The light coming from the moon illuminates the water. I hear someone humming from above. It relaxes every vein in my body. Her soft voice brings comfort in my bones. It feels like I'm in the right place, my safe haven... my home.

"Can you see the moon, my princess? It looks so beautiful just like you," her calm and sweet voice filled my ears like a lullaby.

Gusto ko mang magsalita pero hindi ko magawa. But I felt her smile and caress me again.

"Yes... it's beautiful, enthralling..."

I gasp. Napabangon ako mula sa panaginip ko. I looked around hysterically, finding that comfort in the corners of the room, but instead I see darkness and a man beside me.

Napahinga naman ako ng maluwag kahit papaano, pero hindi pa rin maalis sa isipan ko ang panaginip ko kanina.

The dream felt surreal. I can still feel her touch and her hands on me.

Hindi ko namalayan na tumutulo na pala ang luha ko.

The feeling suddenly attacks my veins. Bitterness. Longing.

"Hey... love. You're crying," I heard Austin beside me then I felt his hands on my cheeks, brushing away my tears.

Hindi ko na kinaya at napahagulgol ako sa dibdib niya.

I don't know the woman in my dreams, but I suddenly miss her touch, her voice, just her entire being beside me. Assuring me that there's no need to be scared of. I'm safe. I'm home.

"Baby..." he caressed my hair and kiss it many times.

Humagulgol lang ako sa dibdib niya. Hindi masabi ang nararamdaman. Hinayaan niya lang naman ako. He keeps rubbing my back and gently swaying me to calm me down.

It helped, and when I woke up again. Umaga na.

Austin's face is all I see as soon as I wake up. Malungkot akong napangiti habang tinitignan siya.

Have you ever love someone and you can't help to be sad knowing how beautiful they were? It hurts you know. Loving someone hurts a lot like every piece of you are starting to build themself up and in the process, you're hurting, and you don't know if it's bad or good.

I can't tell either. Basta ang alam ko, mahal ko siya, mahal niya ako, pero nasasaktan ako.

"Good morning, love," he said and gave me a peck on my lips.

I suddenly woke up from my reverie and smiled at him.

"Good morning," I said.

He cupped my face then stares at me lovingly.

How I wanted him to always look at me that way. Like I'm his world, or like his orbit only rotates around me. I want him to feel the same as I feel towards him: dark and greedy. I want him to feel like he wants to crawl at my skin.

In short, I want his obsession to its deepest, to its darkest, until he had no choice but to be stuck with me, live for me, breathe for me until he can't.

I want him to want me like the air he breathes. Like the water that he needs for survival. I want him to cling to me like I'm his lifeline.

I always get to see that soft look in his eyes, but while in bed, it's wild and I see them wanted to devour every inch and piece of me until I'm nothing but a memory. But it's not enough. I want more, something dark and uncontrollable.

We started our morning with our usual routine, but without him by my side. Despite of wanting to be greedy of him, his scent irritates me so much, like I want to scratch his skin and place it with something new.

"Love... I already changed my bathroom gels. What's the matter?"

"You stink, Austin. Don't come near me," I said in monotone.

"Love... don't be like this..." and I swear I can hear him crying.

Napalingon ako sa kaniya, and surprisingly, his eyes are bloodshot and there are tears running down his cheeks.

Napakunot ang noo ko.

"Why are you crying?" I cock my eyebrow.

"Because you wouldn't let me hold you... I want to hold you, please?" halos pumiyok na saad niya.

"Do I have to get on my knees, baby?"

This time, he's literally about to choke on his tears. Naaawa man ako pero mas nananaig ang amoy niya sa ilong ko. I don't like the way he smells and let alone him beside me!

I don't know what's happening to me, but I'm sure I don't want him to touch me.

Inignora ko ang pakiusap niya. Tumalikod ako at saka pumunta sa kusina para maghanap ng makakain.

I can hear his footsteps behind me, pero hindi niya ako nilalapitan. He put space between us. Enough for me to not smell his scent.

I can hear his sniff and stifle sob behind me, but I choose to ignore him.

Nakahanap din ako ng lulutuin. I chose to cook egg and fried rice today. Hindi naman ako pinigilan ni Austin na magluto. Usually kasi ay siya ang nagluluto at hindi ako pinapahawak ng kung ano mang gamit sa kusina. Instead, I can feel his gaze over me. I look beside my shoulder.

