Dancing past the point of no return,
Let go,
We can free ourselves of all we've learnt.

T E R E S A

I was almost asleep when Regulus arrived.

Almost.

Unfortunately, he arrived just as I was drifting away and instantly all my senses went on high alert, my heart beating faster and faster until I felt like I was going to be sick.

'Tessa,' Regulus said gently, sitting on my bed. I felt the bed drop slightly with his weight, and then I felt him take my hand.

Oh crap. My heart was now beating so hard I was almost certain he could see it.

'I know you're not asleep.'

Well, crap.

'But you stay pretending if you want, if it makes you feel better.'

What?

'I have things to say to you, and I know... I know you don't want to hear them, you want things to stay the same, but I don't. I'm being selfish, Tessie, I know, but I don't care. Aren't I allowed to be selfish?'

I kept my eyes closed, but my mind was spinning. What's going on?

'Don't interrupt me. Don't sit up, because then I won't find the bravery to say what I need to say. I'm a coward like that.' I could hear him shaking his head and smoothing his hair down, almost hear him breathing, the room was so quiet. I knew what he was going to say, and I wanted to stop him, but I couldn't. I couldn't.

It was like a train wreck. I could only lie silently on the bed, hoping he would just keep quiet so we could pretend that nothing had ever happened.

'I love you.'

Silence.

'I love you, and I've always loved you, I think, ever since I was eleven and saw you, quiet and small, sitting on the Sorting Hat's stool, closing your eyes as it yelled Slytherin. I loved you in second year, when your potion exploded in Potions class and you had bits of toad's eyeball in your hair- it took a week to get it all out, do you remember? Probably not. I loved you in third year, when I finally gained the confidence to walk up to the most beautiful girl in the room and say hello... I loved you in fourth year, where you slapped my brother around the face for shouting at me. He was right then, though, he's usually right. I just never listen. I should.'

There was a short pause.

'I loved you in our fifth year, where you stressed out so much over OWLs that this time you slapped me, then threw a book across the room at me. I remember that you them burst into tears, stormed across the room, picked up the book and then threw it at me again. That wasn't one of your finest moments, but I couldn't get mad because even with snot steaming down your face and your makeup smudged, you still looked beautiful to me.'

He cleared his throat. 'Then sixth year. You pushed me in the lake as a joke, then felt bad and tried to help me out, but I pulled you in instead, and we both smelt of weeds and pond water for days afterwards. Do you remember Ella's face whenever we went past? She wouldn't go near us until we smelt fine again.'

I almost felt like crying. What had I done to deserve him? What had I done? And now I couldn't even say I loved him too, because-

My reasons.

I hated them, suddenly, I hated myself, and my stupid heritage, and the world, and my rotten luck.

'And I love you now,' Regulus continued. 'Even though you're lying in bed with your eyes closed pretending to be asleep because you won't admit you love me too. But I'll do it for both of us.'

Now I was crying, my eyes open, looking at Regulus with tears coming out of my eyes. He looked back at me, calmly and clearly.

'I love you. I love you, and because I do, I'll wait for you, for however long it takes for you to sort out all the things that need to be sorted out. Maybe that'll be two weeks, maybe it'll be two years, but I'll wait for you for all that time. And when you're ready, you can come and find me.'

He stood up, and walked silently out of the hospital wing, leaving me alone on the bed.

Oh my God.

I was full blown crying now, tears making the pillow wet, my sobs echoing around the hospital wing.

What have I done?

Ugh might delete this story. I have a new Harry Potter one though, it's called Genevieve and it's a Harry Potter (literally, a Harry fanfic) fanfiction, I like it 😄 so maybe check it out? It's better than this mess of a chapter, I promise.

xxx Charlotte