"That's what you think but you don't know it and neither do I. I don't trust myself. I don't trust myself when I'm with him." "Why would you think that? Alec, you took that boy in without even thinking twice and you do everything to protect him. You just need to give yourself a chance." Hao didn't want to push Alec but sometimes everyone needed a kick in the ass and Alec needed one really bad. "No. I'm not doing that." Alec was stubborn and he was really really refusing to give in.

"You're not doing that because of him, do you becau...What the hell are you trying to kill us?" Hao could feel the seating belt dig into his chest and he was slammed back in his seat. Alec had hit the break stopping the car and even the tries spinned making an squeaking noise. "DON'T EVER...EVER mention him again. He has nothing to do with that." Alec had never looked that angry at Hao in all these years but Hao never mentioned him either. "Oh hell no! You're doing this because of him? Alec, he doesn't effect you anymore. What he did was wrong but he is no longer a part of your life. Why do you still let him control you? You're always acting like a grown ass man so don't let this fucking son of a bitch stop you from living the life you deserve. He has no control over your decisions...he can't forbid you who to love or what you're freaking doing. Just do what makes you fucking happy and give that damn boy what he wants. I'm having enough of this pathetic behavior, Alec and if you don't go home after this mission and kiss Magnus and be happy with him I will go to Quen and tell her what a coward you are!" Alec was really stunned by Hao words and he couldn't believe he was pulling the Quen card. "You wouldn't dare." "Oh damn hell I will." Hao was serious about it and Alec knew he wasn't playing.

"What if I hurt him? What if I can't control myself? What if he wants more than I can give?" Alec leaned back in his seat rubbing his face and Hao shrugged. "We will worry about it once we get there. Now is just the time to enjoy." Hao replied understanding Alec's worries but didn't everyone had worries like these. For Alec it was time to make a decision and for the first time a mission didn't stop him from brooding. During the mission he could only think about Magnus. Magnus hand on his shoulder caressing his skin. Magnus brown eyes looking at him with worry and concern. Magnus voice playing like a melody in his ears. He could only think about Magnus.

"Just get everything you have here and once Hao comes to pick me up you just joy in us." Matteo didn't like how Alec played with Magnus and he wanted Magnus to leave. "I don't know. I swear I got him today...I won't want to force him if he doesn't feels the same but he does. I know it...it's like something stops him." Magnus sighed dropping his head on the table and Matteo patted his shoulder. "Then you need to push him. Some people just need to be forced for their own good. But are you sure you will be okay with him? Not just him as your boyfriend but him as your Dom. He is strict and he can be harsh." Matteo didn't want to keep the two of them apart he just wanted to make sure Magnus knew what he was getting himself into.

"I don't know...it's just so freaking complicated." Magnus groaned hitting his head lightly on the table like it would help him to think. "I know...Doms are just as complicated with their feelings as Subs...sometimes they are more complicated than we could ever be." Matteo and Magnus conversation was killed once they heard the front door open and both jumped up. They didn't know how concerned they were until they remembered why they were even here. "You go first." Matteo pushed Magnus towards the entrance and Magnus swallowed taking small steps to the door. Magnus stood in the hallway staring at Alec and Alec looked straight back into his eyes.

"Alexander...you're back." Magnus voice was quiet and he barely got the power to move his body or his heart to beat. Unlike Magnus Alec felt stronger than ever. Magnus wanted to take a step back when Alec walked closer and closer. He took fast steps and Magnus breath was caught inside his lungs refusing to come out. In a matter of seconds Alec had reached Magnus and cupped his face with his big cold hands. He didn't hesitate to cover Magnus lips with his own. Magnus was puzzled for a moment yet he had no other choice than giving in his own wish to kiss Alec back. How could he refuse his deepest desire?

Alec decided that maybe this time it could be different and he didn't want to allow a man of his past to control his future. He wanted Magnus and Magnus wanted him. The kiss lasted for a very long time and even Magnus lungs forgot he needed air to stay alive but right now Alec was his air. Alec was the air in his life that kept him breathing. Alec's heart had never beaten this fast and he couldn't remember a moment in his life he felt this certain and unsure at the same time. He knew he was doing the right thing but doing the right thing had never felt this good before. They were so lost in their kiss forgetting their guests were standing in the same room as them.

