103.. 103.. That was the numbers in my mind.. That was the numbers of the room right in front of me, but I was too afraid to open the door. I was too afraid to face him again, although I desired to.

" Yun Ho?" Someone tabbed my back.

I turned back, without saying a thing.. I could still remember that night.. She was that girl, that girl that Jae Joong left with. The girl who stole his heart.

" Why do you ask me to come here?" I finally spoke.

" Oh, my God! You're hand is bleeding!!"

" Don't mind! Now tell me what's happening!?"

" I'm Hyo Won. I'll explain later.. Now, could you please let the doctor check on your hand first?" She stared at my left hand where there are so many scratches on it.

" I said don't mind it, I don't wanna make it as a fuss.. Please, he needs me now. I gotta hurry!"

" Up to you, then.. He is waiting for you.." She oppened the door for me, giving me the way so I could walk in. I took a deep breathe.

" I'll leave you two alone.." She closed the door shut.

In front of me, I saw a guy lying on his bed. I almost didn't recognise him, he's so skinny.. His face looked so pale.. Oh God, what have You done to him... I walked towards him.. He's Jae Joong.

I leaned down, caressed him cautiously so he won't get up. It's been so long since I haven't touched him like this..

Then his eyes slowly oppened.

" You're.. here..." His voice is very quiet.

" Yes..." I tried to hold my tears to fall down. My blood ran cold seeing him like that..

" I'm.. happy..." He smiled. " My life won't be long, you know..."

" Don't say that.. Now I'm here with you..." I whispered to him.

" God! Switch me with him, let me feel his misery! Don't make him suffer like this!" I screamed in my thoughts.

" Yun.. Ehek!.." He coughed.

" Sssh.. Don't talk too much.."

" I have.. to tell.. you some..thing... I just.. want you.. to know that.. I always.. love you.. Saranghee.."

" Nedo saranghee. Sssh.. I know. But please, don't talk anymore.. Please rest.." I was really scared if I would lose him again! That is the last thing I wanted in this world!

" No.. I won't.. I won't.. rest in peace... if I don't.. ask you this.. Do you forgi..ve me..?" I held his hand, very tight.

" Of course I forgave you..." It's more then forgiveness.. It's love..

" I'm ve..ry .. glad.... Yunnie...."

TUUUUUTTTTTT.... His eyes fluttered a moment then he breathe his last...

" DOCTOR! DOCTOR!" I screamed so loud as soon as I oppened the door.

" What happened??" Hyo Won asked me curiously.

" Jae Joong!!" I could only screamed his name.

She just stood there, her tears were flowing. But she was speachless. I ran in the room, the doctor and nurses walked in the room calmly doing nothing about it.

" What the fuck is wrong with you people!? There's someone dying here!! Do something!!" I yelled full of emotion.

Still, they didn't listen to me. The doctor closed Jae Bo's face with a blanket.

" What are you doing!? I told you to do something! Why aren't you giving an effort to do anything!?" I pulled the doctor's collar, tears running down my face. But I felt like it was more like blood.

" Yun Ho! Stop it!" Hyo Won hit my hand, trying to sepperate me from any problems that I would cause.

" Stop it, Yun Ho.. Let Jae Joong oppa rest in peace.." She said between tears as if she prepared to his death.

" What are you talking about!? He's not death!" I yelled at her.

" Yes! He is! He knew it's his last day!!"

" You two.. This is a hospital.. Please be quiet." A nurse said.

" What do you mean... He's still alive.." I cried, ignoring the nurse.

" Yun Ho.. Please.. Don't make this situation more complicated."

" But.. But..." I still couldn't believe that he already died.. Since almost a year, this is the first and the last time I met him..

" I'll tell you everything.."

"..." Finally, I could face him.. I could touch him.. I could hear his voice again..

" I swear.."

" You better explain to me well.." Now, it's all gone... I would never ever be able to feel them anymore..

But I decided to hear her explanation... Cause' there are so many things walking in my head. The truth was still unclear. My life was so empty with all so many unanswered questions.. And I just knew somehow, Hyo Won got all of the answers.. I need them and I guess this is just what fate decided...

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Chapter 3

Fate

(double posted)

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Chapter 4author's note

I double posted!Sorry!haha..

A lil' information..I'm having exams next week, so i dunno when wil i update again. But i'm still workin on it.. so,much love..

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Chapter 5The Truth

The next day...

It was his funeral day. The sun shone very bright. But for me, the world was dark. I was too blind that everyone sees so many colors. Green of the leaves, blue of the sky, but for me the world was just black and white...

YunHo, " You better explain to me well.."

Hyo Won, " The truth is..."

Flashback...

" Hyo Won, I put my faith in you. Can I trust you for this?" Jae Joong asked Hyo Won.

