A/N-

Hey everyone! Super sorry that I haven't been able to update until now, I've been revising so much recently. This chapter is a bit longer than usual as well so it took longer to write.

My mocks start tomorrow and go up until the 18th of December so my updates may be slow still for the next few weeks. If anyone else has mocks- good luck to you all!

Hope you enjoy the update, and who's looking forward to Christmas? :)

Chapter 46 (Ava)

The first night after Dumbledore’s death was probably the worst.

I hadn’t expected to have nightmares about it. I was used to seeing the green flash of light, but seeing Dumbledore’s body falling from the top of the Astronomy Tower was something I hadn’t been ready to see again.

I’d woken up to the sounds of my own screams, with Sophia by my side gently shaking my arm. I hadn’t realised that I was still whimpering as Sophia led me out of the common room until she told me to calm down, to lower my voice and take deep breaths.

To my surprise, she took me to Professor McGonagall, who was still awake and up in her office.

She knew almost straight away when she saw my face at her office door why I was there. She rushed forwards, biting down on her lip as if attempting to stop herself from crying.

“Thank you Miss. Peverell,” Professor McGonagall whispered, “You may return to your Common Room.”

Sophia looked surprised as I turned to her and wrapped my arms around her,

“Thank you.”

She didn’t respond to the hug, she just waited for me to let go before nodding to Professor McGonagall and leaving the office.

I waited until she was gone before I spoke, my mouth dry,

“I… Professor, I don’t think I can sleep in the Slytherin Common Room anymore. I don’t-”

I broke off, but Professor McGonagall nodded her head in agreement,

“Perfectly understandable, Miss. Potter. We may have to arrange something else for the next few evenings.”

I nodded and blinked back tears, knowing that within the next week would be Dumbledore’s funeral, followed by the departure of all the students at Hogwarts.

I felt crippling guilt again and had to lean back against the wall, my heart pounding. I could have stopped it.

As if sensing what I was thinking, Professor McGonagall stepped forwards and placed her hand on my shoulder,

“Miss. Potter- Ava…”

She trailed off when she heard the sound of footsteps coming down the corridor. We both looked up in surprise at Harry. He sounded out of breath,

“A prefect saw you leaving your common room Ava, and they came to tell me where you were going. Are you alright?”

I nodded, even though I knew I wasn’t,

“I had a nightmare about last night.” My voice cracked and my head dropped as I tried to hide my tears.

“We were discussing a new arrangement for Miss. Potter to sleep. She doesn’t want to stay in the Slytherin Common Room anymore- which is perfectly understandable given the circumstances. Would the Hospital Wing do?”

My head shot back up and I shook my head,

“No- I can’t sleep in there. Not when people with serious ailments are in there. I can’t.”

I didn’t mention that it would only bring up more memories of the night before. I didn’t want to be anywhere near the Hospital Wing.

“Miss. Potter- there really isn’t anywhere else-”

Harry cut her off,

“The Gryffindor Common Room.”
“But,” I frowned, “I’m not in Gryffindor. Besides, all of the dormitories will be full.”

Harry shook his head,

“It doesn’t matter, Ava. You can sleep on the sofa by the fire. They’re really comfortable, especially with the cushions laid out. Come on, it’s only fair that you have a cosy place to sleep for the next few days.”

He turned to look at Professor McGonagall hopefully, and she glanced at me with my tear-streaked face and dark eyes. After a moment, she sighed,

“That will have to do for now, Miss. Potter. Will you be comfortable sleeping there?”

I nodded,

“Yes, thank you.”

Professor McGonagall raised a finger,

“Somebody must keep an eye on you though. You need waking up if you’re having any more nightmares.”
Harry nodded,

“I can think of someone- could I send a letter please, Professor?”

She nodded and pointed to her office,

“The parchment and quills are in there. I also believe that I have an owl sitting on my windowsill, as she finds my office more peaceful than the rest of the castle.”

Harry was quick with his letter and came back out of the office, taking hold of my arm,

“I’ve taken care of it, Professor. Thank you.”

I thanked her as well and Harry led me away from her office to the Gryffindor Common Room.

“Tapeworm.” He muttered, and the Fat Lady swung open, letting us into the empty common room.

Harry was right. It was certainly cosy. The fire was still burning, and the red décor just made it feel like I was snuggled up in a warm room at home.

Home. With a jolt I suddenly wondered where that would be.

Hermione walked down the steps from the dormitory and made her way over to us. Harry glanced up at her,

“Ava’s sleeping in the Common Room for the next few nights. It’s better than the Slytherin dormitories, anyway.”

Hermione shook her head,

“Ava- you should have my bed. I’ll sleep in here.”

I smiled gratefully,

“Thank you, but I don’t really want to be waking everyone in the dormitory up with my nightmares. I’m fine here.”

She nodded and started to set up the sofa as a bed with Harry. They laid out cushions and blankets, and it wasn’t long before I was curled up underneath the blankets.

I didn’t feel sleepy though. I was scared to go to sleep because I knew that the images would just flash up again in my mind.

Dumbledore. What had I done? The night of his death was going to be something I would always live with on my conscience. How could I have been so stupid?

I didn’t hear the door open, nor did I hear the footsteps. I only registered that there was someone else in the room when he sat down on the other end of the sofa, his knees brushing against my feet.

My eyes opened and I sat up slightly,

“Fred?”

He smiled sadly,

“Hey, go to sleep.”

I pushed my face into the pillow and yawned, finally letting sleep take me.

*                    *                    *

“Well, well, well. You’ve made yourself very at home.”

