tw: suicide, rape, sexual assault

After that incident. Mas naging maalaga at protective si Adrian. The cctvs inside the penthouse are doubled. Naghire na rin siya ng bodyguards. Tuwing pumupunta kami sa office ni Mr. Zamora ay nariyan ang mga bodyguards na nagbabantay.

We also consult a psychologist to give us a proper treatment for my condition na kakilala rin ni Adrian. He's good at keeping me hidden dahil kahit na anong labas namin ay hindi ako nakikilala. Hindi ko alam kung dapat ko bang ikatuwa 'yon. Ayoko na rin naman kasing umasa sa kaniya dahil nakakahiya. But he also assure me that it's okay to lean on him pero nahihiya na talaga ako.

He could take me over to my family but he insisted na sa kaniya muna ako manirahan hanggang hindi pa naaayos ang kaso ko. I don't know his reasons, but I let him do what he wanted to do.

I'm still attending my sessions with my counselor and it helps me a lot. Together with the medicine and counseling, the traumas are gradually healing, baby steps and I'm trusting the process, for sure one day I'll get over this.

It's been five months since Adrian found me and kept me in his house. Hanggang ngayon wala pa ring usad ang kaso dahil wala kaming makitang lead. Austin's still out there lurking around dahil hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin siya nakikita.

The news of me missing eventually died down after a month. I wonder why? Pero hanggang ngayon, tuwing lumalabas kami ni Adrian ay naka disguise pa rin ako.

"Hey," he kissed me on my cheek.

Kagagaling lang ni Adrian sa trabaho. He's in his three piece black suit and his feet are covered with a brown leather shoes. Nginitian ko siya sandali at saka nagpatuloy sa pagnguya ng mangkok ng popcorn na nasa kandungan ko.

He installed a television on his sala for my entertainment daw since I can't use a phone anymore. Kaya ngayon ay nanonood ako ng Larva habang kumakain ng popcorn.

Napatingin siya sa pinapanood ko at saka ibinaba ang briefcase niya sa center table na nasa harap namin.

"Really? Larva?" he said chuckling.

"What? It helps me destress," I said then shove a popcorn to my mouth.

Lumapit siya sa akin. He pinched my cheek then moved it side to side.

"Ang cute mo talaga," nang gigigil niyang sabi saka nanggigil na piningot ang ilong ko.

"Ouch! You're mean!"

"I'm not,"

Babatuhin ko na siya sana ng tsinelas ko pero tumakbo na siya papasok ng kwarto niya habang natatawa kaya hindi ko na tinuloy. I clicked my tongue then massaged my cheeks. I can feel it swelling from his pinch. Sakit.

I found myself getting comfortable with his presence as the days goes by and it brought us to this situation. Halos araw-araw niya na akong kinukulit at inaasar simula noong maging komportable na ako sa kaniya. I didn't mind at all since I'm enjoying his company.

And after that incident, hindi na rin nagparamdam si Austin sa akin. Which made me more comfortable.

"Where do you want to go? I'm sure it's boring here," sabi niya habang nagpupunas ng buhok. He was out of the shower. I can smell his shaving cream mixing with his manly scent. Naka puting sando lang siya at blue na satin shorts.

"I don't know,"

He rolled his eyes. "Walang lugar na I don't know dito,"

"What? What I meant was I don't know where to go," binato ko siya ng throw pillow. Nasalo niya 'yon at saka tumawa. I clicked my tongue.

This guy is really getting into my nerves. And my pikunin self cannot handle his playfulness. Lagi akong naaasar sa kaniya.

"Ang pikunin mo," he said whilst chuckling. Inirapan ko lang siya at saka nanatiling manood ng Larva. Wala rin naman akong magagawa sa kakulitan niya. Mas lalo niya lang akong aasarin kung papatulan ko siya.

"Anyway, my friend invited me to a masquerade party. It's two weeks from now, if you want to go, you can," I heard him said.

Tumango na lang ako sa kaniya.

Well, It's not that bad to go to a party since I want to loosen up. Wala na rin namang naghahanap sa akin so I think it's safe to go out dahil baka nakalimutan na rin nila ang tungkol sa akin.

It's been five months and for sure limot na nila 'yon.

"Okay then, if you want to go, we will go to the mall next week and we will find you a dress,"

"Yes, daddy," I sarcastically said.

Napahalakhak siya at saka ako nilapitan para guluhin ang buhok ko. I swatted his hands then glared at him. Inayos ko ang buhok kong ginulo niya. Tumawa lang siya sa reaksyon ko at saka pumunta ng kusina.

I rolled my eyes.

"What do you want to eat? Me or an actual meal?"

I turned my hand to him and gave him a 'WHAT?!' face. Tumawa lang siya sa reaksyon ko. Nakalagay pa rin ang tuwalya sa balikat niya at ang buhok niya ay magulo habang naghahanap ng rekados. He lift his head up and when our eyes meet he winked at me.

I faked a puke then shake my body to show him that I'm disgusted.

