a/n: there is a definitely a reference to Harry at coachella in here somewhere. something about how he does certain things fast.... btw my policeman trailer today wtf????

I had woken up in a panic, my breathing heavy as I looked around the room.  There was a fear of some sort instilled in me, a fear that I felt like I had never felt and I didn't know why I was feeling the way that I was.  Harry wasn't in the bed beside me, and while I wasn't scared without him in the room, I just felt like I needed to find him to feel better.  I couldn't get the overwhelming sense of dread out of my being, so I made sure to get up, walking into the bathroom first.  He wasn't there, and even the extra space where the toilet was had been opened so I knew that wasn't where he was either.  I quickly made my way through the house, finally managing to spot him in the kitchen. 

"Harry."

He was cooking at the stove, glancing over his shoulder briefly but then did a double take.  I had never seen anyone stop what they were doing so quickly, Harry shutting the stove off and moving the pan away from the heat.  He set it on a different burner before he walked over to me, his arms wrapping around me almost immediately.  I didn't realize until now that I was this anxious, my body still shaking in his arms.  His injured hand shifted to the back of my head while he held me, his lips pressing to the top of my head.

"Hey, hey," he said quietly.  "What's wrong?"

"I-I don't know."

"I'm right here," he said quietly, holding me against him tightly as he hushed me.  "Did you have a bad dream?"

"I-I don't know.  I just woke up and was anxious."

He picked me up and set me on the counter, Harry cupping my cheeks and looking over me twice.  It never ceased to make me blush, and I had no idea why he was being so touchy with me, but I was incredibly thankful considering it was the only way I knew how to handle anything when I was freaking out.  But, in the time we had spent together I was sure he had picked up on it as well.  After all, for a man who hated touch he certainly had started to be overly touchy with me recently.  Harry brushed his thumbs under my eyes, shaking his head as he looked at me.

"I'm sorry you're so anxious.  You want some water or something? Maybe a shot?"

It made me laugh.  He quickly got me a glass of water, allowing me to drink most of it while he stood in between my legs.  I felt a little bit better, but I had no idea why I had woken up in such a panic.  He let me hold him for a while, his face snuggling into the crook of my neck as my head rested on his shoulder.  I smiled when he pulled me into him more, my arms wrapped around him easily.  It took a while for me to fully feel better, but even then he was attentive, going back to cooking breakfast in front of me and turning around to check on me every few minutes.

I liked watching him cook, and while he was shirtless, I could see his muscles moving in a way that I normally could not.  The way his shoulder blades shifted, muscles along his middle back tensing here and there as he continued to make breakfast.  Of course, I was pretty sure I had never really stared at anyone's back before, but his had quickly become my favorite in just under ten minutes, Harry grabbing a plate and dishing out an omelet.  I took the plate, Harry grabbing a fork for me.

"What's in it?" I asked.

"Sausage, cheese, tomato, and spinach."

"Oh, okay.  Thank you."

"Mhm."

He hummed while he made another, leaving me to eat the one he had made for me.  It was very tasty, and while I normally was not an egg person, this was probably one of the best things I had ever eaten.  He was always so good at anything he did, and I would have been jealous if he wasn't currently cooking for the two of us.  I was only about a fourth of the way through with my omelet when he finished with his, Harry shutting the stove off.  He plated his food, a small smile on my face when I looked at him.

"Do you want me to get up there next to you, or do you want to sit at the table?" he asked.

"I'll eat at the table with you."

He quickly set his food and mine at the table before getting me off of the counter.  I blushed when he pulled my chair closer to his, but it was also comforting.  After all, I knew he could tell I was still anxious, and he was doing everything he could to make it better.  His wounded hand sat on my thigh as we ate, and I told him how good the omelet was.

"Thanks.  I learned how to cook from my mum."

"That's good," I nodded.  "My mom taught me also.  I bet your mom would be so proud of you, Harry."

He nodded.

"Hey, I know I mentioned this like forever ago, but there's a farmer's market in Haines City next weekend.  It's like an early morning thing so if you don't want to go, I totally get it."

"I'd love to go," he told me.  "You did say you would take me sometime."

"I know.  And it just happens to work out that next Saturday is one of the days.  It's usually every other Saturday, so like yesterday there wasn't one, you know?"

