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~ Day Dreams ~
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~ Chapter Thirty One ~
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~ Realizations ~
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~ Eighteen-Years-Old ~
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~ Hazel's POV ~
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Hazel, snap out of it! You cannot have feelings for him! You know something that he does not and you're taking advantage of him! You're a monster! You're not worthy of his love nor anybody else for that matter. You deserve this punishment. You deserve to be punished.

Ashamed of my very existence, my stares fall to the pool's chlorinated water, where my hands aimlessly float. "I uh... have to go," I said, legs backing away from Jake as panic scorches throughout my entire body. I plot my escape plan and doggie paddle towards the pool's ladder and struggle out of the pool. "I'm sorry, but have a good Summer break," I stumble across the stone floor where the afternoon sun hits the ground from the glass rooftop above. My wobbly legs motion towards my clothes on the metal bleachers and out the area doors, causing puddles of water in the process.

This is all my fault. What am I doing? This is all my fault. How could I be so stupid? This is all my fault. Did Jake almost kiss me? This is all my fault. Why would he want to kiss me? This is all my fault! No, he would not because why would he even like me? This is all my fault! It just does not make any sense... This is all my fault!

Droplets of water drip with every step I make throughout the halls of the campus. I did not care, all I care about is how much I ruined everything. Leaning on the brick of the wall, I stand in a vacant hallway, dressing myself in the clothes within my arms and slip them over my still very wet swimmers.

My legs find themselves walking outside towards the ocean, underneath the willow tree as the afternoon sun dies off in the distance, behind the thickness of mountains of limitless amounts of clouds. Beneath the willow tree and the ocean waves crashing upon the shore, I pull my legs close to my chest and rest my head between my knees.

I am such an embarrassment. Why did I run away like a coward? Why am I so awkward? It is a curse I was burdened with, just like my red hair. I should have not decided to dye my hair then none of this would have happened. Jake would know who I was and there would be no lies building up between us. Maybe it was a mistake coming here... I need to stop playing pretend and grow up!

Silent teardrops fall down my porcelain skin as the sad tree from above cries beneath me. Droplets continue to fall from the previous rain shower earlier. Vast breezes spiral out of control, leading vicious shivers up my spine, causing the hair on my body to stand tiptoes tall.

This was a stupid idea. Why did I agree to swimming lessons in the first place? I know I cannot swim but I still agreed to it. I am so pathetic. I am an orphan that deserves no better, is what Fiona used to tell me... and it is true. I am a creature of failure. Fiona is the ghost of my past whom I can never remove their devil's mark, imprinted into the paleness of my skin.

Still, with my head in the clouds, I peer towards the sky to watch the last of the dying sun from above. Peaceful nature and wildlife surround me as I pull out a fantasy book from my brown leather bag and dig my nose beneath the pages.

* * *

A dim light illuminates from the bay window within the dorm room, landing upon my very messy desk while I study. I have been studying for a few hours now, taking breaks in between study sessions. Honey, on the other hand, finished studying a couple of hours ago to spy on Chanel in the shadows of the night and has not returned. I hope Honey has not been captured by the 'ogre', Chanel? A wide grin spreads across my face with the thought of 'Chanel the ogre'.

Finishing my assignment for my last subject and the door opens, then shuts before I could swivel my chair around to face the intruder. With the shadows of the room and the bang of the door causes my stomach to do a lopsided pounce in fear. I face the intruder and they were hooded with sunglasses on, but noticing chestnut brown hair that has fallen from the inside of the hoodie sculpturing their face. It has to be Honey...

"You scared me half to death, Honey," I said with my hands to my chest.

Honey removes her hoodie and sunglasses revealing her dishevelling hair and hazelnut brown, almond shape eyes. "Sorry, dude. So, I was stalking Chanel and it's true. You were right, Hazel," Honey's said, her eyes widen as her thick eyebrows rise. "Chanel is cheating on Jake with Weston. I didn't believe it was true, but it is and it's disgusting."

"So, I was right then?" I said with my back to Honey as I clean the mess off the desk.

"Yep, I saw them go inside the janitor's closet too," Honey said, flopping onto her desk chair as it squeaks underneath her weight like it always does.

"It must be their regular hangout spot," I said spinning around to face Honey once my desk is somewhat clutter-free.

"Yeah, it must be," Honey said, pushing her glasses up onto the bridge of her nose.

"What am I going to do about Jake? He needs to know more than anyone. And it is not right what Chanel is doing to him," I said leaning back further into my chair as a worrying expression paints onto my face.

