GASPING, HE SPRANG UPRIGHT frantically glancing from left to right as he panted heavily. Someone plopped down in front of him and his first instinct was to shout and do everything he could to get away from them. "Get off me!" He shoved their hand away, but after a long minute of panic, the voice finally began to register.

"Merlin! Merlin, it's me! It's your mother!"

Merlin looked up and found his mother's worried gaze. She gripped his wrists tightly and forcefully kept him from flailing. Feeling his heart pound against his chest, he smiled. "Mother?" Taking in another quick glance, he scanned his surroundings slower. He wasn't in the dark torture chamber that often plagued his dreams, but found himself lying on his old bed, a well lit fire lighting up the darkened chamber. He let out a quick chuckle. "I'm still me!"

Mother furrowed her brow. "What? Of course your—" 

"How long was I asleep?" He peered around noticing how dark it had suddenly become.

She looked towards the fire before back at Merlin. "Night has just fallen."

"So, the whole day," Merlin sighed, running a hand down his face.

"Merlin." Mother placed a hand on his knees. "What's going on? You said you needed my help." She knew him too well. Knowing he had magic, Merlin often had stranger things happen to him then most of the village children growing up.

Pushing the covers off his legs, he shifted to the side placing his feet on the ground. Now sitting beside his mother, he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and rubbed his forehead—the pounding was still there, but not as strong as earlier. He let out a sigh and slowly turned his head, making eye contact with Mother. "I do need help," he said softly. "But there's nothing you can do." He rubbed his hands together and gazed into the fire. "I don't think there's anything anyone can do." He rubbed his eyes. "It was a mistake coming here." He lowered his hands.

Mother ran her fingers through his hair and he closed his eyes. In the darkness, he could almost see Emrys clawing away at what remained of the barrier keeping him back. "Merlin, please tell me what's wrong," she said tenderly.

Merlin felt tears fill his eyes and he shook his head. "I failed," he choked. "There's no possible way for me to ever be free of him."

"Who?" Mother pressed.

Merlin looked back up at his mother, his bottom lip quivering. "Emrys," he whispered. "The darker part of me." He watched Mother's face as her expression went blank. "You had to have known," he continued. "Surely when I was young there were times where I seemed different."

Mother averted her gaze as if to be thinking. "There were ... occasions." She returned her concerned look and shook her head. "I just hoped ..." She trailed off.

Her words peaked Merlin's interest and he twisted his body to face her more directly. "You hoped what?"

Mother shook her head and chuckled. "Oh, nothing. It can't be." She stood up and walked away, headed for the window above the two seat table. She crossed one arm over her chest, grabbing the bicep of her other arm as she fingered with her free hand the necklace hanging around her neck.

Merlin stood up, a wave of dizziness washing over him as he did so. The thumping in his head suddenly grew louder and more intense as he took a few stumbling steps her way. "You know something. Don't you?" She didn't answer him. "Mother?"

Mother finally turned around, still fingering her necklace nervously. He immediately knew something was wrong. She always messed with that necklace when something was wrong—or to be more precise—whenever the situation had to do with his father. A silver ring. It wasn't fancy, and you would barely make any money off selling the thing, but it did have some value. It was Father's. He had left it with her the day he had to leave her and Merlin to keep them safe. Only, Merlin hadn't know that at the time. He had hated the man growing up for abandoning them. It wasn't until years later that Mother had finally opened up about his father Balinor and the true purpose behind him leaving.

He took another step and the wood board beneath him creaked under his weight. "Mother?" he asked again trying to shock her from her thoughts.

Mother looked up at him and released her necklace, it flopped back down against her skin. She rubbed her hands on her dress around her hips as she looked to the side. "Umm ..." She trailed off and walked up to the curtain where her bed lie behind. She pushed aside the curtain, knelt in front of the bed, and pulled out a small wooden box from underneath. She then sat on the bed and opened the little container; it squeaked on his hinges. Slowly, she pulled out a small envelope and held it out with a shaky hand.

Furrowing his brow, Merlin made his way over to his mother and snatched the envelope from her hand. He held it in both hands and gazed at his name on the front. "What is this?" he asked, looking back up at Mother. She sighed but, once again, didn't answer.

Merlin was so tired of the secrecy. He quickly ripped open the envelope and withdrew the parchment from within. Glancing at the words on the page, he read the first few beginning words. "My son. You won't remember me ..."

