C E C I L Y

She's not going in the water. Thinks every time she even looks at it, her lungs close up. They don't, though, because that doesn't make any sense.

Cecily isn't going in the water even though everyone else is inside. There's a guy with light brown hair holding onto a string of rope tied to a tree branch. She watches as he smiles and then jumps, letting go when he's just close enough to plunge into the river.

She's standing a safe distance away from the disaster, left with only her churning stomach and heavy head.

Someone begins to splash water and she panics, turning her back like the drops have the power to drown her, but she bumps in to someone. Someone with long hair and bright eyes. His skin may be glowing, but that's only a theory of hers since he's so pretty.

"Hello," a smile makes its way on his lips. His voice is soft but shaky.

She doesn't trust her own voice so she just nods.

"You're just going to stand here? Don't want to dive in for a while?"

"I have a fear of water."

He smiles like he's interested. She doesn't know why. "Why?"

"I don't know. It just scares me. You can go in though."

He shakes his head delicately. She watches him push his hair back. "I'm fine. We can uh, we can just sit right here." He drops to the grass.

She smiles down at him for a while before joining him. "You don't have to be here with me."

"I want to."

They're interrupted by loud laughs. Cecily doesn't recognize them at first because they're so rare to come across, but when she looks at everyone in the water, she sees that they're all having fun.

"Have you ever been close to drowning?"

She makes a face. Her eyes run over the ripples of the water and she wants to count them. She wants to record how gracefully they move. Thinks it's a beautiful thing, but it's so dangerous and sometimes it feels like it's trying to close off her lungs when she's sleeping. "Never," she whispers.

"What do you think it's like?"

She looks at him. At the subtle way his teeth are tugging at his bottom lip. His eyes are green but she thinks it's a charm because she's afraid of getting lost in them like she's afraid of getting lost in rivers and oceans. Maybe he is rivers and oceans. "I think I might have learned something in school."

"Tell me," he says quietly. He's whispering now. Like if the universe hears them they won't have to guess how it would feel like to drown. Like if the universe hears them, they'll be fighting against wave after wave.

"The first few seconds you try to fight inhaling the water are the most painful, I think. Because your lungs need something to cling onto. It feels like you're setting them on fire."

"And when you finally inhale?"

She looks away from his eyes. Afraid they may be the universe and she's in for not having to guess about what happens when you drown. "It's called voluntary apnea. When you can't hold your breath anymore and you finally take in the water. I think it's easier after that. Pretty peaceful."

"Peaceful," he repeats. "But you're scared of it."

She nods. It's getting really dark. There aren't any stars out, so she feels empty. She feels like no one is watching.

Cecily stands up shakily, now a bit nervous as she takes notice in just how progressively it's getting darker. And she needs to get out of here because everything is turning dark blue. Everything looks blue and it reminds her too much of nightmares and not enough of oxygen and she needs to get out of here.

"Hey!" She hears someone call behind her.

She's running now. Passing trees and wet leaves. Trying to hide from the dark blue sky and trying to hide from the feeling of being held down. Some branches tug at her and make small homes in her skin, tearing her open and trying to work on the inside.

When she tries to get them off of her, she finds that she's scratching herself, making the thorns lodge more into her. Cecily freaks out and stops running, now crying as she struggles to breathe, wheezing and trying to save herself from a living nightmare.

There are fingers clinging to her bones, dragging her forward until her feet barely touch the floor, until she's on her knees coughing up desperation and her bones are shaking with the pressure of a thousand hands shaking her bones and pulling on them until she finally yells out in pain and something holds her from behind.

She yells and feels her arm burning with a broken bone and fingers that have finally released her, though there are another pair of them holding onto her shoulders now and she hears a soft, "shh, what's going on?"

She turns her head and feels the guy from earlier behind her, his arms doing the best job of cradling her, scaring the hands away from her bones so she can choke out a, "arm. I think my arm is broken."

He tries to pick her up but she falls back down. He falls with her, keeping his arms around her body before hugging her to his chest tightly. "No. Hey, you're okay. You're okay. Breathe."

She feels cold. His hands feel like ice and his eyes are freezing her from the inside out. And she's not okay. No, she has a broken arm and her skin is bleeding. "No, no, no, no. No my- my bones. I think I'm-" breaking. She doesn't say it aloud. Maybe she's dying. Maybe it's his eyes. "Stop looking at me."

"Look at yourself. Look, hey, you're okay. You're just fine," he locks a hand over hers and then splays her hand on her arm, making her fingers touch the skin.

Then she looks down at it and then up at him. And he's so pretty but so are the ripples in a river and an ocean, and so is the sky when it looks like water. "I have water in my ears."

So is the universe when it's trying to drown her. All she's ever been doing is drowning.

"I'm sorry," she whispers finally. It might not have been loud enough for him to hear because he doesn't say anything back.

Matter of fact, his hands aren't touching her anymore. She looks up and sees his back turned as he walks away and disappears into the crowd of trees.

And all she's ever been doing is drowning.