I don't own anything but original characters I may add.

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Chapter 10 - Nightmares

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"I DON'T SLEEP. MY MIND HAS HE SCARY ABILITY OF BEING DARK AND MORE EVIL THAN I WAS."

"What did you do wrong?" Klarion asked, calmly walking to a table full of tools, hand hovering over them until he decided on one.

Staring at the plain ceiling, I swallowed my fear, "I hesitated."

"What did you say?" Klarion placed three horizontal scratches on my wrist.

"I hesitated," I announced, raising my volume.

"What have I said about hesitation?" Klarion poured lemon juice over the scratches. Only, it wasn't lemon juice, it was darkness. I heard the screams of everyone I hurt within that liquid. I knew it was a dream, but I couldn't wake up. Wake up.

"They'll kill you for it."

"A hesitation will kill you before any person. This is what you get for hesitations."

"(Y/n), (Y/n) hey, (Y/n)!"

Flinging up I punched the thing closest to me. I hit solid muscle and got no reaction. Wrenching open my eyes, I sighed in relief upon finding it was only M'gann and Conner. Both of them were in pajamas and standing on either side of my bed.

"What are you doing here?" I rubbed my eyes to chase away the sleep behind them.

"We heard you screaming, and when we came in you were turning every-" M'gann's eyes landed on the wrist rubbing my eyes, gasping, "What is that?"

Upon further inspection, I found I had three horizontal cuts matching those I received in the dream-like memory. They were less clean and less deep. Like nail scratches. Blood dripped down, slowly. Luckily it wasn't deep enough to hit anything important, just draw some blood.

"How did that happen?"

"I just had a nightmare. I must have..." I trailed off, realizing the severity of my memories and traumas.

"(Y/n)," M'gann stood, grabbed my good hand, and pulled me out of bed, "We need to fix that. Then we're talking about all this."

M'gann dragged me from my room to the medbay, leaving Conner behind. We passed through the kitchen and I noticed the time on the oven clock. 2:39 in the morning. Guilt dripped my heart when I realized that I woke the two of them up and continued to keep them awake with my problems.

"This injury is what happened to you in your dream too. You're hurting yourself," M'gann sighed, digging out rubbing alcohol and bandages, "You can't deal with this yourself anymore. You need someone to talk to if you aren't going to talk to us."

Frowning, I remained still as M'gann poured disinfectant over my wound, "I don't like talking about my problems. Especially with the people I used to work against. No offense."

"What about Black Canary? You know she's the team therapist and how she honors confidentiality. She helped you through everything last time."

"Fine. I'll talk to her tomorrow," I hesitantly agreed, knowing M'gann would never let it go if I didn't throw her a bone.

~*~

"Do you have dreams like that often?" Black Canary asked, tapping her pen against her clipboard slowly. Too quickly would agitate the patient. Patient being me. Strange, that I knew so much about psychology and was currently going through therapy.

"Yes," I answered plainly, "This was my first one here, but I had them all the time with the villains. Without my music box, there was nothing to stop them. I sometimes hurt myself there, too. Scratches, bruises, stuff like that. Nothing too serious, but noticeable enough to me on the days I hadn't had missions before."

"Describe the dream to me."

"Father, Klarion, was punishing me after I hesitated to kill on a mission. It was in the normal conditioning room. It was dark and smelt like minerals. Blood. He was lecturing me on hesitation, and how it would get me killed in the future. The thing is, for the most part, it actually happened. In Gotham. I almost got caught by Bruce. Barely got out of there before he arrived, and even then he was close on my trail for a while."

"Did he, Klarion,... punish you often?" Canary winced after the words left her mouth.

"Often enough," I fiddled with the cloth bandage around my left wrist, shuddering at the dark memories.

"This is a safe place (Y/n). You can say anything and it won't leave this room," Canary assured me soothingly.

Eyes diverted to the floor, I kept them there as I replayed my story, "When I first went to the villains, Klarion said he needed to... condition me. He said that even though I left willingly, I had to be shown what would happen if I went back to the heroes. I was in conditioning for four months. He used magic to make it feel like four years. He wouldn't let me out until he was sure he reprogrammed my mind. Until I was willing to do the same things he did to me to someone else. In there, I just shut off. If I didn't feel, then I wouldn't feel. That mentality passed on to my missions, and for three years I was this killing machine."

