Chapter 38

"How long will you be?" asked Isaac. He was holding Mila tightly, bouncing her softly so that she would return back to sleep long enough for Adria to leave. She hated the girl leaving her behind whenever she went out and Adria knew this, but she knew that she'd have to visit soon, she visited every week and even though Sirius was gone, she still had to see her brother.

"A few hours at most," Adria said, pulling her bag over her shoulder, "I won't be long. You know what to do, and please stop acting like you're in a stranger's house, Isaac. This is as much your house right now as it is mine, so if you need or want food please take or cook or hell even bake it!"

"I know, I know," he sighed, throwing his arms around her, "please be safe, Ads. I know it's not far but still, I want you back here in one piece."

"They're tracking magic, Isaac, not cars. They won't know how to track a car; they haven't ever had to before. It's a five-minute drive and then I'm straight indoors!"

"Yes, but what if you get out your car and something happens?! What if you open your own front door and something happens?!" he was getting even more stressed and she knew it was because of the responsibility placed upon him. He didn't know how to handle two kids, especially the crying and the fact that he actually had to take care of him.

He couldn't help but laugh at himself when he had once thought how it couldn't be that hard to take care of something so small. But he was more than wrong and as he bounced Mila, he realised that.

He was scared for his friend, too. Tensions ran high and he didn't want to think of what would happen if she didn't come home, the thought was making him feel sick and so he tried to push the thought to the back of his mind.

Adria left the house almost every day each week and she was fine, but she was with Sirius and they kept each other safe. If they were taking Jude and Mila to nursery, they were together, and if they were going to friends houses then they were together. Apparating was so much simpler, and they used it on the order for faster travel but said Order had advised not to use it to travel to random places, or for easy walkable - or drivable - travel, considering it was very easy to track and muggleborn's were getting killed almost every day.

"They wouldn't send more than one death eater to kill me, Isaac. As much as you, my lovely friend, might say otherwise; I'm hardly important. I can take on one death eater and live, and you know I can." She smiled at him, squeezing his hand comfortingly and softly kissing Mila's forehead before grabbing her car keys and heading out of the door.

The smile on her face was a mask of the bubbling fear she had been feeling all week. It disappeared as soon as she turned around to finally allow the brave shields to slip by her and allow her quivering lip to show to no one. She couldn't let Isaac and Blair see her scared because the two of them knew she was the bravest out of all of them and she couldn't allow them to be even more scared than she was.

The thought of walking out her door alone was allowing the hairs to rise on her arms and neck in nothing but fear, but part of that fear always turned to fury. Because the fear in her stomach was because of a man who wanted her to feel fear, who gained his power from it and sometimes that helped; but the thought of losing everyone she loved placed that fear right back in her.

The warm air and the bright blue sky was a moment of release and she wished she was an insect, like a bee. She wished she was a bee, and she could just float away had she not had as many responsibilities.

The life of a bee couldn't be bad. It couldn't be filled with so much trauma and pain.

The thought of basking in the near-summer warmth, to constantly feel the rays of sun on her body as she flew through the air seemed like heaven in just one moment. She wished for heaven in a moment.

But she couldn't have a paradise if she didn't have her husband.

Her hands were shaking when she arrived at her car and she unlocked the door with much patience when her hands shook too much to turn the key but she managed, and she locked the door as soon as she sat down.

Her bag was flung onto the seat beside her, but she wasn't caring much about it, instead, she started the car with a shaky breath and allowed the tears to stream freely as she drove away from her house.

Saying goodbye was always terrifying to her, and Jude's goodbye was a second; it was a 'see you later' something she had read somewhere. To not say goodbye but see you later. It's hope of a later, of a time you'd see them again.

And a trip to see her brother shouldn't need hope to see her younger brother. She wondered what she would be doing right now if she had her parents, because she knew she'd still be with them, she'd still live with them and confide in them and be with them and maybe she would have gone through the trauma of her brother dying and maybe she wouldn't have to deal with the pain of losing her baby.

Because maybe she wasn't having a baby in the first place.

She couldn't help the thoughts that ran through her head, of a life she could have lived if things turned out differently.

But there were always good amongst the bad, and she was looking hard for them.

-

"You know," said a grinning Benji, "as much as you look like utter shit, I'm glad you're here."

