Breaking his chain of thoughts, the door of the ward opened, and the doctor came out with worried looks....

"Mr Dixit.... I have something important to tell you..." he said as Dev looked puzzled.

"Y-yess?"

"Uhm.... We are trying our best....but I am sorry......we couldn't save your child"

-------------------

Dev's POV

Once again my emotions turned jagged and my insides tightened. I waited, wide eyed, heart in my mouth, hoping for a few positive words. But nothing came from him.

"S-Sonakshi....was pr-preganant?" I stammered that even the words was forced to come out.

"Yes Mr Dixit.... She was pregnant for more than a month I guess. Due to the internal bleeding, we had to remove the fetus immediately. And there's a serious head injury detected, so we may need to start the surgery as soon as possible to avoid further complications..." Dr Prathap, spoke as hot tears fell fast and drenched my shirt. I felt the wetness of my skin and each drop of tear as it emerged from the opening of my eyes.

"I.....didn't know that she was................ Will she be alright?" I asked desperately as he gave me an apologetic look.

"We are doing our best. Hopefully she will be. Let's just pray that the surgery goes well..." he smiled.

I stared at the doctor as all the details he explained, ran through my mind. My heart beat was rising with each word, a cold chill running down my spine. He gently patted my shoulder before leaving me alone.

We couldn't save your child....

We couldn't save your child....

We couldn't save your child....

We couldn't save your child....

That phrase just kept on repeating on my mind as I screamed in agony, not being able to hold on to the pain anymore. I kneeled down and cried uncontrollably. Asha and Elena who were sitting a few meters away rushed to me and sat down beside me. Panic in their faces were visible as they demanded me what the doctor had said.

My eyes were burning and my chest felt heavy as if it was filled with heavy rocks. I could no longer see clearly. All I knew was that my child was gone even before I could bring it to the world. It was my fault... I was not worth enough of getting any kind of happiness now.

"No..." I pressed my trembling hands to my eyes, breathing in and out. The breaths came out in pants and it felt as if there was something wrapped around my windpipe. Be strong...be strong.

"They said they couldn't save the child...." I choked as I buried my face in my hands again. Asha stood numb as her eyes widened in shock. Her shoulders shaking with grief, tears were streaming down her already wet cheeks.

"Dev... You have to be strong." She said in between her tears as I looked at her helplessly.

"I am sorry, maa. I really am. I couldn't save her from this mess. I accused her. No matter what, I should have stood by her. She married me because she trusted that I would stand by her through all the problems. But I gave up in just a few months. Everything happened so fast.... I never meant this to happen......... I know that I don't deserve any apologies but please don't hate me. I can't....... I can't live without her." I sobbed as Asha maa wailed.

She was helpless as well. Her husband and daughter were both fighting for their lives and were in a critical condition because of me and not even once, she accused me. My guilt was rising every second she kept quiet.

"Dev..... Everyone makes mistakes but sometimes you have to pay a huge price for certain mistakes. If both of you had sat down and talked your hearts out, it would have given a peaceful solution but you decided to run away from problems..... You didn't trust her.......... Why?" she asked as I shook my head trying to deny reality.

"I was confused........... I really didn't mean it. Please forgive me! I will bring your daughter back safely. I will die if something happens to her."

"I am not the one whom you should ask forgiveness Dev. It's Sonakshi who has to forgive you. Even if she had erred, you had the rights to question her. But sending her away from the house in the middle of the night is just too painful. What if something worse happened to her? I wonder what she had to go through.... Wonder how she struggled..... Did she have any transport with her? Did she try to call me? What was she thinking the last time................ All these questions haunt me, Dev!" she cried as she leaned in to Elena and howled.

Suddenly another doctor came there and stood before us.

"Relatives of Mr Bijoy Bose?"

"Yes.... His daughter and wife." Elena said as she stood up.

"Uhm... Actually, Mr Bose had a sudden heart attack. This is his second attack according to his reports. Before the third one, he needs serious medical attention. Do you want to continue your medical treatment here or continue your treatment with your family doctor? Because this is really urgent. Delaying his treatment may cause his life." he spoke as Asha wiped her tears and composed herself.

"Hi Doctor, actually we already have a referral letter to admit him in another hospital in Mumbai..... I think you can discharge him now. We will continue his treatment there." she spoke.