He nodded, squeezing my thigh but then he hissed slightly.  I quickly grabbed his hand, pulling the bandage off to make sure that it was still okay.  And, actually, it looked much better.  It had been pretty much two days since he had gotten the stitches, Harry glancing down at his hand as well.  I pressed a kiss to his palm, Harry's face flushing but before I could even comment, Izabelle was jumping onto the table, meowing loudly at Harry.

"What? Can't you see I'm eating?" he said, to which she meowed loudly again.  "Fine, fine, fine.  Spoiled little princess."

He got up from the table, Izabelle walking over to me quickly and brushing up against me.  I giggled, shifting so that I could see if she would sit in my lap.  However, that did not happen.  Then again, I pinned it on her jumping off the table to go see Harry by the pantry where he had treats.  He crouched down, and I couldn't see him behind the island anymore, but I could hear him telling her that she was such a nice cat, and that he loved her very much.  It was cute, Harry standing back up with her in his arms.

"Are you going to let daddy finish breakfast? Hmm? Yes please."

He set her on the counter before walking back to the table to sit next to me.  It was cute seeing him with his cat, especially since I could tell that he actually really liked his cat.  There were some people I had met over the years who had a love hate relationship with their cats, but Harry seemed to strictly adore Izabelle the way that Izabelle seemed to adore Harry.  But, after watching her stare me down yesterday, I was sure she could get feisty at times as well.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"For what?"

"For her interrupting breakfast," he said to me.

"Oh, it's okay.  I'm sure you guys have a routine."

"We do.  I forgot to give her treats so she was angry.  I told you she can be a handful."

It made me laugh.  Harry and I finished up eating before we got up from the table.  I did the dishes, not wanting his hand to get wet even though I was almost certain it had been plenty of time now.  However, Harry did not appear pleased that I was doing his dishes in the slightest bit.  But, he allowed it, and I knew it had something to do with the morning I had.  Once I was done, he made us tea to take back to his room, Harry and I climbing onto the bed. 

"I like spending a morning with you at a normal hour," I told him.

"I know.  Nine in the morning is much nicer than four," he chuckled.  "Oh, I have a pool, by the way.  If you ever want to come over and swim or something."

"You just want to see me half naked."

"Lord forgive," he chuckled.  "Maybe you're right.  But, it also never gets used, so maybe you'll want to use it, I don't know."

"Cherry never wanted to use it?"

He stared at me like it was a dumb question.  I mean, how could he have a pool in Florida and Cherry didn't want to use it?  Even if they had only been together for about six months, she had been here before nonetheless.  Plus, she had been with him long enough that it had started to get incredibly warm out.  It wasn't like they were only together during the winter months when most people didn't enjoy swimming as often. 

"What?" I finally asked.

"Cherry only ever wanted to fuck me," he began, shrugging.  "I can't remember the last time I actually made her tea, or breakfast, and just talked to her.  We would fuck, go to bed, wake up, fuck, and she would leave.  When I say fuck, I mean it would be a couple of times, but, I don't know.  She didn't want to know me, she just wanted me to fuck her."

Immediately I felt bad.  Images of last night replayed in my mind.  Did he think that was all I thought about? After all, it was only our first date and I had quite literally used my hand to get him off.  What did he think of me? He must have thought I was an awful person.  My stomach hurt at the thought, and I even felt terrible for committing such a sinful act with him the previous evening, especially if that was all Cherry had ever done with him.  Harry seemed to realize I was upset about something, the man in front of me raising an eyebrow.

"What?"

"I wouldn't have done that last night with you," I quickly said.  "I-I'm so sorry.  You must think I'm terrible.  Really, you must think I am so awful."

"Terrible for what?" he asked. 

"You know," I told him, gesturing to the bed. 

He still appeared somewhat confused, my eyes glancing down briefly before they met his bright green ones again.  I could still see confusion etched into his face, but he soon began to piece everything together, Harry raising his eyebrows.

"If you're talking about the whole getting off situation, I don't think that's the same at all.  You actually went on a date with me, and you woke up and didn't need me to fuck you.  I don't think you're the same at all.  Now I feel bad because I should have just told you no so you wouldn't overthink it."

"Please don't feel bad," I murmured.  "I liked sharing that experience with you, I just want to be sure that you're comfortable, you know? I know you think sex and stuff is taboo."