Lumiwanag naman ang mukha niya ng makita akong tumingin sa kaniya. His eyes are still wet from the tears but they're looking softly at me.

I cock my brow at him. Malungkot naman siyang tumingin sa akin saka parang naiiyak na tinitignan ako.

I rolled my eyes then proceed to cooking.

Not long enough, I heard someone barge in to my mansion with a loud voice that can surely wake up the whole neighborhood.

"Hello, lovebirds! It's me your blue eyed Ezekiel!" malakas na sigaw niya. Kaya kahit pati ang maid na tahimik na naglilinis ay nagulat.

"Shut your fucking mouth, Ezekiel," I heard Austin.

"Ow, don't be so hot tempered. Parang hindi ka nadiligan kagabi,"

"The fuck were you saying?"

"Dilig ba, yung ano— wait, why are your eyes...? The fuck? Don't tell me you cried?" sambit ni Ezekiel at saka nang-aasar na tumawa.

"Shut the fuck up, Roberts. Or I'll put a bullet on that filthy mouth of yours,"

"Oh no, you don't want to do that. Most of my girls want to be tasted, sayang naman kung hindi nila mararanasan,"

"Oh for the love of God, just shut your mouth please,"

Patuloy lang sila sa pag-aasaran pero hindi ko sila pinansin. Naluto na ang pagkain ko, inihanda ko na ang mga pinggan sa lamesa. Dalawang plato lang ang inihanda ko—para sa akin at para kay Ezekiel.

Naaasar ako kay Austin. I mean, okay, wala siyang kasalanan, pero hindi ko alam kung bakit iritado ako sa kaniya, pati na rin sa amoy niya. Gusto ko na nga siyang lumabas sa mansyon, eh. Kaso lang baka umiyak ulit siya. May awa pa naman ako.

"Is this for us, love?"

Napatingin ako kay Austin nang marinig ko ang boses niya. Napataas ako ng kilay.

"No." I said in a dismissive tone.

I heard someone gasp then laugh.

"Oh my god, bro. That's harsh," at saka tumawa ulit.

I heard Austin groan. "Love? What does that supposed to mean?"

"I'm not eating with you. Kiel?" tumingin ako kay Kiel na halata namang natigilan nang tawagin ko siya.

I heard him muttered something like this is not good, bro.

"Oh for pete's sake," I heard Austin.

"Kapag iyan hindi mo tinanggihan, Ezekiel. Ako mismo maghuhukay ng libingan mo."

"The fuck? I'm sure as hell, I won't accept her invitation,"

"What are you saying, Ezekiel?" natigilan ulit siya at parang natatakot na tinignan ako.

"Oh please, Samara. You know how crazy your fiancé is. Hindi ko pa gustong mamatay," nakikiusap na sambit niya sa akin.

But then, like I usually do these past few days, inignora ko iyon.

"Eat with me. Naiirita ako kay Austin."

"Oh my god, bro. Oh my god," saka tumawa nang malakas si Ezekiel.

"Love?" I heard Austin.

Hindi ako lumingon sa kaniya sa 'di malamang dahilan. Natapos ko na rin ang paghahanda ng mga pagkain. Medyo dinamihan ko na rin dahil kahit ayokong makasabay kumain si Austin, alam kong nagugutom na rin siya.

"Ezekiel. Ano pang hinihintay mo?"

"You didn't tell me your woman is more scarier than you," bulong ni Ezekiel pero rinig ko naman.

I mentally rolled my eyes.

"Shut up, Kiel."

Nang matapos na kami kumain ay nagpresinta na si Austin na siya ang maghugas ng plato. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin siya kinakausap. Katabi niya si Ezekiel, mukhang seryoso silang nag-uusap.

I'm on the couch now, sitting, while happily eating my grapes.

"Kiel, can you stay for a while?" I said then chew my grape.

"Love, please don't make this harder for me," biglang sabi ni Austin.

Tapos na siya maghugas at nagpupunas na ng kamay sa towel.

"I'm not talking to you, Austin. Shut up,"

I rolled my eyes.

Narinig ko naman ang halakhak ni Austin. And I swear, if looks could kill, kanina pa malamig na bangkay si Ezekiel.

