a/n: hi, i just graduated so i haven't been active. sorry that this is so late! also, i'm going to ono in new york so i am super excited about that! i hope you guys like this chapterrrr

• • •

He was moody.  I was not used to him being moody like this.  Certainly on Saturday night when he had gone to bed, and even when he had woken up the next morning, he had been in a bad mood, but the past couple of days had been absolutely insane, in a way.  After all, I was used to a very collected, charming, and humorous man.  Someone who was smooth, calculated, and witty.  The curly-haired personality that was coming into work barely wanted to speak.  He was quiet, irritable, and unhappy.  On his radio segment, he was somewhat okay.  He seemed less irritable, but the second the show cut, he was nowhere to be seen.  He didn't come up to my office as usual, instead, I heard him shut himself alone in his own office.  The first two days I had let it slide, knowing that maybe he wasn't interested in socializing, but on the third day I decided it was enough.  I didn't want him to shut me out completely, especially since I had been there for him.  Even if he wanted his space, and I had seen him briefly for five minutes each day before he left, I felt like I needed to be the one that went to speak with him.

Getting up out of my seat, I made sure all of my things were neatly collected.  I knew that I would come back into my office, but I didn't want to leave myself a mess to come back to.  Once I opened my door, I carefully shut it behind me, hoping that I wouldn't make a lot of noise.  However, it didn't take long for me to walk a few feet until I was standing in front of Harry's office.  I wondered if he would be irritated that I was even going out of my way to speak with him.  He was the type that I felt if he wanted to talk to me, he would talk to me.  Yet, maybe he also was just so stuck in his head that he wasn't really thinking about whether or not he should come and talk to me more than just a quick goodbye.

Knocking on the door, I didn't hear him respond.  It was silent on his side, and I wondered what he was in the middle of doing.  Taking a deep breath, I found myself waiting for some sort of response, hoping that I could hear some movement on his side, but there was nothing in the slightest.  So, I waited a few more moments until I knocked once again, hearing shuffling on his end.  It took a little bit until I heard the door unlocking, a small smile on my face when he pulled open the door just enough so that he was barely peeking out.

"What?"

"Hi," I greeted.

"Hey."

"How are you?"

"Oh just great.  I am having a great time with myself, you know? Running, feeling used, the whole thing."

His tone was dry, cutthroat.  I could tell he was not amused, and yet his words held a lot of sarcasm.  I had to hold myself back from laughing even, not wishing to make him upset in any way.  Of course, I knew that he wasn't even frustrated with me, but he was irritated with everything that was going on in his life, I was sure.  And, by everything, I definitely meant the breakup.  How he had gotten into a fight with Mr. Beck–who had shown up on Monday and Harry did not want to deal with it in the slightest.  Even Mr. Watson had to step in and say that Mr. Beck wasn't welcomed back while he was under investigation.  It was a whole issue that no one wanted to deal with and yet everyone had to endure it. 

"Do you want me to go get you coffee or something?" I asked.

"You aren't my assistant, doll.  I would actually prefer if you didn't do that at all."

"Well, is there anything I can do?" I asked.  "You know, to get you out of this little thing that you've been in?"

He stared at me for a long moment, his eyes glancing me over twice.  They were both long glances, and I even found myself gazing down at what I was wearing.  He never failed to intimidate me, but not in a bad way necessarily, just in a way that made me wonder why he was looking at me with such a needy gaze.  It was always so odd to me still, and even if we had shared a bed on Saturday, it was hard to believe that this was still that same man. 

"I'm really good," he said.  "I just isolate myself, honestly.  I've been running, I'll feel better."

"Running? Do you work out often?"

"Do I host a radio segment?"

I hated how fresh he was.  It was like he enjoyed joking around in a form of riddles.  Harry was always on me with his silly forms of communicating, and I wondered how he had become so bold, encrypted, and full of so many different types of jokes and wordplay.  It made no sense to me at times.  After all, I could sit there for minutes and try to think of a comeback and one would never come.  He practically had one on the tip of his tongue before I had even said the words I had to him.  It was tiring at times, but only because I was not nearly as witty as him ninety percent of the time.