We were going back and forth trying to make the other feel better, and I was both amused and surprised at the situation that was happening.  I knew it meant that we were actually worried about how we each felt, and it was sweet overall that we cared about each other's feelings so much.  Harry shook his head, sipping his tea at the same time I did.  Though, when he moved, I was a little confused, quickly taking up the space between his legs when he patted the bed.

"Easy, easy, you're going to spill," he said when I moved quickly.  "I'm still going to be here."

I knew he was right, but I always liked when he wanted me anywhere near him.  Especially since he had such a distaste for touch.  Or, it had been a lot easier to coax him into letting me be close to him recently, but I knew there would come a day where he said it was completely off the table, so I would take any and all forms of touch whenever he said it was okay.  I sat in between his thighs, Harry bending his knees some and squeezing me between his legs.  It made me giggle, Harry chuckling also.

"So, back to what I was saying before we got super side-tracked, I have a pool that I can show you.  We can even go swimming after you get off of work or something this week if you want."

"I really need a new bathing suit first."

"I can take you," he said.  "Unless it's like a Donna and you thing? Whatever is fine."

"I'll see what I'm doing.  If we do go together, I am paying for my bathing suit, Harry."

"Sure, sure, sure," he nodded.  "I know tomorrow you're busy with Radio Weekly, but do you have any other plans this week?"

"I have to double check that Donna doesn't need me to babysit.  You know, her and Billy like their little alone time.  I get it, if I had kids I probably would, too."

"At least their kids are funny," he told me.  "Wayne's kid is cool, you know, my friend's son? But I have met a couple of kids who are so boring.  Like, you're five, how do you have no imagination?"

It made me laugh.  He did have a good point.  How could a child that young be boring? Of course, there were a couple of times where I had just met Klein or Maxwell, and I felt like they were a little boring.  I almost wondered if it was because they didn't have any siblings, but who was to say? Brushing the thought off, I found myself finishing up my tea, Harry setting the cup on the side table before he finished his up as well.

"Your bed is so big," I told him.  "There is so much room."

"I know.  So when I really don't want to be touched you can be like five feet away and we are still sharing a bed, how nice."

I gave him a dirty look.

"I'm kidding, doll.  You know I would only ever choose to be four feet, eleven inches away from you."

It made me laugh, Harry chuckling softly as well.  We sat together for a while longer before Harry said he wanted to get a shower, my lips quickly pressing to his throat.  It was unnecessary, but I hated the thought of him pulling away from me, knowing that I was clingy to begin with but we were having such a nice morning together it was almost a shame that it would have to come to an end.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"I just wanted to."

He nodded, a giggle leaving my lips when he leaned down and pressed a bunch of kisses to my neck then.  It was one after another and the way that his nose brushed against my skin made it tickle, Harry wrapping his arms and legs around me so I couldn't even move.  He had me trapped in his arms, and I was laughing, trying to wriggle out of his hold but he wouldn't let me.  Or, he didn't let me for a while, anyway.

"Harry, please," I whined, the kissing having stopped but he was still holding onto me.  "Let go."

"No."

"Harry," I complained.

"You? Asking me to let go of you? Are you feeling okay?"

He made a good point.  Normally I would have loved this.  My lips pressed to one of his arms that were on me, and it made him laugh.  It took a few kisses for him to let go of me, but when he did, I knew he would have been right.  It was almost instantly that I wished he was holding me tightly again, but I didn't want to tell him that.  Glancing up at him, he smiled, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"Why don't we brush our teeth so I can kiss you?"

"Okay," I nodded.

We both moved, Harry laughing when I stumbled off the mattress and into him.  He made sure I was steady, his right hand grasping one of mine to pull me into the bathroom.  We both brushed our teeth, and once again I was stuck staring at him.  His tattoos really were the most distracting to me, and I would have done absolutely anything for him, if I was being honest.  It was embarrassing to even think something so drastic, but with the way his boxers hung low on his hips, the tattoos inking his skin well, the light trace of hair that stemmed from his belly button down, I was absolutely hooked.

"If you're going to undress me with your eyes, can you do it less obviously, doll?" Harry asked.

I groaned, spitting into the sink.  It didn't take long for us to finish up, Harry and I washing our toothbrushes off before setting them in the cup.  I found myself glancing in the mirror at myself, thankful that I looked pretty decent considering the eventful evening.  However, I felt Harry grab my face, tilting my head up so I could look at him.