Nodding in agreement, the doctor left. I looked at her with hesitant and pleaded with her through my eyes.

"Maa.... Please...... Just let me help you. You can at least use my money for baba's treatment.... At least it would help me wash a little amount of guilt and my sins as well... Please...." I pleaded but she was too reluctant.

"No beta.... This money is the reason for my daughter's state today. I can't accept your help now.... No amount of money can buy me back my daughter. She saved up enough so long and have been transferring most of her savings ever since she started working. It should be enough." she said as Sonakshi's last words echoed in her ears.

"Maa...I love you........I am trying my best....just remember..... Never accept any money from others...please"

"And she told me Dev..........Her last words were not to accept money from anyone. I didn't understand back then. But now I do." she said as tears started pooling in her eyes. Her words just created a weird sensation in my stomach. Something really horrible. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stand strong again. God.... Sonakshi!

Soon Elena and Asha maa went home to prepare for further arrangements. I promised them that I would be here for Sonakshi and convinced them to continue with their trip to Mumbai. Their pain felt as though it was mine. The guilt sat like a rock in my chest as I stared at their retreating figures.

Another ward boy there came and asked me to sign the forms so that they could proceed with the operation.

"Can I see her before the operation... Just once?" I choked as he said agreed after a long pause.

"You can only see her for a couple of minutes Mr Dixit." The doctor warned as he was getting ready for the surgery.

When I rushed to see her, my heart crashed into million pieces. I couldn't even stand straight as my legs were moving like jelly. I couldn't even recognize the love of my live who laid lifelessly on the bed. Her skin was pale with too many injuries. Her clothes were changed into the hospital gown while her mangalsutra was being removed by the nurse..... I clenched my eyes shut in pain. She had never let anyone remove it.... Not even me...

I walked in the room with heart clenched in pain

Tears filled my eyes as I cursed myself repeatedly for being the reason behind her misery.

"Sorry sir, we have to bring her to the Operation Theatre." The nurse's voice brought me back to life. I nodded and slowly decided to move out of the room. But before I left, I looked at her face and smiled.

"Please....come back!" I whispered strongly and walked out without turning. The sight of her injured state killed me every second. How much pain must she have been through? She trusted me to save her during the accident.....but what was I doing?

Idiot!

Why couldn't I be weak for once? What's the need to always stay strong? I felt like my heart was being crushed, squeezed by something, like someone opened my chest and ripped my heart out. It was so painful. The world around me wasn't moving anymore, it was all silence everywhere except the erotic beat of my heart.

What did I do to deserve this? Then it hit me.... I took Sonakshi for granted. I treated her like no one should be treated. I accused her.

Was god punishing me for that? If he did so, then I deserve all the pain. But why Sonakshi? She didn't deserve this at all... Why was he punishing her and her family? She did nothing wrong. I had been the wrong person in her life. I wish I could time travel and bring her back. Even if that had to remove me from her life, I would do that.

I wiped my tears and made my way out of the area. My dad was still there. I told him to take care while I went home and get changed. There was no feelings inside me at that moment. I didn't feel hunger, sleep or anything.

How should a person be after losing his own blood, his own child? Numb? In agony, pain, angry or melancholic?

I felt died inside. What was there to live now?

Sonakshi...... You have to live for her.

A small voice echoed in my mind as I laughed sarcastically. I would be surprised if she even wants to look at my face after the operation. I had lost a part of myself along with my baby. The child who was supposed to grow up and play, live his life, was gone now. He never got to see the light of the world. He was murdered...... By me...

What was his fault? Why did he have to pay for my mistakes? Why??????

"I am sorry...." I heard a whisper beside me. I turned to see my father. His eyes was glossy and he nodded in understanding.

He was the only one who stood by Sonakshi yesterday. Why didn't I even have an ounce of his patience? God...... every single thought killed me as I stared up at the ceiling and breathed in sharply to avoid any more tears flowing up. I expected him to say something but he didn't.

"I will be waiting here..." he muttered and stood up with a heavy sigh.

Without saying a word, I walked out of the hospital in a daze. That's when I heard my name being called from the lobby. When I turned behind, my eyes widen at the sight of Neil.

The thought of him here filled me with such rage and bitterness that I thought I would explode.

"Dev..........I have something important to tell you. Please listen. After that, if you decide to give me any punishment, its up to you." He spoke as I just gave him a cold stare.