"Okay, smart mouth," I told him.  "Well, I just wanted to check on you.  I miss you coming into my office and stuff."

"Right," he nodded.  "You're obsessed with me."

"Am not."

"Sure, sure, sure," he nodded, his thumb pressing to one side of my face while his fingers grasped the other.  "Oh Harry, you don't have to go right away do you?"

Mocking me.  Why was he mocking me? Sure, I had maybe said that in a whiny tone when he woke up on Sunday, but he didn't have to remind me.  It was a moment of weakness.  I had been hurt the previous evening, and after I had said the words he did stay a little bit longer, so sue me.  Yet, I felt my face flush at the thoughts of the moments that we had spent together, Harry smirking at me.

"You're rude," I told him.

"Rude, honest.  They're interchangeable."

I wrapped my fingers around his wrist, tugging at his hand.  He pulled away from me, now standing with the door to his office open.  He had been closed off at first, yet now he was standing against the doorframe, being more open with me than he had been the past two days.  Even if I could tell that he was off, he seemed even slightly better than he had been, Harry staring down at me.  I glanced around him into his dim office, noting that he had been writing in his journal, but he quickly shifted so that he was blocking my view, my eyes flitting up to him.

"Anything else I can help you with?" he questioned.

"No.  I just was worried about you," I told him.

"Nothing I haven't dealt with, you know?"

"I know," I nodded, staring up at him.  "I'm babysitting tonight if you want to help."

"I should really exercise.  Jules and Johnny are funny, but I don't think I am in a good headspace to hang out with them."

It was fair.  After all, putting him in an environment where he had to be happy was probably not the best.  Even if I thought it would probably make him happy anyway, it was obvious that he should probably continue to do his own regimen to get better.  Plus, I thought it was nice to know that he was being honest about how he felt at this point.  Knowing that he wasn't in a good headspace was a good step, and the fact that he felt like exercising was definitely helping him was something I felt was really good for him.

"For sure," I nodded.

"If you need a ride, let me know," he said.  "I wouldn't avoid picking you up."

"Oh," I laughed.  "Yeah, I'll see.  I don't think Donna and Billy are going to be out too late, but I will definitely keep that in mind."

He seemed to appreciate that.  I glanced down at my nails, noting that they were chipping and I would probably have to refresh the varnish soon enough.  However, I glanced back up at Harry to see him already staring at me.  I felt a little bit better about his state of mind now, noting that he was incredibly difficult to read at times, but his coldness had started to diminish and he was starting to act a little bit more like the amusing man I was used to dealing with every morning.

"If you need anything let me know," I told him.

"For sure."

"And Harry?"

"Yes, doll?"

"I'm sorry again for everything that happened."

He shook his head.  "It was not your fault in the slightest.  I was naive to think that if she was seeing other people she had any interest in becoming more with me.  I think it is better this way."

"Better this way," I murmured to myself.  "Yeah, yeah.  Um, still."

"Don't worry about it," he reiterated.  "Seriously.  I'm working through it, but it is fine."

"Okay."

He chuckled.  "Get back to work.  I am going to finish writing for my next topic."

I nodded, telling him to have a good rest of his day and that he had to say goodbye to me before he left today.  Harry agreed with me, saying that he would be happy to stop by my office to say goodbye later.  It left me to walk back to mine, and I felt a lot better, knowing that he wasn't actually irritated with me in the slightest–rather upset with the situation that had taken place on Saturday evening.  Even if I felt like it had been my fault that all of this happened, he was more so blaming Cherry, which really made sense.  After all, if she did have multiple guys she was with, how was he supposed to ever have something genuine with her? But, I guess it had been obvious in the end. 

As I worked at my desk for a few hours, I tried to focus on what the next week or so would bring me.  I knew that I had a newsletter to finish drafting, I would probably hear about the grant that Mr. Watson had me write soon, and I wondered if there were going to be any special things for the summer holiday that would be approaching.  After all, I hadn't necessarily heard anything about it, but it wasn't impossible considering it was only about two weeks away anyway.