"You're such a good girl," he told me.

"Harry."

"Hmm? I just want you to know when you're being good."

It made my cheeks flush, Harry shifting his hand so he was only cupping one side of my face instead of grabbing both sides.  My eyes fluttered shut when he leaned down to kiss me, my hands grabbing his waist.  I pressed my thumbs into his hips, the kiss not lasting long, but enough time for me to feel a little breathless when he pulled away.

"I'm going to shower," he told me.

"Okay.  Have a good time."

"I'll try."

He shewed me out of the bathroom, but before I could fully leave, I was turning around and pulling him down to kiss me once again.  He seemed surprised at first but quickly kissed me back before I pulled away.  I giggled when his arms wrapped around my waist and he kissed me once more, realizing that maybe he was a little clingy himself the longer we spent time together.

"Good morning," I said to him.

"It really is."

He let go of me then, waving before he shut the bathroom door.  I found myself sitting on the bed, knowing that there wasn't much to do, but I just wanted to wait for him.  Cuddling into the mattress, I hated and loved that it smelled like him, the coziness taking over before the lavender and mint followed.  It was incredible to me, and I wished that I could douse my entire house in his scent.  It took about twenty minutes for him to shower, and I wondered if it had to do with his hand still being stitched up.  However, he exited the bathroom not long after the shower stopped with a towel around his waist, Harry digging through the dresser to find what he needed.

"Are we napping?" he chuckled when he looked at me.

"No.  I didn't know what else to do."

"You could've watched TV or something, doll.  You poor thing, absolutely bored out here."

I shrugged, watching as he walked back into the bathroom before shutting the door.  It left me alone again, but only for a few minutes.  Soon enough, I was getting out of bed to grab my clothes, Harry still in the bathroom once I entered so he could hang up his towel.  It didn't take long for me to set my clothes down, Harry smiling at my toiletry bag that had soap in it.

"You don't want to smell like me?" he asked.

"I just always pack basically everything when I go somewhere."

"I'm just kidding," he smiled.  "Anyway, this is how you turn the shower on.  Uh, you can have the rainfall or the regular shower head by clicking this button.  I usually opt for the rainfall, personally."

"You have lots of money, and this is the only thing that really said it."

It made him laugh.  "The rainfall shower said it and not me overpaying anywhere we went last night?"

"I just thought you were being really nice."

He shrugged.  I watched as he went to grab a towel for me, Harry setting it on the hook by the shower.  It wasn't long until he was letting me start the shower, the curly-haired personality telling me that he would see me soon.  I waited until he shut the door to undress, the water already steaming so I assumed it was ready to go.  Or, it turned out to be way too hot so I lowered the temperature a little bit.  I pulled my hair up, the shower temperature lowering before it was ready.  Of course, I had liked the thought of the rainfall shower, but I didn't really want to get my hair wet so I switched it to the regular one.

My shower only took about ten minutes before I was drying off and getting dressed for the day.  I knew I would need to ask Harry if he could take me home soon because I had a couple of errands to run, but hopefully he wouldn't think that I didn't want to still spend time with him—I just genuinely had a couple of things to do.  After I exited the bathroom, Harry was sitting on the bed, a small smile on his face.

"Good?"

"Yeah.  I'll have to plan to actually wash my hair over here one day so I can use the rainfall one."

"I'm sure we can work that out," he nodded.

"Also, I was wondering if there was any chance you could take me home soon? I just have some errands to run."

"Yeah, of course," he nodded, getting up from the bed.  "I have to go to the police station and stuff anyway after I drop you off because they said they're going to let me watch one of the VHS tapes."

My eyes widened when he said it, and I wondered what would make anyone willingly want to watch that.  Of course, I knew Harry had seen a lot of stuff that the average person probably hadn't in his line of work.  Being a true crime radio host meant he was digging into the files and seeing all the bits, the gore, the stuff no one else wanted to actually look at with their own eyes.  But, Harry liked having the most insight on cases, so I knew that this was probably no different.

"Aren't you scared?" I asked.

"I mean, yeah.  They kept asking if I was sure, and I guess it is really hard to watch.  If anything, I'll just ask them to turn it off."

