Casimir

Killian is late.

Beside me, the horses rest aside the small creek that weaves through the forest a few metres from the cave entrance. I watch the gentle rise and fall of their chests as I count the seconds that turn into minutes that feel like hours.

Each minute that ticks by adds another ball of irritation in my 'vendetta against Killian' mental box. The image of him trailing after Freya has not failed to plague me since I watched it several hours ago. It took everything inside of me not to march straight after him and interrupt whatever it is the two of them were doing in the dark passage.

I truly do not want to know.

When Killian finally arrives, he's not alone.

I push off the tree, unfolding my arms as I brush the hilt of my dagger at my waist. "What's he doing here?" I note Alaric's hands. "Unbound?"

"Let's get moving," Killian says sharply in response. "We shouldn't talk so close to the cave."

He doesn't wait for me to respond, just shoves through the bush without sparing me so much as a glance. Narrowing my eyes at Alaric, he follows Killian, the blonde locks on his head shifting in the gentle breeze. A frown tugs at my lips as I follow, keeping one hand firmly planted on the hilt of my dagger. I replay Killian's instruction in my mind, trying to conjure up the thick, mental concrete wall to block him from my head.

The thought of it makes my skin crawl.

We continue forward, using the light of the moon to guide us, before coming to a stop after no less than twenty minutes. Killian turns and nods at Alaric, expression blank.

"Tell us how to save Freya," Killian demands.

Alaric frowns. "I don't know."

"You said we needed you."

"That doesn't mean I know what to do," he says. He shakes his head, frowning at the ground. "I can't stop thinking about what that kinjri Myers told you. It doesn't make any sense. How much can you trust him?"

Killian and I exchange glances. "Not a lot," I admit.

Alaric's brows furrow. "He said that Nala's power is too much for her, but kinjri gifts don't work like that. If it manifested in Freya, it's because she was able to hold it. If she wasn't able to, then the hyacerite would've simply kept its power inside of itself and nothing would've happened."

"Myers said it was because she was half human," Killian explains. "That only full blooded kinjri can handle a gift."

"Kinjri do not believe in blood quantum," Alaric says, somewhat defensively. "If you have kinjri blood, you are kinjri, it doesn't matter how much. And Freya is..." He trails off, his eyes brightening. "I can feel the power in her, simmering just beneath the surface. When she conjures it, it's exquisite, it's--"

"Alright, we get it," Killian cuts Alaric off sharply. I blink at him, surprised by his perceived level of irritation. No matter what he feels, Killian is usually an expert at keeping his emotions under lock and key.

"So you're saying that Myers could've been lying?" I ask, changing the subject. "That maybe the power isn't killing Freya?"

"That's not what I'm saying. Something isn't right about what's happening to her. The mark on her arm, for starters. The way it's growing. The way using her gift weakens her. None of that is normal."

"Myers loved Nala," Killian says. "He said that she would've wanted the cloud destroyed. He believed that it would kill Freya, eventually."

"So he would say anything to ensure that it does kill her if it means ending the cloud," I breathe. My mind reels on the information. Despite the information that it is potentially still currently killing her, hope ignites inside of me.

If Alaric thinks Myers' explanation doesn't add up, then he could have lied. He would have lied in order to prevent us from figuring out a way to save her. And the best lies are the ones that are all tangled in truth.

"So the power is killing her," Killian says. "But not because she's half human, like Myers said."

"That would not kill her. No matter how powerful Nala was." Alaric nods in confirmation. "If you can get me to him, I can get the truth."

Mind reader.

The reminder prompts the wall in my mind to build. It had slipped, the realisation leaving me feeling entirely vulnerable. "We have three weeks before Trina plans to raid the Palace with Freya as her weapon. They plan on continuing to use you to train her."

Surprise flashes across his face but he quickly marks it. "Is Freya... is she okay with that?"

"Freya wants Ereon dead just as much as the rest of us," I say, saving Killian a response. "Working with you is a necessity she has to take."

My comment stings. I can tell from the way his face drops. Apparently, Alaric's affection for her pisses me off just as much as it does him.

