Story by tetradymite

Review by CrownedMadness

𓍊𓋼𓍊 𓆏 𓍊𓋼𓍊

Blurb

In a city unknowingly on the edge of chaos, seven individuals receive gifts from an elusive beast known as the chimera. As they struggle to understand these gifts, they must also contend with the unpredictable visits of Jasper, a young man who keeps dropping unexpectedly into their world.

These seven may not be the ones destined to fulfill an ancient prophecy, but they are going to have to deal with the aftermath.

Link to story ➼

𓍊𓋼𓍊 𓆏 𓍊𓋼𓍊

𓋼 Review 𓋼

𓍊𓋼𓍊 𓆏 𓍊𓋼𓍊

𓋼 CONCEPT 𓋼

The concept is fascinating. It offers a lot of room for character development, especially with the seven characters plus Jasper. The puzzle of the mysterious gifts (especially from a mythical beast, you say!) opens the door for adventure, mystery, and hopefully some delightful twists! The addition of the ancient prophecy will attract fans of the prophecy trope in fantasy—but what I particularly appreciated is the twist to the typical prophecy trope, and how the characters have to deal with the aftermath of the prophecy rather than just following the prophetic storyline. Overall, on its own, captivating and unique concept.

𓋼 EXECUTION 𓋼

𓋼 PROSE:

The immediate thing that caught my attention is the narrative voice—it's playful, humorous, engaging, and straightforward when it needs to be. I must also say the chapter openings are always spot on, and I especially loved how the opening line of Chapter 3 tied back to the previous chapter.

The pacing of the chapters is well-executed, and how they sequenced after another is organic. For example, it made sense to switch to Giada's POV in Chapter 3 after Jasper's encounter. However, the overall story progression may be slow (intentionally or otherwise). For example, five chapters into the story, the seven characters and Jasper are yet to come together to kickstart the plot truly. The cozy pace works for getting to know the characters (especially if you're aiming for character-driven) and getting a sense of place, but if that's not your goal, you might want to speed things up a bit.

You specifically asked about the dialogues: I found them natural and engaging. They didn't feel stiff or info-dumping.

The vocabulary is impressive, and it's clear that the words are thoughtfully chosen. The descriptions are generally a well-balanced mix of show vs. tell. For example, the portrayal of the waking-up scene effectively introduces Jasper's character through actions rather than relying on telling. If I'm nitpicking, I'd suggest being mindful of the filtering words; I realize it might be natural to use filtering words when using a narrator's voice—and it's actually rare slippings in your case—but replacing filtering words with more active language will make the writing even more engaging. For example, "the sky above is made of the kind of blue that reminds one of how vast and beautiful the heavens must be." Firstly, beautiful imagery. Secondly, it'd be more concise and engaging if "made of" was removed.

Regardless, the overall prose is well-written and promising.

𓋼 WORLD-BUILDING:

I was told that world-building is intentionally vague, but the descriptions provided are sufficient to create a sense of place, which is really all that's needed. For example, Jasper teleporting for the first time is well-executed and effectively conveys a sense of place and the nature of the gift through the descriptions. However, if the world plays a significant role in the plot, especially if it is complex, then adding more details will give more clarity, as currently, there's a lot of room for interpretation.

I'm intrigued by the Chimera and the concept of the gifts, and I'm eager to see how it will all unfold. The gifts may be symbolic items tied to the characters' traits and aspirations. Moreover, the connection between the gifts and the gifted seems to go beyond a surface level, and given Giada's reluctance to part with it, it may even be soul-tied to the characters. The mystery surrounding the Chimera's gift throughout history leaves room for exploration. It's interesting to consider if there are people in history who have figured out the true nature of the gifts.

𓋼 CHARACTERS:

The careful attention given to character introductions and how they seamlessly integrate into the narrative is commendable. I appreciated the subtle details, such as Fallon tying his letter again after reading, which adds to the characterization without being overly explicit. The focus on such minor details enhances the overall reading experience and creates a sense of realism. So, kudos!

It was a great decision to start the novel with Jasper. He is very relatable, and readers will easily connect with him. His childlike wonder and impulsive nature make him endearing, and his internal thoughts reveal a more anxious and uncertain side, adding depth to his character. Overall, Jasper has the foundation for a complex characterization.

The four Taymon siblings each have their own unique personalities, which is praiseworthy. Fallon is a sweet and dutiful young man who seems to look out for his family. Giada's caring nature shines through when she's with her siblings, and her quirk of napping adds a nice touch of humor. Rian has a more reserved demeanor compared to Giada, but I think the two are alike in some ways. Edeline shares some similarities with Fallon and comes across almost like a mother figure. I also see an ingénue storyline developing around her, but she's the opposite of the typical ingénue.

