CHAPTER SEVEN
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WAKING UP IN NIKOLAI'S ARMS FELT LIKE HOME—that alone was enough to terrify her; Morana never had a home and there was a reason for it. She was a plague, and she would only destroy what she touched. And yet, Morana basked in the feeling, as he slept, allowing herself to get lost in his warmth.

After a few moments, she squirmed out of his arms, leaving home, as she shoved the moments of the previous night in the back of her head—she hadn't died, and they were headed to Ravka, there was no reason to be concerned about it anymore, no reason to show Nikolai how broken she truly was.

Nikolai. Her lips tugged into a soft smile. His name rolled off her tongue naturally like she was always meant to know it. Perhaps that had been the reason for her reluctance in calling him Sturmhond—it felt unnatural, and she was as unnatural as she wanted to get.

Morana was about to stand up, to leave the cabin, when Nikolai's hand wrapped around her arm and pulled her back on the bed. Looking over her shoulder, Morana raised an eyebrow at him, pretending the best she could to be unbothered.

"You're not leaving," he told her gruffly. Morana rolled her eyes as she tried to leave again but he wouldn't budge.

"Let go of me, Nikolai."

He let her arm go but snaked one arm around her waist and pulled her back on the bed, so she was lying again. He lifted himself on his elbow and looked down at her, his eyes blazing, all sign of the golden captain gone. "You're not leaving until I get some answers."

"You honestly think I can't best you in a fight?" asked Morana.

Nikolai's serious façade broke for a fraction as a devilish smile was painted on his lips. "I know you can best me, darling, and I would let you."

Morana narrowed her eyes at him. "Just let me go."

He shook his head with a click of his tongue. "I'm not letting you go until you tell me what the hell happened last night. So either do that or fight me, Morana."

"Nothing happened last night."

Nikolai rolled his eyes. "You can pretend as much as you like nothing happened when you leave this room. But now... Now I need answers."

Clenching her jaw, Morana shoved him off her and climbed out of the bed. She couldn't tell him, admit that she was an abomination to one of the only people who'd never seen her as such. She ran a hand through her hair as she reached the chest where she kept her clothes, biting her lip to keep herself from talking, to keep herself from crying? Why would she even cry?

"Mora?"

Morana ignored him but didn't move as she heard his footsteps behind her, she didn't move when he stepped up behind her, slipping his arms around her waist and pulling her to him. Against her better judgment, Morana melted into his embrace. She could pretend like nothing happened once she left the room—that's what he'd said.

Nikolai buried his head in the crook of her neck, his breathing sending shivers down her spine, "Darling... Please tell me you're not dying."

Morana opened her mouth to speak, to tell him no, but she wasn't sure. She sighed, shrugging and his hold on her waist tightened. "I don't think I am."

"What's happening to you?"

Shaking her head Morana refused to answer, but still didn't leave his hold, she felt safe in his arms, she'd never had anyone hold onto her as if they wanted her to stay. As if they truly cared for her, and Morana was afraid that if she left his arms she would never experience the feeling again.

Nikolai's lips brushed over her shoulder, and Morana gasped softly. "It's a game of trust, Mora. A secret for a secret?"

Morana nodded, words couldn't possibly come to her with him so close.

"I have a sister," he muttered against the skin, "and a brother who I don't particularly like."

"That's not at all in the same ocean as my secret," Morana whispered and Nikolai let out a chuckle. "That's barely a drop in the ocean."

"Alright. A few years ago, my sister was presumed to have died in the Fold. I mourned her, I lost myself for a while because of it. Her death was the reason I left home, and came to the sea." Nikolai breathed in deeply and Morana found herself placing one of her hands on top of his. "Before I found you and the Sun Summoner and her lackey—"

"I hate to say it but you sound like an arse," Morana said with a snort and Nikolai laughed.

"It doesn't sound like you hate to say it."

Morana shrugged. "I don't."

Nikolai pinched her side and Morana yelped, hitting him beside the head. She could picture him grinning as he kept going, "Where was I? Before I got attacked by a crazy woman?"