"I'd be so scared," I told him.  "Like, what do you think is on there? Before? After? What if it's during?"

"I guess I'll see," he stated.  "I'll call you later though, yeah? Make sure you're all good after your errands and stuff."

Nodding, I let him grab my bag, Harry making sure I grabbed all of my belongings from his bathroom.  I said goodbye to Izabelle, and she actually brushed against my legs.  When I glanced at Harry, he smiled, a grin on my face as I looked down at Izabelle.  Saying bye to her for a final time, Harry and I left the house, leaving him to lock up behind us.  He then placed my bag in the trunk before opening his door for me.  I sat in the car, Harry following in before he shut the door and started the car. He backed out of the driveway, my cheeks flushing when he wrapped his arm around me and drove with his left hand on the wheel.

"You're lucky I've had a lot of time to mentally prepare for all this touching, doll."

"I know, I know," I nodded.

"Don't be hurt if I get all weird about it again.  I just get really stressed out sometimes."

"No, I get it," I told him.  "It's a lot.  I'm a lot."

"You're not," he promised me softly.  "Oh, please don't think it's you.  It's just me.  I'm ... I have a lot of stuff that has never been dealt with properly."

"I get that, also," I nodded.

"Good, good, good."

I was trying to savor every moment with him, knowing he would probably go back to his very tense, anxious self when it came to the next time we would see each other.  Even if that time was tomorrow, I didn't want to assume he would be allowing of physical contact.  Of course, he was always so calm and collected, but I knew that if I tried to hug him a different day, he would probably get all weird about it—even if we were a little closer than before.

"So you'll call me later?"

"If you're free," he nodded.

"I think I will be.  I just know I'm going to be running around a bunch because of tomorrow and I want everything to go perfectly."

"Why don't you call me if you're free?" he tried.  "I won't be upset if you're busy.  If anything, we can talk tomorrow after your meeting, yeah?"

"Okay," I nodded.  "That might be best."

"Lovely.  I know I'm supposed to have lunch with Zayn tomorrow around the time that your meeting is, but maybe after that we can chat?"

"Yeah, definitely," I agreed.

Once we got to my house, I was already a little sad that I would have to part ways.  He really was someone that I enjoyed spending time with, and I found myself sitting in the car with him after he had shut it off, Harry looking at me for a long moment before shaking his head.  He was the one to initiate getting out of the car, pulling the door open and letting me slide out of the vehicle.  I started to head up to my front door as he grabbed my bag, pulling my keys out of my purse.  Just as I finished unlocking the door, Harry followed me inside, placing my bag by the door as I set my keys in the clay bowl.

"I'll miss you," I said quietly.

"Don't do that to me," he said.

"What?" I laughed, but then quickly covered my face.  "No, please don't look.  I swear I don't mean it."

"You want me to beg you to let me stay or something?" he laughed, shutting the door and wrapping his arms around me quickly as I slowly pulled my hands away from my face.  "I'm going to see you tomorrow.  Why are you so emotional?"

"I just had a really good time, I don't know," I said to him, shrugging.

"We can do it again, I promise."

"Pinky?"

He sighed, holding his pinky out to me.  I wrapped my pinky around his almost instantly, smiling as we stamped our thumbs.  Except this time Harry was very quick to kiss me as well, my fingertips pressing against his chest while he held me.  And, just as quickly as he had kissed me, he was pulling away, shaking his head as he looked at me.

"I'll miss you," he said quietly.  "Don't tell anyone I said that or else."

"You're sappy, you just don't want people to know."

"Okay, maybe," he nodded, smirking down at me.  "I also come quickly with you, but we don't have to talk about that either."

"Harry," I complained.

"What? I'm just saying things we shouldn't tell anyone."

It made my cheeks flush, Harry smiling at me again.  He wiped under my eyes where a tear or two had escaped, and I knew I was overly emotional because he was the first man I had ever been interested in emotionally since my ex.  So, realistically, he was the second man ever that I was even considering taking seriously.  But, I think I was also emotional because he was willing to be there for me emotionally.

"You be good," he said quietly. 

"Just for you," I nodded.

"Fuck," he muttered.  "Mhm, mhm, bad thoughts.  I should go, darling, before I get angry thinking about you."

"Angry?"

"Yeah.  Like, angry because I shouldn't be thinking of my precious little catholic girl that way."