"One of us will take you to Myers once we find a way to slip away from camp unnoticed. In the meantime, keep training Freya. Safely. It's best she's able to control her gift just in case. But don't do anything that could make the markings worse," Killian says reluctantly. "And if you so much as smile at her in a way that she doesn't like, I'll make sure you regret it."

Alaric doesn't shrink beneath Killian's gaze. He meets it evenly with one of his own. "I'm not sure she'd appreciate you doing anything of the sort right now."

"Get out of my fucking head," Killian snaps, his words soaked in venom.

"It's ironic," Alaric continues, untethered. "That you are now betraying the leader you once betrayed me for."

Sanaa.

Killian's jaw twitches. "I hardly think planning an uprising is the same as withholding a secret that could save a life."

"Isn't it?" Alaric presses. "Considering the life you're keeping the secret to save is potentially condemning hundreds, thousands to death?"

Killian takes measured steps towards Alaric, each one punctuated with venom. Neither of them break the gaze, even as Killian jabs Alaric firmly in the chest, shoving him backwards.

"You and I are not the same," Killian says lowly. "If you so much as breathe a word--"

"Unlike some, I keep my word." Alaric narrows his eyes. "Freya is kinjri. She is mine to protect."

"She does not belong to anyone." Killian glares at him, daggers in his eyes, until Alaric eventually breaks their intense gaze and turns away, nodding to me on his way past back to the cave.

I stare after them, turning back to Killian with a raised brow. "What was that about?"

"Don't start, Casimir. I'm really not in the mood."

He's been pissy ever since he got here. At first, I thought it had been to do with his distaste towards Alaric. But I've never seen him so clearly agitated before.

I turn, ready to head back to the cave when he calls out.

"Do you think she'll forgive you?"

I half-turn, glancing at him over my shoulder. He seems to have reigned in his emotions, pulling that mask back over his face. I know he's talking about Freya.

When I don't answer, he continues. "I don't know if keeping this a secret is the best idea.."

My stomach tightens, fear curling in my stomach at his hesitation. "Killian, you cannot tell anyone. It puts her at risk. Don't listen to what Alaric says about Sanaa."

"I'm not talking about Sanaa." He swallows. "We can't... it doesn't feel right to keep Freya in the dark.

"You can't tell her." He presses his lips together. I narrow my eyes, taking a step closer. "I'm serious, Killian. I know what she would do. I know Freya."

"I know her too," he says, somewhat defensively. "She would want to know."

"Of course she would! It doesn't mean she should." I shake my head. "Do you want to put her in that position of mental torture? Knowing so many people are suffering and she has the ability to end it? Is that what you want?"

"I want her to have a choice."

I clench my jaw, trying to reign in my frustration at his irrationality. "If you tell her, you are signing her death warrant."

I turn to walk away. If I stay one more moment I'm not sure how composed I could stay.

"When she finds out the truth that you kept from her? That we kept from her? Will she forgive?" he continues. "Would you forgive her for the same?"

Since we've known each other, Freya and I have shared just as many secrets as we've withheld. For starters, the basis of our friendship was built on something of a mistruth. She believed I was an orphan, abandoned by parents I never met. And when her brother was taken, she lied to me for an entire year as she searched the forge for the deserters I tried desperately to keep her away from.

But this secret is deeper than anything that has come before. Darker.

The optimistic side of my brain wants to tell him yes. That Freya and I have built something strong enough to withstand even the biggest lies.

"I might not like it, but Alaric's right. If we told her the truth, she might do something drastic." I stare at him, trying to read the words written in his eyes. Killian lied to her for a long time with no problem. But I watched as he spent even longer trying to make up for it. "I would've thought you were well-versed in keeping secrets."

He presses his lips together. "I know you don't like me, but I'm telling the truth when I say I don't want to hurt her anymore."

"I know. And to answer your question, I don't know if she would forgive me," I say truthfully. "But I'd rather she hated me alive, than loved me dead. It seems you have the same choice to make."