10

Mickey is definitely overreacting. He's known James for four months at most, and the term love is a bit overused at this point. He mulls over his recent thoughts as he lays down and decides it must be the planets. There must be some kind of retrograde-or-other making him feel emotional. He can also chalk it up to loneliness, and his uncanny ability to cling on to the first person who so much as breathes in his direction.

He decides he's not in love, and he might not even have a crush.

He likes James a lot, as a person and a friend. But he doesn't know why it should be more than that. James has never hinted towards being anything other than straight, and Mickey doesn't want to act like he has. James is just really good at making people feel as if they belong, and that's something Mickey has longed for for a long time.

Mickey reckons he made a mountain out of a molehill.

He talks to Millie Yoon about it, because she's nice to him, and she wouldn't make him feel stupid about his ever-changing feelings.

Her hair is black again — dyed after the last Hogsmeade trip — and she's got on dark pink lipgloss that leaves a mark on her cigarette every time she takes a drag. "Benji's the same way. He gets carried away with people."

"I don't want to," Mickey says. "He's with Lily now, and it's weird. We're getting really close, and I've never had a friend who is genuine with me the way James is. I don't want to ruin that by being a creep."

"First of all, you aren't a creep just because you like someone." Millie pouts at him, eyes concerned. "Do you think you aren't allowed to like James?"

Mickey shrugs. "Not just James. I can't like any boy. Not really. Not unless I want to get beat up. Or get my crush beat up. Roman already suspects I like James. He suspects I like every boy I hang out with. Maybe I do, I dunno."

They're in the Clocktower Courtyard, sitting in front of the giant pendulum and trying to study for their upcoming potions exam. Really, all exams should be in the forefront of Mickey's mind, since there's only a month or so left in the school year. Mickey should be worried about spending yet another summer with his dad and brother, not about liking or not liking a boy.

His first draft is already finished, and Millie has a thing about gossip breaks after milestones. Mickey doesn't mind, since he doesn't really have anyone else to talk to about this predicament. Adam is an option, but he is also really good at making Mickey feel bad about stuff he shouldn't feel bad about. Mickey doesn't like putting himself through that.

"You shouldn't be around Roman or your dad," Millie says. She snuffs the butt of her cigarette into the wooden floor and gives Mickey a pity-filled look. "Sirius is talking about getting an apartment this summer. Benji and I are probably going to move in with him."

Mickey accepts a cigarette when Millie offers it, forgetting to honor his promise to himself. He lets her light it for him and takes a long drag. "You don't expect me to move into an already crowded space, do you?"

"Nah," Millie waves his skepticism away. "Sirius lives with the Potter's, you know. Mrs. Potter has a thing about sheltering all of James' troubled friends."

"What's your point? That I'm a troubled friend?"

"No!" Millie rolls her eyes and laughs. "I'm just trying to say that this summer, Sirius will be gone. There will be a spare room at James'. I know he'd let you if you asked, so don't be afraid to find solace there if it gets to be too much at home."

"Oh." Mickey feels warm in his chest. "Thank you for telling me."

-

"You smell like smoke," James greets Mickey in the quidditch practice room. The game against Ravenclaw is in thirty minutes, and most of the Hufflepuff team are already out on the field, doing practice drills.

Mickey pulls up his socks and ignores James' presence. He begins unbuttoning his shirt.

James sputters. "W-What are you doing?"

Mickey scoffs and looks up at James in disbelief. He notices the bespectacled boy's neck turning pink. Is he embarrassed to see a boy shirtless? Hasn't he changed around his own team before? Maybe he's more private about that kind of stuff.

Mickey isn't. He leans back on his palms and cocks his head to the side. "I'm getting dressed, Jimbo. Are you sure your glasses even work?"

James pushes his glasses up his nose on impulse and swallows thickly. "I know that, just, like— I mean, why?"

Mickey furrows his brows and then giggles, shaking his head. He shrugs his dress shirt off of his shoulders and balls it up before throwing it at James. "The game is in thirty minutes..? Hand me my jersey, please."

James ruffles his hair and turns around quickly. "Okay... Jersey, got it. The one with Einstein on the back, right?"

"That's my last name," Mickey sighs. He stands up and approaches James. As soon as the boy turns around, Mickey places his palm on James' forehead. "Are you feeling alright?"

James backs away like he's been burnt. "I don't— Listen, Lily's waiting for me in the stands. I'll see you later."

He's halfway out the door when Mickey calls him back. "Wait, Jimbo!"

James turns around, looking pained.

