Chapter 1

My hooves are lead when I enter the door of my home, the handle enveloped within my emerald aura of magic as it swings open long enough for me to tiredly walk inside, before slamming it behind me. 

I'm exhausted, but at the same time, I'm wide awake. 

As soon as I look around, I remember I'm enveloped in the darkness I've created. Curtains were closed, no lights turned on. The only thing that made it seem somewhat normal from this room's view is the small kitchen and black couch. 

The dark atmosphere of the house has been called 'unsettling' by everypony whose ever visited. (Which is only a hoof-full). 

Everypony but her...

When I first showed her, her face lit up. Like she was the light illuminating the room. A smirk crept up her face as she teases me about scaring me in the darkness, rubbing her hooves across my stomach in a fashion we both knew would make me laugh.

I could replay the scene like it just happened: The way her wings caught the air, keeping her levitated above the ground below; the way she would accept everything I liked, regardless of the meaning behind it; the way she accepted me, beyond comparison she accepted me. 

A sigh rose to my throat, but didn't have the strength to escape. With a shaky breath, I exhale, slowly sliding onto my black couch. Which is much more fashionable and comfy than the other one in Dr. Clara's office. 

Silence capes it's thick aura throughout the room while I'm lying down - a timid, yet comforting feeling. I'll probably have to get up and eat something in an hour, since I haven't eaten anything all day. But I guess I don't really think about food that much anymore, not since forever ago. 

I've grown so thin, I think my bones are poking out in the weirdest places, and I look more like a decaying body than a pony. 

But I don't care. 

My head nestles in my hooves, and for a second, I close my eyes. 

I see her. 

Only her. 

Her smile, her confidence, her happiness. 

It makes my stomach preform many somersaults, my throat constricted. If I had wanted to say anything, it wouldn't have come out. 

And again I sit in silence, the heavy breathes entering and exiting my parted lips as the only thing exchanging in this vast void of nothingness. My heart begins to pound, faster as the void only seems to grow vaster and more black. 

I see me. 

And I see her. 

Nothing else. 

She's confused, her eyebrow tilting upwards in that familiar fashion. It's like she's here with me, but not at the same time. 

And I can't take it!

The pain. The one that surrounds my heart in eternal blackness. It clouds everything I see, and seeing her soon becomes impossible. 

My eyes open. 

The weight on my head's thick enough to crush my skull, and it feels like every part of my body is throwing up all at once. The gross feeling trails up my spine and through my mane, a feeling of the need for cleansing covering me all over. 

I place my hoof to my head, trying to stable myself as I inch one hind leg to dangle off the couch, but slipping right as I touch the floor. 

Ow. 

My side is in pain, it felt as if I flew off something fast moving. But I manage to stand again, wobbly, but I can stand. 

Glancing at the closed curtains on my side, I walk over to them, using a hoof to open them slightly. Stars shined bright in the sky while inky black keeps the burning lights visible. 

Ugh, I fell asleep again. 

I should probably just go to bed, sleep off this disgusting feeling. I'll get cleaned up and refreshed in the morning. All I need is to sleep the night away. 

Feeling too weak to use magic and teleport to my room, I awkwardly walk all the way there, hopping in the bed and covering myself with the sheets. 

For a moment, I try to release the tension into the linen. Hoping I can drown in them and never resurface.

It doesn't work, of course. 

Shifting back and forth, I can't seem to find a good position in my bed, and I end up just placing a couple pillows on the floor, and laying on those. It's what I've been doing for a while now, just because nothing feels comfortable anymore. 

Nothing was more comfortable than her...

Ugh, no! I need to stop thinking about her! I can't! Or else I'll never be able to sleep!

I lay my head back on the pillow, rolling on my side as I stared at the wall - one of my only pastimes. 

Though I don't mind it, I pushed my stringy mane away from my face as I took in an uneven breath. 

I have to get some sleep tonight. 

I have to. 

~~*~~

My eyes slit open, allowing me to see. It was dark, just the way I liked. The darkness was inviting in the mornings, especially since I have to get up and go look for another job. 

Man, isn't this a good way to start a morning? Waking up and remembering that you still have to get a job, or else you'll be in your house sulking all day?

One point for negativity.

After getting myself cleaned up, refreshed and presentable for nopony in particular, I walk into my kitchen, feeling my stomach vibrate with a loud, low grumble. 

Oh yeah, I forgot to eat last night. 

But when I look through the cabinets, all I can find is dust and cobwebs. 

Maybe I'll go out to eat. I haven't been to Sugarcube corner in a while, and no matter what had happened in the past, I can't let that stop me from enjoying some food. 

Right?

Determined with my choice, I use my magic to bring a dark cloak over myself. After a few adjustments, it fits snugly around my frail body, hugging me with it's warmth. 

Just like she would...

Ugh, I need to stop! Beating myself up over this won't fix anything. 

The void in my heart deepened just a little bit more today, and I honestly don't know how much more I can take before I break. My hoof is resting on the doorknob, but resenting against opening up. 

A couple of shaky breathes later, I'm out of the door, slowly but surely. Clouds roll over the sky, and the sun is shining so bright, it makes me hiss quietly like a vampire. 

I am a vampire aren't I?

From the corner of my eyes, I glance at the mailpony who's cautiously walking up towards my home. 

Why is he here? I never get mail. 

That's the reason I don't even have a mailbox, because I never get mail. I got rid of my mailbox ages ago, gave it to a company who supports charity. 

So why in the world is he walking up to me?

"Ms. Rose?"

I glare at him, but I don't respond with the spunkiness I know is buried inside of me, along with my other traits that vanished a long time ago. 

"Speaking."

He reaches in the bag with his mouth, pulling out a letter with a golden stamp on the back. 

The royal seal. 

Trying to remain calm, I use my magic to gently take it from him, opening it up as hastily, but uninterested as possible. 

And I reread it multiple times, just to make sure I'm not dreaming. 

This cannot be happening!

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