Muichiro's pov

"Let me see" Shinobu said and took my hand, looking at my knuckles "What did you do? This is not looking good"

"..I punched a wall.." I said and she sighed "so that's why there were smudges of blood on a wall.. why did you do it?"

".. overwhelmed.." I replied simply and she nodded "mhm.. would you like to talk about it? Maybe about what happened at night too?"

I shook my head "N-No.. I already talked with Nezuko so it's fine.."

"Okay.. just remember that.. I am not on her side but I am not on yours either. You are going through a lot and might have let out your anger on someone else or she's indeed just manipulating everyone and you did nothing wrong.. I am not gonna believe anyone until I see it myself" Shinobu said and I gave her a tiny nod "that's okay, I understand"

"Mhm… okay, I can't do much with your knuckles now, just ice it a lot and if it'll hurt just take some painkillers, we'll see how it'll progress" Shinobu said with a small smile.

I nodded "thank you a lot" I smiled as well, about to leave but then Shinobu stopped me again "wait.. I need to talk about something.."

"Hm? What is it?" I asked, worrying it might be something I won't be able to do and let her down.

"I.. have feelings for Mitsuri" she confessed and my mouth dropped slightly "wait really? That's great!" I said with a cheerful voice but her facial expression didn't change, she still looked sad and disappointed.

"It's not really great.. She has a boyfriend, remember?" She said and my face fell "right.. sorry I forgot"

"It's fine.." she sighed "I just don't know what to do.. you are the only one in this shelter who was in a relationship before and I thought… I could ask you"

I smiled a little and nodded "okay, do you want tips or?"

"Mhm.. yes please" she said quietly and I sat back down next to her and began to talk.

…

"Oh.. I see.. that's quite.. a lot of things" Shinobu said and looked at her textbook where she wrote all the things I told her "well.. but I'll do anything for Mitsuri.." she said with confidence in her voice.

I chuckled "I am sure she'll grow to like you.." I said, trying to make her feel better but then she said something that made me a bit anxious "who knows if Obanai is.. even alive"

"Well.. I hope not... Mitsuri would be really sad if he was actually dead.. and I don't want her to be sad.. but I don't want you to be sad either.." I replied, not really knowing what to say.

"I understand that.." she sighed "well thank you for your tips, I appreciate it" she smiled a little. "Of course, any time.." I smiled as well.

…

I sat in Nezuko's room, looking at my bandages and sliding my thumb against it slowly before taking the bandage off, seeing my cuts.

They weren't bleeding anymore so I just put the bandages away and laid there mindlessly, not knowing what to do. Suddenly, Kotetsu walked into the room and climbed up at my bed "Muichiro, are you okay?" He asked and I nodded, sitting up and patting his head.

"I am okay little one, don't worry about it" I forced a small smile but he didn't seem to be convinced "I heard what happened yesterday.. I know you're not okay.." he said and hugged his knees.

"I am sure you and Tanjiro will get along again soon" he smiled "he wouldn't just leave you out this quickly for someone else"

I shrugged and Kotetsu began to talk again "he was really worried yesterday when you showed.. your cuts and.. I think he really does feel really bad for treating you that way.."

"I am not sure.. if he really felt bad he'd talk to me already.." I replied, tears filling my eyes once again "there's nothing to feel bad about.. I am worthless.. I am so worthless and everyone would be better off without me.."

"Muichiro, please d-"

"I am just a-an inconvenience to everyone.. I hate it.. I hate it so much.. I don't want to have these thoughts.."

"W-What thoughts..?"

"I-I just want them to go away.. I am just making everyone put up with me.. I just.. want to die"

Kotetsu's eyes widened "what? Mu-Muichiro, what are you saying?! Don't say such things!"

"I am just telling the truth!" I yelled out and started sobbing once again, now harder "I-I don't want to g-go through this anymore.."

Kotetsu's eyes filled with tears before pulling me into an embrace and let me sob into his shoulder "shh.. it'll be okay.. just please, don't say such things.."

I shook my head, not able to talk.. I was only able to sob. With each sob my body shook, I held onto Koketsu for dear life, not wanting to let go.

Four days later

Multiple days passed and nothing seemed to get better.. rather much worse. Tanjiro did try to talk to me but.. I couldn't even look him in the eyes, it was too much.. I didn't want to face him..

I stopped eating.. drinking.. I didn't talk to anyone.. only Nezuko and Kotetsu, who were the only people who cared and didn't mind comforting me when I needed someone to hold me.

The sadness and anger were always there, no matter how many hugs and comforting words I got.. the only thing that could make me feel better was.. pain.

…

"Come on Muichiro, you have to eat something, please.." Nezuko begged for the third time today "here, at least have this.. please?" She handed me a plate with curry "it's not much, you don't need to eat all of it, at least a couple bites, okay?"

