The drive was mostly filled with awkward silence. Brendon stared out the window and Ryan would glance at him in concern. The first actually speaking that happened was when Brendon walked through the front door.

"Brendon, how are you? Ryan wouldn't shut up about you after yesterday's game. You feeling alright?" Brendon couldn't help to crack a smile as George's lack of regard for his son comfort.

"Dad," Ryan whined. The man only chuckled and plopped onto the couch, propping up his casted leg.

"I'm doing okay, Mr," he cut off when the man rose an eyebrow at him. "George," he corrected. "Your leg feeling better?"

"Itching like a bitch but not too much trouble. I'll probably have Ryan bring a fork and help me scratch it," George joked. Ryan grimaced and wrapped an arm around Brendon's waist.

"Alright, I'm just gonna take my guest to my room now. Bye." Brendon was quickly escorted down the hall. He heard George laughing in the living room before Ryan shut his door. "Sorry about him."

"Why? Your dad's awesome." Ryan threw his bags on the floor and sat at the edge of his bed. Dottie was sleeping at the foot of the bed, oblivious of the people in the room.

"He enjoys embarrassing me." Brendon hesitantly sat at the corner of the bed, the furthest he could from Ryan. Brendon smiled and looked down at his hands. His mind went to the last time he was in the room, Ryan cuddling with him, the hoodie he stole the next morning. When he came over yesterday, he didn't get passed the living room.

"Why are you sitting all the way over there?" Ryan asked. Brendon turned to him and saw Ryan frowning. He turned attention to the dog instead, finding the girl easier to watch. "Can you please tell me what's wrong?"

"Noth–"

"Stop lying. Brendon, you won't even look at me anymore. You're barely speaking. I just wanna know what I did so I can try to fix it." Brendon reached out and stroked the dog. "Brendon?" He really wanted his mind to quit it with all the comments he'd be overhearing about him and Ryan. "Brendon."

"How many people have you been with?" Brendon heard himself say. His hand stilled on the dog. His free hand clasped over his mouth to stop any more words from coming out.

"What do you mean?" Brendon bit his tongue. He couldn't believe what he just said. "Like... like how many people I've slept with?" Brendon shut his eyes and gave a nod. The room was suddenly sauna hot, he wanted to leave.

"Oh I, eh," Ryan let out nervously. He scratched the back of his neck and intently followed on the sewed lines on his bed sheets.

"You don't have to answer. I shouldn't have asked. I'm sorry." Ryan glanced up at Brendon who looked like he was being murdered by his own thoughts.

"Like twelve or thirteen. Maybe more?" Brendon felt a lump in his throat grow. It wasn't as bad as he was expecting but it was definitely way more experience than him. An image of Keltie popped up in his mind. From what people were saying, she was the closest Ryan's ever gotten to an actual relationship. "I know this will sound bad, but it didn't mean anything. They were just hookups."

"What about Keltie?" Brendon braved a look at Ryan, seeing a grimace at the mention of the name.

"Keltie? Keltie's a fucking a slut. I know I have my own reputation but she's a filthy skank," Ryan spat out. Brendon's body leaned away, nearly causing him to almost fall off the bed. Ryan relaxed when he saw how anxious Brendon looked. "Sorry, it's just," he let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. "I was gonna ask her to be my girlfriend but I found out she was still sleeping around. We weren't exclusive, so I can't be mad but I thought she would've stopped for me like I did for her."

Brendon watched Ryan's hand twist the end of his shirt. He thought back to Keltie talking about being with Ryan. His nerves were buzzing throughout his body. Ryan didn't still like her, right? Would he take her back? Could she seduce him into giving her another chance?

"If that's what's bothering you, you don't have to worry about her." Ryan took a deep breath a gave a small smile. Brendon turned back to Dottie, ruffling her fur.

"It's not just her," he whispered.

"What do you mean?" Brendon shut his eyes and sighed.

"It's everyone."

"I don't understand. What do you mean by everyone?" Brendon looked up at him, slightly annoyed.

