Warning this chapter mentions sex and panic attacks.

Ana

****

Did I really do what I swore I'd never do again? Did I really first kiss Pedro and then, agreed to go out with him for dinner?

Something is wrong with me. It has to be. Otherwise I'd never would have did what I did. I replay every moment Pedro and I were together yesterday. It feels like a fever dream. Maybe it was.

I grab my phone and search for Pedro's number in my contacts. It's there. This isn't a fever dream. (Damnit.) I lean against the wall, recalling the feel of Pedro's sexy lips on mine. How soft his facial hair felt against my fingertips. I shake myself.

Stop that! I scold myself. Stop thinking Pedro Pascal is so wonderful. Remember how he broke your heart. Don't let that charm and beauty of his deceive you.

I push off the wall, gripping my phone in my hand as I head into the bathroom. I need a cold shower for distraction.

***

"I think it's phenomenal." I eye Isla suspiciously. We've been out shopping all morning and it was good to be able to put my focus on something besides Pedro. I'd found a red silk dress that I absolutely loved and it fit me like a glove so I bought it.

I'd just told Isla the news about Pedro wanting to take me out for dinner at some later date. (I was still having some doubts about it and thought I might cancel.)

"Don't mock me," I snap, wandering over to a shoes display. There are some gorgeous pairs of high heels on this display and I spot a red pair that would match my new dress perfectly.

A sales woman comes over, asking if she can be of assistance. I pick up one of the high heels, asking if they have them in my size. The sales woman nods, scurrying off to get them for me.

"I wasn't mocking you." Isla sidles up to me, a knowing smile on her face. I shake my head, tapping my foot impatiently, waiting for the sales woman to return with the shoes. She does after a few (long) minutes and I hurry over to try them on. They fit perfectly so I quickly pull out my credit card and pay for them.

As Isla and I are exiting the shop, we see a certain someone heading in our direction. Isla quickly grasps me by the arm as she hurries me into a lingerie shop. Kellan doesn't take the hint and barges right in, making a beeline for me. Isla puts herself between us.

"You aren't supposed to be within fifty feet of Ana, asshole! She has a restraining order against you!"

"Ana, you're such a bitch! How could you? I've never done a damn thing to harm you!" I'm frozen, my breathing hitched as my heart thumps against my ribcage, anticipating Kellan's fist to strike me across the face.

As Isla rips Kellan a new one, the shop manager hurries over, asking what the trouble is. Isla quickly explains that I have a restraining order against Kellan and could they please inform the authorities of this breach. That's all it takes for Kellan to book it out of there.

Isla is still speaking with the shop manager and I'm trembling so hard, I can't hardly stand up straight. Isla gently wraps her arms around me and I break, sobbing softly into her expensive silk blouse. She doesn't even scold me. She simply holds me until I'm feeling more like I can move normally.

***

"They ought to lock that sick bastard up and throw away the damn key!" Isla hasn't stopped ranting about Kellan since we've arrived back at my place. I don't mean to be a horrible friend; I just kind of tuned her out as I'm trying on my new dress and shoes.

I walk out of the bedroom and stand before Isla, my dark hair cascading down over my shoulders. I'd even added my favorite sparking diamond earrings. Isla's mouth is hanging open in mid sentence.

"Damn, chica! You look stunning!"

I chuckle as I whirl around. The dress is thigh length and it makes me feel a touch self conscious. Isla comes to me, placing her hands on my waist and smiling softly.

"If for some reason, Pedro decides he's not interested, I might be." I smile and kiss her cheek. Isla releases me and I step back.

"You're pretty stunning yourself," I remark.

"Oh, stop!" Isla waves her hand at me, giggling bashfully. "You'll make me blush!"

I laugh and put my hands on her shoulders, resting my head on hers. Isla has been my friend for a long time. We've been through the good, the bad and the ugly together. She's definitely not a "fair weather friend." I know I can count on her through thick and thin.

"You're the best friend I've ever had, Isla," I murmur. "You know me inside out and you still love me."

Isla wraps her arms around mine and we just stand there, basking in the moment of goodness together. I move away after a few minutes.

"Of course I am," Isla declares. "Which is why I'm not leaving here until you text Pedro and ask him when he's available for dinner."

Instantly my stomach drops. I just don't know if I'm ready to do that. I loved Pedro Pascal, once upon a time. And I thought he loved me. We were so close, we were practically a part of each other. Then..he just changed. I never did know if was because of him or me.

"I don't know that I can do this," I whisper. "It's been such a long time. I'm...frightened."

"That's understandable. But I also know how Pedro made you feel. You can do this, mi amor. Go on."

Trembling I retrieve my phone and before I completely lose my nerve, I type out a quick response to Pedro. I don't expect him to even reply quickly.

