A/N: I got a little graphics happy again and made two character boards that include everyone major. Hope you like them! 😘

Now on with the story!!!!

I used to think nothing could haunt me the way my past did. That the ghosts from days better left forgotten were just waiting to return and shake up my world. Turns out I was right, about the last part anyway.

My ghost did return, in the form of a sexy smirking, tattooed covered, and deeply passionate eighteen-year-old guy. Jace, my ex turned current boyfriend. He emerged from my past and took hold of my present, and now...

Now the scariest thing in the world to me is the future. Forget nightmares of old memories, it's all the possibilities of what could happen—or what couldn't— that keep me awake at night. Sleep is no longer my friend because someone else has taken control of my future. Not forever I'm sure but for however long they wish to use me in order to hurt those I care about.

One week, Lexi.

My deadline is almost up. Just two more days left to imprint Jace's smile in my mind, the genuine one that only a select few have the privilege of seeing. Forty-eight hours to memorize the feel of his lips on mine, his heated skin against my body, and his hands tangled in my hair. Two-thousand-eight-hundred and eighty minutes left to bask in his ocean blue eyes as he tells me he loves me before I have to break his heart and rip mine out in the process.

"Are you ready for this?"

Jerking my head up, my eyes connect with my mom's concerned gaze through the rearview mirror of her car. There's a knowing look in the way she watches me nervously fidget with the hem of my black dress in the back seat.

There's no way she heard my depressing inner monologue.

But just to double-check, I ask anyway. "What did you say?"

My mom gives me that apologetic smile, the one that's tight-lipped and strained but you can still see the pity in her eyes. It's the pity that guts me the most, and if it weren't for the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks, I'd ask her to stop looking at me like that. But I know she's hurting too. This was a loss for all of us.

"I asked if you're ready, sweetie. It's okay if you're not. I'm sure he would've understood if it's too much for you."

"No, it's fine." I weakly shake my head. "I'm ready."

I'm not but is anyone ever really ready for something like this? Pretty sure the answer is a solid, no. But this is one of those things that you don't necessarily do for yourself. You do it to support your loved ones and say goodbye or risk missing your chance and regretting it for the rest of your life.

If the tables were reversed, he'd be here for me. Even if I wasn't here to see it for myself.

Nodding, Mom opens her door to get out of the car while Carl and I do the same. The three of us walk alongside each other as a united front, filing into the small church with the rest of the guests dressed in black. Normally I love wearing black, but not today. Today it's a sign of sorrow so crushing I have no idea how anyone is still standing. Though I should feel lucky, having both Mom and Carl here should help me keep my shit together long enough to reach the end of the day. That's when I can let go and cry like the world is ending from the comfort of my own room.

The inside of St. Paul's Church is smaller than I expected, though I don't have much experience with churches in general. The last one I went to was when my father died and I was too young to really remember what that was like. The only reason I know it was at a church is thanks to the photos mom held onto. But that church looked huge in pictures, this one seems barely big enough to hold the senior class of Freecaster High.

The rows of pews are divided down the middle by an aisle and each end of the wooden benches are decorated with arrangements of white lilies. More flower arrangements litter the front of the room, large wreaths, baskets, crosses propped up by easels. All of which are decorated with an assortment of ribbons and flowers; more lilies, roses, orchids, and despite a few crimson pedals most of the flowers are white. I don't get it. Why send white flowers but wear all black? Shouldn't the flowers also represent the pain and sadness everyone is clearly feeling?

But I don't get a chance to really think about that when the main source of today's service sits front and center between all the overly bright flowers.

At the front of the room, laying on a wooden table like an offering to the heavens is a glossy mahogany box more than six feet long. One side of it is open, displaying the soft white linen lining the interior. From this distance, I can't make out the precious, lifeless contents, but that doesn't make the sight any less crippling.

Slowly trudging further down the center aisle, my heart starts to race, beating a chaotic rhythm against my ribs.

One step. Two steps.

I glimpse the first trace of color among the stark white fabric in the box and my knees wobble.

"I-I can't." I shake my head. "I can't do it. It's too much."

My feet freeze to the ugly burgundy carpet and my clammy hands lose their grip on Mom's arm as she continues forward. Unable to move, I reach out to her, desperately needing to cling to her like she's my last life raft in a drowning sea of heartache.

"Mom!" I call out but can only faintly hear her saying my name in return.

I can't even see her anymore. Everything around me has disappeared. The only thing I'm able to distinguish is that damn box. The one that's big enough for an eighteen-year-old boy, even with his broad shoulders and long legs.

