Y/N stayed over even after dinner. She stays over more frequently the past few days because her parents always come home late and my Dad felt worried about her being alone. Doctors are great but having them as parents, I don't think so.  Hers are never home but maybe not all of them are like that. I wonder how she feels about it. She always seem happy on her own though.

"Hey, what's this?" She asked after she helped me with the dishes. She was pointing at the box of donuts I brought home.

"Donuts." I told her and opened the box to get one. "Want one?"

Her eyes lit up. "They look yummy!! But what are donuts?"

"What?" I stared at her in disbelief. Is it possible that someone at this time and age doesn't know about donuts?

"You really don't know?" I asked her again just to check if she was joking but she looked completely clueless.

"Uh, it's fried dough with different flavors. Try one." I said with a slightly sarcastic tone.

"I really didn't know about it because I'm not allowed to eat sweets but I love chocolates." She picked the chocolate dipped one and licked some of the chocolate that was stuck on her fingertips.

"That's weird." I told her. "But you eat chocolates."

"Yeah. I hid them and sneak it into my room." She mused as she take a third bite.

I laughed at her, watching her fingers get sticky with chocolate then she licks it. "You're so sloppy! Use a tissue."

"But it tastes better this way." She grinned at me and took another bite off the donut, making her eyes light up again. "This is so good!"

"I know. It's one of my favorites too." I said and  picked up another donut. "But it can really get you fat. Be careful." I teased.

"Getting fat is the least of my concerns." She replied, licking her fingers again. "I don't want to dwell on things that are not so important. I mean, keeping a fit body is good but is there anything more important than being happy?"

What she said resonated in me. What else is more important than being happy? What does that actually mean? To be happy. How can you be happy when everything is just wrong?

"Why are you not allowed to eat sweets?" I asked her, thinking there must be a special reason than keeping cavities away.

"I don't actually remember why. My parents just told me to avoid it." She tried to think back but failed to recall. "Anyway, it doesn't matter. I eat sweets from time to time. I remember the first time I ate a chocolate was when someone from the hos—"

I looked at her when she stopped abruptly as if she bit her tongue. What was she about say? "Someone from?"

"Just someone. I don't remember most of it. I was young." She laughed it off. "So yeah, I ate the chocolates and my parents found out. They got really mad and even caused trouble for the person who gave it to me."

"Maybe they don't want you to get fat." I joked, looking over at her to tease her again. "I mean your cheeks are starting to get more chubby."

"Really?" She questioned then checked the reflection of her face on the closest thing she saw. "Do you like slim girls or chubby girls?"

She turned back to me, her eyes glued to my face. I got a little shy so I turned away. "What's that got to do with your fat cheeks?"

"I wanna know what boys like." She answered. She always sounds like she's joking but right now, she's pretty damn serious.

"I don't know.. I haven't thought about it." I replied half heartedly. "Ask Hoseok. He'll give you a more accurate answer."

"I was asking you." Y/N sat herself on top of the kitchen counter.

"Why me?"

"Because you won't lie to me." She said.

"How do you know that?" I looked up and met her eyes.

"Because we're friends." She sounded so sure like there was not a sliver of doubt in her voice. No, she was sure of it.

"If I were to like someone.. I would not like them only for their looks." I gave her the best answer I could think of.

Y/N nodded her head once. "Jungkook, ask me the same question."

"I should've known you're not serious." I rolled my eyes at her but she begged me and followed me around until I ask her. So I did.

"Do you like slim guys or fat guys?"

"Neither!" She grinned. "I want guys with a firm, muscular build and has good body proportions."

"So you're all about the looks?" I raised my eyebrow. "That's shallow."

"At least I'm honest." She crossed her arms.

"I was being honest too." I told her as I take the trash out to the backyard.

"Not completely!" She was following me around like a lost puppy. "Boys like pretty girls with big boobs and butts."

"Boys can like girls with small boobs and butts too." I argued with her just to prove a point. "Boys are boys but we don't only fall for physical appearance."

"Hmm." She didn't look convinced. "Tell me. Do you like anyone at your school?"

"Not at the moment." I replied truthfully as I sit beside her on the porch. "You should come to my school."

She released a deep sigh and looked up at the night sky. "I wish I could."

"Convince your parents." I said to her but I understand that it must not be easy for her because if it was, she'd already be attending school. "I could ask my Dad to talk to your parents."

Y/N shook her head no.

"I thought you wanted to go?" I questioned her true intentions. "So why not?"

"Because it's just a daydream." She answered with sadness in her voice. "A short-lived dream that I will forget about soon."

Y/N went home and then I went back to my room afterwards, opening my closet and finding it still there. Waiting for me.

I wanted it. I knew I did. But now, why don't I want it as much as I did before?

🌼

Today is my therapy day.

"You sure you don't want me to come with you?" My Dad has work so I just asked him to drop me off.

"I can manage with these." I told him and waved my crutches at him. "I'm pretty good at this now."

"Okay. Just call me if there's anything you need." He said and I waved him off so he won't be late.

I will go through another cycle of chemotherapy. It sucks and it's painful but I have to do it because it gives my Dad some peace of mind. It still gives him hope that I will be completely cured of this thing.

I did the usual tests before the session. They collected four tubes of blood from me and stuck another needle under my skin for my IV fluid. They gave me medicine to stop me from feeling nauseated. It doesn't stop it but it helps. A little.

I know all this stuff by now.

Then I have to wait until the therapy session is done before I can go home. It takes me more than half a day because I need to stay awhile after so they can monitor me. I took a new drug today. The doctor said it's something stronger. More aggressive with cancer cells than the one I was receiving before. Yep, I'm like a guinea pig now.

They try new stuff on me. Because there's no fixed cure for Cancer, I was told and I believe them. People won't be dying from it if there was a cure. At least I get to help and maybe I could save someone else by doing this. To find a meaning in suffering, my English teacher said that that one time. I didn't understand it before. Now I kind of do.

I hold a pencil in one hand and placed my sketch book in front of me. I drew the one thing that's on my mind. An window.

With the curtains being gently blown by the wind. The window was left open. Like an invitation to a world that you want to escape to. There all the things in this world will be forgotten.

There was a girl sitting on the sill of that open window. Her eyes are curious. She was looking up, watching the clouds, daydreaming.

Maybe she was dreaming of flying in the clouds. Maybe she was dreaming of going to school, Maybe about boys. Maybe even donuts. Who knows.

She was living in that dream.

I drew the usual smile on her face and then move to add some touches on her dangling legs when I realised something.

She never wore shoes.
Her feet were always bare and I never cared to ask why.