Hey Pedro! Just curious when u might b available 4 dinner?

Almost immediately my phone dings with a reply and I nearly drop it.

Ana! Wow. I didn't expect u to contact me! No complaints! How about 2moro @7:30 @ Nicky's?

I show Isla the response and she nods. I take a deep breath and reply to Pedro's message, the whole while thinking that I'm making a mistake.

That can work 4 me. I'll c u then. 😀

Great! Look 4ward 2 it chica 🥰

👍

Isla gives me a thumbs up but I'm already thinking this isn't going to work.

***

I'm dressed and ready, about to head out to meet up with Pedro for dinner. I'd been having an imaginary conversation with myself all day, wondering if maybe I shouldn't just cancel, stay in and order something for myself and crash on the couch, watching romcoms until bedtime.

You shouldn't be doing this. You'll only end up heartbroken again. You're setting yourself up for disappointment. Pedro doesn't deserve you. He's not the right guy for you. He should have treated you better. He should have shown you more respect. If he really loved you like he claimed to, he wouldn't have walked away so readily.

Back and forth. Back and forth. I've been at this all day long. It's gotten me no where. A part of me knows I can't trust Pedro anymore. Yet another part of me wants to give him a second chance.

I check the time on my phone. I take a deep breath before exiting my apartment. It's go time.

***
Pedro is already at the restaurant, waiting for me. I see relief pass over his face as he spots me approaching. I try to relax, putting what I hope is a genuine smile on my face.

Pedro rises from his seat, looking as nervous as I feel. This could go badly quickly if we can't find a footing.

"Ana, you look stunning." Pedro leans in to kiss my cheek, a shiver running down my spine. I pray I'll keep it together this evening and not make a fool out of myself.

"Hey, Pedro," I say quietly, hoping he can't detect the nervousness in my voice. "Thanks. You look wonderful as well."

Pedro smiles, gesturing for me to move to my seat as he holds the chair out for me. I sit, thanking him as he returns to his chair. A waiter materializes by our table, greeting us and first asks for our drink orders.

"Would it be all right if I ordered a bottle or two of champagne?" Pedro asks me.

"That's fine." The waiter scurries off as I open my menu and study it. I've dined at Nicky's a few times and their food is pretty decent.

I try to discreetly watch Pedro as he studies the menu. I notice his hands are shaking some. I know how uncomfortable we both feel.

"I appreciate you coming to dinner," Pedro says, his gaze still on the menu. "Considering how unresolved things were between us."

Only because you decided to walk away, without giving me a good reason as to why.

"Of course," I say. "We could, I suppose, at least try to be friendly towards one another."

Pedro raises his head, our eyes lock. For several seconds, neither of us speak. It's like we're frozen in time. Thankfully the waiter returns with two bottles of champagne, one already nestled in a small, silver bucket filled with ice. He places the bucket on the table and the extra bottle beside it.

"Are you ready to order?" He asks. "Or will you need a few more minutes?"

"I'm ready," I reply, setting the menu aside. "I'll have the boneless grilled chicken, with a small side salad and some raspberry vinegar for the dressing."

"Very good. And you, sir?" The waiter turns to Pedro and he orders a small steak, medium rare and some steamed broccoli. The waiter hurries off and Pedro works on opening the chilled bottle of champagne, nearly popping himself in the eye with the cork.

Pedro finally manages to dig the cork out, the champagne foaming over and I grab my glass, holding it against the side of the bottle as the champagne spills inside. Once my glass is filled, Pedro gets himself some champagne and raises his glass. I hold mine up.

"To old friends and to a lovely meal this evening." I'm so busy gazing into Pedro's beautiful dark eyes that I nearly forget everything.

"Yes," I whisper taking a sip of the champagne before replacing my glass on the table.

"I hope I'll not make you uncomfortable by saying this, Ana but you look so damn beautiful."

"Thanks," I reply stiffly. Pedro shifts uncomfortably in his seat, averting my gaze suddenly. I feel a twinge of sympathy for him. I know he must feel incredibly awkward. I know I sure do.

"Ana, why did you agree to this dinner?" Pedro is giving me this strange look that I'm having trouble deciphering.

"I guess I felt sorry for you." Surprise flashes across Pedro's face. His burrow is furrowed.

"How so?"

"You obviously needed closure. Otherwise why would you ask me out?"

"I..needed...closure?" Pedro looks genuinely baffled. "Ana, I don't need anything from you."

"Oh please." I scowl. "You need closure so you can pretend you weren't the bad guy in our breakup."

The surprise on Pedro's face is replaced by first hurt, then anger. I tense up. Pedro is rarely angry. It's just not him.

"Look, if this dinner is too much for you, then maybe we should just leave?"