Although Dalmer, Marikit, and Tai are only briefly introduced, they already reveal distinct personalities and show a lot of promise. I'm particularly interested in Marikit.

Overall, the characters are well-developed and have nuanced traits, making their interactions interesting to watch. The different personalities bounce off each other without confusion. I particularly enjoyed the scene where the seven characters were watching Jasper through the window—it was quite amusing! Kudos!

𓋼 GRAMMAR AND READABILITY:

The writing is generally well-structured and easy to read, with no noticeable issues that would distract an ordinary reader. However, some technicalities could be improved for more polished writing. One common problem is with punctuation, particularly comma usage. Some of these lead to comma splices (independent clauses joined by a comma). For example, "The apple finished, he has nothing more to do in the next three quarters of an hour but wait." To fix the comma splice, a semicolon, period, or coordinating conjunction could be used. The above example also has a missing hyphen in the compound number "three-quarters." There seems to be some confusion with compound words in general, as seen in the separation of "hand bell" and "heart beat," which should be written as one word as well as a few instances of missing hyphens in compound words, such as "bright-eyed" and "golden-haired." In Chapter 5, there's a numbered list with missing punctuation. Sentence fragments wouldn't typically need a period, but here, the first two feel like complete sentences, so they should have a period at the end. There also appears to be some trouble with prepositions, such as in "half of an hour," where the "of" is unnecessary, and "looking back to him," which should be "looking back at him." However, the chapters are formatted well altogether.

𓋼 PRESENTATION 𓋼

𓋼 TITLE:

The title is catchy and memorable, as short titles tend to be. The word "chimera" immediately brings to mind the image of the mythological creature and, therefore, a sense of fantasy, which fits the book's genre. The title may even be hinting at an unrealistic hope or an unattainable goal, given the alternate meaning of the word "chimera," which complements the prophetic storyline. Overall, the title is meant to spark curiosity and support the novel, which it accomplishes.

𓋼 BOOK COVER:

The vibrant, rustic orange color is attractive, and the repeated imagery of the Chimera is thematically fitting. The title is easy to read, but customizing it to a more mythical typeface would further enhance the overall appeal of the book cover. I'd also suggest adding the author's name for acknowledgment and discoverability. Overall, it's a well-composed book cover that I'd love to own as a clothbound or hardcover.

𓋼 BLURB:

The blurb is well-written and effectively summarizes the story's essence. However, if you're looking to enhance it, it currently has a sense of vagueness (which isn't necessarily bothersome) and could use a bit more context. For example, hinting at the nature of the gifts and mentioning the name of the city to emphasize its significance. The mention of Jasper's name may be to show his importance, but considering that the remaining seven main characters are left unnamed and undefined, it feels a bit odd. I also think the blurb would have a stronger engagement if it reflected your playful and humorous writing style.

𓋼 FIRST IMPRESSION (OPENING CHAPTER):

As mentioned, the playful and humorous tone is the highlight and engaging factor drawing the reader—and the very first paragraph gives a taste of that. The riddle is a good way to get the readers thinking, create intrigue, and have them invested in the main storyline. Overall, a good introduction. However, Chapter 1 ended somewhat inconclusive, almost too abruptly, and I don't know if that was intentional. But tying the chapter to a nice finish, preferably with a hooking ending line, paragraph, or scene, will make a stronger first impression.

𓋼 ENJOYMENT QUOTIENT 𓋼

I had a hard time finding faults. That should be a testament to how enjoyable and distraction-free the reading experience was. I'm a fan of humor-filled narration, and I had some genuine laughs. For example, "Before I forget? Too late," and Jasper coming up empty-handed with the third example really hit the mark. The comedic timings are spot on, and the humor is natural rather than forced. Also, the diverse cast of characters is well-developed and charming, and I imagine the readers will easily root for each of them. Overall, good job!

𓋼 BOTTOMLINE 𓋼

You asked about the prose, character interaction, and dialogue in particular, and I must say you have a strong first draft. I got the impression you have a firm grasp of what needs to be revealed and portrayed and how to do it effectively. Overall, "The Chimera" is a promising book that will fascinate fans of riddles and mythology and those who love a large cast of characters.

Disclaimer

Don't forget that liking a story, characters, cover, etc, is subjective. Our reviewers try their best to give constructive and honest feedback.