Mickey kind of wants to mess with him. So he smiles at James; beams from ear to ear. "Wish me luck?"

James chokes. On what, Mickey doesn't know. "Good luck, then. See you after the game."

-

James walks out of the practice room feeling like he needs an entire bucket of water poured onto his head. He leans against the wall for a minute, struggling to recollect his thought and figure out why Mickey flusters him so much. He thinks maybe it's because the boy is so damn tricky. James never knows exactly what Mickey thinks of him, and that scares him.

Lots of things about Mickey scare him. He doesn't really know what to do about that.

He walks across the field and up the stands, taking his seat beside Lily. "Hello, Lilyflower."

"James." Lily grabs his hand. "You look upset."

"I wish I was out there playing," James lies easily. He knows he shouldn't lie to his girlfriend, but he's also lying to himself at this point, so it's fine.

"It's gonna be a good fight," Lily grins. "Anita told me they've been practicing hard."

"They won't beat Hufflepuff," James defends quickly. "Mickey hasn't lost a game yet."

"Yet," Lily notes, raising her eyebrows. "Anita told me they're bringing out a secret weapon."

"Mickey'll pull out the defense," James quickly concludes. "He's the best player Hogwarts has."

Lily bumps her shoulder against his. "You're cute, defending your friends."

James doesn't like the word friends. It leaves a bad taste in his mouth. Maybe because he isn't sure if Mickey thinks of him as a friend. He wants him to, though. He wants Mickey is be around him as much as Sirius is. Maybe even more. He wonders if they'll keep in touch over the summer. He wonders if Mickey would be willing to hang out sometime, just the two of them.

"Game's starting," Lily pulls him away from his thoughts.

They cheer for their respected teams, although James finds himself cheering for one person and one person only. Mickey's curls are peaking out from under his helmet, and he's got that familiar shit-eating grin on his face, like he could take the entire world into his hands if he needed to.

James thinks he could. Mickey could do anything, and James doesn't know if he'd argue with it. Mickey's just cool like that, he guesses.

He focuses on the game and cheers so hard his throat begins to hurt. Hufflepuff is pulling ahead, and they're fighting hard for the win. As the two seekers begin their race for the snitch, James watches Mickey keep the quaffle out of Hufflepuff's hoops time and time again. "Yes!"

He's jumping up and down, ears ringing as the crowd roars in excitement. Someone announces the snitch has been caught by Ravenclaw, but because they were so far behind, Hufflepuff kept the lead.

"Mickey won!" James yells. He holds Lily's face between his hands and kisses her, hard and breathless, just as he's always dreamed of. When they part, James is grinning from ear to ear. "I told you he'd win."

Lily laughs, holding James' wrists loosely. "Go congratulate him then, if you're so proud."

James scrunches his nose at her and lets her go, deciding to run for the field. He can hear people cheering about Hufflepuff winning the House Cup, but all he can think of is Mickey. Mickey, who is so wonderful and humble and talented and everything James thinks a quidditch captain should be. "Mickey!"

Mickey is shirtless again, along with the rest of his team. They're cheering and shouting, slapping each other as all quidditch players do. Mickey's the shortest out of all the boys, but James finds him just as he begins to escape the crowd, wiping his eyes.

"Mickey! Hey, what's wrong?" James grabs Mickey's arm and twists the boy to face him.

Mickey is smiling widely, shivering with either excitement or cold sweat, James doesn't know. "I won." He says it softly, like the victory will slip away if he says it too loudly. Tears appear again, and James begins to take off his jacket.

"Aw, love," he cooes. "Put your arms through."

Mickey lets James pull his arms through the jacket sleeves. His teeth chatter as James zips the jacket up. "I stand out as a captain. James, they'll scout me now. I'll make it. I'm gonna make."

James looks up, eyes bright with pure joy. "You called me James."

Mickey blinks. Then he reaches up, stupid sweater paws covering his hands. He holds James' face between his palms and shivers again. "James."

James feels something foreign in his stomach when Mickey is this close. When he says his name so gently and sincerely like that. He's not sure what's going on. Maybe Mickey has a cold and it's transferring onto him. James shivers.
"Yeah?"

Mickey hugs James then. Just wraps his arm around James' shoulders and squeezes tight. "I'm glad we're friends."

James circles his arms around Mickey's lithe waist, feeling that foreign feeling even stronger somehow. "Me too, Mickey."

-

someone pls help my clueless boys.

how did every like this chapter? i hope i'm conveying everyone's
personalities and feelings well :D