"Just go away. I don't have the time...." I stated as he still insisted in telling what he wanted to say..

"Dev......... I just want you to know that whatever I did in the mall and restaurant was all an act. I was actually paid to do it..." he mumbled as I breathed in sharply. I stopped in my tracks and turned to him.

"What are you blabbering?"

"Yes Dev. I know this might be shocking for you but............ Nisha..... Your cousin Nisha was the reason for all this. She paid me a.........a .... huge sum to...... do all this." He stuttered as all I saw was red.

"What the fuck????? Do you know what the hell you are saying?" I screamed as he flinched.

"D-Dev....please. It was her who paid me. She even made me deliver the photos to your office. The photos were all taken in a different angle to purposely make it look......intimate... B-but in real.........Sonakshi was actually....ccrying...." he spoke apologetically as the heaviness in my heart increased.

"Why did you agree to do such a cheap thing?" I whispered in agony.

"I needed money. If I didn't do it, she would have still paid for someone to do this....."

"No...." I shook my head in denial.

"Yes Dev. I even gave Nisha the engagement ring which fell of that day in the dressing room. If you want you can check it with Nisha. It must be with her" he said as I choked on my saliva.

"Ring?" I gasped.

"Yes... It's some diamond shaped ring."

"I don't trust you..." I said as I looked at him numbly. How could I trust him? He was the reason behind Sona's accident. But he really looked pathetic. I could sense how sorry he was. Deep inside, I was still jealous of him because he had something which I didn't.

Sonakshi's forgiveness.....

"I don't have anything to make you trust Dev... But just know that Nisha is dangerous for Sonakshi. She will destroy her..." he spoke lastly as he walked away.

I quickly dashed my way across to my car and went home. Once I reached home, I never gazed at anyone and greet anyone. I was too confused and angry at the moment. I could feel the staring gazes of everyone at home. I needed the truth...and I knew how to get it.

I quickly showered and walked out of my house, ignoring my mother's pleas. I took my car and drove all the way to Sonakshi's parent's house. I knew this was a difficult decision but I had to do this. I walked over and knocked their house door.

Elena opened and gave me a gobsmacked look. She eyes were red as she looked like she had been crying for hours.

"What's wrong? Sona is okay, right? Did something-"

"She is fine...... May I know when are you exactly leaving?" I asked her.

"We will be leaving tonight after my father is discharged. It's going to be difficult and I know he wouldn't listen to us." she said as Asha came and stood behind her. She was shocked to see me there as well.

"Dev??? You...here? Come in na?" she invited as they made space for me to walk in.

"Maa..... I was just wondering..... if I could see...............erm Sonakshi's room before you guys leave?" I asked hesitantly as I didn't want them to mistake me or interpret my words wrongly.

"Of course. By the way, we haven't really shifted her stuff much. It's all inside her room only..." she said and smiled lightly. I didn't know how they were so strong. Asha maa was just a replica of Sonakshi. The smile she has even during hard times, just pained me.

I took heavy steps to Sonakshi's room and once I reached there, I stood numb. Elena was behind me, staring at me curiously. The memories I had in this room was the day before our marriage.... I still remembered our conversations as it pricked me so hard.

"Does....Jatin knows about you more than me?"

".....Yes"

"Dev....everyone pour their emotions and tell their deepest secrets to their diaries. But at the end of the day, the diary is just abandoned in some drawer and the secrets are forever etched in your heart...........The diary is just a tool for distraction....and the heart is the permanent place where more secrets will arise and live forever." she said covering a small smile.

"Dev......Jatin is like my diary........and you are my heart. He knows most of my secrets. However, there are certain things even the diary doesn't know....But you....you are someone who will stay with me forever.....like my heart.... and discover all my secrets even without me having to say it to you."

My eyes widened at that memory as I quickly turned and looked at Elena.

"Does Sona have a personal diary?" I asked as she looked conflicted for a moment. But then later she slowly nodded.

She walked to the shelve nearby and took a small diary with her. She passed me the beautiful maroon diary and left the room without saying anything. I stared at it as my mind contradicted whether I should read it or not. I hated invading other's privacy. But in order for my confusions to get clear, I needed to do this.

With a heavy heart, I opened the book.....

*************

Precap : Sonakshi's Diary...

Spoilers: A true friend's regret