"No, no, no." I shuffle back, tasting salt on my lips as my eyes release a stream of pain.

How could I have been complaining about my future just minutes ago when there are some who don't even get to have a future. It's just ripped away from them before they truly had a chance to experience life. Stolen by the hands of evil people with no hearts and no souls. Why should they get to live when he can't?

It's not fair!

Spinning around, I attempt to flee this entire fucked up situation when I run face-first into a wall of muscle and warmth. A spicy-sweet scent reminiscent of chocolate and cinnamon fills my senses as strong familiar hands latch onto my shoulders. The simple touch is like a soothing balm to my turbulent nerves as the soft caress wraps around my neck and pulls me close, nestling me in the safety of my boyfriend's arms.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here," Jace whispers to me, cradling my head against his chest. "I'm here, baby."

I bury my face in his black dress shirt, relieved that my tears can't show on the material as I hiccup through a sob. My heart feels heavy, like a lead weight in my chest but a little of that pressure lifts as Jace rubs circles on my back.

My mom clears her throat from behind me. "Jace, would you mind taking Lex to a seat. I want to go give my condolences to his parents."

"Of course," Jace answers before tucking me into his side and leading me further down the aisle.

I keep my eyes on the ground, watching my black flats shuffle beside Jace's boots. Even through the tears and splintering pain in my chest, the sight warms me. Jace can dress in his nicest clothes but he'll still hold some rough element to his appearance. It's purely him and that sense of familiarity is exactly what I need right now.

Clinging to Jace's side, I let him steer me down a pew just three rows from the front and allow myself to give him a once over as I sit. He's dressed in a black button-up shirt that he's left untucked from his black slacks. The sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, showing off his ink-covered arms, and the top buttons of his shirt are undone. He even looks like he got a fresh cut, the sides and back of his walnut brown hair buzzed down and neatly lined up while the longer strands on top are slicked back from his face. I've never seen him dressed up like this, and though he seems to be going for an understated look, he's still gorgeous as ever.

Sure, right now isn't the time to be checking him out, but it's just one more thing to help take my mind off of all this shit and help settle me. He's my anchor, grounding me and the storm of emotions trying to blow me away.

Sensing my staring, Jace's eyes slide to me as the corners of his mouth tip up, but there's still sadness in those dark midnight blue pools. This is ripping him apart too, and yet he's trying to be strong for the both of us. I should be grateful but it only buries the knife of guilt further into my chest when I remember we're on borrowed time.

Will he hate me?

I brush off that thought and snuggle closer to him as friendly faces appear at the end of our pew, sliding in to join us. Jace's cousin Kade is the first to reach us, followed by his...our friends Josie, Wilder, and Travis. They sit down leaving us enough room for Mom and Carl to sit beside me, but not before one of my best friends, Ava, shimmies over to sit next to me.

With a sniffle, she leans her head against me, her nearly black hair draping down my arm when a set of large hands reach from behind us to rub her shoulders. We both look back to see Roman, Eddie, and Raegan...more friendly faces.

They're only three out of two dozen new recruits for the Guardians, the biker club Jace is a part of. But they've woven their way into our group seamlessly, providing extra support for this rough experience. I'd thank them for showing up despite the fact they didn't really know...him—god, even thinking his name hurts—but I fear the words will just get clogged in my throat. So instead, I turn around to give the three of them an appreciative smile. They return the gesture as Roman leans forward, rubbing Ava's shoulders.

"You hanging in there, A?" he asks, his dark brown eyes watching her intently.

Ava nods and tries to smile but it quickly falls from her face. Roman squeezes her again and leans closer to whisper in her ear while I turn away to give them some privacy.

"I think he could be good for her," Jace whispers to me as he nods in the direction of my bestie and the new prospect.

I just barely manage a smile. "I hope so. She needs more people in her corner."

"And what about you? What do you need, baby?" Jace's voice is strong but a hint of vulnerability flashes in his eyes.

He wants so badly to make me feel better and I wish more than anything I could tell him how to do that. But I don't have the answers. I don't know how to make things better. Not today or tomorrow. Not when there's more pain to come.

I rest my head against him. "Just be here with me." For now.

Jace nods, his arm tightening around my shoulders. "Always."

With that one word, the pain in my chest digs a little deeper and brings forth a fresh wave of tears. I let myself cry, my eyes openly flowing like a fountain and wetting my cheeks. I haven't allowed myself much time to cry for both losses in my life, but in this place, it's acceptable. Expected. So I don't hold back as I permit myself to silently grieve in the embrace of the man I love.