Hao was wearing a proud smile being more than satisfied with his work and Matteo couldn't complain either. Very quietly and without scaring the two love brides away he sneaked past them and left with his boyfriend. Alec pulled away from the kiss hearing the front door shut and Magnus looked a little disappointed but only because Alec's lips left his in a cold lonely place. Alec looked in Magnus beautiful brown eyes seeing all shades of leaves in fall dancing inside of them and Magnus could see concern flashing over Alec's hazel eyes. Alec was still holding Magnus' face in his hands and softly caressed the soft skin on Magnus cheeks. Magnus had never expected to get looked at like Alec was looking at him now and his heart begun to beat faster.

"Just don't let me hurt you." Alec was afraid that he'd put Magnus in pain and ruin Magnus innocent but Magnus just smiled softly at Alec...his Alec. "You won't...I promise." Magnus didn't know that behind these big cold walls Alec was actually as vulnerable as everyone else was but maybe beyond all the broken souls on earth Alec was the most broken one. Magnus let the feeling sink in that Alec didn't push him away any longer. He let the feeling sink in that it wasn't necessary anymore to pretend he was okay with them being just friends. He didn't have to pretend that he didn't care who Alec spend his nights with and he didn't have to hide the truth.

The truth was he could never be just friends with Alec because seeing him with anyone else broke his heart and he could never watch Alec holding someone else's hand. Magnus didn't realize how much his heart was bleeding for this man until it didn't have to anymore. "Why are you crying?" Alec asked a little concerned he played Magnus too much but Magnus soft smile send the concern away. "I'm just happy." Magnus answered placing his hands above Alec's and Alec smiled back. It wasn't his usual smile. Not the empty eyes that stared at you while Alec forced a smile on his lips. His eyes were actually smiling. They were shining and for the first time Magnus got to see what Alec looked like when he was smiling.

Alec was a bit surprised when Magnus wrapped his arms around his neck and hugged him tightly yet he didn't lose much time to hug him back. They stayed like that for a very long moment just enjoying the warmth of the other body and Magnus inhaled Alec's unique scent. "I really hate to let go of you but I actually have to get some work done." Alec slowly pulled back from the hug and Magnus sighed but he nodded. "As long as you don't run away again." Magnus wanted to joke but Alec could hear the worry Magnus tried to hide.

"Look, I'm difficult. I don't believe in love. Love is just an excuse for people to get laid and then they end up hurting each other because everything was based on lies to begin with. If you're looking for something like that...then you should go and find yourself a decent guy and get married." Alec didn't want to push Magnus away anymore but he needed to make sure Magnus knew what he'd never get. "I can't promise you that I will ever be able to love you...but I can promise you to put you above everything. I can promise to catch a bullet for you but I can't promise you to give up myself." Magnus covered Alec's mouth with his hand and shushed him.

"I don't care. Love me or don't...catch a bullet for me or don't...all I want is you...the real you, not a version of you that is forcing a nice act for me. Alexander, you aren't leaving my mind and as long as I'm not leaving yours I don't care what you can and what you can't give." Magnus was sure in that moment that his feelings were enough for a life together. He was sure his feelings for Alec were strong enough to shadow Alec's lack of emotions and make their relationship work. "Alright. Just tell me if you change your mind." Alec replied always leaving Magnus a way out and Alec was sure one day Magnus would need it. He knew that one day Magnus needed the open door and Alec would make sure the door was never closed.

He'd make sure his heart would never be strong enough to shut that door for Magnus to leave. "It's late...you should go to bed and rest...I still have work to get done. We can talk more in the morning." Alec let go of Magnus body and Magnus nodded. They both needed time alone to process the happenings of today and collect their thoughts. It was just the beginning of figuring out how to be in a relationship and many rocks would block their way but not only rocks. Sometimes your biggest enemy is no one else than your self...//tb

That's what you wanted right🤔😏❤️