"I know, but I believe you can handle Jake," Honey pauses for a moment but continues with a smirk," By the way, how was your private lesson with your 'noble steed'?"

"It uh... went well. I was swimming and not inhaling a gallon of water this time but—" I pause.

"But what, dude—" Honey's eyes gape.

"But this time it was different. There was something different about Jake and he still has no idea who I am but he uh..." I pause again.

"What? Mother of mercy, please tell me," Honey pleas with her eyes.

"...He almost kissed me," I said covering my face out of embarrassment.

"Oh my Lord, praise Jesus," Honey said dramatically," Did you kiss him back? Sorry, proceed."

"I couldn't even think of a more perfect moment but I couldn't bear the thought to hurt him like that," I said more to myself.

"I'm sure the perfect moment will happen, but I think you need to be... well... Hazel and not Summer," Honey says with a small smile.

"Your right, I need to stop hiding who I really am... I'm Hazel Anne Summers. I have red hair and I love my two best friends and Jake Rivers," I said, covering my smile with my hands.

"Awe, I'm so happy for you," Honey said with wide eyes and a wide smile. "And we love you too, dude. But you have to be the one to tell Jake the truth. No one else but you."

"What? No way. I'm already lying to him and it will only make things harder than it needs to be," I said, shaking my head, "He will hate me forever once he finds out the whole truth and I wouldn't blame him for it. Everyone would hate me..."

"Hazel, don't talk nonsense like that. That's not going to happen and I won't let it," Honey stands to her feet and makes her way towards where I am sitting as her height towers over me then kneels in front, facing me.

"I know at one stage I didn't believe you but I do now. I was blinded by fear and fear is the worst of all," Honey's gaze drops to the white, fluffy rug beneath our feet as guilt washes over her face.

"You know I forgave you about that," I said as Honey lifts her gloomy gaze to meet my stare.

Honey smiles with a sparkle hidden within her hazelnut brown eyes, "I know and I'm so grateful. But I think Chanel fears you and sees you as a threat so you have to get to Jake before she does before she twists the story and before it's too late," Honey said as panic washes over her face, most likely thinking of the worst possible situation that she can muster.

Honey shakes her head, undoing the trance that she was under. She motions with her hands as she speaks and indicates towards her stomach, "I have a gut feeling that Chanel is up to something and I don't know what, but it's a bad feeling. And for now on, I'm going to be on your side, always..." Honey said, stretching a pinky finger towards me, "I promise."

'I promise' shatters my heart in half and causes me to break into tears that I never knew were swelling up beneath my swollen eyes. But I do not dare cry. I hold back my sobs and wrap a pinky finger around Honey's one. "I promise," I said as my voice quivers and my breathing hitches in my throat.

Honey arms linger around my shoulders for the longest time and when it is time to let go, we both smile at one another. Honey walks towards her side of the room and finishes a few touches on packing her bag. "Have a good Summer break, Hazel," Honey calls over her shoulder still smiling, dragging her suitcase out the door and leaving me with my endless wandering thoughts.

The pain of Jake kills my very being and existence, but the pain of lying to him kills even more than the very burden of lying. A liar is just as bad as a cheater so Chanel and I are just as bad as each other. I need to speak with Chanel and maybe reason with her or is that too much of a risk? It is a risk seeing Jake once a week for private swimming lessons. So what do I have to lose? Everything...

Rampaging for my own suitcase, I throw important necessities into the bulging, leather brown luggage bag and fill it to the brim and struggle to zip it close. It is Summer break after all and I am planning on visiting home to see Forest, Emma and Gus, as well as a certain person I do not particularly want to see... who I need to confront!

Searching further in the chest of draws, I retrieve my washout hair dyes buried underneath my clothes. Gathering the boxes of toxic substances, I hover a handful for what feels like decades over the garbage can. My shaking hands let go of the boxes of toxins as they fall in slow motion into the can below.

Starting from now, no more lies...!!!

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~ Cheers ~
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Please, tell me in the comments what you thought about Chapter Thirty One? 🙈 I'll be greatly appreciated, thank you, you very kind soul!
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~ Chapter Thirty One ~
~ Dedications ~
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HeliiBoh
DebMorey
PeterPetruzzella
CaitlinWoodward9
DaniJones_14
ChloeMayerhofer
savvvy1998
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You guys should totally check out PeterPetruzzella short story! Lighthouse. It's amazing!
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You guys should totally check out ChloeMayerhofer story! Fallen! It's awesome!
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C.Morey 🥕 xoxo
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