"Hey! I'm offering you myself and you're disgusted? Wow ha,"

"Excuse me? I would never want you even if you're the last man in this universe,"

"How dare you say that to me. And excuse me also, this face," he pointed his face. "this face had so many women down on their knees to praise me, tapos pandidirihan mo lang?" he looked at me with his 'you're unbelievable' face.

I rolled my eyes at him.

"And I'm sorry to say this, but I'm not one of those 'women'" I said waving my hand dismissively and emphasizing the word women.

I heard him scoffed. I ignore him then flipped my hair. I focused my eyes on the show that's playing on the television. I heard footsteps from my behind and before I knew it, Adrian's in front of me wearing his playful face.

"You..." he said.

He step forward then he started to tickling me. Malakas akong napahalakhak habang kinikiliti niya ako sa bewang.

"Isa, Adrian! HAHAHAHA! Isa! Tama na!" patuloy lang ako sa paghalakhak ng malakas habang kinikiliti niya ako.

Ang pwesto namin ay, nakatayo siya sa harap ko habang ako naman ako nakahiga sa love seat at hindi mapakaling tinatanggal ang kamay niya sa akin.

"Tama na!" tumawa ulit ako ng malakas ng diinan niya ang kiliti sa bewang ko.

Kalaunan ay tinigilan niya rin ako. Habol-habol ko pa rin ang hininga ko habang nakaharap sa kaniya. I curled while my hands are crossed in front of me preventing his hands to tickle my belly.

Tumalikod na siya at naglakad palayo pero bumalik sandali at umambang kikilitiin ulit ako pero mabilis akong umiwas. I smiled cheekily then stick my tongue out.

"Ahh gusto pa ng isa," he walked towards me habang ang kamay niya ay nasa harap, nakaambang mangigiliti.

I giggled. "Hindi na nga eh, hindi na, boss. Hindi na oh, parang tanga naman," sabi ko nang patuloy pa rin siyang lumalapit sa akin.

He stopped from his tracks then playfully rolled his eyes at me before leaving me there. I smiled while watching him walked towards the kitchen.

Nang makarating siya roon ay iniangat niya ang tingin niya at saka idinuro ang mata niya ng dalawang daliri niya bago ako itinuro.

You know, like I'm 'watching you' move, ganoon.

I smiled at him showing my teeth before turning my head in front of me to focus my eyes on what I am watching.

Napapansin ko rin na masiyado na akong nagiging makulit at... vocal. Well, hindi naman talaga ako madaldal dati, pero ngayong kasama ko na 'tong unggoy na 'to, nagiging madaldal at makulit na ako. And I don't feel bad becoming that way.

I know that he is doing this to help me heal from my trauma. And no words can describe how much I am thankful to him.

Pero akala ko dati ay cold person siya, pero noong nakakasama at nakakausap ko siya ay may pagkamakulit naman pala siya.

Nanood lang ako buong araw ng Larva at Marvels. Gustong-gusto ko talagang ulit-ulitin yung Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness. I really like Scarlet Witch even if she's the villain. Wala lang, I just found her cool. But even so, it doesn't change the fact that she risk so many lives in the movie.

Kinagabihan ay sabay na kaming kumain ni Adrian. Habang kumakain kami ay hindi ko napigilan na magtanong sa kaniya.

"Adrian, where's your family?" tanong ko pagkatapos kong malunok ang kinakain ko.

Wala kasi akong nakikitang family picture o kahit na anong picture sa loob ng bahay niya. Puro lang mga paintings at kung ano-ano ang mga nakasabit sa dingding niya.

Napatigil siya sa pagkain bago nilunok ang pagkain niya para sagutin ako.

"I don't have one," he said in a stern voice.

My forehead knotted from his answer. Gusto kong magtanong ulit pero iniisip ko na baka masiyadong maselan 'yon para sa kaniya kaya itinikom ko na lang ang bibig ko.

Nagpatuloy na lang ako sa pagkain at hindi na nagsalita pa. I can feel the awkwardness on the air. Sana pala ay hindi na lang ako nagtanong.

Maya-maya lang ay nagsalita ulit siya. "I'm an orphan, I don't know where my parents were. Ang sabi lang sa bahay ampunan ay iniwan lang ako roon sa pintuan na nasa loob ng box. No letter or anything from the parents,"

Nalungkot naman ako sa sinabi niya. I bit my lower lip. I feel bad for asking him that question.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask you th--"

"No no no, it's okay. Besides hindi mo naman alam,"

I lift my head to look at him. He gave me a gentle smile before he proceed to eat his meal.

Kahit na sinabi niyang okay lang 'yon ay hindi ko paring maiwasan na magsisi. I should've stayed silent. Nagpatuloy na lang din ako sa pagkain.

"And also, I have this someone who was like you, but she's dead now," he said in low voice.

I looked at him with sympathy in my eyes. "It's okay not to tell it, Adrian. If this topic is sensitive for you, you can--"

"No, it's okay. I want to talk about it anyway," he said then wiped his mouth with the table napkin.

Tumingin siya sa akin saka nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita.

"She was assaulted. We were still kids back then and we were in the orphanage. Paulit-ulit siyang..."