Just as I was about to get up to go get something to drink from the break room, there was a knock on my door followed by Harry walking in the way that he normally did.  He looked like he had something to ask, and I wondered what was going on in his mind.  After all, days of keeping to himself had definitely probably gotten to him, but I watched as he slowly shut the door, Harry approaching my desk slowly.  He sat down at one of the seats in front of me, Harry pressing the heels of his hands into the arms of the chair before glancing down at his hands.  I watched as he played with his rings, clearly seeming stuck in his own mind.  Of course, I wanted to interrupt his thoughts, but I also wanted to give him time to think for himself as well.  Gazing down at my work again, I was about to begin writing when he cleared his throat, his eyes focusing on me.

"I was, uh, talking to Zayn some."

"Yeah?" I asked, knowing that was his best friend and it was probably good that he was speaking to him about what had happened.

"Yeah.  I don't know, I am trying to feel better."

"I think you're doing what is best for you.  Trying to talk it out is good.  Taking up running is also great.  You've been so quiet, I was just worried about you, Harry."

He nodded.  "I know.  I've been shitty."

"I wouldn't say that," I told him.  "You are going through a lot.  What Cherry did wasn't fair to you in the slightest."

"I don't know, it just seems typical.  She ... she's not the first one to ... I don't know."

It was obvious he was doing his best to try and talk about it with me.  I quickly got up from my seat, moving so that I could sit on the desk in front of him.  I knew he didn't like touch, but I wanted him to feel like I was truly listening.  Even if I knew that I was, I needed him to realize it just as well.  Swallowing hard, I looked over my fingernails briefly before I focused on him once again, Harry squeezing his eyes shut before he ran his fingers through his hair a few times.  It was obvious that he was tense, and I felt bad.   I knew he hated going through these emotions over and over again.  But, I also knew from personal experience that bottling them up wasn't good and I was hoping that he wouldn't have to be like me.

"You don't have to talk about it with me if you don't want to," I assured him.  "But, I am also happy to listen."

"I know.  I just really fucking hate being used.  And it has happened to me before."

It hurt to think that he had been used in the past.  I didn't think it was fair to him, but I also didn't know how these women felt comfortable using someone either.  Even if I was a virgin, I had been inclined to do other things.  Never in my life did I feel like I wanted to use someone for anything, to begin with, but the fact that Harry felt like he was only being used as something of sexual pleasure was incredibly disheartening to me. 

"Not everyone is like that you know," I told him.

He chuckled.  It was the same kind of chuckle that had left his mouth on Saturday when I asked if he was okay while he was left bleeding and bruised on the pool deck.  I knew that he didn't believe what I was saying to him, but I was certain.  My friends were all people who didn't use their current or past relationships for sex, and I knew people in college who hadn't done that either.  Harry just somehow got caught up in the wrong people, so it was all he seemed to know.

"What do I have to do to meet someone who doesn't use me?" he asked.

"I think that is a tough question to ask, no?" I tried.  "I mean, you want to expect the best of a potential partner.  It can be difficult, but I think you were very passionate and were hoping that you could sway Cherry–and probably your other previous partners as well.  That doesn't always work though and you shouldn't blame yourself for that, Harry."

He shrugged.  "Zayn says the same thing.  He also jokes that I made a bad decision because what guy doesn't like a person who just wants to have sex with me, but why would that be all that I wanted? It is never the only thing I was interested in."

I looked at him, feeling bad even still.  Of course, I had my previous relationship with my ex where I had been hurt, but I felt like I would have been more upset if something similar to what Harry was talking about had happened.  Then again, maybe I did feel like I had been used in a way.  After all, my ex would go out of his way to ask for sexual favors and never give them in return.  I had thought that it was fine at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was not fair to me in the slightest.  So, maybe in a way, I did know how Harry felt to only be looked at for things relating to or consisting of sex.