"That's exactly what I want to hear right now, thank you, Benji!" she glared, taking the tea he was handing her. She had been lying on their couch for all of five minutes and Arden was more than worried, she could hear her thoughts, but they were jumbled, and she was in overdrive that she was sure even Adria couldn't handle her own mind.

"Tell me what's wrong," Benji whispered. He took her hand and the grin had slipped away from him to be replaced with a look of pure worry. She was doing too much, and with Sirius gone for even just a week...it was weighing her down.

But like the spectator Benji was, he knew that it wasn't just now. She had been overworking even just at home since January. Since Mila was given to her. She could cope with Jude because Jude was easy to deal with, he had grown up past the stages of complete infancy and could talk and she could communicate with him.

Of course, it was hard to deal with him. With the occasional temper tantrums and his annoyance, and sometimes the nightmares of his father but she and Sirius did that together. With Mila, they were still trying to figure out her routine and trying to help her, but they couldn't give her their full attention and that fact piled with so many more was weighing Adria down more than she'd ever admit.

"Everything's wrong!" her voice cracked, and he lay beside her, wrapped his arm around her tightly and kissed her forehead. They were best friends, always had been and always would be and if there was one person to know her even better than anyone - including Lily - then it was Benji.

They shared a lot of the same traits. One of those traits being their tendency to bottle everything up until they exploded.

"Sirius is off fighting every day and he's probably exhausted. He hasn't even sent a letter and he promised whenever he got a break that he would, so if he hasn't it means he hasn't gotten a break!" she cried into Benji's chest, "and Mila is getting sick I think. She is coughing constantly - like all the time and she just screams when someone isn't there with her if she wakes up.

She woke up just two days ago screaming bloody murder and scared Jude half to death! So of course, that set him off and he had to sleep in my bed with me just, so he could calm down and now he's terrified to even share a room with her!" her voice was loud but muffled but Benji listened to every word she said.

"The order is asking me to fight in smaller missions but the reason I'm not with Sirius is so I can look after Jude and Mila. This is the first time I've left the house this week because I'm just so scared, Benji! I'm scared for the future of everyone I love and don't mention that Alina and Lia are finishing school next month!

Don't you realise how scary that is?!"

"Of course, I do," Benji whispered softly, "I know exactly how scary that is. you're not alone in this, Adria, I promise that. You need a break, a good break."

"I have to fight."

"You can fight any time - and you do. You have a mission once a week at the very least. In fact, you have at least two missions a week and that drains you." He frowned and sat up with her still clinging to him just to hug him.

She didn't know how, but he smelled of her dad.

The same scent, the same aftershave maybe but she didn't know, but it was her dad, and every time she saw Benji it clouded her mind and made her want to lie there all day just to remember her father.

"You never got a proper honeymoon - you didn't get a honeymoon at all!" he exclaimed, "Adria you need a break from life."

"I don't have time."

"Addy?" Arden stepped in from the kitchen. She had been listening for a few moments and had asked Benji to ask her, but she knew the boy would be reluctant, regardless of how hard it would be.

"Arden!" she smiled brightly, squeezing her hand, "are you alright?"

"We have a few things to ask you."

"The first is good news," Benji blurted out, "the second is good...too, but it's - well, you'll probably need to think of it."

"We've been engaged for a while," Arden said, leaning over to take Benji's hand with a small smile, "and we think we'll be engaged for a long while longer, but we've been going over a few things...y'know just dates and things."

Adria nodded along, laughing softly at how serious they both looked.

"Well, we've thought of who we want in our wedding and stuff. We were thinking of all points because we want all of our family there. I think I'm going to ask Blair to be my Maid of Honour...you were my first choice, but-"

"But I was wondering," Bertie cut Arden off to ask her herself, "if you'd like to be my best man - or well, best woman."

"Are you serious?!" she gasped, clasping her hand over her mouth, "why have you been letting me run my mouth when you had that to ask me?!"

Benji laughed loudly and Arden followed and when she threw her arms around him, she felt a sort of happiness she hadn't felt in a long time, "of course I will, Benji! I would absolutely love to!"

"Thank Merlin," Arden joked, "but we have something else to ask. A suggestion of sorts, really!"

"A suggestion?"

"Well," Arden took a deep breath, "we were wondering...we know how fried you are right now with everything going on."

"Exactly," said Benji, "so we were wondering if to make your life easier...we would like for Mila to come here."

"We want to be her guardians."