Warning this chapter mentions drug abuse and physical abuse.

Ana

***

Even since I saw Pedro, I can't get him off my mind. I don't want to be thinking about him. Or us. Or any of that bullshit. He was the one who called things off between us. It took me years to get past the pain of Pedro walking away.

And now, he's here, so close to me. I don't think we've even lived in the same city since we broke up. Other than when we were both in California, doing our own work. Mostly I stay in New York City. Pedro usually splits his time between New York and California. Although lately, Oscar had told me that Pedro was staying in California for the majority of the year.

Obviously he's back in New York. For how long, I couldn't say. I don't care. Or maybe I do. Maybe I just want to forget I ever saw him, like he was part of an unpleasant nightmare that would soon evaporate.

***

"You've been in a pensive mood of late." Isla had invited me to come and swim with her at the pool attached to her penthouse apartment. I usually enjoy swimming as it's great exercise but to me, it never felt like exercise.

"I know you're gonna say, 'I told you so,' but I've had Pedro on my mind a lot since I saw him."

Much to my relief, Isla doesn't say I told you so. She gets this thoughtful look on her face as she grabs two water bottles for us, passing one to me. I accept it, saying thanks.

"If I were to ask Pedro, I'd bet he'd admit he's still in love with you."

"Pedro isn't going to admit that." I take a long drink of the water, closing my eyes and soaking up the sun. The warmth feels like it's a tender kiss on my face.

"If he was pressured, he might." I open my eyes, staring at Isla who's smiling mischievously at me.

"So, you'll pressure Pedro into admitting that he's still in love with me? Then what?"

"You get back together, silly." I shake my head and stand up, moving to jump into the pool, the cold water shocking my body into awareness. I swim for several minutes without stopping. I recall a conversation between Pedro and I, when we first met, of how when he was younger, he used to do swimming as a competition for his school.

I also recalled several vacations we took together and how much Pedro enjoyed the beach and swimming in the ocean. I allow myself a small smile, remembering how much fun we always had and how happy being with Pedro made me.

Isla jumps into the pool herself and we both swim against each other, seeing who can reach the opposite end the fastest. Since I've been swimming longer than she has, I burn out quicker and Isla reaches the opposite end first. As I'm gulping in air, my lungs burning from the lack of oxygen, I cling to the side of the pool, tears stinging my eyes.

"Oh honey." Isla swims closer to me and wraps her arms around me as I bury my face against her shoulder. I feel stupid and weak because I want Pedro so damn much.

After a few minutes, we both climb out of the pool and I quickly hurry over to snatch up the beach towel I brought, wrapping it around my shivering body. Isla follows suit and we head inside her apartment, ready to eat some dinner and relax for the night.

***

A few years back:

"Ana!" I groan softly, not wanting Kellan to know I'm awake. It's far too early in the morning and the bed is so comfy and warm, all I want to do is stay here for a few minutes longer.

Unfortunately Kellan has other ideas. He bounds into the bedroom, holding a brown paper bag and instantly I'm on guard.

"Ana, you awake?"

"What the hell is your deal? Are afraid the drugs won't wait?" Kellan chuckles as he opens up the bag, pulling out several different pills separated into smaller plastic bags. I'm tempted to jump out of the bed, grab the bags and toss them out the window.

"You have to try these, babe! They give such a high!"

"I don't want any damn drugs, you idiot! I need sleep, not drugs!"

"You're such a killjoy, babe! Just try one!" I push out of the bed, slamming my body into Kellan's and he loses his balance, toppling over, landing on the floor, the baggies of drugs scattered around on the floor. Kellan glares at me before he starts scrambling around, collecting the drugs.

I lean down, snatching up two of the bags, squeezing them tightly in my first. Kellan doesn't even notice so I march straight to the bathroom, lifting up the toilet seat and start dumping the pills in. I'm about to flush them all, when Kellan appears behind me, shoving me into the wall and making a mad grab for the pills.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kellan shouts, turning as the water from the toilet drips between his fingers, making a pool of water on the floor between us.

"These pills ain't cheap, y'know!"

"You're out of control!" I shout back. "You're literally taking drugs out of the toilet! That's disgusting. "

I hardly see how swiftly Kellan is, pushing his body into mine, pinning me against the wall, his arms pushed into my chest. I can't breathe and I start to panic.

"Bitch! I'm gonna teach you a damn lesson! You do not waste my drugs!"

I try to struggle with Kellan, trying to push him away. It's no good. He's too strong and he's also pissed which are bad combinations. He grabs me by one of my arms, literally dragging me out of the bathroom. My right leg bangs into the side of the doorway and it stings dreadfully.

Kellan releases me just long enough to toss the waterlogged pills on top of the bed before lunging at me, striking me in the head, chest and lower abdomen. I cry out but he doesn't stop. I finally just close my eyes and let him finish. If I protest too much, he'll only hit me harder.

