Story by Kikibtsstan

Review by EvelynYvette

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Blurb

Get ready for a thrilling world as we probe the life of Asher, a young prince who is undergoing a series of rigorous princely lessons to prepare for his future as King, and Tristan, the son of the most notorious gang in the land who is having one last training before he officially becomes a member. 

But what happens when these two opposites collide? Asher is kidnapped for ransom and suddenly finds himself outside the castle walls, in a forest, staring into the eyes of a tall and dark stranger who seems to be able to see right through him.

Join us on a journey filled with humor, adventure, and unexpected twists as we follow the lives of these two characters and unravel the mystery of who is truly in captivity.

Link to story ➼

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𓋼 Review 𓋼

Review of on the run, starting in the Info Page

1) I think the first sentence of chapter 1 is missing some additives to sculpt the scenery of the here and now for Asher. For example, when it is said "Far away in the kingdom of Ashernia, prince Asher had a pile of books towered in front of him." I dont necessarily understand why the books are important to frame who Ahser is. What would be helpful to support his boredom or disinterest would be for an additional sentence or phrase saying "--prince Asher had a pile of books towered in front of him with no interest in even touching his princely duties for the day." or something similar. This helps support the personality of Asher and sets the tone of who he is.

2) I think things are happening quite quickly, and I think I as a reader I need the stage to be set up for longer before I feel that I connect with either Asher or the king/queen. Perhaps it was a normal day? Or Asher awakes with the hood on his head, maybe something goes wrong with the knockout drug and he hears what's happening as he's being kidnapped. This addition I think would greatly help how I'm interpreting the pace of the story.

3) I believe some descriptions would be helpful here as well in order to further draw the reader in, sounds, colors, and external descriptions I think would be beneficial because right now I do not know what anything looks like, such as the palace Asher was in, the throne room the Queen ran to, or even the land around Asher and the kidnapper. Is the grass chafing his skin? Is it damp outside? Something to tie me to the world around.

4) I also think we could lean more into the physical actions of characters, how exactly did Ashe stretch? Did his arms go up or out to his side? This would be helpful as this makes me aware of his mannerisms and further supports his aloof personality.

5) I think its funny that Asher is making so many demands. Though I also think the stranger could be a little bit more rude with him. Maybe he throws the sticks and leaves on him.

6) The predicaments are comedic that Tristen and Asher are in, but I would also like to see some lingering on the attraction aspect of the story since I know we are headed towards it. For example, with the nude scene, we could have Tristen stare at his chest, possibly blushing/becoming flustered and stammering.

7) I love the suspense here! Tristan turned from kidnapper to protector quickly. I do wish we had more of an inkling into Tristan's mind and how we got here. Currently we are traveling and fighting, but why should I be invested in this? What kind of sign could you give the reader as a hint. Perhaps he unfurls a note and it reads something mysterious...just to keep the reader engaged.

Overall, your strengths show well in comedic timing and dialogue, I enjoyed that Asher's and Tristan's personalities showed through their direct communication. I believe in the story, we could add more substance and flavor to the world through external descriptions around physical behaviors, visual representations, and teasing of the plot in order to keep the reader engaged in the story of the world. Thank you for letting me read!  

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Disclaimer

Don't forget that liking a story, characters, cover, etc, is subjective. Our reviewers try their best to give constructive and honest feedback.