Feeling his heart race, his eyes widened and he nearly shoved the paper in his mother's face. "Is this from him?" He felt tears prick his eyes. "Is this from my father?"

Mother glanced up at him and slowly nodded. "He wrote it for you before he left," she whispered through a raspy voice. "In case you ..." Again, she sighed. "In case you ever ended up like him. We prayed you wouldn't, but as you got older, there were signs I knew to look for. Signs Balinor told me."

Merlin, feeling mixtures of curiosity and hurt that his mother would keep this a secret from him for so long, gripped the paper tightly in both hands and plopped down on one of the seats at the table and began eagerly reading,

"My son,

You won't remember me, and I sure pray you never have to read this letter, but if you're reading these mournful words on this parchment then my greatest fear for you has come true.

You've discovered you have another side to you. As much I want to believe the little boy lying cuddle up in the bed with his mother is you, I also know the trickery of an evil half. They're cunning, brilliant, and will do everything in their power to keep you locked away inside for good. Yes, even a three year old boy. It took me well into my adult years to even catch on to the thought of having a darker half, but that's because I, like you'll soon be, was fatherless. I never even questioned that maybe this curse could've been inherited from my father.

When I was in my late thirties, I found that my father was still alive. It took me years to track him down, but when I did, he confessed that he, too, was just like me. Only one thing was different. He had learned to control his other half."

Merlin nearly dropped the letter as it slipped through his loosened grip.

Mother sprang up from her spot on the bed. "What is it?"

Slowly, he turned his head up and glared at his mother. "You knew all along?" He held the letter out to her. "You had the letter from Balinor right here in this house, and you still sent me away? Knowing what I was, who I was?" He shook his head. "You don't know the things he's done. The things I've done."

"But it wasn't you," Mother interrupted, slowly rising from her spot on the bed.

Merlin lowered the letter and stood. "What if I had hurt Gaius?" he continued without paying attention to what his mother had said. "The man, your friend, who you told to protect me. What if I had killed him?"

"But you haven't!" Mother shot back. She gestured towards the bed, her motion a little more aggressive. "Merlin, please. Just sit down and finish reading."

Moving his glare from his mother to the parchment in hand, he walked her way and sat down on the edge of the bed as his mother accompanied him. Sighing, he looked down at the parchment and finished reading.

"There is hope, Merlin, because he taught me how to control mine and, with the help of this letter, you too can learn to control the beast.You'll need a physician, and if I'm not mistaken, your mother knows a good friend. You must find him and tell him to create a specific draft that'll put you deep into your mind. Unfortunately, I can't write the ingredients because he's watching. We may not remember the memories from our darker halves, but they remember ours. The last thing you want right now is for him to know what to destroy. If Gaius is as good a physician as your mother brags, I'm fairly confident he'll know of some book he can dig out to find what you need."

Merlin felt his blood run cold. This whole time Emrys had known what he'd done? Every second of every day. Merlin's head hurt just trying to think how that could even be possible. Didn't his darker half ever sleep? The thought of Emrys having always been there, always watching him, sent chills up his spine.

"Merlin ... You don't know how much I want to be a part of your life. These last three years have been the greatest this old man has ever known and I can't imagine what it'll be like without you in it. But I can't protect you like a father should.

Since you were a tiny infant, I knew something was wrong. Your mother didn't see it because I never told her, but I knew. You'd only sleep for ten minutes at a time, and when you woke up, you were always different. Never the same boy. Like I had a set of twins who shared the same body. I never wanted to worry your mother, but even now I can tell she has questions. Why her toddler can go from sweet to trouble in the blink of an eye. It's because neither one of your sides has learned how to have complete control, but that is what this letter is for.

I'm giving Hunith this letter to one day give to you. I pray she never has to and that my instinct is wrong, but my gut never is. You have to fight your darker half, Merlin. Fight him or lose yourself.

Merlin, there's one more thing I want to mention. If your darker half is as intelligent as mine, then he already knows and I need you to read these words closely."

Merlin flipped the first page behind the second and read the next few lines. Awestruck by the words on the page, he took a moment to look away.

"What is it?" Mother asked.

He felt his heart thumping wildly in his chest as he glanced between the words on the parchment to his mother. "Did you read this?"

Mother's shoulders dropped and she wrung her hands peering down at them. Without giving a spoken answer, she nodded.

"Is he being serious?" He heard the pages crinkle and realized his hands had begun to shake. "I mean ... he doesn't expect me to believe that, right?"