"Oh," I laughed.  "Okay.  I'll see you tomorrow at work."

"Of course you will.  Bye, Magdalina."

"Bye, Harry."

He smiled at me, pulling away and pressing a kiss to my temple before leaving.  I waved to him as he was getting in the car before shutting my front door.  It was the first time in what felt like ages that I was genuinely disappointed to leave someone, and I wondered if he was feeling the same way as of right now.  I hated being attached already, but there was something so intoxicating about him that I just couldn't help myself.

After I had sorted some stuff out at my home, I decided I needed to make a trip to the store.  I had just gone on Friday, but all I had bought was stuff for penne vodka and not things I would need for the week.  Grabbing my bag and keys, I started my way to the store.  The walk felt much quicker than normal, and I was thankful that it wasn't ungodly hot the way I was anticipating it to be. 

As I was shopping around, I knew that I needed to grab some feminine products since I was low and my doctor had said the birth control she prescribed me was the kind where I either could get a period or I might not get one.  And, since I was nearing the fourth week of pills, I decided it was better to be safe than sorry.  However, I was oddly interested in looking at the other things down the feminine hygiene aisle, knowing that there was absolutely no reason for me to even glance at the condoms if I was celebite, but I was also in shock that the thought to look had even crossed my mind.  Quickly pushing past, I found myself getting lunch meat and cheese before I moved on to get lettuce, tomato, and bread.  Although, I nearly felt sick to my stomach when I noticed a very familiar face at the end of the aisle.  And, while I would have done anything to turn around, it was far too late.  He had already seen me.

"Maggie?"

"Oh, uh, hi," I greeted awkwardly.

"Hey, what's up? How have you been?"

How was I? What was up? Did he not remember what he did to me months ago? Did he not recall how he left me crying right before exams? I felt like I had quite literally died.  I lost everything when my parents found out.  I was stuck in a place of unknowns after years of having everything that I could ever need.  And now he wanted to know what I was up to and how I had been?

"I'm fine.  I just have been working.  You?"

"You know, just getting ready for a baby with the wife.  She should be around here somewhere.  Uh, oh, yeah, here she is now.  Bri, this is my ex, Maggie."

"Oh, hi!" she greeted, and I felt sick seeing the ring on her finger and the baby bump.  "Timothy always has such lovely things to say about you.  I would be jealous if I wasn't married to him."

A stab to the heart.  She had a rock on her left ring finger, and it was obvious that she was showing.  The woman even looked like she was in shape so this was several months, it wasn't like the bump was new.  Every single thing was tearing at me.  I wanted to be anywhere else but here.  The sheer thought of them experiencing things together that I thought I would experience with him was hurting just to think about, and at this point I was keeping back tears as best as I could.

"You look lovely, by the way," Bri said to me.  "He always told me you were really pretty."

She wasn't bad looking herself, but I did find it weird that he had only said nice things about me to her.  That, or they were both being overly nice to my face and were probably going to talk shit about me after.  I found myself surprised when he asked for a hug, my arms wrapping around him slowly.  It hurt even more, standing there in his grasp, and I just remembered all the times he would want to be there for me, and tell me everything was fine when I was upset.  Pulling away, I gave Bri a hug as well, realizing just how pregnant she was as I pulled away.

"When are you due?" I asked.

"November," Bri told me.  "We got pregnant in March, so I'm super excited.  I always wanted to be a mom."

"That's great.  I'm so happy for you guys."

Timothy nodded.  "We're going to have a baby shower in August if you want to come.  You should bring your mom."

I stared at him, and I wondered if he had said it to hurt me, or if he genuinely had no idea what had happened.  Did he not know that my family had abandoned me after he broke up with me? Even when I tried to seek shelter with them, they had shut me out.  I had called, asked for their help, and they pushed me away.  It had been one of the most devastating things to go through, and it still was.  Growing up in a strict Catholic home, they were very invested in my relationship with Timothy.  So, when things didn't work out I knew it was difficult for them to understand what had happened and why it had happened.  But, the worst part of it all was I was abandoned by not only the man I thought I would be married to for the rest of my life, but my family who I thought was never supposed to turn on me.

"I don't, um, talk to my family," I told him.

"Oh," he nodded, clearing his throat.  "Well, I mean, we still would be happy to have you there.  I do think you shaped me into some of the person I am today, so I feel like it is only right."

