SO THIS IS IT - THE MOMENT WHEN MY LIFE WILL BE FOREVER CHANGED - the instant when what I decide will completely alter my existence - the time that will possibly mark the final moments of my mortal life.

As I gazed outward into the mouth of that growing abyss, all I could see were Edward's ardent eyes staring back at me in my peripheral, and my restless feet gripping the edge of the earth.

I had grown to understand that he and I were meant to be connected for all eternity- for however long that might be. Since I first fell in love with him, I always dreamed of the day when I would finally be able to call him mine.

Edward Cullen was always reminding me how much time he had sacrificed throughout the decades waiting for me, and what a blessing it was for me to come into his life. He had already given up so much of his life for me so we could have a seemingly normal relationship.

But at what cost was I willing to sacrifice myself for his love?

I am not particularly sure how long eternity is; it is a time that is way beyond mine or anyone's finest observation. But I do know that I want this. And this is the path that I need to take in order to be with him indefinitely.

I also know now with absolute certainty: no matter the amount of trepidation, and cautionary objection that has been thrown my way, I will not slow my plunge into this vicious sea of martyrdom. I cannot,will not, if he and I are truly destined to share our days together everlastingly.

I mean, I am not a perfect person. I make mistakes just like everyone else.

But is submitting your best friend to a lifetime of heartache the right thing to do? What about Charlie or Renée? Is it okay to be selfish once in a while like this for your own benefit? And is it ever really a forbidden sin to ultimately choose love in the end?

I love my parents, and my friends. But, there is no proper way to share with them this decision without further devastating them. So I will have to forgo this alone.

You know, it's kind of funny...I always wondered when I would finally reach full maturity, when I would stumble upon a complicated circumstance with multiple roads to walk down and choose one without the aid of my mother standing right there to help protect and to guide me. I wondered when I'd finally let go of my parent's hands and do something that I felt was the right choice for me.

This is where I am meant to be, right? That's what I have grown to believe with everything fiber of my being and every last ounce of courage and energy that is inside of me...

Then why is this killing me?