Mother slowly turned her eyes up to meet him. "Which part?" she whispered.

Merlin looked back down at the parchment and read, "There's no better way to break the ice then to just come out and say it ... Merlin, you are the next dragonlord. The gift is passed down from generation to generation ... between a father and his son." He peered back up at his mother. "I'm a dragonlord?"

Mother glanced down at her hands once again. "The last actually," she corrected quietly. "Or until you have a son."

Merlin looked around the small house, bewildered by the words he was reading. After all these years, not only did he discover that he had a darker side to him that had been roaming about terrorizing people for decades, but now he was also supposed to be some dragonlord? "What am I supposed to do with this?" he asked aloud, without turning towards his mother.

He felt a tender hand on his shoulder and his mother's soft words fluttered through his ear. "Keep reading."

Closing his eyes, he let out a sigh before turning to his fathers words once more.

"I know this must all be hard to process. It was for me too. There is a reason I can't stay with you and your mother, no matter how badly I want to, but I cannot see you harmed.

Uther is after me, and I do not blame him. What Fohlian has done—my darker side—is unforgivable. Never would I have imagined something like this would happen, but alas, it has ... and now I must pay.

Fohlian has abused his dragonlord power wrecking havoc on the five kingdoms. The power he sought was too great for any man. The whole reason Uther executed our kind and the dragons was all because of me ... or Fohlian, I suppose. Ordering dragons to kill and treat you as their king isn't what dragonlords are intended to do. We are to protect our kin. Not burn kingdoms to the ground for power.

Since you now know of your gift, I want you to know that there is one last dragon. Uther tricked me and had him captured. I want you to help him. Free him, if at all possible, and let him live out the reminder of his life in freedom not captivity. I wouldn't ask you to do something so dangerous if I did not think you couldn't handle it, but ... There's something about you, Merlin. The sense of magic I feel within you is stronger than anything I've ever felt before.

When you face the dragon, Kilgharrah, there's some things I want you to remember. Deep within yourself, you must find the voice that you and Kilgharrah share, for your soul and his are brothers. When you speak to him as kin, he must obey your will.

You're strong, Merlin. I have faith that you can overcome your darker half and free Kilgharrah from his prison. You're special and powerful, but you must free yourself before freeing the dragon. If your darker half gets to him first ... You could end up like me. Like Fohlian."

Merlin dropped the letter and the two papers separated, floating to the ground. He slouched over, placed his head in his hands, and wept. Either unable to hold in his tears or no longer wanting to, he couldn't say. He felt a warm hand affectionately rub his back.

"You know what you must do," came his mother's passionate voice.

Turning his head her way, he asked, "But how can I take this to Gaius? Knowing what Emrys could do to him?" He looked back at the floor and shook his head. "And freeing Kilgharrah? What if Emrys gets to him first? What will happen to Camelot?" He rubbed his eyes.

"If ... Emrys," she emphasized his name, the words sounding foreign on her tongue, "had gotten rid of Gaius it would've thrown too many red flags. There's a reason he didn't want you remembering anything."

"But now he has nothing to lose," Merlin responded.

"Merlin, you have to go," Mother tried reasoning. "Only he can help you now."

He sucked in a deep breath as his anger grew. "This whole time?" Merlin interrupted, outraged. "Ever since I was an infant I've had a darker side of me and you never thought to mention it?"

Mother withdrew her hand. "I thought I was doing what was best. I couldn't be sure. All I knew was that you weren't safe here in Ealdor."

"No. Instead you put Gaius and Arthur's lives at risk."

The house was quiet for several minutes before Mother finally spoke again. "Would you like me to come with you to Ca—"

"No!" Merlin shouted, springing upright. His mother jumped from his sudden outburst. Letting out an exhausted sigh, he gently grabbed her hands in his and spoke more calmly. "I just don't want to see you hurt. If I get too exhausted and fall asleep before getting to Camelot I would never forgive myself if Emrys hurt you." He looked down. "Or worse."

Mother covered the top of Merlin's hand and grinned. "Then you best be on your way, and hurry! It's like you said, if Emrys learns to control the dragon before you do then all the Kingdoms are in danger."

Merlin returned the smile and nodded but said nothing. He threw his arms around his mother giving her a final, quick embrace before hurrying his way to the back door. He slipped outside, gave one final look to his mother hoping it wouldn't be his last time, and dashed away into the forest.