Hyo Won nodded as a sign that she approved, " Of course you can, oppa. I will do anything for my oppa.. But, what should I do?"

" Just stand there but don't say anything, ok.."

" Doesn't he know that I'm your sister?"

" Of course not, do you think I'm that dumb?" He smiled forcefully.

" Okay then... But are you sure you wanna do this, oppa..."

" I'm more then sure.. I don't want him to be worry.."

" But, why me.. Why not.. Another guy..?"

" Cause' if I tell him that it's a guy. I know.. He would do somethin'. Something unpredictable.. But if I tell him it's because of a girl.. I'm sure he wouldn't do anything about it... That's why.."

" I see.. But he's your lover.. Why don't you just tell him about your cancer.."

" I told you, I don't wanna make anyone worry, especially him... And before it's too late, I better end this up.. And I thought you said you'll do anything for your oppa?" He smiled.

" Urgh.. Oppa..." Hyo Won cried on his chest..

End Flashback..

I never thought that he did that.. For me.. I was left by him full of regretness. I stared at his grave.. The sorrow I felt over his death was too much to bear.. But I didn't wish he'll come back from the death, cause' I've experienced things in life. And I knew that wishing for miracles like that to happen was just a waste of time. Hyo won convinced me that Jae Joong wanted me to move on after he died. So I didn't make a single tear. So he would rest on His side peacefully without any burden in this world. Particularly, because of me..

But I noticed, I wouldn't get the power to forget him, even days, weeks, months, years, or maybe centuries.. Cause' time is just pointless. All I could do is wait till' I don't know when.. Maybe until someone cure my inconsolable heart or when the devils pick me up to the hell..

Flashback...

" This is where Jae Joong oppa recorded his voice.. I got them all in here, it's just two of them...Untill he lapsed into his deep coma..... He couldn't even flicker a smile... " Hyo Won handed a tape recorder to me as she wiped her wet cheek.

I sat and she left me speechless. I didn't do any movement with the tape recorder in my palm. That feeling just appeared again.. A cowardice to face his voice again after a great shock of his death.

But I clicked play, anyway...

" CRUSKK SRuSKK.." Is it workin'? It kept causing a cracky voice..

" Hyo Won, ahh! Is this thing recording already??" Then I heard Jae Joong's voice. I laughed a bit thinking how sucks he was with technology.

" Yeah! Start talking, oppa!" Hyo Won's voice

" Eheem.. 23 November 2007.. Haii Yunnie. It's me. Maybe you wonder why I record this. I just want to tell you something. Probably, when you got this record, I'm already gone. But, I really want to tell you things that I couldn't say to you back then... I'm sorry for breaking your heart that time. I was lost in my own mind and I didn't have any idea but breaking up with you. I thought if I can make you hate me and forget me, you won't cry if I'm gone.. Okay, this is getting a little dramatic.. But, I guess when you hear this, you've cried already haven't you? Mianhae... Ehh... Hyo won, can you leave for a moment? It's kinda private. ... Good, Mianhae Yunho... *sob* I really don't want to leave you but I know, time is running fast and as long as I'm with you, I'll break your heart even more. And so does my heart. *sob* Yunnie... for the last time, I'm sorry... " and the first tape ended.

I cried as I lost half of myself. I felt guilty for keep thinking about myself. I never thought of your feelings. If I knew this faster, I would've let you go. But I was too late...

Hyo won offered her handkerchief. I accepted her white and gold handkerchief, It seemed like I've seen something as similar as this one before...

*Flashback*

"Jaejoong-ah, do you have any tissues? My mucus is leaking" I said as I trying to hold the back the nasty liquid. "Eww... I don't have any, but I have a handkerchief, though. You can use it." Jaejoong said, giving me a white and gold handkerchief.

"This handkerchief is so pretty, where did you buy it?" I asked, still staring at the handkerchief. "I made this myself. Hey! IT'S DROPPING!!!" I quickly shoved the nasty water with his handkerchief before a single droplet touch the floor.

"It's still leaking out. Geez, lemme help you!" He said as he started to wipe my nose water. My face blushed, I start to think some 'scenes'. "Yunho? OH MY GOD YUNHO!!! YOUR NOSE IS BLEEDING!!!! LET'S GO TO THE HOSPITAL!!!!"

*flashback ended*

Yeah... this is his handkerchief... I'm so sure because I can see his name is written on it. I laughed again, remembering how panicked he was. In fact, it was nothing. "Jaejoong-ah..." I mumbled as I wiped my eye drops but it just can't stop flowing.

" Are you okay...?" Hyo Won woke me up from my fantasy.

"I'm sorry.. All of a sudden, I remember something... I think I'm goin' for a walk.. "

I brought the tape outside the hospital. That park... is all I can think about. The park where he broke up with me... The park where I met him for the first time... The park where our relationship began and ended... That memorial park...