"Don't you hear everyone talking about us, about me?" Ryan shook his head slowly, clearly bewildered. Brendon let out a chuckled and shook his head. "Nevermind." Suddenly, two hands gripped his own, yanking his body. He was forced closer to Ryan by his hands.

"What are people saying?" Brendon attempted to tug away, but Ryan's grip was too strong.

"They just don't understand why me? I wonder the same thing too sometimes," Brendon mumbled. Ryan still had on a confused look. "You go off with attractive popular people to... you know, then move on. People don't understand why you picked someone like me and they're waiting for me to become just another tally on your bedpost," he trailed off.

"People are saying that?" Ryan sounded hurt but by the way his hand tightened around Brendon's, it was obvious he was upset for Brendon. "I'm so sorry, Bren."

"It's fine. It's not like I wasn't expecting it to eventually happen once people found out I talked to you. You're known for sleeping around. They didn't expect anything different with me." Brendon felt an ache in his chest with the thought that everyone was waiting for the person he's falling for to literally screw him and leave.

How can he even have a relationship with someone who focuses so much on sex when he's never been that intimate with anyone ever in his life? He liked the idea of one day getting to that level.

'I'm the only one who can satisfy him.'

Brendon felt a sudden wave of jealousy crash over him. Ryan had let people see a side of himself that Brendon never had so quickly and he didn't really like that thought.

Everything happened too fast. Brendon's body moved without proper command. He didn't even know he had the strength to overpower Ryan, but now... Ryan's face was screaming shock. Brendon's breath was faster as he held down Ryan's wrists and looked down at him. He didn't moved from his saddled position on Ryan's stomach.

He was terrified with what his intention were, but he thought it only fair to be on an even playing field with anyone Ryan invited into his sheets. The only difference was that this would mean something. Ryan would still want him around after. Right?

Brendon swallowed the lump in his throat and found himself leaning in. Ryan's eyes grew. He was still stunned that he didn't even think about fighting Brendon's hold, but now the boy was going in to kiss him.

"Brendon, what are you doing?" Brendon pulled back, his hold loosening. He thought it was pretty obvious what he was planning on doing.

"I thought," he started. Doesn't Ryan want this? According to everyone else, Ryan loves sex. He'd never turn it down. Hell, the reason Ryan first texted him was to have sex. What made Brendon different? Did Ryan not see Brendon even worthy enough for a quick screw?

"I don't want that," Ryan admitted. Brendon quickly climbed off and stumbled out the bed. He felt so stupid.

"I-I-I," he started stuttering. "I'm sorry." He made to run out the door, but only got it cracked open before Ryan shut it again. He had Brendon against the door, arms planted on either side of his head.

"What just happened?" Brendon couldn't breath properly with Ryan so close. His vision became blurry. He focused on a shirt laying on the floor. "Brendon, look at me." He took note of the faded print on the front, making the words barely legible. Ryan grabbed Brendon's jaw and forced eye contact. "What were you doing?"

"I-I was gonna," Brendon breathed out.

"I don't want to have sex with you." It shouldn't hurt so much to hear that. Brendon wasn't even ready for that, but he wasn't expecting rejection.

"But all those people... why not me?" Ryan released his jaw and pressed his hand back on the door.

"All those people meant nothing." Ryan leaned forward and pressed their foreheads together. "It's not that I don't want that, it's that I don't want that now when neither of us are ready for it." Brendon closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath of relief. "I want it to be different with you. I want it to mean something."

Ryan leaned back and kissed Brendon's forehead. He pulled the shorter boy into a hug. Brendon easily fell into the embrace, feeling tired from the overthinking.

"Don't listen to those people. What we have is different from what I've had with anyone else. It's a little challenging for me but I'm gonna treat this different. Okay?" Brendon nodded against Ryan's chest. Ryan kissed the top of Brendon's head. "I'm gonna treat you right."

---

A/N:

First time I post past midnight in a while. Look at me "staying up late." I'm not a grandma (I say as I'm struggling to keep my eyes open). Whelp, I tried staying up but I'm old so hope you enjoyed the chapter. Goodnight everybody sweet dreams ❤❤