I sighed and shook my head, saying "..I don't feel good.. everything hurts I'll just.. get some more sleep"

She sighed and sat down next to me, grabbing the spoon filled with curry and putting it to my mouth "you can get some rest after, just-"

"I said no" I interrupted her and turned away from her "just leave me alone.."

She laid down the spoon and nodded "okay.. I'll leave it here just in case you'll feel hungry" she said and left the room right after.

I sighed again and laid down on the bed, not knowing what to do. I felt terrible, both emotionally and physically. I didn't know what to do, everything seemed so meaningless.. all I wanted was to at least have Tanjiro back but.. I can't even look at him now..

How I was feeling physically.. was whole another chapter.. I felt so drained and tired.. I felt like I couldn't stomach anything due to all of the stress and sadness slowly bottling up inside me. No matter how hard I tried to make myself sleep, I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried to make myself eat something.. I couldn't.. I couldn't do anything besides lay in bed and cry.

…

I sat in a kitchen, this time being forced by Mitsuri to eat something "you haven't eaten in days! You look like you are about to faint! So you are eating something now whether you like it or not" she yelled out and placed a plate with food in front of me.

I looked at the food in front of me "thanks but.. I don't have an appetite r-" "I don't care if you don't have an appetite! Eat!" She yelled out, her voice filled with anger and worry.

"Why do you even care.." I mumbled quietly, looking down at my lap "just go to Kanao and-"

"Muichiro" she sat down next to me and grabbed my hand "..let's just, not talk about that anymore, okay? We all make mistakes and my mistake was that I didn't listen to your part of the story and yelled at you instead.. I just.. I don't know anymore.. just please.. eat something"

I shook my head "no.. I really can't.."

"Why?" She asked with a more worried tone now, the anger in her voice mostly disappearing "because.. b-because.."

Before I could finish the sentence, suddenly Tanjiro entered the room. He grabbed an apple and quickly looked at me before looking at Mitsuri. Mitsuri gave him a slight nod and left. Tanjiro sat down next to me and said "can we talk?"

I couldn't do it, I was about to stand up but he grabbed my arm and pinned me down again "please?"

I couldn't look at him.. my hands started shaking as tears filled my eyes. I just wanted him to hold me, but I couldn't let him, I couldn't.. it feels so cold.. why won't I let him hug me.. why does it seem so hard to move to him and hug him.. or even just ask for it..

He wiped my tears "shh it's okay, I just want to talk for a little, okay?" He said with a comforting tone. It felt so nice.. I missed his touch so much, I wanted more of it but once again.. I couldn't force myself to even look into his eyes..

"Nezuko said you ate nothing in the last few days.. here" he handed me the apple "eat this okay? We can talk a little while you eat"

I looked at the red shiny apple, holding it with my shaky hands before reaching my hand towards his chest and placing it on it. I missed this so much.. I was ready to fall into his arms and cry but then..

"Tanjiro come here!" Shinobu yelled and Tanjiro quickly stood up "I'll be right back"

He took my hand off of his chest and walked away "pl-please.. don't go.." I said quietly but it was too late. Tears that were filled up in my eyes, slid down almost immediately ".. I-I can't do this anymore.. I-I feel a-awful.. but.. maybe I deserve it.. maybe I deserve all of t-this.." I thought and looked at the apple, slowly placing it away from me.

…

I walked to the bathroom, having my arms wrapped around myself, shaking and sweating "sick.. I-I feel so sick" I was panting heavily, opening the bathroom door and closing it right behind me.

I splashed some cold water on my face but nothing seemed to work. My hands were shaking non stop, my knees kept breaking under me and my vision didn't seem to be able to focus, everything just looked so blurry.

I sighed and turned the water off, opening the door and walking out of the bathroom once again towards the kitchen to get something to drink at least.

Suddenly I heard Tanjiro and Kanao laughing. Their laughs echoed through my head, they were getting louder and louder by a second, making my head hurt even more than it already was.

Suddenly I stumbled and barely managed to keep myself on my legs. My vision was starting to go black and before I knew it, I passed out.

Tanjiro's pov

I heard a loud thud coming from the kitchen. I immediately stood up and ran there, the second I get there seeing Muichiro's limp body on the floor.

"Muichiro!" I yelled out and immediately kneeled down next to him, picking him up into my arms "shit shit shit!! Muichiro, can you hear me?!" I yelled out, realizing how stupid I sounded "of course he can't hear me, he fucking passed out"

"Kanao, go get Shinobu immediately!" I yelled out and Kanao's response was odd.. I saw her roll her eyes and just slowly walk away, it was like she was even annoyed by Muichiro fainting.

I laid Muichiro's head on my lap and looked at his face. He was sickly pale and had dark bags under his eyes. He looked so skinny and exhausted..

"I am so stupid.. how could I let it go this far.. I am such a terrible friend.. I should have been here for him.. I should have kept trying.."

I placed my hands on his cheeks "Mui.. I am so sorry.." I said as tears slowly fell down from my cheeks onto his pale face.

...

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