I sat up, rubbing my eyes tiredly. Fred was still sitting opposite me, a grin on his face. I groaned,

“What time is it?”

He glanced down at his watch,

“Early. I figured you might want to wake up before all of the questioning Gryffindors come down the stairs.”

I slumped back against the pillows,

“Thanks. Did you really stay up all night watching me?”
Fred looked embarrassed as he glanced down,

“Of course. Somebody must keep an eye on your Highness.”
My eyes widened,

“You didn’t have to! Oh, Fred! You should have slept!”

I felt awful, but it clearly didn’t seem to bother him at all.

“I can survive a few nights without sleep. It was more important to look after you.”

I sat up once more and scooted towards him, pulling my legs up underneath me. I glanced out of the window of the common room and saw the outline of the Astronomy Tower against the rising sun.

Images from the night of Dumbledore’s death flashed in my mind and I leant over, dropping my hands to my lap.

“Ava.”

I didn’t respond to Fred, I just stared at my lap, my eyes filling with tears. My hair was concealing my face from Fred, but he knew I was crying when my shoulders started to shake.

I felt his hand reach out and push my hair away so he could see my face. I looked up at him and realised with a pang how worried he looked. He put his hand on my shoulder,

“It’s better to cry. It’s better to let your feelings out.”

I sniffed,

“But if I let all my feelings out, will that mean I’ll stop feeling the guilt? Because I don’t deserve to stop feeling that. I should feel guilty for the rest of my life.”

Fred whispered,

“You have no reason to feel guilty- no reason at all.”

I closed my eyes for a moment. If only you knew.

My eyes jolted open when I felt his thumb brush against my cheek, sending a rush of blood to the point where our skin was in contact. I realised that he was wiping away my tears and bit my lip, trying to stop myself from crying any more.

Fred’s dark brown eyes connected with mine and I gulped. My heart rate was getting faster, and he was so close I wondered if he could hear it.

His eyes flickered down to my lips and a shiver ran down my spine.

The spell was broken when Fred suddenly looked away towards the fire and dropped his hand to his lap.

My cheeks flushed red and I tucked my hair behind my ear,

“I left my robes in the Slytherin dormitory.”

As if glad for a change in conversation, Fred jumped up and grabbed a pile of clothes on the table,

“Professor McGonagall was one step ahead. She had your uniform brought in this morning.”

I took hold of them,

“Thank you. Now, if you don’t mind- I’m off to have a shower.”

I walked up the steps towards Hermione’s dormitory and knocked before walking in. Hermione was just waking up and nodded towards me, indicating that I could use the bathroom. I smiled gratefully and scuttled in, closing the door behind me.

As the water washed over me, my thoughts flickered back to Fred. Had he been about to kiss me? What had made him turn away?

I didn’t know the answers, so I simply forced myself to think about the lessons I had today. It was better than thinking about anything else.

When I emerged back into the common room, Fred was leaning against the wall, staring out of the window. I didn’t say anything as I walked towards him, but he turned around anyway, a small smile on his face. I knew he was smiling for my benefit, but it didn’t make me feel any better.

Despite the fact that Fred no longer attended Hogwarts, we made our way down to the Great Hall for breakfast. He paused when we got to the door, half-expecting me to walk over to the Slytherin table.

I laughed quietly,

“Did you really expect me to go to sit on the Slytherin table? No-”

I stopped, my breath catching in my throat when a head of bright blonde hair caught me by surprise. I blinked and suddenly the hair wasn’t quite as bright as it had first seemed, the owner being a third year.

Stupid me. Draco wouldn’t be here now.

Fred reached out for my hand, and the spark of electricity that passed between us made me jerk my hand back. I looked up at him and realised that my eyes had filled with tears. I blinked them away and stuttered an apology,
“I’m sorry- I thought I saw someone. I thought…”

I trailed off and shook my head,

“Let’s go and sit down.”

Neville saw us and waved us over to sit with him. I perched down beside him and forced a smile,

“So you’re out of the Hospital Wing?”
He nodded,

“I didn’t need to be in there, but Madam Pomfrey insisted that I stay just to be sure. Anyway, I hear you’re sleeping in the Gryffindor Common Room now. What happened?”
I glanced up at Fred just for a moment, before turning to Neville,

“Neville, I need to tell you something. Not now, but… later. During lunch, maybe we could go to the library?”

I hadn’t told him yet about Voldemort’s mission because I hadn’t been able to visit him in the Hospital Wing. I supposed today was the time to tell him- it was only right.

Neville nodded in confusion,

“Of course. Is it important?”

I squeezed his hand, and closed my eyes,

“Yes. It is.”

Telling Remus had been painful enough, could I do it again? And how would Neville take it?

I was pulled out of my thoughts by the sound of Ron sitting down beside me. Harry and Hermione sat down opposite, and I nodded at Neville before pulling my hand away from his.

Ron rubbed his eyes, trying to wake himself up properly,

“Fred, I didn’t realise that you’d be having breakfast here.”

Fred raised his eyebrows,

“Sorry Ron, will that leave less food for you?”

We all laughed and Ron grumbled. Fred shook his head,

“I’ll be here until after breakfast, and then I’ll go back to the shop to help Georgie out. Can you look after yourself until I come back tonight, Ronnie?”

Ron’s face turned bright red and I patted him on the back,

“Ah, I reckon you should be okay for a few hours.”

Harry turned to Fred,

“I’ll look after him. It’s not like I haven’t been looking after him for the past six years.”

We all laughed again and I tried to let any thoughts and worries about the night of Dumbledore’s death slip away. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Harry doing the same.