Chapter 25 (Ava)

I leant my head against the back of the chair and sighed. The fire’s warmth wasn’t quite enough to keep me comfortable, but I was too lazy to get up and get my jumper.

“Ava.”

I looked up at Draco, my blood turning colder than before. The common room was empty apart from the two of us. He stepped closer,

“I- We need to talk.”

I nodded and made more room for him on the sofa. I realised after he had sat down that I’d stupidly moved away from the fire. Now his back was right next to it- he would be much warmer.

I dismissed the thought- it wasn’t important.

Draco’s eyes were soft as he whispered,

“I want to know what I’ve done to upset you.”

I closed my eyes,

“Oh, you know, Draco Malfoy. You’ve done a whole list of things to upset me.”

He raised his eyebrows in confusion, and I shook my head,

“Last year, Draco, you made me feel awful. You tricked me, you played games with me and, most importantly, you lied to me. I lost friendships with people and I’m not sure if I’ll ever get them back. It was all because of you and your petty games.”

“I had to-”

“No. You didn’t have to. You didn’t have to betray me and take me to Lord Voldemort, did you? Why did you do it?”

Draco glanced down, trying to avoid my stern gaze,

“I was…”

I stared at him, wondering if he was about to admit that he was afraid. Was he finally about to open up?

“Ava- I felt it was my duty to do it. The Dark Lord asked me to complete a task, and I did so.”

Of course, it was too below Draco to admit that he was afraid.

I groaned in frustration,

“God, Draco. I hate you for what you did last year, but I understand how you would have been feeling. I’m in exactly the same position as you were now. Hating you would only mean hating myself more.”

Draco looked up at me, and I forced myself to pull my gaze away from his. I couldn’t let Draco’s gentle expression confuse me into forgiving him for everything.

“You hate yourself?” He whispered.

A cold, quiet laugh sounded from between my lips,

“Why wouldn’t I hate myself? I have to take my brother to his death. That’s reason enough to hate myself.”

“Ava-”

I shook my head,

“Don’t try and make it sound any better than it is. It’s my biggest fear, and it’s constantly staring me in the face. I know that the moment your mission is done, I will need to complete my own. It kills me a little bit more everyday. By the time I have to do it- there will be nothing left of me.”

I finally looked back up at Draco, and I immediately wished I hadn’t. He was looking at me almost as if he were seeing me for the first time. His eyes were wide, and they looked like they were about to fill up with tears.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed something flash in the fire. I didn’t glance over at it though; Draco’s expression was the only thing I could think about.

I sighed,

“That’s not the only reason why.”

Draco raised his eyebrows, silently asking what the other reason was.

Tears filled my eyes as I whispered,

“Last year… my- my godfather died and-”

I started to sob, and I covered my mouth with my hand, trying to muffle the noise. I felt Draco’s hand reach out and over my own. I took a deep breath, trying to compose myself,

“I had been on my way to save him- I knew he was in trouble… I didn’t get there in time. I didn’t get there in time and he died… I could have saved his life. Instead, I hesitated too much. I wasted time. My life would be so different if I’d just gone with Harry, Hermione and Ron straight away.”

I closed my eyes, wondering if it would all just go away if I blocked it out.

I knew it wouldn’t.

“Ava,” Draco whispered, “I never knew-”

I shook my head,

“I didn’t want to tell you, not with everything else that was going on. I felt selfish.”

“You felt selfish for letting yourself grieve on your own? With no one else to talk to about it? There’s nothing wrong with sharing your feelings.”

I bit my lip, and just before I could reply, Draco wrapped his arms around me and held me to his chest.

My tears had probably soaked his t-shirt through, but he didn’t seem to mind. It was funny- I was two years older than him, but I often felt so much younger than Draco. He had the power over anyone to do that.  

I lost track of time, but finally, he pulled away. The moment his arms left me, I felt strangely cold and empty.

“You should go to bed, Ava.” He sighed.

I gulped,

“Not just yet. I need to sort myself out- I can’t be walking into the dormitory with swollen eyes and a blotchy face.”

A smile tugged at the corners of Draco’s lips,

“Just make sure you don’t spend too much time alone in here. You ought to get some sleep.”

“So should you.” I looked up at him.

He stood up, nodding slowly. I whispered,

“Thank you, Draco. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Ava.”

Draco turned away and walked towards his dormitory before I could say anything else. I stared after him for a moment. His actions confused me a lot, leaving me a muddled mess inside.

I turned back towards the fire and yelped in surprise.

Remus Lupin’s face was floating in the fire, his gaze pointing at me. My face flushed bright red, but it probably wasn’t visible in the dim light of the common room.

“Remus…” I croaked.

How long had he been there for? Suddenly, I thought of the flash in the fire I’d seen out of the corner of my eye before I’d started talking about Sirius.

I started to say something else, but the fire flashed for a moment, cutting my words off.

When it dimmed again, the face of Remus was gone.

*                    *                    *

I ran my hand through my hair absentmindedly as I walked through the corridor. I was exhausted- I hadn’t been able to sleep the night before at all. For a start, Draco had completely confused me. Why was it that whenever I was angry at him, I ended up breaking down into tears?

Then there was Remus’ face in the fire. I had been so embarrassed- he’d seen me for the first time in over a year, and I’d had a complete breakdown. What on earth did he think of me now?

“Crabbe, Goyle, I’ll see you later for Apparition lessons.”

The voice of Draco Malfoy made me stop for a moment. What if he tried to talk to me? I needed to get away from him as quickly as possible. If I spoke to him, I would only get myself even more confused than before.

I started to walk again, faster than before. He could probably see me, but I still needed to get away.

I turned around a corner and gasped in surprise,

“Thank Merlin.”

The doors to the Room of Requirement had appeared on the wall. I ran over to them and threw one open, tumbling into the room.

The door shut before me and I stepped forwards. The room was as it had been before- filled with different pieces of junk that students had left there. I stepped forwards slowly, taking it all in. I wondered how old some of the pieces of furniture were, how long they’d been there for.

“Ava.”

I hadn’t heard Draco come into the room, yet there he was. I turned around slowly to face him. His blonde hair shone against the darkness of the room. His skin was eerily pale, but it was most likely down to the contrast between him and the dark shadows.

“God, Ava- I’m so sorry.”

Before I could ask what on earth he was talking about, his lips brushed against my own. The kiss sent a shock through my body, and I froze for the briefest of moments before finally responding.

I kissed him back, harder than his gentle brush of the lips. He wrapped his arms around my neck, whispering softly against my mouth,

“I’m sorry.”

I reached my hands up to run them through his hair, but he was gone as quickly as he’d appeared. My hands grabbed onto empty air, and my eyes flew open.

Draco was standing by the door, his back to me. He held a bottle in his left hand while the other was pushing against the handle of the door.

It swung open, and Draco left without another word.