"I think he is just joking, honestly," I told Harry.  "I'm sure he is just trying to lighten the mood or something."

Harry shrugged.  "My friend Steven says the same shit though.  Wayne is married, so he doesn't really give a fuck what I should do because he has a wife and kid.  Zayn and Steven are both single so they just are always trying to hook up.  I don't know, I guess they don't really get it."

It took a few moments, but I found myself holding my hands out to him.  He was staring down at his own, continuing to play with his rings and I felt bad.  I could tell that it was hard for him to be open with me, especially after everything that had happened.  He deserved to be happy.  He deserved to be wanted.  He deserved to feel like he was appreciated in the same manner that he would always want to appreciate the partner he was with.  And yet clearly he was dealt a shitty set of cards.

"Come here," I said softly.

He glanced up, and I could tell he was uncertain about what I was asking.  After all, Sunday morning he had done everything in his power to avoid any physical contact.  It was incredibly weird, especially since I had fallen asleep with him basically on top of me.  Yet, days had passed and he was very against touch.  Or, he was up until he had grabbed my face a few hours ago when I went to his door.  Though, I watched as he just continued to sit in the chair, shaking his head no.

"I really can't," he told me.  "Nothing against you, I just am already tense thinking about you touching me at all."

My hands shifted so that they were holding onto the edge of the desk.  I felt a little bit awkward, but I knew it was nothing to do with me and everything to do with him.  He had his own issues.  He was a man who was always uncertain in ways that were unfamiliar to me.  I was so caring, touchy, and hands on when it came to solving anyone's issues.  But with Harry, he was almost the exact opposite.  He would have done anything to get away from touch, and I so badly wanted to know why. 

"Is there anything I can do?" I asked.

"I don't think so.  I do appreciate it, though."

He stood up, Harry still playing with his rings.  I knew that he didn't always do this, so he must have truly been thinking too much.  It was so weird to see a man that was normally so on his toes stuck in his own mind.  I wanted to do something–absolutely anything–to help him, but I knew that he probably needed to work through these things on his own in order to better himself.  I just also was glad to know that he felt like I was willing to be there for him.

"I'm going to head out for the day, I just wanted to come say goodbye."

"Okay," I nodded, getting off the desk once he started walking toward the door.

"Call me later if you need a ride," he reminded me.  "I'm just going to be running the block or something later."

"I'll leave a message if you aren't home and it gets to be late."

"Perfect."

He grabbed the door handle, and I watched as he stood there.  His body was frozen, the muscles under the material of his white button-down fully tense.  I wondered what he was thinking about to put him in that position.  It was like we had somehow switched and now I was the one who was fully in control of my thoughts while his mind ran rampant with ideas that never ceased to cross his thoughts. 

"Magdalina."

My name came out in a subtle rasp.  I still wasn't used to him saying that, knowing that it was unlike anyone to use my entire name.  The only time I had been called Magdalina was when I was in Catholic school by nuns, or when my parents were angry with me when I was a child.  Now, Harry was the only person who ever used my full name, and I would never change it.

"Yeah?"

"Can you tell Johnny and Jules that I say hi?" he asked, turning around to look at me.

It was sweet.  Much more wholesome than I was expecting anything he said to be.  Smiling at him, I quickly nodded, assuring him that I would be more than happy to tell them that he said hi to the two of them.  It left Harry to give a curt nod before he said he was going to go, sending me a small wave before he let himself out of my office and shut the door behind him.  I was still worried about him, especially with how cold and disconnected he had been, but I was glad that he was at least trying his best to talk after everything that had happened.  And, if he was beginning to talk, I knew that it could only get better from here. 

• • •

"Oh, Maggie, do I really have to go to bed?" Jules asked me while she sat in bed.

"Johnny is already asleep, and I gave you a piece of a cupcake."

"Harry wouldn't do this to me," she complained, crossing her arms over her chest.  "Where is he anyway? If he misses me so much, why won't he come see me?"