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Actually I just wrote one and a half pages in this chap with my friend, Ji Yul. She helped me a lot on finishing this chappie! Thanks for that, Ji Yul chan! And for all readers, thanks for the comments! And I'm still waiting for another comments and for a silent reader who's finally willing to give comment for me. COMMENTS ARE WAITED, NEEDED, LOVED, APPRECIATED, and WELCOMED!

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Chapter 6The Melody in Me

The memorial park was just steps away from where I was. I walked without any desires to live. You might think that I'm stupid, but if I'm right, I had no other reason to continue on living. He's not even here anymore. And what was left was just pieces of broken memories.

The night was cold, I imagined a warm hand held mine along the street... But when I oppened my eyes, the road was empty. No one was there but my own shadow following my way through.

I closed my eyes. If there's any miracles in this world, I was hoping that if I open them. He would stand before me, comforting me with his soft eyes.. Assuring me with his voice.. But, guess what? There's no such thing. This whole world is just too cruel to make me believe that such a mythical non-sense does exist.

I sat under a cherry tree playing the tape and listened to each word silently.

"CRUSKK SRuSKK.."

" 27 November 2007.. Hi, it's me again, Yunnie.. this has been the second time for me to record, I'm so sorry.. Cause the doctor said I have to rest, or I might lose my voice.. But, I've recovered! Anyway.. I want you to listen very carefully after this..."

A melody was sung...

Barami Momun... Gu Sigan Jocha... (Even that time when the wind stays)
Naegen nomu mojarangeol (Its not enough for me.)
Hanbone Miso... Majimak Insa... (I smile one more time and give my final greeting)
Saranghamnida gudel... (I love you)

Shigane Jichodo... Sarang-e apado... (I am tired now and love hurts but)
Gu Shigan jocha chuogigo (Even if that time is just a memory)
Majimak Insa.... Haneyo....( I have to give my final greeting.)
Saranghamnida.... Saranghamnida.... (I love you, I love you.)

Fly Away... Fly Away Love...
Fly Away... Fly away love....
Flay away... Fly away Love...
Ne.. Seng-e... dan hambone sarang-a anyong.... (In the afterlife I will greet my love again)
*Voice driffted down*

"How was it, Yunnie..? You have any idea what that was..? It's the song I promised you.. Remember? I've finished it already... It's called Insa... You know? It means greeting.. It could be the first greeting or the last greeting.. I don't know which one is it for you... *starting to cry* Do you know? The lyrics are inspired by a person.. A person that I love the most in my life.. Although it won't last any longer... *sob* ha..ha.. I'm such a cry baby..." " Mianhae.." The tape paused for a few minutes..

" Yunnie.. Do you wish you can make the time move slower..? I do... So, I could touch your face again.. So I could be... beside you... Without this cancer chasing..." No.. I wish I could turn back the time.. I don't want to make it move slower.. You'll die as well, stupid...! If I were in the past, I would've done everything so we could be together... Together.. Until we meet our end... He was keeping silent to hold his tears dropping.

" Why don't you answer.. Yunnie..?" His voice began to quaver. His mental became unstable.
" Don't hate me for what I've done..." Oh my God... I can't stand hearing this no more! My heart was breaking every second...

" Uhuuk! Uhhuk!" It was a hacking cough.. A door swung oppened. " Jae-oppa!! " Hyo Won screamed through her lungs. I have no idea what just happened. Then a thud told me that he just fainted, I could tell the tape fell right beside him. Because it was a very heartbreaking moment when I listened to his deep breathe clearly.. I remembered he used to be a strong person... But just now,. he sounded so.. weak... And I wasn't there for him... Somehow.. I heard him saying, "Saranghae.."

That's how the last tape ended...

*Flashback Ended*

Everybody's mourning for his death.. I was squatting down om the graveside, hugged him for the last time before he was finally burried..

The Pastor made a quick speech as he lead a prayer. I knelt and pray from the bottom of my empty heart...

Jae Boo... I'm so sorry... I couldn't be with you through your hard times... I wasn't there when you fought your disease... I wasn't there to support you... I wan't there to accompany you at night.. I wan't there when you felt increadibly lonely.. I wasn't there when you couldn't even reach for your glass, I wasn't there to take it for you.. I wasn't there when you felt bored.. I was just there five minutes before our last farewell.. But I wasn't there when you needed me! I just.. wasn't there... And it had grown to be the deepest regret in my life. I felt like a fool.. No.. I AM a fool.. I'm the biggest fool in the world..

Suddenly a light wind blew.. I heard a calming voice whispering to me.. "Yunnie... Stop it.. Stop torturing yourself with those thoughts.. I'm happy now, and then... Nothing is binding me... So.. Leave, move on.. Let me be.. Let us be.. Let our memories scatter in your heart.. But don't forget them.. And me.. Cause' you'll always be in mine..." The voice faded away...