"His poor mother," Mom whispers, appearing at the end of our pew with Carl. She takes a seat on the other side of Ava and wipes her eyes. "I can't imagine the pain she's in."

"None of us can," Carl comments, rubbing her back.

Choking back another sob, I turn away, unable to watch my mother try to comprehend this horrid situation. I do not doubt that she's imagining what it would be like to lose me, and that's not something I can handle right now. It's normal to try and put yourself in other shoes especially when attempting to understand how they feel and empathize with them. But I won't pretend to know what it's like to be a parent, let alone one that's lost a child. It sounds too personal.

Too painful.

While I fight to draw in a steady breath, the room slowly grows quiet and heads turn to the front of the room. Following their lead, I look in the same direction and witness the pastor taking his place behind the wide wooden podium a few feet from that haunting box. My stomach twists into teeny tiny knots as the pastor graces the room with a sad smile and I can't help but wonder if he knew him.

Does he understand what a huge loss this is?

"We gather here today to celebrate the life of a son, a friend, and a bright soul that impacted all our lives," the pastor says into the mic loud and clear but his voice drifts away from me.

I don't want to hear this. After this service, after today, it'll be real. He'll be gone and never coming back.

Why did this have to happen?

"It's okay, baby," Jace whispers in my ear as he pats my hand, bringing my attention to the death grip I have on him.

I loosen my hold and stretch out my stiff fingers. "Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Squeeze all you want. I just..." He sighs and leans down to kiss my temple, his full lips brushing my skin as he softly says, "I just hate seeing you hurting."

Additional tears collect in my eyes. I hate seeing him hurt too, and I hate that I'm only going to hurt him more.

I'm so sorry.

For a while I keep my head down, counting the lines and grooves in the back of the wooden pew in front of me. Listening to the pastor preach about a better place that holds no pain, where we will all one day be united is just too much.

Everything today is too much.

I faintly hear the pastor asking for any words from friends before the family takes the podium and I'm hit with another stab of pain like someone's trying to dig out my heart with a spoon. Do I have words to say? Sure.

He was my friend, even when we were at odds. He was a helping hand in tough situations, a light in the dark, and a shoulder to lean on. He was more than words can describe and he never knew it. He deserved better from all of us, and I'll always regret not realizing that sooner.

I wish more than anything I could tell him I'm sorry and that I love him.

But I can't say that in front of everyone. I'm not strong enough and...it's too fucking much.

"Lex!" Ava whisper yells, latching onto my arm with both hands as she nods to the front. "Look!"

Doing as she says, I look up to see a familiar face approaching the head of the church.

"What is he doing here?"

"You really thought he'd miss this?" she answers my question with one of her own.

"He's supposed to be resting," I hiss.

She shrugs. "You should've known he wasn't going to listen."

Sighing deeply, I shake my head. Even if Ava's right and I should've expected this, I was really hoping he'd listen and stay in bed.

Stubborn ass.

Hopping along on his crutches, with his left leg in a cast, my other best friend accepts the help of the pastor in order to reach the podium. When he's comfortably propped up, using the thick wooden stand to lean on, he looks out across the room and his eyes instantly find mine. They're laced with so much pain and though I know some of it is physical, I also recognize the same regret in his gaze that I feel in the pit of my soul.

He tears his eyes from mine and clears his throat. "Some of you may know me but for those of you who don't, my name is Marcel Booker and Caleb was one of my best friends."

With the first tear set loose from Marcel's warm brown eyes, I find myself crying again, feeling his pain as if it's my own.

"I'm not gonna hold everyone up here. I'm sure Mr. and Mrs. Walker have some things they'd like to say, so I'll keep this short," Marcel says, wiping at his eyes with the backs of his hands. "Caleb was the first guy to welcome me when I moved here. He introduced me to the two girls I now consider my sisters and offered me his friendship without a second thought. He gave me another family...We didn't always see eye to eye, but he was my brother, and I hope that if he can still hear me, he knows that he will never stop being my brother...I should've told him that when I had the chance." Hanging his head, a tremor racks his body as he tries to hold back a sob.

Before I know it, I'm up from my seat and squeezing past everyone in our pew. Jace is right behind me, the two of us slipping out and rushing to my brother's side. The second Marcel is within arm's reach, I wrap around him, cocooning him in support.

"It's okay. I got you," I whisper, letting my tears mix with his to dampen my dress. "It's okay."