Morana rolled her eyes, "Before you found me in Novyi Zem..."

"I went to Ketterdam for business," he continued, "Had to hire a few criminals—"

"As one does—"

"And well, I found her. My sister. Just sitting there alive and calling me a cheap bastard—"

"You are," said Morana with a nod and let out a laugh when he pinched her side. "So... You found your sister? She's been living in Ketterdam?"

"Yes. That's why I don't have my ring anymore, I gave it to her. She wanted to stay. She's the Whisperer of the Barrel, apparently," Nikolai said like it was nothing. Morana gasped, turning around in his arm to face him, gaping at him. Nikolai frowned.

"You're the brother of the Whisperer?" she asked astonished. Morana sighed. "Would you have told me sooner I would've been a lot more lenient to be a part of your crew."

Nikolai let out a laugh as he looked down at her with a smile, "You're a fan, I take it?"

"Your sister is infamous amongst pirates, Nikolai. She trades secrets in the Harbors of the city. That's how the crews find out whose ship to attack."

"More infamous than Sturmhond?"

Morana smiled patronizingly at him and patted his arm. "Yes."

Nikolai pouted dramatically, making her roll her eyes. "You're biased. You're from Ketterdam."

"And you think that, why?" asked Morana, even though he couldn't be closer to the truth. She was from Ketterdam, born and half-raised. Her name was Ravkan, and her mother and father were too, but Morana was proud to say she was a daughter of the Barrel.

"You have thieving hands, Mora," replied Nikolai as he raised her hand in the air, intertwining their fingers, without tearing his eyes off her face. "The kind of skills they teach in that hell hole."

"Hell hole?" Morana scoffed. "It's as bad as half the cities in this world. Only Ketterdam is not good at hiding it behind pretty landscapes and colorful facades."

"So you admit it?" Nikolai asked with a smirk.

"I did nothing of the sort."

"Sure, darling." He winked at her. Then, the moment she'd been stalling from happening, his face fell, all humor gone, and his eyes were boring into her soul, he hesitated before sighing. "Your turn, Mora. Secret for a secret."

Morana clamped her lips shut and shook her head as she leaned on him, burying her face in his neck. His hand trailed over her spine, a comforting gesture that only reminded Morana of what she could have in life and would never get—because she couldn't do that to someone, ruin them with her darkness. "I... I'm cursed," she whispered.

"Cursed?"

"I was born cursed, Nikolai. I... And the last time I saw you, right after it was as if everything I'd been running from had come back and grabbed a hold of my ankles, trying to plunge me into darkness."

"What are you running from?" asked Nikolai, his arms tightening around her, pulling her closer.

"My past. My father. My monsters." Morana shut her eyes tightly. "Something's been calling me, beckoning me. There's a feeling that's constant, that's always there and only eases when I'm closer. That's why I was in Novyi Zem. Something led me to Mal and Alina and the further I got from where they were the more in pain I was. That's why I stayed."

She felt Nikolai nod, encouraging her to go on.

"Then there's the second rope that tugs at me now and then. It's calling from Ravka."

Nikolai froze. He pulled away slightly, grabbing the side of her face with one hand as he turned her to look at him. "You're telling me you knew you would've been in pain and yet you still traveled the furthest away from Ravka you could've?"

"I had to stick with Alina and Mal, otherwise it could've been worse."

"It could've killed you."

Morana shrugged, "I'm unnatural. An abomination. Perhaps I would've been better off d—"

"Don't," Nikolai practically snarled at her. "Don't say that."

"I... It doesn't matter now anyway. The closest we are to Ravka the less it'll pain me. The less of a burden I'll be for you." At that Morana finally found the strength to push herself out of his grasp, taking a few steps away from him, but Nikolai was having none of it, he grabbed her hand and tugged her back.

"What?" Nikolai's voice sounded confused. He took a deep breath before setting his jaw and grabbed her face in his hands, brushing his thumbs against her cheeks. "Morana, I know that once we step out of that door you'll pretend nothing ever happened... That everything between us, that everything that happened last night, meant nothing to you..."