"Oh stop playing the martyr, would you?" I snap. "I came, didn't I?" I see the waiter coming over with our food. I ordered some damn food, so I'm going to eat it. (Although throwing it in Pedro's face is tempting.)

The waiter places our plates in front of us and asks if we'll need anything else at the moment.

"No," Pedro says, his voice gruff as he frowns at his food.

"No thank you," I add and the waiter nods, leaving us to it. I unwrap my silverware from the cloth napkin and carefully place the napkin in my lap, before taking my knife and fork and cutting into my grilled chicken. I notice after a few minutes that Pedro still hasn't started eating.

"I apologize," I say, even though it's practically killing me to say those words. "I didn't mean to act like an ungrateful bitch."

Pedro still doesn't acknowledge me and I'm getting a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. I lay my fork down and reaching across the table, gently touching Pedro's fingers with mine. He finally meets my gaze. His eyes are brimming with unshed tears.

"You know, Ana, even since we've parted ways, I've never stopped thinking about you."

"Why did you leave me?" Pedro's gaze drops right back down to his plate and he slowly reaches for his knife and fork and begins to cut into his steak. A rush of annoyance floods through me. He still can't give me a straight answer, even after all this time.

I pull my hand away and return to my food. Neither of us speak. It's awkward as hell and I'm really wishing I'd canceled.

"Would you care to look at a dessert menu?" The waiter has returned to take away our plates, both of which still have plenty of food left on it. Pedro glances at me but I shake my head slightly and Pedro tells him no and asks for the check.

A few minutes later, we're both standing out on the street, bidding each other goodbye as we each separately hail a cab, heading to our separate places.

At the last minute, I see Pedro hand the cab driver some bills and shutting the door, hurrying over to join me. I'm cringing. I really just want to go home, curl up under the blankets in my bed and cry myself to sleep.

"Ana, let me make this up to you?" I want to cuss him out, tell him to go screw himself and never bother me again. I mean, why should I give him another chance to break my heart all over again?

"Pedro, I know you mean well. It's just..." My voice trails off and I honestly don't know what to say.

"Ma'am, are you getting in or what?" The cabbie sounds impatient.

"We both are," Pedro repiles for me. Dumbly I climb into the cab, Pedro sliding in next to me. He closes the door and gives the driver his apartment address. I'm shaking. I don't want to do this. I feel trapped.

"Let me out!" I burst out, making a grab for the door handle, panicking. I expect Pedro to grab for me. Instead I faintly hear him asking the driver to pull over. I feel the cab gliding to a stop as Pedro pays the driver and then gently helps me out. I surprise the both of us by throwing myself into him and latching on.

Pedro gently wraps his arms around me as I bury my face against his chest as Pedro rubs my back, murmuring soothingly to me as we slowly walk along the sidewalk, the cool night air blowing around us. I lift my head after a few minutes and I know my makeup is smudged.

"Do you want to go home, chica?" I'm clutching at Pedro's hands. He smiles tenderly at me. I manage a small smile myself. I shake my head. Against my better judgment, I've made up my mind.

I'm going with Pedro.

***

Pedro is slowly kissing his way down my bare bare. I giggle, the feeling of those tiny facial hairs tickling. Pedro chuckles and moves closer, gently kissing my lips. I lean into it.

"I thought you didn't want anything to do with me?" I sigh. He's not wrong. Part of me is still really angry with him about how he handled things between us.

"I never said that." I roll on to my back and touch Pedro's face, trailing my fingers along his jawline.

"You didn't actually say the words," Pedro murmurs. "But I got the jest of it from what you didn't say."

"Pedro, you just decided to break things off with me, without giving me a good reason."

"You're right. And I'm sorry I put you through that." Pedro looks uncomfortable so I decide to drop this for now. Right now, I just want to have sex with Pedro and pretend we're back together.

***

"Oh God, Pedro!" He thrusts one final time into me before rolling off, his breathing heavy, sweat glistening on his upper brow. He sighs in contentment as he leans over, planting a gentle kiss on my forehead.

I smile and cuddle into his side, wrapping my arm around him, closing my eyes and feeling deliciously drowsy. Pedro caresses my back and I smile against his bare chest, feeling surprisingly secure.

"Hermosa?"

"Hmm?" I'm falling asleep because I'm so relaxed. (Funny how quickly that changed!)

"Are we back together?" I frown. We've been together for a few hours and Pedro has the audacity to ask if we're back together?

"Pedro, we've been together all of five hours. I wouldn't necessarily say we're back together already."

Pedro sighs and I expect him to start carrying on about this. Luckily he doesn't. I snuggle up against him and he settles down, cuddling against me as we both eventually fall asleep. As I'm drifting off, I can't shake the feeling that I'm going to regret this.