He nods, hunched over with his head pressed to my shoulder while the entire room watches us. Their eyes drill us, some curious while others are more sympathetic. No matter what though, they strip us bare, inspecting every inch of our exposed feelings.

Vultures.

I try to shuffle Marcel and me, turning us away from the prying gazes but struggle to do so with his injured leg. Then, when I think we'll be stuck up here for eternity, the voice of a savior takes the mic and the burden of the room's attention.

"As you can imagine...this has been hard for a lot of us," Jace's deep timber spreads over the church like a warm blanket. "I met Caleb in the first grade, and we became best friends right away. Growing up, we did everything together. Little league. Boy scouts. School projects." A small smile graces his lips. "We even had the same taste in girls, or lack thereof when we were younger and still thought they had cooties."

Some in the room giggle at that, even Caleb's own parents. I help Marcel to an empty seat and hear Jace's soft chuckle through the mic, but once I'm able to look at him, my heart seizes.

Jace's eyes have turned a deeper shade of blue as he fights to hold back tears, his smile slowly fading away from his beautiful face. "Over the last few years, we drifted apart. I hated that, but I also thought he hated me and I had too much stupid pride to try and fix things...But Caleb was the strong one. He made the first move and we were finally able to patch things up before..."

Jace looks down at his hands, gripping the podium like he might crush it and I know after this, I'm gonna have to suck it up and be there for him the way he's been here for me. Because he's going to break. It's only a matter of time. Even the strongest person can only stay strong for so long.

"I was there when it happened. I-I held him as he..." Jace's voice cracks, slicing me wide open.

I run down the aisle to save the boy who holds my heart. Wrapping an arm around Jace's strong body, I tug him away from the podium and back down the aisle. Everyone in attendence is watching, kids from school, teachers, anyone, and everyone that knew Caleb. Their eyes track every step we take until we disappear out the front doors.

This place and all the people in it are too much for us to bear today. Caleb would understand.

Once outside, a surprising chill bites at our exposed skin but what really chills me to the bone is the lost look on Jace's face. It rips my already broken heart to shreds and lights it on fire for good measure.

Jace let's free a tear for the first time since the night it happened. "He said he was fine."

"I know, baby."

We all heard him.

"I'm okay. It's not that bad. I don't think it hit anything...major."

But Caleb was wrong. While he swore he was fine, he was bleeding out. We called for an ambulance but they didn't make it in time and Caleb died in Jace's arms.

Marcel was shot in the leg, the force of it causing him to hit the ground and smack his head on the cement, knocking him out cold.

While I cried over Marcel's unconscious body, I had no idea that my other friend was fading away until it was too late. And though it's been tearing me apart, it's Jace who I think has truly been suffering. He blames himself and the guilt's been eating him alive ever since. Even while he tries to bury it all, I can see it in those rare moments when he lets his guard down, like now.

I throw my arms around him, feeling each tear that leaves his eyes as if it's a direct bullet to my heart. "Let's get out of here."

We don't need to go to the graveyard and watch them put our friend in the ground. After everything today, that really would be too much. I'm not sure either of us would be able to survive with that image stuck in our heads.

"Yeah, let's go," Jace nods, straightening up and furiously wiping at his eyes.

We're all a mess in our own way, and as much as I wish it would get better soon, I know it won't. But we still have today and tomorrow before the second bomb is dropped on our heads. It's not much, but it'll have to be enough.

For now.

💘____________________________________💘

And DME has officially gotten started!! Woohoo!!

Welcome to book 2 of the Guardians of Freecaster High Series, everyone! I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter, even if it was a little sad. 

R.I.P. Caleb 😭

I'd love to know what you all thought of this chapter!

Was it emotional enough for such a sad event? Are you worried about the deadline Lexi is on? What did you think of the twist? Are you happy Marcel is okay? Are you sad Caleb passed away? Do you have any predictions for what's to come?

Let me know what you think in the comments and if you like what you read, please hit that star button!

Also, Happy New Year! I hope all of you have a great 2021 because lets be real, we could all use a break after 2020. 

P.S. To those of you who have been around a while, just in case you haven't noticed, I did finally pick a face claim for Derek and I changed Kade's. Now Kade resembles Jace more and has some beautiful locks for Josie to enjoy. 😉😏 I also changed Kade's bike to a yellow one, his details will be changed in KME very soon.

Now, as usual, the teaser for chapter 2 will be posted on my Instagram and Twitter in a day or two. Keep an eye out for it! Love you all to pieces and so happy to have this book started!