Story by LadyInLostYearn

Review by EvelynYvette

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Blurb

While World War II is absorbed in its own devastation, a runaway slave stumbles upon a meadow. He is saved by a curious, lonely spirit and builds an affinity with her; but will he be her only salvation or eternal damnation? Either way, she can't let him go. And neither can he... as they're more similar than they thought.

With unexpected gifts and losses coming their way, the starry-eyed lovers go on a journey for a sense of peace through a strange reality, a stark contrast to her own.

The human world. Not an easy feat. Especially where ghosts and dreadful creatures are concerned.

Link to story ➼

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𓋼 Review 𓋼

1) I enjoy the cold open here, and that we're immediately thrown into Taq, Fomu, and the protagonist's conversation right away. It immediately brings me into the here and now of the world.

2) This feels like a departure from what's intended but honestly I think the protagonist would be great with more apathy. They care about the other spirits but not humans. I almost would like to see a more intense otherness that showcases that these folks are not human and sometimes look down upon them in language and thought, and maybe that is something for Ki to question. I also think apathy is important to immortals, a general question of when do they get bored with living?

3) I think it would be helpful to get a wee little description of how the magic works here. Do they call the wind and it comes just by thought? Something small here such as "Taq called the wind and they dissipated into it, their images warping with the blow of the element to be carried away." it would help me understand if they become the elements or they control them.

4) I enjoy Ki's curiosity, and I kind of almost wish the way they talked about humans more sterilely so I stop seeing Ki as a pseudo human with powers. To me, the representation of gods is outside of that. I think this would also aid in the conflict Ki has already, fighting against the curiosity she feels vs what she thinks her role should be in the world. I also think this would support the idea of her wanting to have sex more as something she wants to experience as the humans do (perhaps she spied on them in her meadow!), and she's curious how humans experience it as an object/alien/foreign thing to her. An example would be to replace the word humans with words such as "things" or "mortals".

5) Really love the description of desire and pleasure as fruits & chocolate. I almost wonder how Ki has these frames of reference? Was she human in the past? How does she know these things? Maybe it'll get answered later!

6) I feel as if Ki does not need a sword as a force of nature. She controls the rain, and the elements, what's a sword to a god?

7) I feel like Aht's description of Ki needs to be a bit more ethereal and affect the world around her. Does she float down on thunderous clouds? Does her voice have the whip of lightning or the rumble of thunder? I as a reader interpret her as a force of nature and I feel like Aht and Harrison almost need to see Ki vastly differently than just her being otherworldly beautiful (which fits in the story! Just needs an additional aspect to it).

8) I love that Aht is already smitten! It gave me a good laugh that he's already ready for some love from her.

9) I think the sexual scene at the river would be more impactful and enticing if it was exploratory for Ki in the sense that she is both new to the world of humans and the world of desire. Perhaps as she helps him to the river she feels his weight, and explores him with her hands, asking for names of things such as parts of his body. Maybe asking why his skin is becoming flush and there's a tent in his pants. There's a power in her naivety and it can really lend itself to the eroticism of the moment. I think Aht's refusal would be very impactful too, not that he does not want to do those things (as he notes) but maybe its not the time (as he's broken his ankle)

10) I like the flirtation between them, it reminds me a lot of Greek mythology and its mythos, with humans falling in love with water/forest nymphs who are giggling and being playful with them.

11) I think Ki's powers could manifest in the reality around her. An example being maybe some apple trees manifested apples above them at her wish/mental command and they began to drop and hit Aht on the head, still keeping the playful nature going but adding a tie to how she affects the world.

12) Moving forward to chapter 2 I really enjoy that she is getting the full foot down here and its a point of contention between the two!

13) I think we could lean into the forbiddenness between the two, especially setting it up at the beginning and maybe feeling like Aht's being drawn to her because of her Divinity.

14) I feel like the sex scenes thus far are dynamic and make sense! I think we could slow this down a little and add the exploration utilizing her tongue, maybe with him guiding her because she is unaware. This would act as a good transition between things going down her throat vs not having done it before.

𓋼 Pros 𓋼

1) I think your story flows well and the world itself is interesting, I enjoy that we're starting with a protagonist who is both knowledgeable about the world but naive to more nuanced things, it really sets up a lot of concepts to explore.

2) I enjoy your prose as well, and as the story moved forward it felt natural to the world you've created.

3) The sex scenes were good and paced well. No additional notes here!

𓋼 Areas of Improvement 𓋼

1) I believe we can make some narrative choices to better support the lore of the world, such as adding transitional scenes to ensure the reader understands how the magical system works, and give a bit of context to how the characters interact with the world. Does Ki smell her flowers, pick them like they're pimples? Is the world/meadow an extension of her body? How can we add those bits of characterization that both adds to the lore of the story but additionally showcases the personality of the character.

2) Sometimes there's cohesiveness in contrast, and I believe that Ki can have more contrast as an otherworldly entity. As a reader I was almost hoping there was more to her supernaturalness. I think the aforementioned apathy and mental disconnect from the world would support this as it intensifies the attraction between her and Aht. It then also ensures that the reader will ask the question–why is Aht special? It leads me forward into the mystery.   

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Disclaimer

Don't forget that liking a story, characters, cover, etc, is subjective. Our reviewers try their best to give constructive and honest feedback.