We haven't heard anything about Olga from the Volga lately; you might recall that she's Tatiana's mother and Komik Kal's mother-in-law. It's not like her to keep quiet, at least not for long. Anyway, lately we've heard some gossip about Olga that we'd like to share with you. She's well known for causing all kinds of mischief at the Crockerie, which is the aged-care home across the road from Scrubber-town shopping centre. Olga lives permanently at the Crockerie these days, as Tatiana and Kal could no longer cope with her living with them.

Olga's been up to her old tricks again. Recently, she took a group of oldies to the city in cabs without telling anybody. She charged the fares to Matron Melanie personally. Matron Melanie you may or may not remember is director and nurse manager at the Crockerie. The oldies had a ball apparently. They visited a Chocolate shop, bought heaps of goodies, after which they called in at the Museum, where they were asked to leave by security staff, cos they were touching all the displays, while eating melty chocolate and bags of greasy chips. They also made heaps of noise.

Olga took the other oldies out for a day on the town. Which one do you think is Olga?

Around this time, a couple of the old people passed out from chocolate 'hypos.' They were residents who were severely restricted on what sweets they could eat and had to be carted away in ambulances. Not at all bothered by this turn of events, Olga continued with her remaining group. They visited a department store and invaded the make-up counters, except for Clarry and Harry, the only two men, who decided to take themselves to a movie. They were found later, sound asleep, by a staff member. When they awoke, neither old man could remember who or where they were or what they were doing. They were both driven to a central police station until they could be identified. Eventually, it was discovered that the two were residents of the Crockerie at Scrubber-Town and Matron Melanie was contacted. She was not at all happy about having to go into the city to identify them and subsequently take them home.

Back to Olga and her remaining group of six women. The salesgirls at the make-up counter offered them all a chance to have their make- up done, using the latest product. They probably thought it was a safe way of keeping them out from under everyone's feet and from meddling with the tester make-up on the counter. Having been made-up and looked in the mirror to admire themselves, Olga said, 'We all so beautiful'. She wagged her finger at other shoppers and said 'Don't you wish you beautiful like us?' T We're sure people just rolled their eyes. Then all the oldies decided they needed to go to the toilet, which was located on the next level. However, all seven became confused with the escalators going up and down and they tried to go up a down escalator, whereupon they all fell in a heap at the bottom. Most of them suffered from shock and had to be taken to the hospital emergency room, except Olga, who as usual was unscathed and uncaring and happily made her way back to the Crockerie in another cab, which of course she also charged to Matron Melanie.

'We all so beautiful' said Olga

Olga had a nasty surprise awaiting her though; she was greeted by a furious , beetroot-red faced Matron Melanie, who demanded to know just why she thought she was entitled to take off to town with a group of ailing residents and not tell anyone.

    'But we have so much fun' said Olga 'and you just  jealous, ugly old spoilsport.'

Matron Melanie was holding a scarily large hypodermic needle in her hand and before she

 could say anything else, Matron Melanie plunged it into Olga, sedating her. Following that she was put into solitary confinement, which is a separate annex of the Crockerie for uncooperative oldies.

Matron Melanie was armed with a very large hypodermic needle

The next day, there was an item on the evening Channel One news about Matron Melanie being guilty of elder abuse. We think Olga must have contacted Kate Blake, the avid young reporter, but we're not sure. Someone did anyway. 

Everyone's saying where there's smoke there's fire and absolutely nothing would surprise us about wily old Olga. We bet she even managed to arrange for someone to smuggle bottles of Vodka to her room, that someone being either Clarry or Harry, who are both her boyfriends.