He was sick in the head to be saying things like that to me.  How did he think I felt? How did he think I was going to react? No shit I was someone who shaped him into the person he was today.  Countless years together.  Countless parties I was his plus one to because his dad had invited us places.  It was a lifestyle that I was no longer living simply because he wanted to rush everything and I didn't.  I got that he wanted to be married and have a family, but why was it so hard to allow for that after I was finished with what I wanted to do? I didn't think it was selfish if the end goal was to be happily married with a family, but Timothy definitely thought otherwise.

"I might be back at school by then," I told him finally, knowing that if I was invited I really wouldn't want to go.  "If I get my classes right, I'll graduate in December."

"Oh shit, that's great!" he nodded.  "I'm really happy for you.  And I hear you work at Dawn FM, like you always wanted.  Tell me, is that Harry guy cool? I hear all about him and I listen to his show!"

I wanted to tell him something that would hurt his feelings.  It was unlike me, but a part of me wished I could tell Timothy that Harry was everything he hadn't been for me.  I wanted to tell him that I spent the night with him.  I wanted to tell him that Harry and I had done choice things together on our first date, but it was wrong.  It wasn't like me.  Still, I thought about how Harry was kind, funny, and charming.  He made sure that I was taken care of before he was.  Harry was everything that Timothy hadn't been for me, but I didn't want to embarrass him in front of his wife.  Plus, maybe things for Bri and Timothy were different since they were very clearly having sex.

"He's cool, yeah," I said.  "I work with him a lot actually."

"So is it true that he gets all his info straight from the police and stuff? I heard he had people under the radar get it, but I also heard he had friends at the station, so I was just wondering what was real and what was fake.  I listen to him every morning."

"Yeah, uh, he told me he was going to the station today to watch those VHS tapes the killer was leaving.  I guess they're pretty terrible, but Harry likes to have the best scoop."

Timothy nodded, clearly intrigued.  "One more thing.  I hear they all look like you? Dark hair, dark eyes, petite.  Are you ... you know, are you scared living here with that happening?"

And it was weird to think that he wanted to know.  Of course, it was no mystery in this town what the victims looked like.  Winter Haven wasn't that big, so when something happened, everyone knew about it.  But when there was a serial killer, everyone definitely knew about it.  And they certainly knew what the victims looked like.  It just also happened that I looked like every single one of them.

"I'm not worried.  I stay home in the evenings.  I don't answer my door if I don't know who it is.  That type of thing."

"Good," he nodded.  "It was good to see you, Maggie."

"Yeah."

"It was lovely to meet you finally," Bri said to me also.

I nodded, smiling at her.  She looked nothing like me, which I was happy about, but I also wondered how he could go from someone that looked like me to a very busty woman with blonde hair.  Of course, maybe it was the baby that had given her all the right curves, but I knew my features were not nearly as big.  Swallowing hard, I waved goodbye before leaving the aisle, grabbing a few extra things before I quickly checked out and started heading home.  Though, it wasn't until I had fully put everything away that I lost it completely, trying to comprehend how he had been so interested in what was going on with me and how I was doing.  His wife had been so friendly to me—like it wasn't weird that I was his ex.

I knew that I was spiraling, and I found myself standing in front of the liquor cabinet.  Harry's alcohol was sitting front and center, but I knew I couldn't drink that.  It was his to have when he came over, and I certainly didn't want to touch it.  I had wine, vodka, tequila.  I knew that the latter would burn the most going down so I found myself latching onto that before I made my way to my bathroom.

It didn't take long for me to start the bath.  There was no way I was going to be able to try and manage the pain in my chest by just sitting in my room.  I needed to try and relax by having a bath.  Setting the bottle of tequila on the rim of the tub, I quickly undressed, climbing in and nearly choking on sobs as I attempted to chug the tequila I had picked out.  It wasn't like me to drink my problems away, but there was nothing else I could even think to do.  I was insanely hurt, devastated, and on edge now.  I wanted it to go away—for the pain to no longer be there.  And yet here I was, getting drunk in the tub.  Even when I shut the water off, I sat in there for what felt like hours.  The water became cold, I heard the phone ring, but I didn't even move to answer it.  I just sadly stayed in the tub, miserable with myself at what could have been.