3: break my bones




A month ago, I feel like I could do anything. I felt limitless. However, now, I sit on a hospital bed, dreaming of going outside and doing the things I used to do. I want to be able to run again or even just walk without help from these stupid crutches but I know that's almost impossible as I stare at my leg.

"Good morning Jungkook." Nurse Han came into my room. He smiled at me brightly as he pushed in a trolley with my medications on it. "How are you feeling today?"

"Same as yesterday." I sighed as I watched him pull the curtains back and lightened up the room. I started with my chemotherapy sessions this week. My Dad thought that it was better for me to stay at the hospital during my treatment so it won't tire me too much, driving back and forth to the hospital everyday.




"You ready for your third session?" Nurse Han washed his hands before touching me. Everyone does it because, apparently, I'm at a greater risk of getting infections because of the chemo drugs. Some of them can lower my immune system as I have been told.

"How many sessions do I have left?"I asked, reaching for my laptop and placing it on my bedside table to keep me entertained while Nurse Hand prepared my medications.

"Three more then you can go home but you'll have to come back after a week." He said and proceeded to do his job. He took my hand and checked my IV site. His hand came on my shoulder when he noticed my grim expression, "No one likes being in a hospital. Trust me, I know but you'll get used to it. Anyway, you have me. I'll keep you company."

I tried to smile at his attempt to comfort me but a sigh still left my lips. I removed my hoodie so he could attach the lines on me then I moved to a comfortable position, "Don't you have anything better I can wear than this hospital gown? It's really not my style."

"Sorry. That's the only clothes we have here." He laughed, "And it's hospital policy."

Nurse Han left my room and I turned to my laptop, choosing a movie. I figured I'd watch an animation today. I like watching animation and dream that I could live a cool life like that. Though I used to.

The doctor talked to us again today and informed my Dad and I of other options to remove the cancerous tumor from my body. He told us the best way was cutting off the part where the cancer cells attached itself before it spreads to other parts of my body. He added that there's a great chance that it could be stopped since I'm still in the early stage and the margin of cancer cells are still easy to determine.

I didn't understand what he meant by that but, I know understood one thing from the entire conversation, my leg needs to be opened up and some part of my bone where the cancer had spread needs to be cut out. They call it, Limb-Salvage Surgery. Sounds like a lot of pain.

"It could have a good outcome and Jungkook can recover quickly with physiotherapy." The Doctor said. He glanced at me from time to time but he was talking to my Dad most of the time.

"But?" I asked, making the Doctor look at me. One thing I noticed about hospitals is that they always give you the good news first and then the bad news follows. "There's got to be something negative about this."

"Jungkook." My Dad spoke to me in a hushed voice.

"Unfortunately, yes." The Doctor placed both of his hands in front of him, clasped together. "Even though there is a good chance that the tumor might be removed. There's no certainty that it will be completely gone. One characteristic of Cancer cells is that they multiply fast and they are difficult to eradicate. They tend to grow back and that happens quite commonly."

"What can we do if, in case, that happens after Jungkook's surgery?" My Dad moved closer to the edge of his seat. It hurts me to see him so hopeful about this only to be robbed of that hope in the end.

"The best option is Amputation." The Doctor turned to me with the expression I hate the most. "We may need to cut off his leg to save the rest of him. That is the only way."




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"Jungkook, I brought your favorite food." Dad came into my room, carrying a bag off food from home. I caught a whiff of the scent I used to loved but now it just brought me discomfort.

I felt so nauseous and everything just makes me want to throw up. It's good that Nurse Han was there to quickly placed a basin in front of me. I vomited into it, I feel it coming up from my throat and I felt too weak to stop it. I just kept hurling even when I probably puked everything in my stomach.

"It's an effect of the medications. Don't worry." Nurse Han talked to my Dad as he hand me some wipes to clean my mouth with. "It's normal to have nausea and vomiting."

Nurse Han left us in my room. I felt a little better after vomiting and I found a comfortable position on the bed. Dad sat himself beside me and placed a hand on my head, "I know it's hard for you now but it'll get better. My son is strong and he can get through this."

I bowed my head down and fought back the immense sadness that was eating me up inside. I feel sorry for everything. I feel sorry for making so much trouble for him. He drives back and forth from home and the hospital and on top of that, he has to go to work everyday. He doesn't have enough time to rest. I felt ashamed to be called his son when I can't do anything for him. I felt bad that I'm the reason behind his hardships.

For the first time, a tear fell onto my hand and I couldn't stop them anymore. His arm went around my shoulder as mine shook from crying. I can't believe I'm crying like a little boy in the arms of my father. My fist crumpled his shirt but he didn't mind.


A smile was on his lips as his hand patted my shoulders softly and his voice was gentle to my ears, "The last time you cried like this was on your Mom's funeral. You were so young and so brave. You have always been strong, our Jungkook."

"I'm sorry if this is the only thing your father can do for you." His hand was warm. I felt like I was a little boy again. I was brought back to those days again when I used to cry a lot because I missed Mom. I would go find my Dad and cry as he hold me.




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