Magnus laid on the bed for a good 5 minutes completely in shock about what had just happened, struggling to calm his racing heart. It took him probably another 3 minutes until he was finally able to sit up and slowly left the room. He made his way to the sub room not caring at all over his ripped shirt and he couldn’t help how he touched his lips still tingling from the rough kisses. "There you are! I almost sent a rescue team aft- what happened to your shirt?!" Teddy asked when he saw the condition Magnus’ clothes were even Magnus didn't hear him too lost in his own thoughts. Why did Alec kiss him back? Why did he look so scared after the kiss? Why did Alec look so incredibly vulnerable after their kiss? An endless amount of thoughts were bashing in Magnus’ brain and the more thought he put into them the more they confused him. "Hello? Magnus, you there?" Teddy asked shaking Magnus’ arm who finally focused his eyes back on Teddy instead of out into space. "He, Alec... he kissed me." Magnus answered with a slight frown on his forehead and Teddy’s eyes only widened as he heard his friends words. "He what!?" Teddy half shouted not believing his friend but only because it was to good to be true. "He... he was so mad at me. He hated that I wouldn't let go... he pinned me against the wall and yeah I kissed him first but he didn't push me away... he kissed me harder and... my shirt." Magnus replied more to himself than to Teddy while looking down out his now unpresentable attire but Teddy heard all of it and his jaw dropped. "He is hurt... and broken, Teddy. He is more than that... he’s dying." Magnus suddenly added his eyes so empty except for the deep concern he held for the other. For a moment Teddy would thought he was looking in Alecs eyes if it wasn't for the different colour. "And you know all of that because of a kiss?" Teddy asked sceptically and Magnus bit his lower lip in consideration. Maybe it was crazy and maybe it was absolutely idiotic but this feeling wasn’t going away. Magnus had looked in Alec’s eyes so many times... those cold empty eyes had scared him in the beginning but after their kiss he could see they weren't empty at all. Seconds after their kiss Alec’s eyes were showing all of his feelings on a silver platter and they were nothing short of terrifying. Magnus saw regret and guilt in them but of all the swirling emotions he saw pain. He could see in Alec’s eyes how much he was suffering and how he was slowly dying... it was like he could see Alec’s soul praying for help as the life was slowly fading out of him. Magnus had to figure this out but he had to do this on his own because by now everyone believed Alec only let his guard down with Magnus, even Magnus himself believed that. "Maybe I'm just confused. Where is Matteo? I need to talk with him." Magnus knew Matteo was very upset about Hao lying and that he needed time to calm down but he also needed comfort. Matteo needed his friends now and he really needed someone who would tell him that everything would be alright. Some people would get angry at you for telling them everything would be fine but that’s because you can tell that they didn't believe it either. If you tell them in all honesty and you believe in it yourself that it will all be alright then they appreciated it. "In the changing room." Teddy answered not insisting on Alec as a topic and Magnus smiled lightly before he went to Matteo. Magnus’ heart dropped when he saw Matteo on the bench freely falling down unto the floor. Magnus slowly sat down next to his friend and gently wrapped one arm around Matteo who rested his head on Magnus shoulder in acknowledgment and Magnus softly stroked Matteo back. "It will be alright... you two will be alright." Magnus promised his friend that he and his love would work things about but secretly told himself that he and Alec would be alright somehow too. Alec flew to his bathroom taking in deep breaths swallowing hard, his heart slamming in his chest against his rib cage. He walked to the mirror looking himself in the eyes... and it hurt. It hurt to know that he should be able to love Magnus and let Magnus love him. It hurt to know that he should be able to accept someone else’s love; but he couldn't. The fear and pain kept him from losing himself in this beautiful thing called love ever again. It wasn't his fault but his dads. Your parents are the ones who are supposed to love you unconditionally but what do you do when they turn from love and adoration to cruelty and hate? What do you do when the two people that you thought would always keep you save hurt you the most? It should be so simple for Alec to hate them but he lost that battle. He lost so much within them all. He lost his trust in love. He lost any will to live, but the hardest thing was that he lost his life. He didn't feel happiness; only pain. The kind of pain that was slowly ripping him apart day by day and every morning he woke he lost another piece of his already broken, shattered soul. "Alec... it's me. Can we talk?" Hao’s voice broke through the silence and Alec splashed cold water over his Facebook a weak attempt to wash away the remnants of the emotions he has pushed down years ago. "Yes... just give me a minute." Alec replied his voice shaking and his eyes blurry. He opened the door seeing the worry and sadness in his friends eyes. "Matteo broke up with me... or at least I think he did." Hao’s voice sounded so empty and broken as tears started to fall down his cheeks. Alec didn't deal well with emotions from others but Hao wasn’t just anyone. Alec thought of Hao as a brother and it was the same the other way around. Hao was always there for Alec and never let him slip to far refusing to give up on him. Even after tonight; after Alec’s violent outburst and brutal behavior Hao wouldn’t let go of him. Maybe Alec has turned into something dark and murderous but it was only for a spilt second. Hao knew Alec wouldn’t ever be able to trust him 100% but he also knew about Alecs past and for him this 80% was more than he could ever ask for. "Everything is going to be alright." Alec said as he hugged his friend confusing Hao a little but he hugged him back regardless. "I don't know... I don't know anything anymore." Hao mumbled not sure if he could believe his brother this time against his doubts because he could tell Alec wasn't sure either. For the first time Alec didn't know that everything was going to be alright...//tbc

ohhh I hope you like it. Please leave me a comment if you want to keep me posting or if you don't want to 💜💜💜💜💜💜