I'm sure it was Jae Boo.. In a short second, it calmed my emotion down.. Thanks, Jae Boo. For entering my life once, you brought a lot of happiness to me.. I promise to make you proud of me.. I know you're watching up there... Behind the cloud, over the rain..

I looked up the sky and smiled, "I won't forget you..." I wish my voice can fly away through the wind. I know you hear me there...

For the first time, he believes that miracle exists... " I'll always keep you in my heart.. Cause' you're the melody in me..."

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This is the last chapter of my story! I know! The story flows so fast and it's so dramatic, somehow it changed so drastically! Gahahahaaa.. I'll miss this fic, too! I had so much fun writing this story.. Hehehee.. Although sometimes I went clueless for what'll I write next, but I'm gLad I finished it! I thought it was gonna be like, three chappies but then my plot changed a bit, so it ended up bein' 4 chapts! Lol. Anyways.. I can finish this fic, all because of you!! All of readers! Thankyou so so so uncountably muchh!! Lol.

Special Thanks for..

JiYul-chan! Who helped me a lot trough the last two chappts and for the helpful ideas! Love ya, my best friend!!

And all who comment this fic! It's because of your supports! Thanks! And see my others fic would be wonderful too..
This is the Yaoi's ones..
/Bunnie (Fictional,JaeHo,SeungRi) info:: A half straight a half yaoi
/slave_bunnie (JaeChun)
Straight ones..
/Kim_Bunnie (Fictionals, BigBang, JaeJoong)
/bunnie_boo (Suju and fictional)

Newest one, Yaoi
/Bunnie_Flirt (JaeHo)
Straight/Yaoi Collaboration one
/Ji_Sang_Nie (DBSK,BigBang,SuJu,Se7en,Rain,JoLin,Eun Hye,Jay Chou, and us! Hahaha.)
JiYul. SangHwa. KimBunnie.
They're all still worked on! So, this is my first story to be finished. Hehheee.. So commentos would be ver very lovely, foe siLent readers.. Come on! This is your last chance to comment this fic, so!! (This is quiet my motto) Speak up our mind!!! Let it out!! Hahahaa.. Much love.. Kim Bunnie.
e-mail : [email protected]

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Chapter 7Author's Words

Special Thanks Part 2-

JiYul
Callie20
Kelly
ayumi
WinGZeRO
luchia
Sang Hwa
N1T3
Vivian
And all of the commentors that i didn't mention!! (Sorry!!)

-OST-

The Way U Are-DBSK-Opening Theme
Insa-Hero DBSK
Beautiful Thing-JunSu DBSK-Ending Theme

MUCH LOVE.. XD
See you at my other fics! (If you visit me there..) Lol

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Chapter 8Blank

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Chapter 9Bitter Sweet melody's Review! ^^

BitterSweet-Melody

Sunday, December 30, 2007
The Melody by Kim Bunnie

Title: The Melody
Written by Kim Bunnie
Reviewed by Kiwi & Strawberry

Poster/Background: 5 pts

Personally, I love your poster because it does match up with your happy-go-tragic storyline. I also love the smaller pictures that you have added onto the bottom of it; YunJae is a very sweet couple in my opinion. ^_^

Title: 5 pts

Your title indeed a catchy one since this is the very first time I have came across one like this. Besides, it goes very well with the story you have written. Great job!

Forewords: 8 pts

I hope that you won't be offended with the points I have decided to give you on this field and the reason I have given what I did was because your forewords didn't introduce the readers toward the story or tell them about the main characters. Next time, please write a small summary about the story or add more info on the characters so that it will give the readers the urge to read on.

Creativity and originality: 20 pts

Your story is pretty unique to me since I rarely into Yaoi and I found it pretty entertained. Great job on thinking of such a great storyline!

Flow and Writing Style: 20 pts

Your writing style is quite unique and creative since you have written most of the story as a flashback, which is new to me. The flow of your story is very good and not too drag-gy like some I have read.

Spelling/Grammar: 19 pts

You spelling and grammar are Ok and pretty good since you have said that it isn't your first language! But next time please has someone edit it for you before posting for better quality. I would be honor if you want me to ^_^

Overall Enjoyment: 5 pts

You story has leaved a very good impression on me and has introduced me into a whole new way of spreading my imagination, and not to mention that it has led me into writing stories like this. Thanks!

Bonus points: 5/5

Total Score: 87

Posted by bittersweetmelody at 10:15 AM

yay! thanks to Bitter Sweet Melody and of course Kiwi&Strawberry for the review!! ^^ I just saw it like a minute ago, i know it's kinda late! and i dunnno how to comment there, so hopefully they see this chapter! ^^ much love..