When he's finished, he's sweaty and red faced, his chest heaving. My entire upper body is stinging with pain. I feel like I've just been put through one of those old fashioned washer wringers.

"DO. NOT. EVER. THROW OUT MY DRUGS, BITCH. OR ILL KILL YOU NEXT TIME."

Kellan goes to collect the rest of the pills, including the wet, disgusting ones on the bed before retreating into the bathroom and slamming the door shut. I hear the lock slide shut. I don't bother getting up. It's waste of my energy.

****
By the end of the week, I'm completely moved into my new apartment. It's great. I really love it. It's nice, too, knowing that Oscar is just a few floors up. I'm happy he's there in case Kellan, asshole of the year, shows up.

As I'm deciding where to put certain items, I hear a knock on the front door and I immediately freeze, thinking its Kellan.

I tip toe to the front door, peeking through the peephole and breathe a sigh of relief. It's only Oscar. I unlock the door and open it. Oscar grins, holding out a bottle of wine.

"Hey! I wasn't sure if you'd be here." I open the door more and allow Oscar to come in.

"A house warming gift," he adds, indicating the bottle of wine. I smile, thank him and accept it. Oscar looks around, taking note of all my packing cartons.

"Looks like you're settling in okay."

"Yeah. I think I'll really enjoy living here."

"I'm glad." I head into the kitchen, setting the wine bottle in the refrigerator and turn to face Oscar. He's trying to play it cool but I can tell by the concentrated look on his face, he wants to ask me a personal question.

"Has, uh Pedro contacted you?"

"No. Why should he?"

"Ana, don't play dumb," Oscar says bluntly. "You're too smart for that. You know damn well that Pedro is still in love with you."

"Oscar," I say as calmly as I can. "I love you. You've been an amazing friend to me, even after Pedro dumped me. But I'd appreciate it if you'd stay out of this shit. It's in the past. I just want my life to go on."

"Ana, you're life can still go on. With Pedro in the picture." I'm shaking my head, even before Oscar finishes speaking. Maybe a part of me wants Pedro back. But another part of me just can't face that pain. It hurt too much the first time. I couldn't face it a second time.

"I appreciate the pep talk," I say, turning and smiling at Oscar. "But some things are just best left where they belong, in the past."

***

While I'm unpacking, I stumble upon some old pictures of Pedro and me. I smile as I look through each one. We both look so young. I study one of the photos that someone must have taken of us. I'm beaming at Pedro, looking at him like he's the best person I've ever seen.

Pedro looks goofy, but in a sexy way, that mischievous twinkle in his eyes as he's holding me. I feel something wet on my cheeks and realize I'm crying. I sit down on the floor, pondering how things went from this, to us thinking that leaving the other behind was the better decision.

I sniffle, wiping my nose on my tshirt (don't judge me) as I continue to stare at the pictures in my hands. I come across another one of Pedro as he's holding me in his arms, my arms around his neck, gazing adoringly at him. After a few minutes, I put away the pictures, stuffing them down inside an old suitcase, hoping I'll forget they're there.

I get up and decide I've done enough packing for now and I'm ready for a nice, hot shower. First I text Isla, seeing if she's available to come over for a while. She is. I set my phone down and hurry into the bathroom, ready to relax after a long day.

***
"This place is really swanky." Isla and I are enjoying the wine that Oscar brought over earlier as we recline on the sofa.

"It is. I especially love the ceiling to floor windows." I take a sip of the wine. This is my second glass and I'm feeling a tiny bit buzzed from the alcohol.

"You always did love that," Isla says, leaning over and grabbing some sushi we'd ordered in.

"I don't know why, exactly," I say. "Maybe I just like the adrenaline rush it gives off."

"You've always been a wild child," Isla jokes.

"No kidding." I laugh. "My poor mom was always on her toes once I was old enough to walk."

"That's why you and Pedro were such a good match. He has a wild streak inside him as well." I roll my eyes. First I hear it from Oscar, now Isla.

"Don't start," I snap. "I've already had an earful from Oscar."

"You're so stubborn, Ana. You won't even try it again?"

"Why?" I ask angrily. "Just so Pedro can throw me away again?"

"You don't know he'll do that again."

"I'm done talking about this shit," I snap. "Not another word or you can leave."

"All right, all right! Breathe girl. You're face is turning purple." I toss back the rest of my wine, tug the blanket up over me and slide down.

"Put on a movie, would ya?" I grumble. "And nothing that asshole I dated was in."

"Yes, your highness." Isla makes a sweeping bow as she gets up to grab the remote. I squinch my eyes shut and pretend to fall asleep. I'm so damn tired of everyone telling me how Pedro still loves me. Maybe he didn't. That still didn't stop him from walking away and breaking my heart.