"Dude, I'm sorry, I just find this funny. You see, nung nakaraan lang, ang lambing niyo pa, tapos biglang sinusungitan ka? Bro, you know what they say? Bigyan mo ng milktea, sigurado hindi na 'yan magtatampo," at saka siya humalakhak muli.

Hindi ko na sila pinansin. I continued eating my grapes and dipping it on a mayonnaise.

Napansin naman ata iyon ni Austin kaya napangiwi siya nang makita ako.

"Baby? What kind of combination is that?"

I cock my brow at him.

"Wala kang pakialam."

Mukha naman siyang nagulat sa sinabi ko, pero hindi umimik.

I feel like in my superior mode today. I like it when I see his submission in his eyes, and like he is terrified of me.

I know he is treating me like a queen. Hell, I'm not even a real queen. But I want to teach him how I want to be treated.

Don't get me wrong, combination pa ng prinsesa at reyna ang trato niya sa akin. But I want a twist you know. I want him to treat me like a god. The one who gave him life. The one who's letting him breathe. The one he's giving him air to breathe. I want him to only worship me.

"Baby... what's our problem?" unti-unti naman siyang lumapit sa akin kaya kumunot ang noo ko.

Ano bang hindi maintindihan ng lalaking 'to? Ayoko ngang maamoy siya! Makatabi pa kaya?!

I gestured him to stop. "Huwag mo ng ituloy 'yang balak mong gawin. Ayaw kitang maamoy."

"Love? Why are you doing this to me? Wala naman akong ginawang masama."

I rolled my eyes and ignore him.

Humarap ako kay Kiel saka ngumiti.

"Come," I gestured him to sit beside me.

Natigilan naman siya saka lumingon kay Austin. Parang nanghihingi ng permiso.

"Bro, don't kill me. This is what she wants, I'm on—"

"Shut up, Kiel. Just go sit with her,"

Naawa man ako kay Austin pero hindi ko siya pinansin. Nakaupo siya sa counter stool ngayon, nakayuko at mukhang nagmumukmok.

Naramdaman ko namang umupo si Kiel sa tabi ko.

"Oa 'no? Pero sabagay, kung ikaw ba naman sungitan, panigurado walang dilig mamayang gabi," bulong sa akin ni Kiel.

"Asshole. Don't come near her like that!"

Ezekiel rolled his eyes at him. "Huwag mo siyang pansinin,"

"So, friends na tayo?" masaya kong tanong sa kaniya. I chewed again on my grape.

"Of course," he said, showing his dimple on the left side of his cheeks.

Gwapo naman si Ezekiel. Parehas silang gwapo ni Austin, pero mas gwapo ang Austin ko. Ezekiel's skin is pale white while Austin's bronze. Parehas silang mahaba ang pilikmata at makapal ang kilay. Ang pinagkaiba lang ay ang kulay ng mata nila.

"I really like your eyes," I said then stared at his eyes and smiled.

"I swear to God, baby. Hindi na talag—"

Bago pa matapos ni Austin ang sasabihin niya ay naduwal na ako. Dali-dali akong pumunta sa lababo para sumuka. Patuloy akong sumuka. Feeling ko nga ay matatanggal na ang baga ko sa kakasuka. Ang sakit sa dibdib.

Naramdaman ko naman na may humahagod sa likod ko. Nang makita ko na si Austin iyon ay agad akong napatakip ng ilong.

"Ano ba 'yan! Sabi ko ang baho mo!"

"Love… I already changed my shower gels, I already told you that," masuyo niyang saad.

I rolled my eyes and distanced myself. "Kiel, come here."

"Coming…" narinig ko namang saad niya.

Naamoy ko kaagad ang pabango niya nang lumapit siya sa akin kaya napahinga na ako nang maluwag.

"Oh god, Samara. You're killing me." medyo naiirita pero mahinahong saad ni Austin.

Hindi ko siya pinansin saka ko naramdaman ko ulit na nasusuka ako.

Sumuka ako nang sumuka. Nang matapos ako ay nasalubong ko kaagad ang seryosong mukha ni Ezekiel.

"Tell me, Samara." seryosong sabi niya.

Bahagya naman akong kinabahan sa tono niya pero hinintay kong matapos siya magsalita.

"May sakit ka ba?"