It was amusing to hear her speak about a man she had only met maybe a handful of times.  Not to mention that she was talking about how he must have missed her when all I said to Johnny and Jules was that Harry said hi to them.  It was funny, and I also was so surprised that she was even trying to use him against me in order to stay up longer.  However, it was later in the evening–later than I thought I would even be here actually.  Donna and Billy were clearly running late, but I also was in no rush to be anywhere in particular.  I loved hanging out with Johnny and Jules, and I knew that Donna and Billy deserved their alone time.

"He was dealing with some stuff," I told her.  "Also, Harry definitely would ask you to be a big girl and go to bed.  Actually, you want to know what I think he would say?"

"What?" she asked quickly.

"I think he would say that if you were extra good and went to bed right now, he would tell your mommy and daddy that you deserved some more of that cupcake in the morning because you were behaving so well."

She looked skeptical.  I had no idea how a little girl had so much sas to her, but it was more amusing to me than it was irritating.  After all, Jules was quite the character to babysit, while some people probably would have been annoyed to babysit a child that wasn't listening all that well, I simply took it as she was incredibly smart for her age and knew how to try her best and bargain.  Though, she had let me in on a secret without realizing it, and that secret was that she looked up to Harry.  So, anything he said was gold to use when it came to getting her to fall asleep. 

"He would?" she asked excitedly.

"Yes, of course he would," I nodded.  "Only if you go to sleep though."

"Yes, yes yes!" she grinned, lying down in the bed.  "Goodnight, Maggie!"

"Do you want me to read you a book?"

"Noooooo! Just tell mommy and daddy I was good! And Harry if you see him!"

I laughed softly, nodding as I stood up off the ground.  Jules was always so funny, and I was actually glad that she had let me put her to bed second considering Johnny had been getting incredibly cranky.  Once I left Jules' bedroom, I was surprised to see that it was getting a little late.  Of course, I knew that Donna would drive me home, there was no doubt in my mind.  But, there was a part of me that didn't want to bother asking her.  Usually, I would not have been the kind to get worried over a serial killer.  At least, I felt like I wasn't that nervous about them on particular days.  This one, though, I felt like walking home was not a good option and instead, I decided I should call Harry.  Especially since he had been the one to mention me calling him for a ride if I needed it.

Dialing his number on the phone, I twirled the cord around my fingers as I waited for him to pick up.  He normally didn't answer until about the fourth or fifth ring, but this time it went all the way to voicemail.  I was a little bit confused, wondering where he was at nine on a Wednesday, but I figured he might have been on a run the way that he had told me.  That, or maybe he was asleep by now.  After I left a quick voicemail, I headed back to the sofa, beginning to read for a little while.  The book I was reading wasn't as steamy as some of the others I had picked up, but it was still enjoyable.

As I was finally getting to a good part of the story, the phone began to ring.  I let out a soft grunt, getting up off the sofa after I marked my place in the book.  It didn't take long for me to pick up the phone, my fingers beginning to twirl around the cord again.  Though, there was heavy breathing on the other side, and I was a little concerned with what was going on over on his side.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Are you okay?" I questioned.

"I'm great.  What's up?"

Great? He had been incredibly irritable the past few days and now he was great?  It didn't make any sense to me in the slightest.  Then again, maybe he had finally gotten out of his funk that he had been in for so long.  I would have been pleased to hear it, especially since he would be much more enjoyable to speak to then.  After all, the grumpy man who I had been working with the past few days was not enjoyable whatsoever.

"You sound out of breath," I told him.

"Yeah," he laughed.  "I just finished running my block."

I knew it made sense.  I recalled him mentioning it to me not only today but even briefly talking about it on Monday.  The fact that he wanted to exercise in an effort to get his mind off of everything made perfect sense, and I even thought it was actually really great for him.  But, if he had been running the past couple of days I wondered what was so different about this one that had changed his mood.  Or, maybe he had finally just talked himself out of the rut he had been in, and it had actually done more for him than I could have expected.  Taking a deep breath, I realized that I didn't want to ruin his evening plans even if he had been the one to ask me to call him if I needed a ride.  I mean, what if he wanted to continue working out in his home? Or what if he wanted to write up some stuff for his broadcast tomorrow?