Hindi niya maituloy ang sinabi niya. He closed his eyes and I saw him grip his hand on the top of the table so I reached for it then hold it. Napadilat naman siya saka napatingin sa kamay kong nakahawak sa kaniya.

"I'm sorry, this might trigger you--"

"No, it's okay... it won't trigger me, I swear."

Bumuntonghininga siya bago nagpatuloy. "She was raped so many times by the men on the orphanage. And I was there, they forced me to watch them while they were raping her,"

Napamura siya. I caress his hand under my palm with my thumb.

It must be hard for him to cope with that. I can feel his resentment and anger as he speaks. My eyes soften when he looked at me. Tipid niya lang akong nginitian saka binawi ang kamay niya.

"Hindi niya na nakayanan ang pang-aabuso pati ang pang-gagahasa kaya... she took her life. We saw her hanging on the room. There were bruises and cuts on her wrists as we saw her hanging there,"

Tumayo ako sa kinauupuan ko at saka lumapit sa kaniya upang yakapin siya mula sa likod.

I may not know his pain or whatever he is feeling, but I want him to know that I'm here as he is for me.

"Kung may nagawa lang ako, Samara. Kung may nagawa lang ako edi sana buhay pa siya..."

I felt his shoulder shook as I'm hugging him. Mas lalo kong hinigpitan ang yakap ko sa kaniya.

"It's not your fault okay? Wala kang kasalanan. You're a victim too..." I said softly on his ear.

"Nakulong ba ang mga gumawa niyon sa kaniya?" tanong ko pa. He nod his head then wipe his tears.

Tipid akong napangiti. At least nabigyan ng hustisya ang gumawa sa kaniya niyon. She will be now at peace knowing that they gave her the justice she deserve.

"It's alright, Adrian. You can crumble and fall down sometimes, you know,"

"'Yan ba ang sinasabi sa'yo ni Vincent?" natatawa niyang saad. Pinalo ko ang kaliwang braso niya saka umirap kahit hindi niya ako nakikita. Tinawanan lang naman niya ako.

"It's true, though. It's okay to feel blue. I mean, don't suppress it, tao ka rin, may nararamdaman ka, you can cry, you can laugh, you can get angry. At saka sinong nagsabing pang babae lang ang pag-iyak? Duh, men can also cry,"

I looked at him on his side. He smiled lightly before tapping my forearm snaking on his neck. Hindi naman 'yon madiin na masasakal siya. I made sure to hold him lightly.

"Thank you, Samara."

"Ano ka ba? Wala lang 'yon. I want to be with you as you are with me. You know we can fight our battles as besties," I wiggled my eyebrows at him. Tinawanan niya lang ako.

Niyakap ko pa siya ng sandali bago ako kumalas.

"Can't deny, that made me feel better. I've been bearing it for years," natatawa niyang saad habang pinupunasan ang luha niya.

"Yeah, and I'm here for you Adrian ha? You don't have to face it alone,"

He nodded at me before looking into my eyes. He smiled gently.

"Thank you talaga, Samara."

Nginitian ko lang siya at saka iniligpit na ang mga pinagkainan namin. Tapos na rin naman kami kumain. Tinulungan ko siyang hugasan ang mga plato, kutsara at baso. Pagkatapos naming hugasan iyon ay tumungo na kami sa kwarto namin.

I sighed and smiled. It feels like the lump in my throat was gone. Alam mo 'yon? Yung wala ng tinik sa dibdib mo. My heart feels so light. Ngayon lang din naman nag-open up sa akin si Adrian ng ganoon. I didn't know that all those happy faces and giggles were just a facade.

Sabi nga nila, ang mga taong palatawa ang maraming problema. They tend to hide their problems through their smiles and laughs. But behind those mask is a person who supress everything because they think that they will be judged. Well, half true, but if you're with the right circle, they won't do that.

I looked at the ceiling processing the things that's going through my life lately. Nakahiga ako ngayon sa kama ko. Wearing my white sweater and a pair of white satin shorts. Parang dati lang ay nagtatago ako at natatakot. Ngayon, I'm eventually healing from all those scars.

Nakangiti akong nakatulog ng gabing iyon. Kinabukasan, maaga akong nagising para ipagluto si Adrian ng almusal. He greeted me with a smile when he got out from his room.

Maaga rin siyang pumasok sa trabaho kaya ako na lang ulit ang naiwang mag-isa roon. I used my time watching some tutorials on youtube on how to cook different dishes as well as knitting, para naman kahit papaano ay maging productive ako at may nagagawa ako.

And also, kahit naman na ganoon ang interaction namin ni Adrian ay we know na it's only platonic and we don't really like each other. We kiss each other on cheeks and snuggle with each other but no malice involve. Alam namin na kaibigan lang ang turing namin sa isa't-isa.

Male and female can be friends, you know. That doesn't mean na ay shoshotain na namin ang isa't-isa kapag nakipag kaibigan kami sa lalake and vice versa.

I decided to knit a cartoon character, jigglypuff to be exact because I found it cute. It's a keychain sized. Nang matapos ko iyon ay natuwa naman ako sa resulta. Kahit hindi niya ganoong kamukha at least nagawa ko naman kahit papaano.