"Klarion tortured you?" Black Canary's brows shot up to her hairline. Torture and 'small' punishments were two very different things.

"Yeah," I stood, lifting up my shirt and pant legs to show off the visible scars I had acquired, "The biggest ones are from him, not from missions. Reminders, so I wouldn't forget what would happen if I messed up."

"Do they remind you of what he did?"

"Of course they do," I fixed my clothes and sat down again, "But they're a part of me. I'm not ashamed of them per say. They show what I survived. I went through hell and came out with them. But sometimes, when I look at them, I'm back there, with him."

Black Canary took a few notes, "Have you changed drastically since? Are you more jumpy, cautious? Overly paranoid perhaps?"

"I don't like people touching me. Well, not exactly. I'm just not used to being touched in a way that won't hurt. Harley, Ivy, and Lex hugged me sometimes back at the compound. But they were rare compared to conditioning."

"I knew Klarion was evil, but this..." Black Canary shook her head, "Torturing his own daughter. We need to find a way to deal with him. Once and for all."

"I'm working on it. I've looked through my spell books plenty of times but I haven't found anything," I sighed hopelessly.

"Back onto topic. Looking through what you said, not only are you a victim of intense abuse, but I think you're suffering from PTSD. That explains the nightmares, jumpiness, and subconscious self-harm to act out your dreams."

"Post-traumatic stress disorder?" I laughed loudly, "I wouldn't have needed you to tell me that. PTSD is something nearly every hero and villains struggles from. Wally- Kid Flash, has been through the same stuff I have in terms of sucky parents."

"Yes, he has," Black Canary tapped her pen against her lips, "That is why I'm prescribing that you start group therapy with the team."

Uttering a loud noise of shock, I jumped up, "The team hates me already, and now you're telling me that I have to share my problems with them? No, no. Look, I'm sorry, but I can't."

"You feel guilty for leaving them. People do bad things in a rage, changing sides the first time was one of those bad things. But (Y/n), they were your friends, they really cared about you, they still do. You saved their lives with the whole ghost thing. Sharing your problems with them will speed up their forgiveness process."

"I don't have a choice in this do I?" I groaned, running a hand over my face. The last thing I wanted to do was to be forced to tell the team my deepest insecurities and secrets. Things I never told anyone. I'd rather keep suffering through my nightmares.

"Team therapy will help you, it helped Wally through his experience, so it should help you. All of them are there for each other. Despite their past feelings about you, they're heroes, and those instincts will overtake any negative feelings."

Sighing again, I shrugged in defeat, "Thanks for this Black Canary, telling you my problems really did help me. I may not agree with team therapy, but I'll give it a try. If I don't like, I'm not going to keep doing it though."

Black Canary shrugged, "Fair enough. It would be wrong of me to force you into a therapy method that doesn't work. Remember, I'm always here for you dear. Oh, and you're moving out of the cave soon."

I hummed in surprise. Batman did say that I wouldn't be staying in my old room for long. It was too un-secure. Although I did manage to escape once before, "Where am I moving to?"

"You're moving in with Bruce. He thinks that living with him would be better than living in a cave full of heroes. The league didn't argue with that."

"Well, he is Batman," I chuckled. Even though Bruce didn't have superpowers, he was the most capable league member and all of them could admit it without their pride being hurt.

"That's true," Black Canary shrugged, standing up, "I'll text you when your first therapy session with the team. Oh, and M'gann has requested to take you out shopping. You can't wear your old clothes after all, and you didn't bring a lot with you."

"Can Artemis come to?" I requested. Even before I left, Artemis, and I were close, and now, we seemed to be even closer. Bonding over our sucky parents and bad pasts, that and we both dated Wally. It opened up a lot of conversations we hadn't had beforehand.

"You can count on it, M'gann can be a bit much to handle on your own. Some of the younger girls want to come too. Though you may not have talked to them much, they look up to you."

"Up to me? An ex-villain who's killed countless people?"

"Despite your questionable past, you're a strong woman who stood up to a man who was hurting her. Girls these days need someone like that. So be nice, and don't mention murder... that much."