"I couldn't stand to bother you," I told him.  "It's nothing."

"Did the girl I picked over my now ex-girlfriend really say she couldn't stand to bother me?" Harry asked.  "What do you want, doll?"

He was in a really good mood.  I didn't know why, or how, or what had happened to change him into such an eager person after several days of him being miserable.  Today being included in that especially.  It was almost like the sudden change in attitude was scarier than if he would have gradually gotten better.  Of course, I wasn't sure why I would have chosen an insufferable Harry over a chipper one, but I guess I was just so thrown off by his change in mood.

"It's nothing, really."

"Don't play games with me," he stated lowly.  "You know how I feel about that.  Unless you want me to tie you up."

"Harry!" I whisper-shouted into the phone.  "Seriously?"

"Maybe.  Anyway, what was it that you wanted?"

I groaned into the phone, almost feeling like I had bothered him far too much even with his offer of driving me home anyway.  After all, he really had picked me over his ex-girlfriend, and that had been eating him up.  What was wrong with me to think that he would want to waste his time coming to take me home? I could have just asked Donna, or Billy, or either of them really.  I knew one of them would have been fine with taking me home.

"Magdalina?" Harry asked.

My full name again.  Once more it was leaving his mouth, and I was sucked into a trance of sorts with him.  I never understood how it would happen, but he always had my attention whenever he used it.  I had no idea if it was the years of scolding, or years of schooling, but his raspy voice hosting my name was something I truly would never get tired of hearing.

"Right, um, sorry," I started.  "I know it's kind of late, but would you pick me up from babysitting at Donna's house? It's much later than I thought, and I don't want to walk home in the dark."

"Why don't you have a car again? I know I told you earlier today that I don't mind picking you up, I just forget your reasoning."

There were several different reasons.  To start, I didn't need one when I lived in Orlando.  There had been public transportation all around, and no matter where I wanted to go there was a decent way to make it around up there.  Plus, most of the time I had lived up there, I had been with Timothy and he had a car.  But, when I moved here, I was close enough to work, stores, and at least Donna's that I didn't feel like I needed a car.  Quickly giving him what felt like my life story, he didn't say much for a few minutes, until he began to speak.

"I would be happy to pick you up, doll.  You know that."

"Okay, good," I sighed.  "Thank you so much.  I owe you."

"Owe me as in you'll let me play a game with you?" he asked, his voice deeper and more saturated.  "Or you'll bake me something?"

My cheeks were burning at the thought.  Where had this man been? He had been insanely quiet, timid, and passive the past few days.  Now he was collected, witty, and humorous once again.  Of course, since the breakup with Cherry, he had become a little more aggressively flirty.  Even if it wasn't all that crazy, with the whole being brooding thing he had going on in the past, he would somehow flirt with me when he was going to leave for the day.  But this? This was far more than I was used to, especially after the past couple of days of him being pretty much depressed.

"Harry."

"What? Can't blame me for trying."

"You're my friend."

"And you said that you wouldn't be interested in me if I had a girlfriend.  Well, look who no longer has a girlfriend."

"You're impossible."

"You want me so bad," he laughed.  "Just kidding.  I know you are a perfect little angel and have never had one dirty thought in your entire life."

He was teasing me now and I was going to go insane if he continued to do this.  Taking a deep breath, I told him that he was silly, Harry continuing to laugh on the other line.  It wasn't long until we were saying goodbye, but I reminded him I would call him when I needed to be picked up.  He assured me that it worked, leaving me to place the phone on the receiver before I went back to reading on the sofa.  I truly wondered what about his run had changed the way that he was acting.  After all, this was the Harry that I was used to who had answered the phone.  It had been a while since I had seen him, but now he was back.  It seemed too good to be true, actually, but I simply hoped that when he came to pick me up it wouldn't be too good to be true after all.