He paused for a moment, smiling softly at her.

"Pretend all you want," he told her, "I'll play along if that's your wish. But I can't let you leave thinking you're a burden. You're not. You're my. . . Friend. And you mean a lot to me. We just started this trusting game but... trust that I'll be here for you. Trust that I want to. That you're not a burden to me."

Morana didn't know what to say, her lips parted as she searched his eyes for any sign of malice, any sign of lying, any sign that told her it was a trap. All she saw was pure and genuine. All she saw was honesty.

Nikolai whispered, "Say you believe me, darling."

Morana nodded hesitantly. "I believe you."

Nikolai sighed in relief and nodded. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and then left. Left her in the cabin, though he hesitated at the doorway he stepped outside closing the door behind him and Morana stood there trying to keep her knees from buckling.

Wiping a tear before it could fall Morana busied herself as she got dressed, putting on her shoes and slinging her sword around her hip before braiding her hair. Looking at herself in the mirror she sighed, at least dawn had made her look alive.

Shaking her hands, she took a deep breath and slipped on her mask again, the mask of ignorance. And only then did she leave the cabin, closing the door behind her before stepping up to the main deck. She found Tolya smiling at her.

"Come on, Mora, we need to go."

"Go where? Aren't we on the ship already?"

Tolya scrunched up his nose and grinned at her, "Not exactly."

Narrowing her eyes at him, Morana followed the man to the back of the ship and heard Nikolai speak. "I want a front-row seat to the light show, thanks. Plus, the King is on the other side of the Fold, ergo so is my payment."

"Thinking of money so early in the morning isn't healthy," informed Morana as she went to take a seat on a wooden bench.

"I have healers aboard," Nikolai said waving her off.

And though Morana felt relieved he was back to pretending nothing happened, she dumbly missed the Nikolai from that morning. Dumbly, because she'd been the one to want him to pretend. Yes, because you'll stain him with your cursed little fingers, her mother's voice echoed in her head.

Morana flipped her off in her head. Even beyond the grave, Yelena Zoreslava found a way to make her feel miserable, even after Nikolai had made her feel like the most special thing in the world.

A jerk on the ground snapped Morana out of her thoughts. She looked around and saw a Squaller managing the wind up to a sail that was bent horizontally. Morana was quite lost to what was happening at the moment, but she figured it was another one of Nikolai's inventions.

Morana stood shakily as she felt the ground rise and realized they were flying. That Nikolai had a ship within a ship and that ship was a flying one. Her eyes met Nikolai's who were looking at her expectantly and she grinned, standing up to look at the land beneath them, "Of course, you have a flying ship," she said with a roll of her eyes as she turned back to him.

"How is this even possible?" she heard Alina ask as Nikolai came closer to her.

"Did you expect any less?" he asked with a grin, stopping by Morana's side. "It's like you haven't even met me. Years and years of designs and several dozen crashed prototypes."

"Crashed?" echoed Alina in horror.

Nikolai ignored her. "I call her the Hummingbird."

"How come I didn't know you had a flying ship?" asked Morana as she turned towards him.

He grinned. "We all have our secrets, Crimson Mirage."

"Captain," called Tamar, "the Fold's in sight."

"Next stop... destiny," Nikolai said with a grin.

Morana turned to look at the Fold and weirdly she wasn't scared. She frowned as the same connection she felt with the Sea Whip, a connection that only appeared within closeness, surged through her. A feeling of familiarity.

Familiarity. With the Fold. Now that was terrifying. And clearly her father's fault.

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author's note:

i wrote this chapter
and i like it too much
so i don't care that
it's been less than 12 hours
since my last update.

also, how're you liking the story?
if you've read Saints (the other book)
then you probably realized
it's a bit different in terms
of angsty shit but oh well.

also, most of you have figured out
who her father is by now and
you're probably right.
know that i'm not keeping
it from you for dramatic
effect—well, the dramatic effect
is for when nikolai finds out—
i'm just not spelling it out,
it's obvious by now

btw thank you so much for the support!